My humble offering

So many times I run from you. So many times I hide from your perfect will in my life. So many times you bring me back.

Ive been sitting here this morning having my quiet time, drinking my coffee. I love mornings like this, where I can sit and soak up my time with the Lord. Lately I have been questioning alot about my ability (or inability) to fully trust Him. To have complete relinquishment of myself. My head gets in the way of my heart.

This morning I have been listening to Rita Springer during my quiet time. She has an amazing way of just pouring out freshness and honesty over her songs. Her song Offering has always meant a great deal to me, but this morning I am reclaiming its words. I want my life to not only serve Him, but I want it to be a fragrant offering to Him. There is so much I cant do on my own. So much I cant overcome on my own. Yet He still stands there waiting for me to ask Him for his hand. Its so very hard sometimes to honestly believe that someone else knows what is right for me. It is hard for me to just sit and wait for His will, yet when I do, life holds so much more peace and joy.

I bring to you a fragrant offering
I pour out my love and I wash your feet
I offer up to you oh Lord this brokenness
What you can see in me shall be my confidence

I want my heart to be a reflection of his Mercy. I want my brokeness to be evident, and real. I want my confidence to be only in Him. Not in the knowledge I believe I have, but in the intimate relationship I share with an awesome God. I want to be so humble that my testimony is is a vision of washing His feet and respecting His ways.

May it be a pleasing fragrance
That I bring to you oh my Lord
I am so in need of your presence
That I bow before you now
I pour my vial of worship over you

This is my favorite verse. Worship is my heart. I want my life to be a pleasing fragrance. I want my worship to be so enveloped in awe and adoration that those around me gain a true understanding of the Personal and emotional relationship they can have with a loving God. I bow my pride before Him and pour my vail of worship out. Even in the midst of my ugliness and my vileness, He still longs for that personal relationship with me. It is what I was created for.

I bring to you a humble sacrifice
I pour out my heart and I give you my life
I offer up to you oh Lord this costly gift
And with absolute abandon now
My love I confess

Pouring out my heart. Why is that so hard? Why is it so hard for me to show Him the areas of my life that he already knows exist? Why do I think that I can hide things from an all compassing, all knowing jealous God? I confess now my selfishness, my pride, my longing for the things of this world. I humbly lay down my life in front of him- like I have done so many times before. I give him my life. Actually, I give him back the life he gave me.

Have you ever wondered what it feels like to have absolute abandon? Have you ever been in a place in your relationship with Christ where you feel so completely out of control of everything, yet so at peace? I long for that, I long for the relationship with Him that causes me to completely release my grip on my life. I long for the realness of just crawling in His lap and laying my head on His shoulder like a child does. Complete and utter trust.

Christ is not a lofty God sitting way up there, looking at us way down here. He isnt waiting for us to sing a hymn and light a candle. He doesnt care about our rituals, He isnt impressed with them. He created us for the relationship. He created us for His joy. He created us to worship Him. He created us to be REAL. Sunday mornings are meaningless to Him if they are lathered up in shiny offerings of pride. He wants us to cry with Him. He wants us to share our darkest and most hurtful moments with Him. He wants us to understand that our relationship with him was meant to be intimate, emotional, honest.

He longs for those moments with us.