First, the music had to go- it was eating my bandwidth- But thank you Emily for raising my bandwidth and hosting me for free 
Secondly, If you are a first time commenter, please be patient while I approve comments, sadly moderation had to be turned on so I apologize in advance…
Okay, for those of you who are acronym challenged that would be : Things I Never Thought I would Have To Blog About In My Wildest Dreams… or the shorter version : I have a category dedicated to a tumor. in my brain. me.
It all seems so surreal still (how many times have I said that in the last week?) But still yet, it is what it is, and therefore needs a category on my blog, right? It is my fervent prayer that this time 2 months from now I will be reading through these posts with the full realization that things are not as bad as they seem at this exact moment. But right now, it still seems so surreal.
A week ago today I was laying on my couch, so very dizzy without the knowledge that I had a mass in my brain. It was the last night I would go to bed without thinking about it, and praying about it, and crying about it, and laughing about it, and then praying about it some more.
Its funny how life just changes in the blink of an eye.
A week ago tomorrow morning was the last morning that I woke up without having the tear stains on my pillow, and the headache from the crying, and the unimaginable pit in the bottom of my stomach as soon as my eyelids opened. I spent last Tuesday thinking about frivolous things like: Will the room ever stop spinning. Will Sanjaya stay on American Idol. Did I turn off my straightening iron when I left the house.
Again, how life changes in the blink of an eye.
Tomorrow I will sit in the neurosurgeons office, and discuss mini seizures that I pray I don’t have. I will discuss intraoperative mri’s and the effects of radiation. I will tell a doctor that I will be seeking a second opinion regarding a tumor. in my brain. American Idol probably wont cross my mind. I will hold my husbands hand while I listen to this doctor talk to me about a mass growing in my brain- a tumor. In my brain. I still have a hard time grasping that.
We received the paperwork for Mayo today in the mail. Seeing my husband sitting down at the table reading through the “patients guide to cancer” pamphlet just hit me smack between the eyes.
Again, how life changes in the blink of an eye.
Yet I read through all of your precious comments- I look at the faces of my family and parents- I hear my dear friends voices on the telephone, and I am reminded that no matter how surreal this seems right now, God is perfect in His timing. He has brought all of us together, and He knew what he was doing when he mapped out the course that would bring all of us here. I am amazed and astonished at the outpouring you have given our family. I am blown away by the emails and the private comments and phone calls (Kelli and BooMama have made me laugh so hard the last few days- God knew I would need that!) I am just so thankful for each one of you, and I know my family is thankful. We are so very thankful.
I want you to all know that even though I havent responded to every message, they have all been read (and many of them cried over). I plan on printing out all of your emails and comments to take with me to Mayo Clinic to read- whenever I feel discouraged or depressed, I just start reading them and I realize how truly amazing our God is… he is using this situation in might mighty ways.
I know many of you have said that I am ministering to you- But you will never know how much you have ministered to me. You will never know the strength your words have given me. I can never express my hearts thankfulness. Ever.
So tonight as I go to bed, I am sure the tears will fall. I am sure I will go through the same emotions I have gone through for the last 7 days. But I will also rest assured that there is a mighty group of praying people beckoning God on my behalf.
I am blessed to call each and every one of you my friend. Thank you just doesn’t seem to be enough; but its all I have.
So Thank You. Really.
Dearest Heather – I wish for you the sweetest of dreams tonight. That your heart and mind are full of warm and cozy thoughts and feelings (that is part of the evening prayer of my daughter). Good night
I’m praying right now that one day soon your pillow will be tear-stained free. That a post on your blog will tell us it is the first day you haven’t had to shed tears except when you were laughing so hard you cried.
You do a beautiful job on your blog. God has gifted you as a writer. Your honesty, pain, and faith all come through so clearly. You are bringing Him glory. I know your parents must be so proud while being brokenhearted. I’m praying for them, too.
Oh, and one day you’re going to have to change the itune song to something that doesn’t make me cry before I’ve read even your second sentence. Perhaps something by Sanjaya????
I love you. Plain and simple.
Get some rest- we start our Mayo Tour soon.
Look out world of Mayo- here we come!
You’re in my prayers.
Kristy
Heather,
I came upon your site through other sites and I am praying for you. You’re right, God is mighty. He does have perfect timing. You are an angel and you’re going to minister to so many people..you already are. Let this be a time for you and your family to cherish life’s moments and truly see what life is about. You are a beautiful person. God bless you.
Heather, we printed out all the prayers and promisess of prayers and took them to my sister in the NNNIcu it was so wonderful and I am glad to know you’ll have the same support. my computer is on the fritz sorry for the crazy typos
Heather,
It is such a blessing to me to be able to pray for you! You, who through your blog, have helped me in my daily walk – in my daily service to God! I continue to lift you before God in prayer and I continue to believe in God’s healing power and the assurance that you (and I) are in His hands!
I pray over my children each night, that God’s presence is with them in their sleep and in their dreams. I pray the same for you tonight.
The usual – ((hugs))
Hi Heather,
My name is Heather as well and I was directed to your blog 5 days ago. Immediatly I was hooked, I read thru a good number of posts and just sat in awe of you and your family. A part of me was wondered why I was here (on your site), I don’t have kids, I am not married and I can’t say that I share my faith openly.
Everything changed this morning, I received an e-mail from a close friend that would change, well, everything. I posted about it http://www.bendingpeak.blogspot.com so I will not go into details on your comment page.
I just wanted to let you know that you have another person out in the world thinking and praying for you.
I know now why I was sent to you blog and I will be reading from now on.
~Heather
Just so you know… I’m one of the many people praying for your healing… and there really isn’t many moments that you don’t cross my mind (and heart) in one way or another.
Sending hugs your way and lifting you up in my prayers….
jennifer
You are a blessing to so many people. Praying and praying for you and your family.
So true that life changes in the blink of an eye. Praying that God will sustain you, strengthen you and heal you. And may you continue to drink in His strength and glory!
Praying for sweet dreams and peaceful rest!
Love you sis! you are always on my mind! I haven’t called lately, haven’t had the words, but I will be calling you soon, and I hope you know you can call me anytime! morning, noon, or night. (even 3am. )
Night sis! ((hugs))
Still praying for you and being blessed by your faith and words.
Sweet dreams, Heather.
Oh Heather, you don’t know how much you are ministering to me. I have seen too many “Christians” who I would never guess were Christians by the way they live their lives. You are such an inspiration to me. I only wish that I had the faith that you do. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
Your faith amazes me. I am in awe as I see God working and alive in you. I keep hoping this is all a bad dream and we will all wake up soon. I’m praying for you and think of you constantly. My prayer for you tonight is that angels watch over you and you find restful sleep.
Nighty night sweet child of God…
Yes…may God send you the sweetest of dreams.
This is the first comment I’ve left here, and I just started reading in the past week when I was linked from another blog to yours. You have quickly, immediately, made your way into my prayers. You’ll never know how much you’ve opened my eyes in such a short time to the glory of God and how much of an inspiration your faith and love for God is. I will continue to pray for you, and I thank God that you continue to teach all of us through Him.
I will be praying for you and your family. xoxo
Now unto Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us
Ephesians 3:20
Still praying, my friend.
Bless your heart and your head. You are one strong woman, and I am amazed by that. You are in my thoughts and my prayers continually.
Holding up prayers to the throne.
Oh Heather – I’m praying you will have an overwhelming sense of His presence and His peace when you lay down tonight. I know that “pit in the stomach” feeling. I remember going out for breakfast the day after we found out and just barely being able to eat a little bit. Sometimes the feeling comes back, but it is somehow a bit easier to rest in Him these days. Really – it is that or total despair. I don’t want the despair. I want hope. I pray for a miracle. I’m praying for miracles these days – and I’m including you. God can do that. I believe He can with all my heart. I also believe He is soverign, and He is good.
Blessings Heather.
Our family is praying for you and your family daily. Your walk with God both amazes and inspires me to be daily in God’s word so that I might have it to pull from in those hard times in my life.
“God is perfect in His timing. He has brought all of us together, and He knew what he was doing when he mapped out the course that would bring all of us here.” So true!
Prayers for you and peaceful slumbers.
Heidi
My prayer for you is that you will go into that office at Mayo and there will be no tumor. God is the God of miracles and this is the one I pray for you!!
God Bless…many prayers!!
Dear Heather:
I think of you each day, many times, and pray, knowing you are living each day in his all-sufficient grace. I’m reading and marveling at your words. I’m remembering many days past and that you know, that you know, that you know, Your God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that you can think or imagine according to his glorious power that is at work in you. (Eph. 3:20). I love you my friend. This old song I know says:
Lay down my dear children, lay down and take a rest. Won’t you lay your head upon your Savior’s breast. I love you, oh, but Jesus loves you the best, so I bid you good night, good night, good night!
Mae Beth
Hi Heather, I just came across your story tonight and I am deeply touched. I am a cancer survivor, and was recently diagnosed with heart disease last year. I am 34 years old, married and have 2 young daughters. I experienced quite an emotional and spiritual roller coaster ride last year, but one that incredibly streched my faith in God. My heart goes out to you my dear sister in Jesus. I wish I could give you a hug right now and pray with you! I am so touched by your story, and although our illnesses are very different, I feel a connection to you. I will be praying for you this week, and I will have my mom’s Bible study pray for you tomorrow night. Thank you for all that you have shared. I look forward to getting to know you through your blog, and hearing about your journey. Thank you for opening yourself up to us.
I pray tonight with a heart full of hope and assurance that our God has angels standing guard over you as you sleep, dear Heather. May you find sleep and rest without interference. May you awaken with a pillow dry from tears unshed as you rested in the arms of our Savior and tender Father.
You are so special to my heart, tho’ we’ve never seen one another. I count you as a sister — ’cause we share the same Daddy! Sending a hug.
Heather,
Thank you for sharing your heart so openly.
You will continually be in my prayers for healing as well as for strength, comfort and peace.
Just want to know I have been praying for you so much here lately. I’m also a pastors daughter who is now married to a minister myself and we are the youth ministeres at our church. I feel I have so much in common with you, we homeschool, have three children and are both PK’s. Please know my heart goes out to you and your family. I mentioned you in our services yesterday at how you amaze me in your walk with the Lord. We are all praying for you! I’m believing that God will make this trial a blessing and those around you will see. Praying you will rest in peace tonight!
Try and sleep well sweet Heather,my whole family is praying for you and your family.God Bless.
Bambie
Man the music was meant to be. I couldnt stop crying to finish reading and had to turn my volume down…..
I am praying for you. sweet Diane put your button on my side bar. You are in my familys prayers, we prayed for you tonight at dinner.
May you rest in the arms of our Lord tonight Heather.
Love you.
Sleep well Heather, resting in His arms for they are strong. We will continue to lift you up to our Lord, we are here as your sisters and brothers in Christ to stand in the gap for you!
Delurking to say… I don’t know if you were in earnest wehn you said you wanted to name your tumour… but I think you should call it Jezebel. It seems apt. *shy smile* Anyways, you may think it silly, and if so forget all about it
)
Praying for you over here in the Pacific Northwest.
love you!!!!!!!!! {{{hugs}}}
Thinking,praying, believing
Dear Heather,
I have read your blog but never commented before. My thoughts and prayers are with you all the way from Ireland. Your faith astounds me during this difficult time but it seems you are getting strength from it also.I think about you during my day and i will continue to pray for you each day.Good luck and God Bless,
from one mother to another x
God bless you, Heather. Know that you are being covered in prayer 24/7 by people all over the world. God has put you in my mind many times each day since I started reading your blog. God is right there beside you as you walk through this fire, just as He was with Daniel in the firey furnace.
WOW! again you have astounded me with your generosity and courage. I think you have probably touched a lot of people around the world, Heather, and I imagine that a LOT of people, as they read your words, are crying with you – both in a pure and compassionate sadness for what you and your family are going through – and also in renewed appreciation of their own good fortune; their own good health.
I hope that during your stay at the Mayo clinic that you get what you deserve – The most brilliant and inspired doctors, the most compassionate nurses, the most comfortable bed, some lovely, understanding new friends to laugh and cry with and hold your hand, some decent food, something interesting to read, lots of hugs and kisses from your family and, most importantly of all, a wonderful new prognosis.
Praying for you and your family!
Don’t forget to let God be your strength.
We went through similar with my uncle last year.
the cancer is gone completely. In a situation where even the dr they sent him to who was best in the area sent him somewhere else as he was to afraid to touch the tumor which had snaked it’s way throughout the whole left side of my uncles brain. And the cancer that came with it. He is fine. Of course some residuals from having a huge tumor but on the whole he is fine. Better actually for him having the tumor and being told they didn’t think they could get it all or that he may not even survive if they tried he came to know God and has since been saved and stopped drinking and doing drugs.
Heather, you are an amazing woman and an inspiration to women all over. The grace and dignity you have in all of this is really beautiful. I know God is holding your hand through all of this, and you know what? There are so many righteous women out there praying for you, and we know the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. I can’t wait to see what God will do!
Amy
Still praying. Just remember that when you sit in that doctor’s office, 100s of us will be scrunched in behind you in spirit.
Praying for you this morning, dear one! So thankful that the Father is enabling you to communicate often and clearly to us so that we might SURROUND you with multitudes of PRAYERS!! Know that your heavenly Father has walked BEFORE into this day…He knows our past and our FUTURE, dear sister. So today, I’m praying that you will choose to rest in His ever-loving arms and let Him carry you when you’re tired, weak and feeling low. Know that we love you and are always thinking and praying for YOU and your dear family!
Much love in Christ who is OUR LIFE,
Kari
You will be in our prayers today, Damon emailed me yesterday so I could let you know he is praying for you and Mark. I wish we could all be in Rochester with you, although I sincerely doubt they have a room large enough to hold all your prayer warriors!
Love you!
As many people have said, I somehow found my way in your blog here, just as You had found out about the tumor. Is that God?
I must admit, I don´t pray as much I would like to, but if it counts for something I think about you. It gets me to the heart. I will agree with many of your friends, You are ministering to a lot of people. Even now or the more now.
Almost every time I read you post, tears will fall from my eyes and at least one tissue will get wet. I can just tell you, you are blessing and teaching people through your blog, with the wisdom and blessing God has given You! Really. And I admire you so. In times my life right now, when I do need more God´s love in me for other people and am waiting for His leading.
In wish I could say something more. Just know, that there people are out there, who are thinking of you. Only God can give everything we need. And that´s enough!
Blessings!
Hedi
Hope you dont mind, I posted brief info about you in my blog.
Heather, I feel I need to mention this, for what it’s worth. If I had cancer or a tumor or growth of any sort, my own first recourse would to be to take the 4-herb tea available from herbalhealer.com
For many folks it has actually shrunk their tumor and/or completely erradicted it. In other cases it built up the person’s immunity so that they felt well during chemo/radiation and their blood levels never went down.
It’s not expensive and it doesn’t interact with other drugs, so I thought I’d mention it to you.
Heather,
You are in my prayers daily! I know that I don’t know you, but through your blog, I feel that I do. My prayer is that God’s hand will work through the Mayo doctors. It IS God’s will that we use doctors. Their gift is God-given and their hands are healing. I pray for their hands to heal you of this tumor. Your strength through your daughters illness astounds me and gives ME strength! Your strength will get you through this! Maybe what you need right now is a little American Idol and Sanjaya. LOL Take a moment to relax and enjoy the little things with your husband.