Regarding Thursday…
Please be sure to check out Kelli and her prayer chain for our family. Many of you have asked what you can do for us, this is my answer… Pray.
Pray over my children, over my husband, over my parents, over me.
And then turn this song up and praise with me- praise Him for his provision and His promises. Praise Him for his grace and compassion. Praise him for the blessings amidst the heartache. Praise him just because…
Because He is good… so very good.
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Peace that passes all understanding…
“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
-Philippians 4:7
This morning we visited a local church with a precious family who had invited us when they had heard we were coming to Rochester for Mayo. Tara and her family were so very kind to us, so I wanted to publically thank them (not just for lunch, but for the fellowship!). It was so nice to visit with them, and to see their precious children!
This was the first time I had been to church since the diagnosis. Not because I didnt want to be around my christian family, but because sometimes it is hard to face people whom you love so dearly in the midst of such devestating news. I deal better with the looks on strangers faces right now, if that makes sense. Berean Community Church, and its members were so loving to us- it is definitely a service we will not forget. It didnt take long for the news to spread, especially when people asked why we were visiting the great city of Rochester- after adult bible study these strangers took Mark and I into a room and prayed fervently for us and our family. They weren’t strangers when we left.
Their music leader, Jayson, touched my heart deeply through worship. I had been reading his blog a few days prior to our visit and have really enjoyed what Christ had put on his heart. Worship is so important to me, it means so much to me, yet my biggest fear is that my ability to worship is going to be taken from me. Singing has become such an intrical part of my life. I had mentioned to my dad the other day that I was fearful of losing my voice- he told me that he had already been praying about that, because he knew that out of all of my possibilities, that would be the hardest for me to deal with.
During Adult bible study, we were talking about “True Worship”. I was reminded that worship, despite its appearance of joy and excitement, isnt always about joy and excitement. True worship is evident in the hard and rock bottom times. I deeply want to worship Him through this, I deeply want to praise Him, even though this journey is not what I would choose, I know that I know that He knows.
Mark and I came back to the hotel after lunch with Tara and her family and took a nap. We slept hard. Ive been avoiding sleep lately because for some goofy reason I keep telling myself it is time wasted- It was really good to sleep. When I woke up, I kid you not, the title of this post came to my mind. I find that the last few days fear will grip me in the oddest of situations. Like waking down the stairs, out of no where I will wonder if I will be able to complete this task in a week. Typing, I wonder if I will be able to use my right hand, and what not being able to will feel like. Singing in worship today, I had to excuse my self during praise because fear and tears took over me.
Yet I am promised peace that passes all understanding, and I desperately want that. I desperately want to not fear, and to face each day with the strength of a lion. I desperately want to rest completely in Him. This afternoon I was reading through all of the comments that you have left me, and one in particular leaped out at me. I havent spoken to the person who left this comment, so they have no idea that I am going to quote them- but it touched me deeply. It speaks so clearly what I want to convey to all of those around me, yet havent yet found that peace that brings me to this place. This is a quote from the commenters Aunt, while facing a brain tumor:
“Dear heart, I want you to remember that my life is in God’s hands. He may choose to leave me here; he may choose to take me home to Him. Whether He chooses to heal me in this life, or not, doesn’t change the fact of His power to heal–whether in this world or the next.”
Pray that I would have peace that passes all understanding this week. Pray that in those moments that I fear, and they are frequent right now, that I would gently rest those fears and doubts in his hands.
I praise him for the time spent with fellow Christians today, I praise him for the worship that touched my heart so deeply. I praise him for these complete strangers and their love for me and my family.
I praise Him despite the circumstances that brought me here.
Be Near
You are all
big and small
beautiful
and wonderful
to trust in grace through faith
but i’m asking to taste…
for dark is light to You
depths are height to You
far is near
but Lord, i need to hear from You
be near, oh God
be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
be near, oh God
be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good
Your fullness is mine
revelation divine
but, o, to taste
to know much more than a page
to feel Your embrace…
for dark is light to You
the depths are height to You
far is near, but Lord
i need to hear from You
be near, oh God
be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
be near, oh God
be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good
(psalms 73:28; 139)
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