Okay, so here it goes.
I met with the Neuro-Oncologist this afternoon. He was very kind and very sympathetic yet awkwardly optimistic. All of my other doctors have been nothing like that. What laura shared regarding this appointment was very accurate, and there isnt much I can add to it. I will skip to the Neurosurgery appointment and try to share as much as I can, but if I miss something I will have to come back and add it later. Right now, I am in information overload, I am going to list things instead of blogging them- that seems easier than trying to carry on a conversation. These are the notes he wrote for me, during the consultation (which was wonderful, I only had to sit and listen- he wrote the important stuff out for me).
-The surgery will last 4 hours. He will not shave my head, he will shave a strip of my hair on the left front side above my eye. I will be in ICU for atleast 24 hours, and then will be in the hospital for another 3-5 depending on recovery.
- The benefits of having surgery:
a- Diagnosis. There will be no brain biopsy, he will go in and take a “snapshot” piece and have it run to the pathology department for diagnosis- once the diagnosis is made he will remove it. The only reason surgery would stop at this point would be because the pathology came back non tumor (infection), but this is very unlikely.
b- Removal of visible tumor via MRI (this will be an intraoperative MRI)
c- Maximize my life expectancy
He said that without surgery or radiation, I was looking at 5-7 years life expectancy. With radiation alone possibly 15. With surgery, my odds of a longer life are greater- but there is no “guarantee”.
Risks:
He told me to expect to have right side motor paralysis for some time after surgery (could be hours, days, weeks or months)
Permanent disability [5-7%] (stuttering, unable to speak fluently (searcing for words) right hand difficulties-) It should not effect my legs or my neurological status.
Induction of seizures [2-3%]
Major stroke or Death [1-2%]
Infection [1-2%]
He said that there really wasnt any other option if I wanted to have quality of life, he said that the tumor is quite large and has been there for atleast 10 years (BIG difference from the other guys who said 2-5) He said that it is slow growing, but WILL come back, there is no cure for this, it is terminal and I will at some point have another tumor either in the same location or some where else in my brain. He said that when it comes back, to hope that it is no where near my motor strip and that it is on the right side of my brain.
He was prepared to do the surgery tomorrow- I wanted to get my family here, and make sure my kids were taken care of first. So we scheduled for next Thursday. I wanted to let you know that your donations have been such a huge blessing to us in this time. I have no idea how we would have arranged flights and hotel rooms for my family and marks family if it weren’t for you (thank you sooo much Jeff and Cathy for your frequent flyer miles!) The burden that your donations have releived is unexplainable. My mother in law will be flying to our home on Sunday evening, and will stay with my older kids. My parents and Emma Grace will be flying here on Tuesday (they are bringing Emma because medically, they are equipped to assess her) We just got their hotel room in the same hotel we are staying at, which is a huge blessing.
How am I? I am a bit overwhelmed, but glad to have a game plan. I am not excited about someone cutting my head open and touching my brain, but I am confident that these doctors are the absolute best and will take very good care of me. I am confident that I have been provided for this far- Christ isn’t going to take his hand off me now!
I wish that I could tell you that I was the pillar of strength after the appointments today, but I was not, and that is okay. I think today everything has come to a head, and the magnitude of the situation is weighing in me. I have cried more today than I have in the last week, but at the same time- some of those tears are tears of relief.
I am not sure why this has happend to our family- I am not sure what God’s plan is in this- But I am confident that He has one. I am not of the mindset that this is yet another horrible awful thing that my family has to endure- I, instead, look at all the blessings that have come from it- and the fact that I have hope.
I am owed nothing, yet i have options. How awesome is that.
I wanted to share with you what happened when we first got to the Gonda Building (where my appointment was). There was a lady playing the piano and another woman singing. Mark and I walked over there (We were early for our appointment) to listen to them sing. As soon as we got there, the lady started singing “Great is thy faithfulness” and I started to weep silently.
He is faithful, always. Even in the midst of this crisis in our little family – He is faithful.
I then went to the gift shop to kill some time and sitting on the counter there was silver jewelry. The necklace had a pendant in it with a tiny little mustard seed. Next to it was a bracelet that had the following verse on it:
“Call on me and I will answer you and tell you of great and unsearchable things of which you do not know” – Jeremiah 33:3
I purchased both and wore them with confidence into my appointments. When I felt weak, I would rub the pendant on the necklace- when I looked down while I cried, I saw the inscription on my bracelet.
He is good, and He has never left me. He never let me go.
Matthew 17:20 “For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.”
He is moving my mountain – He is giving me my miracle through surgery. His ways are not my ways, I would rather it just be gone (and it still can happen, I fully believe that) but I praise him for the options and for the hope.
Today is a good day. Even through the fear and the tears, it is a good day.
I love you guys. If you need anything, I’m here- always and anytime.
It is wonderful to hear how God kept giving you glimpses of His presence. Hang onto that. The song, the jewelry, the verse. Not accidents. Of course.
Praying and grateful you have a plan.
Sending prayers and hugs. I loved being able to see how you saw God throughout the day. You have your focus in check for sure, sweetie.
Lots of love, Michelle
Heather,
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. How wonderful to see God’s hand working in you and through you!
My daughter has started praying regularly for your daughter, Emma.
Blessings
Karen
How do I comment my tears??? I just don’t know what to say except for “I love you” and will continue to pray. Praise God for the financial blessing you were provided. I’m not really angyy at God, just confused and in a state of “why?”.
WE LOVE YOU SIS! and we are always here for you guys. I wish There was more we could do, but please know you are always in our thoughts and prayers. I have faith you will be healed!!
Thank you for posting your journey of faith through this day. God and our Savior are everywhere, if we are looking for them. I’ve put you on my prayer list and know you will be blessed with what you need.
Oh, wow! I’m crying with you right now, literally. I just agree with you that this is God’s healing and his best for you. I will be praying for peace and strength until Thursday!
The only thing I disagree with is that this is going to grow back! Nahum 1:9 “…he will bring to an end; trouble will not come a second time.”
Be encouraged! Your family is on the way and prayers are being sent up! God is fighting for you! (((HUGS))) I’m always praying!
amen.
He is Awesome.
I am so releived for you that there are options. I am so glad for you that you don’t have to worry financially about this. i know this is one of the hardest things to endure. i can only imagine how hard this day was for you.
praying for all of you still, i probably think about you at least twenty times a day even though i’ve never met you.
thank God for your ear infection, thank God that you could go to mayo so quickly, thank God they said they can operate. He’s showered you with so much hope and i beleive he’ll continue you to do so in the weeks and years to come.
rest good tonight, both of you.
xx
I remember an evangelist saying that God’s telephone number is Jer 333 for that same verse. I am praying for you daily as well. I am glad that you are in good hands up there.
I just started reading your blog last Friday, and yet I feel like I know you. You are such an inspiration, Heather. I cry reading every, single post of yours. And I pray — I pray like crazy for you.
Sending you warm hugs and thoughts.
Dear Heather,
I have been praying and fasting all day. My thoughts are with you . You are right he never has left you and has a plan. Thank you for updating us. Praying for you all.
Laura,
Thanks for the updates.
Hugs ,
Angel
Heather, May God continue to bless you and your family. I pray He will continue to bring you through this storm!
Beth J.
Dear Heather,
Oh, I am crying for you and what you and your family have to go through. My prayers are still with you and I just don’t know what else to say except that you are in God’s hands and He’ll be with you even during surgery. It’s strange, I’ve never met you but I feel like I know you and would love to just give you and your family the biggest hug (: God bless!
Molly (:
Heather,
God has sent several songs in my direction today just to remind me to pray for you. BTW, I love the Mark Schulz song 40 Days -it has encouraged me through a few difficult times. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I (and my fellow Sisterchickies) are keeping you and your family close in prayer!
Stacy (in Arizona)
Oh, Heather… so much, SO much. It is truly an amazing thing to see the strength the Lord is giving you through everything. Even when you aren’t feeling like “the pillar of strength”, it is unbelievably evident that His strength is made perfect in your humanly weakness. I’ve been gone, dealing with family medical emergencies, for a while, but getting caught up here has only shown me more of God’s greatness. All that I’ve seen out of this since the day you received the news has been His glory… in the hard days, the tears, the hope, the reality, all of it. Today we suffered a death in our family, and when I sat here, taking a break from it all, the Lord knew I needed to see His glory so fully revealed in you. Praying fervently, throughout each day…
((hugs))
I have not stopped crying today, nor stopped praying. We are all here with you Heather, and we love you very much, babygirl.
xoxo
Karen
Heather — Can you give us the name of the team for Thursday so we can pray specific for their wisdom? God bless you all!!
Sallie
Words escape me at this time, but I am praying for you!!! And will continue to pray every day.
Heather,
I am so glad the doctor could give you a plan. I am also glad that he is hopeful that the surgery will increase your chances for a long and healthy life, and that the doctor is predicting small percentages for adverse outcomes. In spite of the magnitude of surgery, what a great outcome for you!
Hallelujah! May His Name be continually praised!
I guess all I can say is that all of our tears are intermingling together now. Be blessed. You and family are in my prayers.
Finding those articles in the gift shop! How awesome a confirmation that He has gone before you and will be there all the way – guiding the doctor’s decisions and their hands as they care for you!
You are so amazing in your faith and your strength! Even though you have weak moments, you remain strong in what’s important! I continue to lift you in prayer before God and know that His Hands will carry you through the tough times!
Heather, I’m so glad you are having surgery. The initial reports you’d had just didn’t sound right, I am so glad you came to the Mayo clinic. I’ll be praying for everything to go smoothly. Our God is an AWESOME God.
Heather,
Thank you so much for taking the time to type all of this out. I am so, so glad that you are going to have the surgery, and I am so glad that it is all able to happen so soon. God is so good. You have my daily prayers. I love you!!!
I’m in tears too – your faith is so unyielding, your love so abiding. You are a hero, and we are praying!
Glad you have a game plan. I will pray for safe travels for your family and peace with you all. I pray that you not dwell on the upcoming events but find pleasure in spending time with your loved ones. I work at a small school for troubled kids only 7 adults work there and I have shared your story with most all of them and we will all lift you up in our prayers. May you have the peace of the Lord to guide you and feel the support of everyone around the world praying for you. We love you!!
*sigh*
God is so amazing. He has carried you all through this day with the small details that you needed.
Left you a voicemail- I’m hoping you are resting, enjoying Mark’s comany or something equally needed
love you
me
As I prayed for you this morning, asking God to bless you with good news and peace, I knew in my heart that He would deliver. On time. En masse. After reading today’s post, I know He has you firmly in His strong and loving hands.
I continue to pray for you, and know that God has miracles beyond comprehension awaiting you.
I know you said you were not the pillar of strength today…I strongly disagree, Heather. I think you are the picture of the pillar of human strength and faith. And God’s perfection.
Hugs…
Once again your unshakable faith has moved me to tears. You are in our daily prayers.
Heather,
You and your family are in my prayers everyday.
A quote I have hanging on my refridgerator:
“Trials are not enemies of faith but are opportunities to prove God’s faithfulness”
Hope that sharing this brings you some comfort.
Keep up the great attitude, Heather. God is in control and is watching over you and loving you.
Praying for you still,
Janet
Be still precious Heather, I’am at your side:
With patience I will bear your grief and fear.
Leave it to me to order your day’s that I provide
In all your fear I will remain
Be still and know my soul:
Your father will undertake
To guide your future and your minutes, and give you peaceful rest.
Your hope and confidence let nothing shake;
All your day’s are secure in me
Be still your soul, even the waves and winds know
My voice that rules them, can soothe your soul.
My prayers are with you. I put a ribbon on my computer and everytime I log on, I pause and pray for you and Mark. Which I maight add is alot…
I love you.
Heather. I saw this on another blog. It’s from a sweet card and I wanted to share the wonderful words of encouragement. The following was written by Andrew Murray. I know you will find some wisdom in it too.
“In Times of Crisis I Will Remember:
First, God brought me here; it is by His will I am in this difficult place……in that I will rest.
Second, God will keep me here in His love, and give me grace in this trial to behave as His child.
Third, God will make this trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow.
Fourth, in God’s good time He can bring me out again……how and when He knows.
So……I am here by God’s appointment, in His keeping, under His training, for His time.”
I will continue to pray for you, your family and friends.
Heather,
Doctors told us Merritt would only live two years. She is 5 1/2 and has never been hospitalized or even sick. God has the plan. He is the keeper of HOPE. God put Merritt’s diet on my heart and I know without a doubt that her holistic diet has helped her. There are so many options. Keep your HOPE strong. Blessings.
Kathy
Please stay strong, keep the positive thinking for as long as you can, and never give up. You and your family are part of our prayers.
Keep that necklace and bracelet handy, they are so gifts from God! Awesome!!! Love and hugs and prayers and hugs and hugs and prayers!!! Cosby’s
Yes…Great is your faithfulness.
God is so good, even when things are hard. You are a testimony to his goodness. May God guide you and your family as you make decisions.
Praying!
Sandy
Praying God will continue to give you comfort and strength. Can you share what time the surgery will be on Thursday as I would like to pray specifically during that time?
God bless you!
Your unknown sister in Christ,
Julie in Texas
Great is His Faithfulness INDEED!!!
blessings,
karla
I am still praying for you and thinking of you so often. Thank you for keeping us updated. I’m so glad it is operable, after all, and will continue to pray for God’s faithfulness through all of this.
Oh my goodness – I will pray for you, your family, and your doctors and nurses. Through this think of how many lives are being touched and how many people are being prayed for…just think maybe a nurse or doctor that you will be in contact with will be lifted up in prayer – maybe for the first time or the thousandth time, but prayed for they will be. So many are charting your progress and praying for you! You are so loved and cared for. Thank you again and again for letting us in on your journey! God is SO being glorified through you and this blog! Praise God! Sunshine
Thanks for updating as it helps us to know exactly how to pray for you! I thought about you today and just prayed for God’s peace to remain with you! How scared you must be, but it is awesome to see you trusting Him and leaning on Him for wisdom and guidance and strength! You are truly and inspiration to me!
God Bless You and your family!
Praise the Lord for the many answers you’ve received today for doctors and from Him. It is a honor to pray for you and your family…
YOU are a shield around Heather, O LORD;
YOU bestow glory on her and lift up her head.
To the LORD she cries aloud,
and HE answers her from His holy hill.
Psalm 3:3-4
My whole family is praying for you. My husband reads only two blogs – mine is one of them – but he has started reading yours for updates and praying also. We will continue to do so and trust in God’s faithfulness for you and your family.
Lifting you up in prayer. Praising him for his mercifulness.
Heather,
I found your blog about a week ago through a friend and I am so impressed and inspired by your words. Your are so totally courageous and your faith is such an awesome example to others.
Reading about all of your current struggles is so familiar to me. It was just one year ago that I was facing not just a cancer diagnosis, but also the fact that the cancer had robbed me of my ability to have biological children. This was very hard for my husband and I, since I was only 26 and we were ready to start a family. My last chemo treatment was in October and in November I received the news that I am cancer-free!
I know that your diagnosis is alot to process right now and that nobody can fully understand what you are going through. But please know that you are in my prayers and I know that God will see you through this.
Love&blessings,
Heather Marks
still praying…