I started reading “Its not about the bike” by Lance Armstrong tonight. The only words I can form are “wow”. I, first of all, had no idea that he had brain cancer- I knew he had testicular cancer, but I never knew he had brain cancer.
I tend to have a problem reading books from the begining. I start by thumbing through and try to get a feel for the book, reading the chapter titles etc.
Chapter 5: Conversations with Cancer literally leaped off the page. The below excerpt brought tears to my eyes. Tears of strength and determination.
There was a dis-quieting intimacy to the idea that something uninvited was living inside my head. When something climbs straight into your mind, thats way personal. I decided t get personal right back, and I started engaging in an inner conversation with it (cancer). I tried to be firm in my discussions. “You picked the wrong guy” I told it.
I laughed, because I literally had almost the same exact conversation with my tumor on April 14th. I thought it was odd that I actually talked to this thing, speaking directly to it.
He later wrote something on belief that caused me to almost stand up in my living room and cheer:
I know this much: I believed in belief, for its own shining sake. To believe in the face of utter hopelessness, every article of evidence to the contrary, to ignore apparent catastrophe- what other choice was there?
So I believed.
I am not sure if Lance and I share the same reason for belief, but the underlying belly of our determination is the same.
Life.
Whether that be 20 more years, or complete healing tomorrow. This isn’t about a diagnosis, this isn’t about the hardships I and my family are facing. This is 110% about God and His sovereign provision. This is about his undying and unconditional love for his children. This is about being completely dependent on Him.
Its about belief. Belief in His promises, not just in what he can provide. Belief in his presence, not just in his provisions. Belief in his sovereignty, amidst all of the questions of why.
I believe.
God is not in the business of concerning himself with only our physical needs. This is so much more than that. He is so much bigger than that.
I am not a “name it, claim it” kind of gal- but I do believe that Christ has given me the power to tell this mountain to move. I believe that he has given me the authority to battle this not only in a physical sense of the word, but spiritually also.
Whether this tumor is here next month, or next year, this battle is not only about the flesh. It is about the soul.
It will not steal my joy. It will not rob me of my love for my Savior. It may bring me to my knees, but it will not bury my hope.
It picked the wrong girl.
With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don’t hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for him is a waste of time or effort. -1 Corinthians 15:58
I cling to that. The pain and suffering I have experienced this last week is not a waste. The knowledge that I have a brain tumor is not a waste. These things have brought me so much closer to my Savior…
And that is what it is all about.
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Amen and amen. ((hugs))
by LundieWoohoo! That attitude is like turning a corner! Second wind and new faith all at the same time. Wonderful.
by BeccaHeather, It is so awesome that you are BOLDLY standing up to your tumor. I read Lance’s book years ago and was equally moved by his experience. You, also are touching lives and inspiring others and you’re doing it because you believe…in one Great GOD. Blessings.
Kathy
by KathyOn guard, our friend! On guard! You are fully equipped….and….covered by the One who has already won this battle for you!
Diane
by DianeHeather, thanks for sharing your thoughts and all that you are going through. You express yourself so well through your words and I know you are impacting so many people through this blog, bringing us closer to Christ..and that IS what it is all about. Thank you.
by WendyAmen!
by ThoughtfulMomYes, LORD, Amen!
by Joyful DaysPraised be - Amen
by JennAmen. So glad it picked the wrong girl. (Not glad that it picked you - but glad that you have decided you are the wrong girl!)
by weavermomHeather ~
by LisaI found your website about a week ago. And I just wanted to let you know that every time I come to your site and read your entries - I am reminded of the awesome power of God!! Praise the Lord!! Keep holding onto Him! He loves you!!
Great outlook, Heather! Amen!!
So glad your belief is for different reasons than Lance. He still needs our prayers in that regard.
Speaking of prayers, you have mine . . . through every step.
by peachYeah Heather! I love your spunk and I still pray for complete healing! I’m thinking about that 20 years down the road….my goodness the advances available to us even ONE year down the road are unfathomable. So in five, ten or twenty, can you imagine?!
by StaceyYes, that IS what it’s all about!!! We’re still keeping you in our prayers.
by ValerieYou’re darn right it picked the wrong girl. Amen.
by Big MamaHeather, just after my son’s cancer diagnosis we were given this book and he had me read it to him. He would laugh and cry because it put words to his emotions. A wonderful read even if the basis for faith is different it still reflects his real life experience and courage.
Praying you’ll sleep well tonight and wake ready to keep up the fight!
by LyricHeather, you hang tough! God can and DOES perform miracles every day in our lives. I admire your strength and faith as you face yet another battle in your life.
Not to make light of what’s going on, but I remember a patient in the hospital telling me once, “I know God won’t put more on me than I can handle, but I just wish he didn’t trust me so much!” That’s an old one, but God knows you are prepared for whatever comes your way. I’ll be praying for you.
by Kimman alive you gave me CHILLS Heather! You go girl! You GO tumor go AWAY! love ya xoxo melzie
by MelodyAmen!! You go girl!!!
by SallieGIRL! you make my soul SOAR- you and your tumor are giving me some FAITH!
by KarenGod, thank you.
Amen.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart ..
Sweetie - you have SO many people praying for you. Lifting you and your family ( friends too ) up towards Heaven.
by ChrissiI have faith in God. I believe.
But when I read about your faith in God… I’m amazed. I feel that God must be smiling down on you… so proud that you are sharing your faith with so many people inspite of the hard times you are facing.
You are an inspiration. Sending up prayers for healing and strength for you.
by laughing mommyWow.
I pray for you daily.
by emily_hopeWe’re behind you chanting “You picked the wrong girl.” When you move that mountain, we’re behind you cheering for you. We’re behind you with prayer and lifting you up each moment. We’re behind you and holding you firmly up when you are spending these next few days before your appointment with your children.
Praying for you diligently.
Love,
by natalieNatalie
Macon, GA
WOOHOO! you go girl!
by Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)No words. Tears of joy. You are beautiful.
by TinaAs a very new reader to your blog let me tell you…you are one heck of an inspiration.
Blessings to you and your family~
by VictoriaDarn tootin’ - wrong girls.
by kelliRight there behind you! Shoutin’ amen!
That’s a great book, btw…couldn’t put it down.
by sarahgraceYou are so right, my sweet sister in Christ! The Battle is Already Won (one of Keith Green’s songs)! Our victory is in Jesus. Cling to Him. The Lord is being honored and glorified through your beautiful, powerful words on your blog. You are living a victorious life, Heather!
by LivingforGodI agree with your faith and theology 100% . You are amazing. God is amazing.
This summer we walked through cancer with a 12 year old friend (boy). He is as healthy as a horse today! There is something very special about a positive mental attitude. I believe it goes hand in hand with the sovereignty of God. Somehow. I can’t say that I understand it fully but I do believe it is critically important.
You’re off to a great start dear Heather.
by JanetPraying for you.
Janet.
I don’t know how to trackback, but I wanted you to know what I posted today.
________
Tonight I have savored the aroma of Son-ripened suffering, seasoned with trust, in Especially Heather . In case you haven’t heard, she recently learned of an invader, an inoperable brain tumor. If you had never read the story of her youngest daughter, do. Her post today changed me.
by TinaI wanted to stand up and cheer “go Heather go Heather” ’cause I know you are on God’s team…and that is a winning team.
Praying.
by melodyHeather, you rock! I have no words but those
Check out my blog for a video that may encourage you.
by amyHeather,
First, this is a powerful post for all sorts of situations. Thank you.
I’ve been out of the blogsphere loop for 3 weeks and just learned of your diagnosis. I am praying for you and my prayer circle is praying for you and your family. I hope you continue to feel the prayers around the world sustainging you. (HUGS)
by Miriam PaulinePreach it girl!! And let me add…”it picked the WRONG FRIENDS”…we’re with ya! Loving and praying all the way!
by KariDear, dear Heather.
by ColleenAmazing when one comes to a blog which is about a brain tumor (for now) for daily inspiration. I guess that’s because YOU’RE serving an Amazing God.
Now, I’m saying thank-you to YOU.
I love to “see” how the Lord speaks to your heart, it is truly beautiful.
I’m believing with you.
by SueOnce again dear sister, You Amaze me!!!!
I believe in Him, and I believe in YOU!
Oh and “it picked the wrong family!” LOL
Love you girl!
by CatI can certainly say one thing– this tumor doesn’t know who it’s up against!
Your attitude inspires me.
by KatiebodHeather, continuing to lift you and your family up in prayer.
by ChristiAmen, Heather! AMEN!!!! Your spirit is practially tangible this morning. I can literally FEEL your determination to fight boldly and also to cling tightly to Jesus. You go, girl!
by ToniBlessings,
~Toni~
Praying for you from Kansas! God is always victorious!!!
by DevonAMEN! AMEN!
by Rebecca*teary*
Beautifully and powerfully written, sister.
by MeganWow! You continue to amaze me. Now, I want to read Lance’s book! Your faith is unbreakable!! Keep strong!
by TirzahThat is so right. The enemy doesn’t know who he’s messing with. Your God will supply all your need. He began a good work in you and will be faithful to complete it. Anything is possible with Him, and He is the Rapid Stitcher. We believed these same things when our son was told he’d end up in an institution because of his epilepsy.
I said “well, devil, you picked the wrong family to mess with.” Our son is as normal as normal can be today- healed and seizure-free over 2 1/2 years now on no meds. He’s a normal little kindergartener. God is GOOD. Believe believe believe what HE SAYS and not what man says. I am so praying for you and your family, Heather!!
Stephanie
by Adventures In BabywearingAdventures In Babywearing
All I can say is “Amen!” God has given you such a gift of perspective, wisdom, and unyielding faith. Use it all in this fight, girl!
Love, sent again,
by ElisaElisa
Praying for you — and when I cared for my mom with a brain tumor I kept notes which are now at http://linda.walkworthy.us/ — especially look under Encouragment. It was especially helpful for us to have printed out copies of so many verses that we took with us to each hospital room - reminded us of the promises & how to pray & it let visitors & medical professionals know where our hearts were.
Be strong & courageous!
by LizDaggone right! It TOTALLY picked the wrong girl to tango with!!!You GO girl!
Standing beside you… in awe and respect, and humbled by the power of prayer and belief in a God that is mighty enough to make a mountain TREMBLE, CRUMBLE, and SCRAMBLE!
by GiBeeHeather…I haven’t been reading you very long, but I am already inspired. I’m behind you as is the entire blogging community. Your words about God being sovereign and your faith in the midst of this is such an inspiration. God brings us to the lowest point so all we can do is rely on him. You are such an inspiration.
by DanaPraying for you as you travel to the wonderful state of Minnesota and the homey town of Rochester. Try to enjoy your stay. Canadian Honker has a great menu. They’re right across the street from Mayo-ville. Berean Community Church is a great place to visit if you or your husband would like to join us consider this your official invite! :)
by TaraAmen! I came via Adventures in Babywearing… we’ll be praying!
by busybusymommaI am so blessed to have come to “know” you through your blog. You are an inspiration to me on so many levels. You amaze me, really. I’m praying for you often each day. Your family is SO blessed to have such a wise, cariing wife/mother. And I know they bless you as well. Even in this, it is so evident they are being raised in love and deep conviction.
by NikkiAMEN & AMEN!
by EvannaStill praying for you and yours.
Love in Christ,
Evanna
Dear Heather,
I’ve never written but I’ve certainly been checking in and praying for you daily. God is using you in a powerful way. I’m a firm believer in the fact that He never allows any experience, positive or negative, that we go through to be wasted. He has already used your situation to touch so many lives and He’s speaking so powerfully through your faith and witness.
You have thousands of people you will never know on this side of heaven who are praying diligently for you. I’m one of them.
Blessings,
by BeckyBecky
Good stuff. Stay strong in HIM.
by DebraHeather,
I “found” you through a series of links, as is usually the story in the blogosphere. I just want you to know that I am praying for you and your family. For some reason, God has laid your oldest daughter, Easton, most heavily on my heart. So, please know that some stranger out here in cyberspace is holding her up along with you.
I can’t imagine what it must be like to know that a tumor has taken up uninvited residence in your brain. I will say that, from here on the outside, 20 years seems like a reprieve of sorts, especially since, as others have pointed out, there could be monumental advances in treatments in that time. My dear friend’s father went less than 3 months from diagnosis of brain tumor to death. I think when I first read your posts about your diagnosis, I had that in my head and was terrified on your behalf. I am glad to hear that your doctors are telling you that you will not be missing your children’s childhoods. I also understand that it’s not enough for you–you want to make it to wrinkly old lady stage, with great-grandchildren clamoring to sit on your lap, as I do.
I don’t want to sound the way some of my well-meaning friends sounded when I had my miscarriage–all the “at leasts” got really annoying and even painful. Please don’t think this is an “at least.” I just want you to know that I think this is a bit of breathing room from the Lord, and I will hopefully remember to keep on praying for you for the next 20 years, that your reprieve will extend to 60 years or more.
by MandyHeather,
by Kelly FisherI found your site and heard about the season God has you in - from Amanda (Baby Bangs). I am friends with her and her mom!
Know that I will be believing God with you for a miracle. I am the designer of the BELIEVE GOD bracelet that Lifeway sells and would love to send you one as a reminder to BELIEVE GOD for your miracle. Can you please contact me?
Your faith and determination are amazing! I feel so blessed to have been led here. You continue to be in my prayers.
by JeannineDear Heather…
I am so glad you got that Lance Armstrong book and is reading it. That was the one I was telling you in one of my previous comment…
I read that book about 3 years ago. I was in Borders, just browsing, when I noticed that book. My husband is a Cancer survivor and I like Lance so I immediately bought the book. Wow - many of the pages caused tears to flow in my eyes. What a trial…but most importantly, what courage, belief and determination!
My husband had Hodgkins Lymphoma about 25 years ago. It was malignant and fatal then. During treatment he was asked to sign a waiver…he was told that the medication they were using on him were all experimental and there’s no guarantee he will live. He signed the waiver. He wasn’t a Christian at that time but many were praying for him. 25 years later and still counting, my husband is still here alive and living an abundant life in Christ!
I know you believe. I believe. We believe!
To God be the Glory!
((((HUGS))))
by LizaHeather,
Amen! As I spent time in prayer for you and Keli this morning I called forth the tumor to dry up at the root, just as Jesus cursed the fig tree and it died, we curse this tumor and command that it die and bear no fruit in your body. I also called forth perfect functioning of organs and immune system for Keli. God is faithful to His Word and I praise God that you know of His faithfulness.
Psalm 103:1-5 states:
“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His Holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget none of His benefits; who pardons all your iniquities, who heals ALL your diseases (including tumors, immune system and functioning of organs and every infirmity) who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with loving-kindness and compassion; who satisfies your YEARS with GOOD things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle.”
Praise God for His Word. I love you my sister in Christ. Be healed in Jesus Name!
Tracy Hurst
by Tracy HurstYour lifes trials are being used for God’s glory. I honor your faith in our Lord and your boldness to keep fighting. I will be praying for you and your family.
by GingerA new blogger,
Ginger
If I was not at work, I would have been standing and clapping while reading this! You go girl! You tell that tumor Who is Boss! God is!!!!!
by Amy TOh Heather, how we can all learn from your words and scripture you quoted. I truly believe this tumor did pick the wrong girl. I love your kicking and screaming attitude, it is awesome.
This is my favoirte verse from the Bilbe, one I repeat to myself many times during the week and sometimes daily or minute by minute.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Hang in there, you are doing an awesome job dealing with this challenge in your life.
Blessings,
by julieJulie
Heather!
by KarlaAs you know, I’ve been away from blogging for a while now - missed it terribly, I have; but the busyness of life, despise it as I do, just crept in on me.
I got a couple of messages from folks who read your blog and followed the link over to my place.
You are definitely in my prayers!!!
I’m at work at the moment, so I don’t have a chance to catch up on your site until later, but I will…
And know that I (along with tons of other folks who love you and your family) are praying and *standing with you*!!!
Take THAT, you vile tumor, you! Picked the wrong girl, indeed… and you’ve got the right God to prove it. That tumor is TOAST, I tell you!
by ShaleeI found your blog through my sister in-law after she started one for my sweet baby niece Halle Grace - born at 23 weeks.
by MegShe is a true, living testament, as is your daughter of the miracles of God. How precious it must be to look into your daughters eyes each day and know that she is a gift, wonderfully formed by God and given to you to give you a glimpse of the hope and future that God holds for you and your family. Keep putting on that armor of the Lord Heather…everyday…even when it’s hard…your brothers and sisters in Christ will help you arm yourself against the fear and doubt that will come. You are a present day Job - and God will uphold you by His righteous right hand - Job 1:8
Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” There is no one like you Heather, you are blameless and upright. Keep on livin’ in the word.
Oh, Heather…**tears**…just…
You Rock, gal, because Jesus IS Your Rock!! Keep standin’ firm on Him…and He will lift you UP!!
by Deena @ Wholly DevotedWhat Cancer (and Tumors) Cannot Do
Cancer (and tumors) are so limited …
They cannot cripple love,
They cannot shatter hope,
They cannot corrode faith,
They cannot eat away at peace,
They cannot destroy confidence,
They cannot kill friendship,
They cannot shut out memories,
They cannot invade the soul,
They cannot reduce eternal life,
They cannot quench the spirit,
They cannot lessen the power
of the resurrection.
Anonymous
AND THEY CAN’T TAKE THE LIGHT OUT OF OUR HEATHER!!! JESUS SHINES IN THIS GIRL, TUMOR…SO BE WARNED!!!
by Deena @ Wholly DevotedYour faith glorifies your Saviour. Still praying…much love.
by Sarah“YOU GO GIRL!”
GOD BLESS YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU! It is so moving to read what you write, to know that you are standing in the face of adversities the likes of which I have never imagined and ‘hear’ the conviction and faith dripping off every single word. I don’t doubt that you have your moments, but I praise GOD for all the ways that He is providing for you, physically and emotionally and spritually. I pray that GOD would rain down blessing upon you and your family, today especially in the form of financial support and prayers, but also for each day that you travel on this journey that he would bless you in many unexpected ways with your spiritual growth and your physical health and traveling and in every sort of thing.
by proverbs31Cling to what is good and right and true. Cling to God and His word; He will lead you through this “valley of the shadow of death” and He will comfort you with his supernatural peace and joy. God bless you.
Most of us think about a mountain being shaken and falling into the sea. But I think about Moses going up to the mountain to meet with God and the voice of the Lord causing the mountain to shake, Moses to glow and the people to run in fear. For you”Joyful Spirit” as you meet with God on the mountains and the gound beneath you begins to quake, my prayer is that the Cancer will flee from God’s presence just as the people did! You GLOW GIRL!
by bubbebobbieBecause of Jesus, Bobbie
Heather, I just found your blog and what a blessing you are!
What a privlege to read your thoughts and about your confidence and faith in our Lord! You are glorifying Him in your words and attitude–I’m sure He couldn’t be more pleased with you.
I will be standing with you in prayer dear sister.
by CherylIt’s almost like the tumour becomes a life on its own, isn’t it? My sister and I named mine “Patty Addy” (short for pituitary adenoma). Now when we talk about “Patty”, we both know “who” we’re discussing without bringing it out in the open… you find ways to cope, that’s for sure. Not that I have gone through ANYTHING like you are….but it’s funny how people often have the same reactions to things….:-)
by Janet T.STILL praying for you daily, He is ALWAYS with you, holding you up.
Heather, you inspire me with your strength, your determination, your faith. God bless you and continue to keep you strong. You remain in my prayers.
by BeckyHeather,
I just started reading your blog last week as a result of Dawn Z’s post on prayingthemhome. Just wanted you to know that I am praying for you my sister and that God is using you mightily to minister to many, myself included!
2 Corinthians 4:8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you…16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
by NatalieEach day I have started to write this message and each day I stumble with the words and with my own feelings. You see, 14 years ago, while I was working at Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale AZ, I suffered a miscarriage and went for a D&C. I remember a sort of dreamlike expereince in the recovery room, where I could hear voices saying things to me, but couldn’t respond. I woke up 2 days later in the hospital. I had experienced status epilepticus, a series of seizures that nearly took my life. In the work-up to find the source of the seizures, they discoverd I had a brain tumor. Inoperable is what they told me. I was fortunate because the seizures were easily controlled by medication. Here it is now, 14 years later, and the tumor has grown very little. The doctors think it has been there most of my life and is just ‘part’ of me. It may begin to grow at any time. There are no answers. That period of my life was very dark, very scary. I look back on it now and wonder so many things. My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain, I can sense your strength. You amaze me!
by WendySo glad to hear the dizziness is better. That’s SOMETHING, right?
I just thought I’d let you know that no, Lance is not a Christian, although his ex-wife Kristin is quite a strong one! In fact, I believe that was one reason they split to tell you the truth. HOWEVER, there are many, many of us who are still praying that he will one day recognize the true source of his healing and proclaim it far and wide!!! As I am praying you will be doing soon as well! I started to ask when you first announced your tumor if it was the same as Lance’s…weird, huh?
I have not read his book, but have bought it for others. It sounds like maybe I should read it. It sounds like it’s pretty good!
Hope you are feeling better and better!
by MelodyHeather and family.
Asking for Gods peace on you thru this time. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Reas in this.
God speed,
by Alph & Kathrynheather,
just wanted you to know that i have been thinking about you for a few days now. i heard about you through BooMama’s blog and many others too. I think the main thing God is speaking to so many of us about is: the power of prayer. HE is calling us to intercede for you. we don’t know one another, but i’m a m—ary in india and i’m praying for you. your story has traveled 1,000’s of miles.
by lindseyyou AMAZE me & your Love and Faith for God encourages me.
God is so good
by groovyoldladyGod is so good
God is so good
He’s so good to me!
You know what? I think that God is already confirming to you that this thang indeed picked the wrong girl! I think this whole thing is about ONE thing, dear Heather, and that’s HIS GLORY. I think very soon, it will be gone. And we will be whooping and hollering over it! I wrote in my blog a while back about why God sometimes takes time with things and I compared it to the vultures circling to call attention to what they found. I think God is waiting to let people hear your story AND then HIS GLORY will be seen in you and your sweet family.
by Holly SmithBlessings on you and prayer, too! May it be So, Lord!
Holly
I don’t believe it picked the wrong girl. I believe God ALLOWED it in your life PRECISELY BECAUSE you are so sold out on HIM. He is allowing YOU to be the TOOL to show the WORLD HIS GLORY. What an honor. He knew that YOU could handle it. He knows that YOUR HEART IS IN THE RIGHT PLACE. He will not give us more than we can handle. He made you strong and He has faith that you will lean on Him and show the world what REAL STRENGTH is.
by SprittibeeMay God bless you and your family more than he has already. I will pray for you and with you…sending lots of love my way from our family to yours.
by KimGod Bless and Amen
[…] can read about here. If you aren’t familiar with her story, you can read about it here and here. Her complete dependence on the Lord is her greatest strength, and I am amazed and inspired by her […]
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