I have something to say….
The following video is is being discussed heavily in the autistic community right now. I want to share my thoughts on this video, but want to ask that you take a moment to watch it in its entirety before I do and then watch the video of Emma making her routine sounds. If you came here to read my CWO contribution, it is in the post below this one.
Emma Grace (it is loud):
I watch my daughter, who is autistic, make sounds that no one really understands. I watch her mouth click, usually to its own unfamiliar beat. I watch her hands move, her fingers sway next to her eyes. I watch her body move to a silent beat. I listen to her voice, loudly sharing what is on her mind.
I watch her play with her toys, making them dance across the floor in odd groupings. Lining them up “just so” while clicking and singing. I watch her gather all of the round objects in the house (balls, socks rolled up, etc), placing them in the basket with her pumpkins- she pulls out her pumpkin books and lays them on top of these round objects, and then rubs her hands on each of the round object while humming.I watch her swing on the swing, moving her fingers with the chain, tapping her tongue on the roof of her mouth as each finger passes over a link. I watch her in the bathtub, as she lightly rubs her hands across the top of the water while tapping the surface. I watch her eyes dance, shifting left and right never staying on one object too long.
I watch her. I listen. I see a little girl who shares every bit of herself with the world around her, without holding anything back. I see a precious child who’s voice is never mistaken, never withheld. Although it is loud, and often times alarming, it is very present- reminding us that she is still here. She still wants to be heard. She still has something to say.
I know that there are those out there who view her only as a disability. I know that these people exist, Ive met them first hand. I also know that Emma’s voice has just as much meaning as your’s and mine. Its awkward dance has just as much passion and definition. It’s unsteady flow does not negate it’s importance. It breaks my heart when I see people in the medical field refer to children like Emma Grace as “broken”, “retarded”, “Devoid”. It saddens me to think that there are campaigns in place right now that devastate mothers as soon as their child is diagnosed. I was so blessed to have the support system I had when Emma was first diagnosed. There is so much hope in this diagnosis. So much support and love. These children have voices, they have the ability to communicate, they just sometimes do it in ways that seem so trivial and unnatural to us.
All of these children have something to say, hopefully we will all take the time to stop and truly listen.
I am going to make a commitment to myself today. I will stop making excuses for my daughters voice. I will stop apologizing to those who find her loudness offensive. I will not confront nor will I acknowledge anyones dissatisfaction regarding her means of communication. I do this often, in the store or while eating out. I am self conscience of those around me, and their reaction to Emma. It hurts me to see the frustrations on their faces, and then I feel as if I have to explain that she really doesn’t mean to be offensive. She isn’t a bratty kid who is loud and needs discipline.
She is just being herself; a beautifully crafted little being who lives every day to the fullest extent.
(and likes to share her zeal for life very loudly!)
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Satan’s Ultimate Lie…
~ Neil Anderson ~
I chuckled as I read this weeks quote. How many times have I pushed Him out of the drivers seat because I felt I knew the way better? I cant even begin to try to count.
When we, as Christians forget that Christ holds our destiny securely in the palm of his hand, we not only do ourselves a grave disservice , but those around us. We remove the ability for Christ to use our lives in a mighty way, ministering to those around us through our circumstances; The very circumstances He knew about before we drew our first breath.
How many times have you found yourself sitting in the midst of despair, not knowing which way to turn. In desperation you take control, bargaining with God- convincing Him that you have all the answers. How often has that worked for you?
For me- Never. In the last year I can’t begin to tell you how many times I allowed anger and bitterness to creep back into my life- and as a result of that pain and hurt, I pushed God further and further out of the drivers seat and placed my spiritually weak and bitter behind where He once sat. I allowed the actions of others towards me to determine my faith in my Savior. My pride had convinced me that I could man this ship better. I knew myself better than He did- I knew my heart.
He created my heart and my every emotion. He sits square in the middle of my heartache and my turmoil. He knows me better than I know myself.
And yet I forget that time and time again. I buy into Satan’s ultimate lie. I allow his deceit to penetrate my weakest point. I permit him occupancy where he has no business being.
I would let him back in everytime.
A dear friend sent me the following verse at a very trying time in my life. Its words have been engraved in my heart and because of this promise, my struggle with Satan’s lie has dwindled significantly:
“Because you love me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue you;
I will protect you, for you acknowledges my name.You will call upon me, and I will answer you;
I will be with you in trouble,
I will deliver you and honor you.”
- Psalms 91:14-15
Cling to that. Print it out and place it everywhere. He will be with you in trouble. He will deliver you and honor you.
Satan’s lie holds no reward when you cling to the promise of your Father.
For more CWO, please visit Christine (Fruit In Season)
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