And then it hits you…
April 11, 2007
UPDATE: I have a doctors appointment today at 9:45 with my general doctor to discuss the results and to look at the scan, hopefully. Please keep us in your prayers today as we find out more- and thank you so much for your sweet sweet comments, I have read every one of them with tears streaming down my face. God is good. All the time.
Ive been up since about 3am- I have been sleeping on the couch since last Thursday because it is more comfortable than our bed for me right now. I’m glad that this morning I was alone, because I woke up sobbing. I watched my husband last night go through every imaginable emotion while making frantic phone calls- I had no emotional reaction, It seemed so bizarre hearing Mark tell our closest friends and family “Heather has a brain tumor”.
This morning, those emotions have come and I honestly don’t know what to do with them. I dont want to sit here and talk about all that our family has been through- how we dont deserve this-because I know, I honestly know that we are owed nothing. But at the same time- ITS NOT FREAKING FAIR!
I keep going over my symptoms- thinking about how the majority of them were very noticeable, yet very easily explained. Laura had noticed me slurring my words for the past 2 weeks. I have noticed not being able to pull words that I wanted to use, like I could see them but couldn’t get them out. The headaches- which I attributed to weaning myself off of my 23 cokes a day habit. The pressure behind my eyes- sinus’. The dizziness- inner ear infection. The irritability- stress and being overwhelmed. The tilting my head to the right. But when you put then all together and look at them as a group- its very apparent that I have had this going on for a bit…
The one thing that I couldn’t seem to figure out was the being tired. I have been so very tired.
I read up a bit last night about glioma’s, which honestly part of me wishes I hadn’t. I cant imagine having brain surgery- I just cant imagine that there is something growing in my head that could very easily cost me my life. I kept reading: survival rate- 3 years. It’s a weird place, knowing that tomorrow at 8:30am my life could change in ways I never thought possible.
Of course I keep asking the whys. Why now. Why this. Why us… again. Why do my children have to endure yet another situation that I cant protect them from. Why does my husbands heart have to be torn into pieces again. Why do my parents have to sit helplessly again knowing that their only child’s heart is breaking..
I keep trying to tell myself to not get worked up until tomorrow morning, when we have answers- but how do I do that? How do I walk these next 24 hours with this knowledge and no answers? How do I face my family, my children, my friends. How do I remain strong when all I want to do is curl up into a ball in the corner and have a long very angry talk with God about how much I am just done doing this.
I very likely have cancer. Me. Cancer. In my brain.
Why?
Edited so I will remember what happened:
I went in for my MRI yesterday, and was told that it was without contrast. I had to hold onto the wall to walk to the MRI room because the room kept spinning, which is a symptom I have been having since Friday. I laid down on the table and the MRI began. The tech came back in the room and said “We are going to add contrast now, because sometimes it will show inner ear fluid”. My first red flag went up. He inserted the IV and went through the next batch of the test. He then told me that the next segment would last about a minute and a half and then I would be done. After the segment was over, he told me that he needed to do one more that would last about 4 minutes. That is when I knew something was not right. After the MRI I went home and tried to deal with the school and the parking situation - my other line kept ringing, but I was in a deep conversation with the principal so I didnt check it, assuming it was someone calling to check on me after my MRI. It was the doctors office. I called back and was told the news.
At 8:30 I am going to call my doctor and see if I can atleast get in to see him regarding all of this- I dont want to walk in tomorrow completely out of the loop. Id like to see the report (usually has a differential, and also location and possible grade) and would also like to see a picture of the tumor. I am hoping that the doctor can walk me through some of the questions I have (like can we please for the love of all things holy make my world stop spinning?). Hopefully I can walk away feeling a bit better about it all- answers are always a good thing.
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In other words: Play Nice
103 Responses to “And then it hits you…”
I would love to hear from you!
I am shocked!!! I am praying!!!! HARD!!!
Dear Heather, pray hard, without ceasing, and rally all those wonderful troops you have around you to pray, too. Go to God. Be angry. Fight hard. Be with Jesus. He is feeling this as He wraps His arms around you. The whole thing does suck royally! But God is bigger than all that we see and know and if you keep your eyes and thoughts set on Him, you will have the privilege of being used in such mighty ways that that joy will far surpass any other experience. I will be praying for you, often.
Love,
Elisa
I just found out on the forum and am now praying for you dearest Heather.
I am praying for you and your family.
Heather-
I am praying for you and your family. Emma Grace is particularly on my heart. My experience is that children anywhere on the autism scale sense what is going on around them and internalize that even if they don’t understand it on an intellectual level. She might not be able to communicate what she feels but she might feel something inside that needs to be placed in God’s hands.
You should have that angry talk with God. He can handle it. Besides, He knows what is in your heart anyways.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help lighten your load. I would be happy to tak on more moderation of any of your sites, write mor articles, just let me know.
Your sister in Christ,
Jenny
I read your post after being referred from A Measure of Grace…
I don’t have any profound words but I did want to tell you I will be praying for you and your precious family.
Heather - I have been praying for you as you had your saga with the school system and now this latest turn of events in your life.
I know what it is like to “question” God and I personally think that it is OK to question and want answers - after all, didn’t they say “wise men still seek Him”? It’s when we stop seeking and stop turning to Him that we lose sight.
I pray that your hope will remain in God and you will experience a move from Him far greater than anything you have already seen in your lives. I pray that this will be used to only further the unbelievable testimony your family has!
Heather, I read your post after visiting Greek Roots in American soil. I am praying for you and your family. Don’t be afraid, God is with you and will get you and your family through this. All things are too his glory.
I am in tears over your situation and I am praying that God will hold your hand so tightly through all of this and you don’t lose sight of Him. I pray that you get all of your questions answered and can somehow find some peace. I pray for your husband and children. I can’t even imagine. I pray and pray and pray.
Heather,
I found your site through Wendy’s, “Showered with Grace”. While I do not know you, your blog has impacted me this morning. You are so close to my age. No guarantees, but I certainly would say that I take for granted the day-to-day life I’m given. Reading through your blog…it is evident that He sustains you and heaps grace, and mercy, and strength on you and your circumstances because I see His glory in all that you have been through…already.
You are in my prayers. Cling to Him.
Blessings,
Kim
Heather…thanks for the update, it helps us know how to pray specifically. I’m praying for total healing, for the dizziness to stop, and for God’s peace to cover your family. Call a babysitter and curl up and cry…it’s what you need!
Praying for you. Always.
Praying for you, Heather. And praying for your husband and your sweet darlings. I’ll have an angry talk with God this morning, too!
So sorry to hear your news. I have been through cancer with my young son. This I know: God WILL keep his promises. He WILL give you strength when you need it. You WILL learn so much about His grace and mercy.
I am praying for wisdom for your doctors.
Blessing to you and your family,
Tonja
Heather…I happened upon your website…somehow…and I know it was God leading me to pray for you and your family.
I have cried through most of your posts about Emma Grace and now you as you are preparing for a fight with an unseen tumor in your brain…I just want you to know I am praying for you…and that God will never leave you nor forsake you.
((((Heather and family))))
Heather,dear~
I am one of the nominees of the Homeschool Blog Awards, and that is how I found out about your tumor.
I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom and encouragement to share, but instead I’m just stunned.
Please know that I will be in prayer for you and your family during this very difficult time. I have posted a prayer request on my blog as well (hope that’s ok).
May God perform a mighty miracle in your life~ even this day!
Heidi
I have lurked here on more than one occasion but wanted to let you know I was here, praying for you and your family.
Still praying here. I woke up twice and prayed.
It’s not fair. It isn’t. You’re right. You have already done more than your share of doctors, hospitals, and tests.
But you KNOW He’s in control. You know He has a plan. May His peace pour out on you.
Sweet Jesus, I’ve come before you again and again and asked for healing for different people with different physical problems. This time, Lord, I have to admit that I’m really angry because it is so very WRONG that there would be a tumor in Heather’s brain after everything else her family has walked through and knows they will walk through with Emma. Heather needs a miracle, Lord. She’s asked before so many times for Emma and others - won’t you give it to her? Your Word says that you are Jehovah Rapha, the God who Heals. I boldly ask you to remove the tumor completely with no lasting effects. You say that when people gather in your name, you will show up. We can’t physically gather - and yet, there are already more than 12 responses on this post - won’t you act on Heather’s behalf. In Jesus’s precious name, Amen.
I thought about you all night long. Honestly, I was asking the same questions. Whey them? All I could think of was that verse that “he who is faithful in little is faithful in much.” And I thought of Job. And how God must see how much you have given Him the glory through your situation with Emma Grace. And how, of all us Christians who really claim to love and serve Him, you have really PROVEN yourself. And maybe he has some really really HARDHEADED people to reach through this. I don’t know. But I’m making a note to put in my car to remind me to pray tomorrow at 8:30. And I’ll pray as I think of you today, of course. God be with you, Heather. You are much braver than you feel.
I am devastated to read this and will mention you to the members of my local homeschooling group today so we can all pray for you.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Praying,
{{{{{{{{heather and family}}}}}}}},
Linda
I stumbled upon your blog via another blog that I read often. I will be praying for you. I *think* we may have served together on GCM many years ago. I remember Emma’s story. My (((hugs))) and prayers are with you.
Heather,
Words on my computer screen just don’t seem to be enough. I have read your blog occasionally over the last six months and you are right, “it just doesn’t seem fair.
I am praying, praying, praying that God will carry you through this time. I wish I could give more words of comfort to you and your family. But just know we are praying for you.
Chris @ Cometothetable.blogspot.com
Heather, I’ve just read this, I was linked to you through BooMama’s blog. I want you to know that I will be praying for you. What Cancer Cannot Do: Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the spirit.
God Bless You!
Heather,
I am so sorry you are facing this. You and your family are in my prayers. Hold fast to the Lord ….
Hi Heather - I am in just utter shock. I know you are thinking - duh, you? I am sorry and will be praying. I want to remind you to go listen to the Held song on your blog. Oh sweet friend, He has not let go. He has you close and will not ever let go or any of your fmaily. You are amazingly sucessful on the blog world with tons of praying woemn and rest in that. We are lifting you up and will not stop. My dear friend, even though we have never met or even hugged, i love you!
Please keep us posted or tell Laura to post for you if need be. love U!!!
Heather…
I went to bed last night praying for you. Trying to digest what it all means. We have dealt with much cancer in loved ones this past year and hearing a young mom and sister in Christ receive this diagnoses breaks my heart.
I so wish I had answers for you that would make it all better. All I can do is go to the one that does. I know He is SO ok with your anger and frustration, your fears and heartbreak. He is the only one strong enough to take it all. Better to have someone to be angry at that believing there is no purpose in life at all.
When you are too weak to pray God will sent an army of saints to hold up your arms and pray. You are loved and held dear by the one who ordained every day of your life. Every day of your children’s lives. He will carry them through this. God is not shaken by this tumor but He is moved by your tears.
Praying…praying…praying Heather. For you and your husband. For your children…praying…
Heather,
Please know that I am praying for you. I will be praying for you every single day. I wish I knew what else to say. Please, please know that I am praying.
Heather,
This is just terrible and do totally unfair. No question. Cry, scream, yell, get angry and don’t be afraid to stay there for awhile.
You will get through this. I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time and feel like I know you personally. You have an incredible outlook…you know why we’re here and who we serve. You have touched my life and who knows how many countless other lives.
You ask “How?” But you know how. Remember Him. He will hold your hand during your tests and trials and He will carry you when your are weary. He will give you strength when you feel
weak. He will bring comfort to you and yours.
I will continue to pray for you, for your family, for your friends, and for peace within.
Jennifer
Wow, Heather, I am completely shocked. I’ll be praying for you. I just can’t believe, of all people, that this is happening to you. I know it must be hard to hold on to the fact that this is all part of God’s greatest plan, but it is. You and your family will most definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.
I don’t even know what to say other than I am lifting you up in prayer. Praying specifically for all that you asked for and more.
Blessings~
I have been sitting here for hours after just finding your blog through another mom’s blog, reading your posts about this recent diagnosis of the brain tumor and then reading Emma’s story.
I have been crying through both stories. As a mom to six kids, I can understand the paralyzing fear of not being there for your children, but there is a common thread through your life’s story that God is taking care of Emma and I do believe that He will take care of you through what has come to pass with you.
There is always a reason for things happening, sometimes we don’t see it until years later, but there must be a reason for this too. Just like you didn’t know if Emma would ever make it out of the womb and she made it through trials time and time again, please remember that and don’t get down in the depths of discouragement and fear.
No amount of comments or words can do what Jesus can do as he walks with you through these scary valleys and holds on to you.
I will be praying for you and your husband and family. Just keep remembering, doctors don’t know everything, but God does.
Heather,
I read your blog from time to time, but have never commented. I don’t know you, but my eyes are filled with tears as I read your recent posts. My heart breaks for you. My best friend and my father have both suffered from brain cancer so I can related to the fears that you and those close to you are facing. Just remember He is in control. I will definitely be praying for you.
Kimba from Texas
I’ll definitely be praying for you and your family.
Heather, Praying for you and your family. I don’t know what you are feeling, but I understand what your husband is. My husband had malignant melanoma stage 2 in Feb. 2005. It’s hard not to ask the why’s, even harder to accept the fact you will never know why. Our God is an awesome God. Just believe. Praying that God delivers you the strength you (& your family) need for whatever is headed your direction.
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I pray that God will pull you through this, in His own special way that He has for you. God’s blessings, Shana
Dear Heather,
Please know that we are all praying…we are storming the gates of Heaven on your behalf. May God use this medical crisis as a witness to his faithfulness, his grace, his mercy, his love!
I am so glad that you have a Doctor’s appt. today–knowledge is power–even as we seek His resurrection power for your complete and miraculous healing.
We’re praying friend!
Diane
Heather,
Please know that I am praying for you! Im praying for the Drs. to have all the answers to you questions, and able to treat this tumor 100%. Im pray for your family and your friends.
You know we will continue to pray, I was talking to my dad last night, they are waiting to hear the results of his biopsy from the tumor in his Thyroid. And they are praying for you as well! Love you tons
I pray God would pour His Peace over you and your family! Praying for you this morning at your Dr appointment…
Just remember that God is going through this with you. He won’t leave you alone. And remember, too, that he custom-designed you and your sweet family to go through this experience. He is not surprised by this and he built you all to thrive through this - He won’t let you, your hubby or your kids go through any of this by yourselves. Hang in there! We are praying for you.
Oh Heather…I will be thinking of you and your family constantly, and if there is anything I can do, please let me know.
Peace and Love,
Karen
xoxo
Somebody told me one time that it’s okay to get mad at God because HE CAN HANDLE IT. I don’t think it’s a matter of whether or not you trust Him - but we’re human, you know? And we get ticked off. And sometimes we just need to clear the air - even with God.
So. Anyway. Know that you are in my prayers and constantly on my mind. And what Amanda posted in your comments last night about Psalm 91? That is my prayer for you. Over and over again.
Love you!
Heather - I came to your site from a link at 5 Minutes for Moms. Please know that our family will be praying for you and yours. Your site opened my eyes, touched my heart and raised questions of my own. May the Lord be with you at this time, may He give you peace only He can give. May He touch you with His healing hands. May you feel all the love and encouragement from those who love you and are praying for you.
Heather
There are no words that can express how sorry I am for you, Mark, your parents and your children. If there is anything I can do - you know you can call me. I have everyone I know praying for you. No one deserves this and neither do you. Take care, my friend!
Praying for you Heather
We’ve never met, but who cares.. we are sisters in Christ. Please know that you are in my prayers and so is your family.
May God be your strength, your shield, your protector, and your guide through all of this.
With much love
Mikki
Keeping you in my prayers…
Heather,
I just wanted to let you know that our family has you in its thoughts. I know that cancer is a scary word but I’m still here (and healthy)today after a very serious cancer diagnosis six years ago:)
Bright blessings to you and yours!
Kimmy
Heather,
I am praying for you right now as you are in your doctor’s appointment. I pray that God is holding you up, and that your heart is filled with peace. I pray for wisdom and clarity from the doctor, and that you will get the answers that you need. Most of all, I pray for a supernatural healing touch from our Father.
You are in my heart and prayers, dear sister.
I’m praying for you sweet Heather. God is going to make a miracle out of you- you must believe. You will be in my daily prayers until you are all recovered. Also praying for your family. Sending you so many hugs via the internet.
Diane
I fell asleep last night praying for you and for Kelli (kidney transplant hopeful) and woke up with you on my heart again. It’s almost time for your doctor appointment, and I want you to know I’m praying for some answers and a measure of unexplainable, comforting peace from God. Thanks for updating us.
I will also be praying for you Heather.. there is a Jewish prayer that I will be saying for you called
Mi Sheberach:
May the One who blessed our ancestors, Sarah and Abraham, Rebecca and Isaac, Leah, Rachel and Jacob bless Heather along with all of the ill among us. Grant insight to those who bring healing, courage and faith to those who are sick, love and strength to us and to all who love them. God, let your spirit rest upon all who are ill and comfort them. May they and we soon know a time of complete healing, a healing of the body and a healing of the spirit and let us say: Amen.
for other healing prayers see
http://www.jewishealing.com/healingprayer.html
I will be praying for you! I pray that God heals your body and gives comfort to your mind and spirit.
Lynn
Heather, I am in tears for you and your family. Please know that I will be praying without ceasing for answers, you, Mark, and your family. Judging by the comments, you are covered in a very large prayer blanket.
Dear Heather,
I found your site from 5 minutes for mom. I am in tears for you and your family. Please know my family will be praying for you.
Many blessings to you,
Angel
My prayers are with you guys!
I have you on every prayer list I can think of. I am praying so hard for you. I know one of my old doctors (actually he is my age) had a brain tumor and he recovered nicely and is back practicing and I just pray the same for you - even better. That God just miraculously heal you in Jesus’ name!
You are so precious! Hugs!
Dear Heather, I too just found out from the forum and I immediately came over to your site to offer my prayers for you at this most important time, prayers for you and your family that you all remain strong and focused.
May I offer this prayer to you:
COME HOLY DOVE
“When I feel alone Your Presence is ever with me.
Come Holy Dove, cover with love.
When I feel weak your strength wil seek me.
Come Holy Dove, cover with love.
Spirit be about my head,
Spirit peace around me shed,
Spirit light about my way,
Spirit guardian night and day.
Come Holy Dove,
Cover with Love”.
By David Adam.
May this prayer bring comfort at this time.
Peter
Heather, You will most certainly be in my prayers. God bless you today…
Heather…I can’t imagine what you’re going through. You of all people don’t deserve this to happen. I am praying for a complete healing. Please call me when the dust settles so I can pray with you on the phone. To God I say, why? why? and “though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm”.
You know I love you…
Oh, Heather. I am really praying for you right now. Yesterday, my small group was studying Beth Moore’s Patriarchs study of Genesis. We were discussing Joseph and how God used all the things that seemed so terrible to achieve the end He had in mind. Know that God loves your hubby and your children even more than you do. He will not allow anything that He cannot ultimately use for His glory. Hang in there, Sister. Praying….
Hey sweetie. It’s me again. I just wanted you to know that an entire section of my prayer journal was dedicated to you this morning. I wake up and go to sleep thinking about you and it brings tears to my eyes to think of your poor family having to go through yet another medical trauma. I’m praying God will give you peace, strength, and wisdom… and that he makes your world stop spinning!
One thing I wanted to tell you to help you understand that this is not the end of the world: I know three people who have had brain tumors. Let me tell you their stories so you will be able to face this with new courage.
1. My dad. Pituitary tumor. They couldn’t even biopsy it because if they did, it might blind him. They gave him tumor shrinking meds and told him to change his diet and start exercising. He did. The tumor shrank. He has been taking the meds for over 10 years now and is over 60. He looks healthier than he has in years. He eats healthier. I promise that getting off the cokes is a good thing. Maybe you should get the book: “What Would Jesus Eat” or “The Maker’s Diet”.
I got this in an email not long ago about caffiene and its effects: “The latest studies don’t indicate a link between caffeine consumption and higher risks of cancer or cardiovascular diseases.”
I’ll follow up with story 2 and 3 next…
I’ve been praying, but I’ve not commented to let you know that God has been swamped with prayers from those who have you on their minds and hearts. Trust, Heather. Just hold firm to his promise that He is in control.
Heather, I just heard the news. Sorry to be behind the times.
Please know that I’m offering up prayers for you now and until you tell me to stop!
We’re all pulling for you here in Blogland!
Heather I came across your blog through Elizabeth Foss’ and be assured that you are in my prayers too.
Brain Tumor #2:
My best friend’s son. He had an accident - a heavy finial fell on his head as he stood under a window. It caused an indention and the doctors thought he would die. After they xrayed him, they were going to do surgery, but instead found a HUGE tumor in his head. Amazingly (miracle), the xray didn’t show the indention from the accident anymore - only the tumor. After surgery, he is now 4 or 5 years older and doing fine. He’s 12 now.
Brain Tumor #3:
My husband’s aunt. They told her she had a cancerous brain tumor. She laughed at them and told them that it couldn’t be true - that Jesus was going to heal her and she would be fine. They gave her one year to live. She prayed about it and went to Jerusalem on a holy land tour anyway (against doctor’s advice). She had her huge baptist church praying for her. The next time she went in to the doctor, they could not find the tumor.
If you want to talk to her… I can get you in touch with her. She will pray for you and is sooooo encouraging. I love her a lot. Let me know and I’ll call her for you. :)
Heather, My prayers will be with you! I went through Ovarian Cancer in Dec. ‘05. Here I am sixteen months later and I’m doing great. The Lord has healed me completely. What the Lord has done for me, He CAN do for you! :0) After my cancer I created a pamphlet “Standing on the Promises” that is full of Scripture on God’s Promises on healing. A link to this pamphlet is on my blog, in the ride side bar, under the heading “Sharon’s Ovarian Cancer Testimony”. If you’d like to talk, I’m more than willing. Otherwise, know you will have my prayers!
Just praying and praying.
Dear Heather-
The one thing I know is that writing will help you through. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and in the thoughts and prayers of so many more than you’ll ever know. Your writing will help you sort through everything, and it will help all of us know how to best lift you up.
‘The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.’ [Deuteronomy 33:27]
I am linking to you and praying for you and your family.
May you have peace,
Keri
I’m new to your blog, I saw several links to you today. Praying for you and your family, Heather.
Heather, here are some verses that I’ve clung to in health-oriented situations, maybe they will bless you:
Heal me O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise. Jer 17:14
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:4-7a
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here I am. Isaiah 58:8,9
This is the confidence we have in approaching God- that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us- whatever we ask- we know that we have what we asked of him. I John 5:14-15
“And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it.” John 14:13,14
“…Do you believe that I am able to do this?” “Yes, Lord,” they replied. Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith it will be done to you.” Matthew 9:28, 29
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him… Lam 3:21-25
I just spent the last 30 minutes reading about you, Emma, your faith, etc. I am amazed at what you have been through. I am praying for healing, for the doctors, for your husband and children, family and friends. I will keep checking back, and I will help carry your mat to the Lord (Luke 5:18) Praying for you this minute, Heather.
Cindy
Heather,
I’m not sure I’ve commented before, but I read your blog occasionally and am often amazed at your perseverence and positive attitude in dealing with all that God has given you.
Please know that I am praying for you and your family.
I’m dealing with some of my own issues right now and dh and I have been at odds over nothing lately and he left for a meeting mad at me today.Frankly - I am sick of it. I just went into my room crying out to God that all I wanted to do is just RUN. Run fast, Run far and get away from all of the turmoil. I begged Him to give me something. Anything.
All that came rushing through my mind was STAND. The opposite of running - STAND!!!
So I stood - I screamed at the enemy and told him to back off and leave me and my family alone. I asked God to stand between me and the lies of satan and to keep me standing and don’t let me run away (even in my mind).
Immediately peace flooded over me. The tears are still coming, but the turmoil in my mind has subsided.
I say all of that to say this: STAND and let the power of God’s loving, gentle arms hold you up when you have not one bit of strength left in yourself. Let God do the work of resisting the enemy. Enjoy the peace of God.
(sorry for the length -guess I got carried away)
There are no words… but I can pray, and I am, and will continue.
*tearfully, and with hope*
I’ve had angry questions, talks with God over this one too, and I can see I’m obviously not the only one. I will be continually praying for you and your whole family. I so wish I could give you all a hug.
Heather, I just want to grab you and hold on tight. Words are so inadequate at this moment and though we’ve never met face to face, you are a sister in Christ and a friend…my heart hurts for you. My prayers for you and your family are as you have requested. And I pray for you a place of peace in this turmoil.
I came to your blog after reading Janice’s blog at 5minutesformom.com. My heart goes out to you. I have said a prayer for you, your family and your friends. You will be in my thoughts.
I’m here via the Homeschool Blog Awards. Prayers are being sent up for you now.
I am amazed that even in the midst of this storm, you are still praising God. Oh that I would have your faith to say. “God is good. All the time” That so sums it up. Of course there is fear, and legitimate issues, but as you have said so many times, You and your family are squarely in the palm of God’s hand.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Blessings
Heather-
I came upon your site last night as I was reading BooMama. You’ve been on my heart and mind and in my prayers ever since. May God comfort you in this time and strengthen you for whatever lies ahead.
Melissa
I am crying reading all your comments. I know I’ve commented a few times already. Spirittbee posted some miracles to encourage you. My dad was healed of cancer after a tumor broke thru his colon. Here’s his story to encourage you, if you have the time: http://nohighlikethemosthigh.blogspot.com/2006/04/dear-friends-and-family-this-is-kind.html
I had to stop by after seeing the many prayer requests across the blogosphere. Please know that you and your family will be in my prayers whenever I am prompted. I believe in miracles and will focus on your earthly healing! May your strength be renewed daily as you rest in His peace and arms of love.
I was referred to your blog by Everyday Mommy. Wanted you to know I am saying prayers for you and your family as you wade through this trial!
Jenny from Indiana
Heather, I will be praying for you and your family. May you all find refuge in Him.
Praying for you. Until you tell me to stop.
I heard this sad news from Elizabeth at Real Learning. I am so, so sorry. I have begun praying. +++
Prayed for you and your family
Praying
I found my way over here by way of the Rebelution…and just wanted to tell you that I, also, am praying for you and yours.
Heather, I am so sorry that you have yet another trial to go through in your life! I have been reading about Emma Grace for some time now and also have been on “Moms of Grace” and know that you are a moderator there. You are a woman of God and God is the Great Physician! The devil sends many things our way to test us and you have the faith and the strength to get through whatever is put before you in this life! I admire your strength and can’t imagine how you, your husband the rest of your family is suffering now - with worry and with “not knowing” what may come! My prayers are with you and your family and I will be lifting you before God in prayer and believing that God will work his healing power and free you from this thing trying to lay claim in your body. You have been inspirational to me in the way you have shown your faith in God in everything you’ve had to deal with Emma Grace and I believe that your faith will get you through!
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.” II Corinthians 1:3,4
I am in shock still. I can’t stop thinking about you and your family. It isn’t fair at all!!!!!!!!!!!
Praying like crazy….
You don’t know me, but I just stumbled upon your page through another blog and just wanted to let you know that I’m praying for you.
My prayers are with you and your family. I stumbled across your blog page and just phoned a friend who has gone through dealing with a brain tumour. I have passed on your blog page to her in hopes of her experience helping you. She has gone threw radiation and chemo, even brain surgery. A positive christian woman. I hope her courage and love for the lord will also help you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.
God bless
Dawn
Heather, you are in my prayers!
Heather,
Prayers are coming your way. You do not know me but I found your blog via Everyday Mommy and BooMama. . .and will be praying for you. I read and cried through Emma’s story last week when I read it. As a Mom, I know nad understand what is going through your heart and mind right now. Remember God is the Great Physician and will deliver you. My small group last night was talking about MIRACLES. I believe in MIRACLES and will pray that God’s angels will surround you and your family with their wings and comfort you. Will pray especially at 8:30 a.m. tomorrow. . .
A Sister in Christ
Heather, I am so sorry. It seems like just yesterday that I contacted you about adding my nephew to the “prayers for our kids” for his brain tumor. Thomas, a year after being diagnosed, miraculously doing the very best that could be expected. Prayers for his miracle were answered. We will pray for your miracle of healing. God bless.
http://www.thomasbickle.blogspot.com
Heather, I clicked over from Everyday Mommy. I can’t imagine being in your situation, and will pray. Draw close to the Lord, underneath are the everlasting arms–arms that hold you in this world and the next.
I got here via Plain Jane Mom. I am so sorry. You and your family are in my thought and prayers.
I want to be angry. This makes no earthly sense. I am praying mightily for all of you.
Father God
We lift up Heather and her family to you asking for your comfort, your peace and especially your will to be done.
We do not understand but you do. We do not know why but you do. Lord comfort this dear family as they cling to each other and to you. Lord, may they feel the prayers of the saints going out to you for them. May they know how many people are knocking at your door asking for help for them. Oh Lord we pray for hope, healing and restoration. Hear our prayers Lord. Hear our prayers. Amen
I am praying for you, Heather!
Heather,
I don’t know what to say. You are right, it just isn’t fair. We know God has a plan for everything but sometimes it just doesn’t seem real does it? It doesn’t seem within our grasp to understand when we’re on this side of it.
Anyway, like i said I don’t know what to say…that’s just what popped into my head…