He never lets me go…

First and foremost- thank you so much for all of your comments. I was blown away just now by reading all of them. I cant tell you how much they mean to me and my family. I totally and completely believe that Christ has His hands wrapped firmly around our family, and He has carried us and will continue to carry us. I have no doubt about that.

First the Neurosurgery appointment. Dr. Cassidy was very straight forward, which I am very thankful for. The tumor is in my front left lobe, it is quite large, and it is inoperable due to the fact that it is not “well formed” and is “entangled” with normal brain tissue. He was very optimistic yet cautious. He told us that if he were to choose a brain tumor, this would be his choice. It is a lower-mid grade tumor, which I am still trying to understand. He said that brain tumors aren’t classified as “cancer” because they do not spread, but there is a high possibility that it is malignant (still trying to understand that). We talked about treatment- he stated that because it is inoperable, he wants to do a brain biopsy next week. The results of that will tell us our next step. If they come back malignant then we will proceed to radiation. When we asked about “life span” he obviously said he couldn’t give us a definite, but that radiation would “double” my prognosis- he said that the average without treatment is 10 years- with treatment is 20 years. But then again, look at my Emma Grace- I tend to not believe averages.

We talked about my dizziness and how he didn’t believe that it was associated with my tumor. He sent me to an ENT specialist at 4pm. Dr. Silverstein does believe that it is related to my tumor, and has prescribed Ativan to make the world stop spinning. I have more tests with him tomorrow afternoon (3pm) to narrow (and nail) this all down.

I have an EEG scheduled for in the morning (8am). Dr. Cassidy wants to rule out the possibility of small seizures due to the location of my tumor (which would also explain the dizziness). Please pray for this test- for some reason it is really stressing me out.

Some people would look at the events of the last 24 hours in my life and think “she must have done something really horrible to deserve all of this”.. My answer to that- You don’t know my God. He is the God of Job, He is the God of Abraham, and His love for me and my family is unwavering. I believe what Satan intends for my harm- God will use for His glory I firmly believe that when I walk out of the other side of this, despite the location I find myself in, I will have been blessed and will have blessed so many lives. I read your comments to me, and am amazed that this “bend in the road” has had the ability to bring forth such a Growling of prayer at the feet of Christ. I am amazed. I will walk through this with the love and and friendship of my family and friends- I am not alone.

Be it cancer, radiation, or whatever else life throws my way- I will walk through it.

never let go

Thank you Sandy for reminding me of this song!

I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out; plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11

Now on to phase 2 – biopsy and radiation. I can do this…

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  1. Heather, one of my mom’s tennis friends has lived with a brain tumor for years—gosh, I would say twenty-five years or so. The only thing she really has complained about is the dizziness.
    Your faith is so inspiring–keep looking up!

    Blessings and many prayers said for you~

  2. Heather,

    Continue to be strong and entrust everything to God. Even though I am not a christian, I fully believe that God plans things for a reason. He must have his reasons for doing it.. Believe in him and be strong.


  3. Heather, you don’t know me, but I discovered your story through another blog. After reading your post, I just felt the reminder that God really IS in control – and that the problems I think I have in my own life are nothing. May you find peace and rest and strength in God, who loves us more than we can ever imagine. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you.

  4. Keep the faith girl!
    You are already blessing hundreds.

  5. Romans 8:28 – “For we know that in ALL things God works for the Good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
    Deut. 29:29 – “The Secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of His law.”

  6. I am praying for you Heather!
    With faith all things are possible – you will get through this.
    Much love & prayers for you and your family,

  7. Heather,

    I found your blog while reading Spunky’s homeschooling blog.

    And I just wanted you to know that I just celebrated my one year anniversary of having a brain tumor removed. (Mine was malignant, but low grade.) From diagnosis, through tests and ultimately surgery, my recovery has been nothing but miraculous. I know that Christ was with me through the entire thing and I know that I know that I am healed by the grace of God. My MRI’s remain clean and I am feeling great.

    The night before surgery I awoke with the certainty that I was supposed to name the tumor. So I named it Gone. I believe that relates to the scripture Philippians 2:9-11 “Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

    Praise God, Gone is gone

    I will keep you and your family lifted up in prayer. We worship a mighty God capable of miracles. May God bless you with health, strength, joy and peace that come only from him.


  8. Rev. 12:11 says, “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.”

    I sent a post earlier about how your story reminds me of Job. Am still amazed at how God is using this seemingly “bad” situation to speak into hearts of so many people. People who know you. People like me- From Malawi a country you probably never heard of until may be after Madonna’s adoption lol! 0! How your testimony is revamping a hunger for God in me when I havent prayed for so long. I now wake up and go to sleep with a prayer and praise on my lips. And I see the gazimillions of blessings I have.

    For me, whatever happens, I feel you have “overcome him with your testimony”. And for that there is no comparison. And my prayer is that God will finish that which he purposed for you because it is perfect. From a country devasted by HIV/AIDS, I know you did not deserve this or do anything wrong to deserve it. God in His infinite wisdom allows what He will allow. His will is magnificient and perfect.If there was any deserving, then we all deserve worse because our “righteousness is like filthy rags”.
    For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
    And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity (love)
    Reading your experiences, feeling what they provoke in us is immeasurable charity/love! What a gift!

    We are praying for you

  9. I am very moved with this post…am actually crying right now. All the best to you! I salute your courage and belief in God.

  10. Anyone who thinks that cancer, tumors, or illness are punishments given out by God needs to have THEIR head examined.

    2 Corinthians 12:7-10: For when I am weak, then I am strong.

    When our mortal bodies fail us, we become so much more aware of our need for God, of God’s love for us, and how temporary this world, this life, is. And with this knowledge, we become strong again, strong for ourselves, strong for our families, strong for the time we are here.

    God bless and keep you, and thank you for sharing your strength with me.