Normal day, let me be aware
of the treasure you are.
Let me learn from you, love you,
bless you before you depart.
Let me not pass you by in the quest
of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
Let me hold you while I may,
for it may not always be so.
One day I shall dig my nails
into the earth, or bury my face
in the pillow, or stretch myself taut,
or raise my hands to the sky and want,
more than all the world, your return
-Mary Nean Iron
I watch mothers as they drop their children off at school; They kiss them goodbye and walk away to face their days. I often wonder if they look at new days the same way I do. I sometimes wish I could have the blind faith that they do, the assumed security of health and years of laughter and smiles. Its not so much that I don’t feel secure, as it is that our family has wavered many times on that edge of life and death, and each time it takes a piece of your once solid security with it- slowly breaking it down, with every hospital visit and doctors appointment, it becomes less strong. You change, yet life around you stays the same.
Its also not so much that I fear something happening to Emma (or any one of my children for that matter) – its more that I am no longer unaware of the emotions that possibility brings, if that makes sense. Once you have sat next to your child’s bed, on more than one occasion, knowing that in the blink of an eye your world could very well change- something in you changes and you face life in a completely different way. You memorize moments that you would have otherwise overlooked. You spend time thinking about how your heart will break, should that moment come again. You hold onto things that you would have, without the experience, let go of without second thought. You face new days differently.
They are treasures. Every smile. Every laugh. Every new day- every moment they hold. They are often overlooked, and more than not-they are taken for granted. One day, there will come a time that I will want to trade everything for the yesterdays. And for that reason, I do everything I can to memorize today- because tomorrow holds no promises
Every morning you hear my voice. Every morning, I tell you what I need, and I wait for your answer. -Psalms. 5:3
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of today.