First, the music had to go- it was eating my bandwidth- But thank you Emily for raising my bandwidth and hosting me for free 
Secondly, If you are a first time commenter, please be patient while I approve comments, sadly moderation had to be turned on so I apologize in advance…
Okay, for those of you who are acronym challenged that would be : Things I Never Thought I would Have To Blog About In My Wildest Dreams… or the shorter version : I have a category dedicated to a tumor. in my brain. me.
It all seems so surreal still (how many times have I said that in the last week?) But still yet, it is what it is, and therefore needs a category on my blog, right? It is my fervent prayer that this time 2 months from now I will be reading through these posts with the full realization that things are not as bad as they seem at this exact moment. But right now, it still seems so surreal.
A week ago today I was laying on my couch, so very dizzy without the knowledge that I had a mass in my brain. It was the last night I would go to bed without thinking about it, and praying about it, and crying about it, and laughing about it, and then praying about it some more.
Its funny how life just changes in the blink of an eye.
A week ago tomorrow morning was the last morning that I woke up without having the tear stains on my pillow, and the headache from the crying, and the unimaginable pit in the bottom of my stomach as soon as my eyelids opened. I spent last Tuesday thinking about frivolous things like: Will the room ever stop spinning. Will Sanjaya stay on American Idol. Did I turn off my straightening iron when I left the house.
Again, how life changes in the blink of an eye.
Tomorrow I will sit in the neurosurgeons office, and discuss mini seizures that I pray I don’t have. I will discuss intraoperative mri’s and the effects of radiation. I will tell a doctor that I will be seeking a second opinion regarding a tumor. in my brain. American Idol probably wont cross my mind. I will hold my husbands hand while I listen to this doctor talk to me about a mass growing in my brain- a tumor. In my brain. I still have a hard time grasping that.
We received the paperwork for Mayo today in the mail. Seeing my husband sitting down at the table reading through the “patients guide to cancer” pamphlet just hit me smack between the eyes.
Again, how life changes in the blink of an eye.
Yet I read through all of your precious comments- I look at the faces of my family and parents- I hear my dear friends voices on the telephone, and I am reminded that no matter how surreal this seems right now, God is perfect in His timing. He has brought all of us together, and He knew what he was doing when he mapped out the course that would bring all of us here. I am amazed and astonished at the outpouring you have given our family. I am blown away by the emails and the private comments and phone calls (Kelli and BooMama have made me laugh so hard the last few days- God knew I would need that!) I am just so thankful for each one of you, and I know my family is thankful. We are so very thankful.
I want you to all know that even though I havent responded to every message, they have all been read (and many of them cried over). I plan on printing out all of your emails and comments to take with me to Mayo Clinic to read- whenever I feel discouraged or depressed, I just start reading them and I realize how truly amazing our God is… he is using this situation in might mighty ways.
I know many of you have said that I am ministering to you- But you will never know how much you have ministered to me. You will never know the strength your words have given me. I can never express my hearts thankfulness. Ever.
So tonight as I go to bed, I am sure the tears will fall. I am sure I will go through the same emotions I have gone through for the last 7 days. But I will also rest assured that there is a mighty group of praying people beckoning God on my behalf.
I am blessed to call each and every one of you my friend. Thank you just doesn’t seem to be enough; but its all I have.
So Thank You. Really.
Praying for you and your precious family. May you find strength and comfort in Him.
There you go, leaving me and a bunch of us in tears! (Being touched and all by your post. But don’t worry, I haven’t put my make-up on yet!) Many prayers for your appointment today. Hugs to you and the family.
Heather~
Each time I come to visit your blog, I sit here at my computer and think “wow!”
I know it doesn’t seem so to you, but you really are an inspiration. If you had any idea how many times during this past week I have been in a situation and thought “What if I were Heather?” or “what if I had a brain tumor right now?” Would I live my life differently? Would I be responding differently to my kids and my hubby?
Just little things, seemingly, but really HUGE!
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to keep everyone updated. I posted the link to your blog (again) on my blog. I will definitely be praying for you and your family.
I know I’ve never met you, but you are heavy on my heart.
Heidi
Hi, Heather. This is my first time to comment, although I have been reading for a few days. I have hesitated to comment because I wasn’t sure if you had the time or energy to read, but I feel led to share this with you this morning. I love the book of Phillipians and have camped out in chapter four for much of my adult life, but this morning, the Lord was leading me through chapter three. These verses stood out to me in regards to a circumstance in my life, but I wonder if they might encourage you, too?
Phil. 3:20-4:1 “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!”
You are on my heart and mind. Thank you for sharing this road with us.
Megan
Heather,
I pray that God will strengthen and encourage you in ways you could have never imagined…and that He will hold your family so close in His arms as you all walk through this!!
(((HUGS))) You are in my thoughts and prayers. I also had you added to the prayer list of my Womens Bible Study group. So over 100 women will be lifting you up!
In Him~
Karen
Spent some time Sunday morning in prayer over you girl. But I pray daily also.
Still praying.
I have to thank you for sharing so openly your faith, love, thoughts and journey with us – with me. I wish I could say I walked with the Lord as beautifully and as strongly as you do, but though reading your posts, and reading His word – I strive to be there, someday!
Your in my constant prayers and thoughts,
God Bless and God Speed!
Your in my prayers Heather.
love,
Annie
I was woken twice in the night, so I prayed for you and another friend. I was thinking this morning, Heather…YOU are a display of His glory…I am watching to see what God will do and asking Him to be a marvel before our eyes…and that all of a sudden…the tumor will be…GONE. That’s my prayer, fervantly praying. Again, Heather is a Display of God’s Glory. Be mighty in her LORD! AMEN.
Love and prayers,
Holly
heather – i have followed your blog for months now, and have so much enjoyed your words, your messages. our lives could not be anymore different… yet your blog is one of my daily must-reads. i am thinking of you, hoping for you, and praying for you. like you i know God has the power, and has a plan, and i respect His wisdom. take care, linda.
Heather, prayers for you Mark and your family and friends. God placed each person in your life for a purpose, and you in theirs for a purpose. Although fear is imminent, throw it at His feet. You are covered in prayer. I will be praying for the neurosurgeons as well.
Hello Heather,
While searching the web for Christian Homeschoolers, I found a link to your blog under “sprittibee.” Curiosity brought me here,to read about your story.
I am a Christian mom. At the moment I do not homeschool my children (wish i could).
(If I could just offer some support).
I can not imagine what you are going through. I can however, relate to the fear of medical testings and surgery and “what if?”
Fear comes from not knowing and not believing. Faith also, comes from not knowing…but believing.
It took me a while to grasp all of that, but it is true. Not easy. Just true.
Heather, may God be with the doctors, nurses, and everyone involved in your surgery and your recovery. May He be with you always.
You will be in my thoughts. May God comfort you and hold you just as He did for me, eight years ago.
Hold to God’s unchanging hand.
Sincerely,
Loretta – from Christian Children’s Book Review
http://www.ccbreview.blogspot.com
Dear Heather,
This might be too long.
I’ve been coming to your site through Sprittibee and the HSBawards. I come visit your blog everytime my Bloglines tell me that you have an update. I scroll through all the comments. Stopping and reading every-so-often.
The out-pouring of Love that’s being expressed is phenomenal. And really, I’m amazed at it all.
I remember thinking how sad I felt when I read the news of your diagnosis. After the shock, real and imagined, everything within me started to rise up and I wanted to stand in the gap.
I wanted to shout – that’s what the Doctor’s say! God, Let’s hear what YOU have to say. We know the doctor’s report, God, we want Your report!!
I come to visit, like I said, and everytime I want to write you a comment but I chicken out.
I am praying for you – but that sounds trite to write in a comment. Especially when there’s so much more going on within my spirit for you.
I wanted to tell you that there’s a healing conference from The Glory of Zion church led by Chuck Pierce – about the Blood, the brain and His Healing power that’s being telecast on the 19th, 20 & 21st. But that sounded like really bad timing. “oh, you’ve been diagnosed with brain cancer? Gee. Here’s a website.”
Then I compare my comments to those comments already left by those that know and love you…and my comments feel inferior. I know they’re not – it’s just a comparison. I even thought about blogging my letter to you – instead of posting a comment. Maybe that added a little more anonymity.
I wanted you to know that I’m praying that this cancer is cursed at the root and I command it to die and not live – that it shall not spread and it shall be gone, by the Blood of Christ! By His stripes! By the Power of the Cross and the resurrection Power that lives within me. within You.
While I believe that with my whole being (I’m putting God’s reputation on the line and not mine) it all sounds a bit more charismatic than what others are posting.
We’ve been studying in a class at my church about Intercessory Prayer. The book by Dutch Sheets. He has short video sessions that go with the book, now, and we’ve been watching the videos. In the lesson previously, he talked about the Hebrew word for “meeting” which is PAGA. God WANTS to “PAGA” — He wants us to release Him into the situation through our prayers so that He can PAGA with that other person in their situation.
The facilitator asked “Who do you know that needs a PAGA/meeting?” And I thought, “Heather.” (and “My brother”)You were heavy on my heart that week. You still are.
I thought of all the times I’ve prayed for others to be healed. They hadn’t been diagnosed with Brain Cancer. I thought, this is a huge deal! But you know what? I don’t think it’s God’s will for you to be sick. I don’t believe He causes cancer. I think it’s an attack of the enemy who would love nothing more than to steal your testimony and your life. And I thought…okay. It’s God’s reputation. He’s still the God who heals. He’s still on the Throne.
If I were Heather – I would want those around me to rally – and SPEAK LIFE Over me. To speak Life into my situation. So I started to pray big. I’m asking that when you Get to Mayo – that they find NOTHING. I’ve seen it happen before…I’m believing it for you.
I want those around you to realize the power of the spoken word…because our tongue is SOOOO Powerful the scriptures call it like an unbridled horse…that needs taming.
So Please do NOT name this thing that’s trying to creep into your life – except to name it “Dead and cursed and gone” and to name your body and brain, “Healed” “Whole” “Covered in the Blood of Christ”
I don’t know why I couldn’t post all those things before. Sprittibee posted that if we were praying for you to drop you a note to tell you. So here I am. Maybe it’s because by writing all of this down, the anonymity is gone.
So here you have all my comments in one.
Much MUCH love and prayers and blessings!
May God’s Healing Power manifest in you quickly as He shelters you in the shadow of His wings!
I’m sorry to hear about your scary news. I love how your post reminds us that life can change in a blink of an eye. This is so true, but sometimes hard to remember. We need to appreciate life when all the worry we have to think about is American Idol and what to fix for dinner.
You are so right about God’s perfect timing. I am one who doesn’t believe in coincidences. God is in control over all things in our lives, but sometimes we try take control or take credit for them. However, when we are able to leave all in God’s hands than we can stand back and truly watch miracles appear before us. So, as I know you are, give it all to God and wait on Him to see His magnificent plan in this. Lots of love,
Trina
When my dad had cancer, we prayed Psalm 91 over him (I posted that for you earlier) but what’s interesting about it is that the chapter had been a theme for him for most of his life. I believe God gave him that scripture knowing that we would need it later. I was telling my mom about you and your blog. We were just amazed at God’s amazing forethought (is that a word?). What I mean is that if you didn’t have this blog the 100s and probably 1000s of people wouldn’t be praying for you! Isn’t God good to think of every detail? These are the kind of details that help me (and I know I’m not the one going thru it) stay focused on the GOOD He has planned. Be encouraged–even in the surreal, even in the unfathomable, even the valley. God promises to bring us THRU it. He’s in the details!
I’m praying for you all the time!
Oh my dear blog friend, Heather, I wish I could be with you in person to hold your hand, to offer you comfort, to attempt to coax a smile from your face, to pray with you.
Although I haven’t always commented regularly, you’ve been a favorite blogger of mine for some time now.
I think back to the first time I came across your blog and read a post about your desires for Emma and how you worried that your other children were being expected to grow up too fast as a result of Emma’s needs. I shared with you my perspective as a “special needs” child who has made it to adulthood and how close I’ve always been with my sibling and the lessons they’ve told me they’ve learned as a result of my childhood medical issues.
Heather, I admire your courage, your spirit, and most of all your faith. Your faith inspires me the most. Thank you for being willing to share this with all of us.
I know that God will be with you in that room when you talk to your doctor and again when you go to the Mayo clinic.
You and your family remains in my prayers!
Blessings to you.
Dear Heather,
Believing and praying right along with you. I am so glad you are bringing the wonderful love posts everyone has sent you . You are the daughter of the King, Sister In Christ and wonderful mother and wife. You are loved by so many but especially the Lord our God.
In his endless love,
Angel ( Angel Mama)
Dear Heather,
There are many walking miracles in our world. Individuals for whom medicine could only do so much. Then it was ‘up to them’ to do the rest. Their doctors would be amazed as they recovered from near death attributing their amazing recovery to loving friends and family, the individual’s inner strength and will to live and well as the hand of God. From what I have read of your blog you seem like the kind of person that has not given up on life. You obviously have a wealth in your family and friends. I pray that you will become one of these walking miracles. No matter how bleak things may seem don’t give up.
Heather,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Your words are so graceful and powerful to me. I still do not even know how i stumbled across your blog page. I firmly believe it was the lords will. My 13 year old daughter started having night seizures on Jan 26, 2007. We have no warning and very little answers. We are still waiting to see a neurologist and it seems to be taking forever. I have been worried sick and crying off and on ever since. Sleep almost never happens for me. The stress on the marriage has also been difficult. Then i came across your stoy and Emma’s story. Your strength in the lord and how you have come through so much has given me hope and strength. My faith has always been a struggle, and you have helped me to trust in the lord more than I was. I now believe that he is taking care of my family and my daughter. It is not always easy, and we are not always strong. Yet he still gives us comfort even when we are afraid and in doubt. I thank god for you and what you are teaching all of us. I know he will bless you and your family. You will come threw this with the love of all you have touched in person and in your blogs. I thank the lord for you heather, and your courage. I will be praying for you and your family. Travel safley and take care.
Dawn
I found this at Beth Moore’s blog:
Count it a joy, Dear One
When life gets hard.
God is doing something huge!
He is also proving
That you are NOT a fake.
Be brave, Mighty Warrior.
Your God is with you!
When waves are crashing,
Stand to your feet,
Throw your head back
And feel the wind of the Spirit!
God is painting a masterpiece
With multi-colored trials.
Go forth and display
Divine special effects
To the great glory of God.
YOU CAN DO IT!
I found this in God’s Word:
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Love you, sweetie…and still praying…
Heather –
My heart is with you. Completely.
I know when we were facing our little boys leukemia and transplant – having God holding us, being OUR guide eased our hearts.
I am praying for you constantly.
Big Hugs ..
Chrissi
((hugs)) I am praying for you, Heather.