When circumstances dont make sense
There is a certain circumstance in my life right now that has me baffled. Have you ever found yourself in one of those situations- where you know what the best outcome is, but its not the outcome you see happening? For me, right now, the “correct” outcome is so obvious. The situation is very black and white- yet the circumstances are leaning in a total opposite direction of where “I” would have them go.
Its hard for me to look back at the situation and place it completely in Christs hands. I was hurt, I was mislead, and most of all I was lied about. I carried the bitterness of this situation with me for almost 2 years. I sometimes still find myself focusing on it, mulling it over, trying to digest it and make some sense with it. I know I made the right decisions, because those closest to me, those real friends that I have been speaking about, they would tell me if I hadnt. So why did the chips fall the way they did. Why are they continuing to fall the way they are? I know the truth, many people do- yet the lies still seem to overshadow reality.
Im struggling with this very hard tonight. I am struggling with the hurt it is causing someone that I have come to care deeply about, and most of all I am struggling with God on the “why”. Its hard to trust when you silently watch things play out in full manipulation. Its hard to sit back and trust that He knows whats best, even if it is not what “I” feel is best. Its hard to remember that I am not in control.
I know that in the end, the truth will overpower the darkness that the situation has pour’d over so many lives. I pray for my friend, and her family. I pray for the person causing the pain. I pray for my heart and my mistrust.
I am thankful for the peace that has been given to me, even when it seems I want to dwell in the pain. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned along the way. I am thankful for the relationships that have been cultivated amidst this horrible time.
Most of all, I am thankful that I can be real with my God and ask “why”…. and know that even if He doesnt answer me, He hears me. I am very thankful for that.
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Friendships
Those who know me in real life can attest to the fact that I have no real issues making friends. My laughter and easy going spirit are usually a draw in any situation. I love being around people. Tonight we had our Moms Night Out, and we had 3 new members join us. I sat at the table thinking about how very blessed I was to not only have the established friendships in my life, those friends that have been there for years- but to also have the opportunity to enjoy and form friendships with these new women. We sat and talked for hours over Mexican food. We laughed at each others jokes, we shared pictures of our children, told embarassing stories about our husbands, and enjoyed the company of eachother.
I have had the honor of starting a moms group locally with my dear friend Laura. We have nurtured and grown the group up to 25 women thus far. It always amazes me the common desire for friendships that women have. We long for relationships, we long for attachments. We long for commonality amongst ourselves. I sat with these ladies tonight and watched their faces light up as the night went on. I watched friendships forming, and I felt blessed that I was part of that process.
I came across this quote while I was reading tonight, and it really struck me:
“A person is only complete when she has a true friend to understand her, to share all her passions and sorrows with, and to stand by her throughout her life.”
How true is that! I am blessed to have such wonderful friends, friends who love me unconditionally and accept me with all of my numerous flaws. Friends who genuinely care about my life, my struggles and my hurts. Friends who hold me accountable and tell me when I am showing my icky side. Friends who are real genuine friends, without strings or expectations.
Ive made some radically insane mistakes in the past. I have said and done some incredibley stupid things. Those true friends were the ones that were standing beside me, dusting me off, and encouraging me to press on. Holding me accountable, yet remembering I was human.
I am so very thankful for those friendships.
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