In the blink of an eye…

I woke up this morning and that pit, the one I told you guys about so many times in the past, wasn’t there. Now that is not to say that it wont come back, but this morning, I had to remind myself of its presence instead of it doing that for me.

Situations like this really change a person- they change your perspective. Things that I once thought were so important to me, I am realizing really aren’t anymore. Being told that you could die has a way of knocking you on your back while at the same time forcing you to get up and start living. Really living.

I wrote a long post about a week ago that I never put up, called “Protect my Perspective”. Satan was having a field day with my fears and insecurities. He had wiggled and manipulated his way into the core of my heart- and I was struggling with my Perspective. I was struggling with who I knew myself to be, in Christ.

Yesterday I realized how insignificant those fears were- how insignificant my insecurities have been, because at the end of the day- even if no one else knows my heart or knows my intentions- Christ does. I have been given the full power to rest in my security in Him, yet for about 3 days- I didn’t. I listened to those voices around me, I stressed over insignificant things. I worried over opinions that I cant change, even if I wanted to. I let Satan in.

Then I read your comments about how “amazing” and “strong” and “inspirational” I am, and I smile, because in reality I am no different than you. Its great to hear those things, I won’t deny that- but the truth is I had a horrible horrible thing placed in front of me, for the second time in my 32 years, and I had to face it. I, just like with Emma Grace, didn’t have any other option but to walk through this. The amazing, strong and inspirational part of my story is due to Christ alone. He alone carried me through this with Grace, and continues to do so. If I had to walk through this without Him, there would be so much anger and hate in my posts- because my heart without Him is nothing short of disgusting.

Anger, bitterness, and hatred are Satan’s tools. They steal the hope that has been given to us at such a huge price. There are people that I haven’t been able to pray for in years, yet I find myself praying for them now- even in the midst of this, Christ alone gives me that strength. He reminds me that His love is not just for those I deem worthy, because I am so unworthy myself. His love is far reaching, it is all compassing, and in all honesty it is completely undeserved by any of us.

I guess what I am trying to say, and failing at miserably at is this. Let it go. Embrace Christ’s promise to never leave or forsake you and remember that He, in His darkest hour, asked that God take the cup from his hand. But God didn’t. And Christ continued to walk the path that he knew would lead to his death. Some relationships will never heal. Some hurts will never subside. Yet Christ’s love is sufficient to mend what we cant. He will not leave you, especially in your darkest hour.

Don’t let Satan in. That is one of the many things I have learned in the last 7 days. Whenever I feel that pull of anger towards someone, I pray for them. Whenever my heart feels bitter about something, I lay it at His feet.

Because, hear me very clearly, life can change in the blink of an eye. In the end, our entitlement means nothing. Our anger means nothing. Our bitterness means nothing.

Our testimony is all we will leave behind.

Prayers for today:
We meet with our anesthesiologist this morning, I am not a very fun patient coming out of surgery :)

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Comments

  1. Your posts makes me want to shout praises to God! Amen and amen! This is a very inspiring and awesome testimony. I am and will continue to pray as will many others!

  2. Dear sweet Heather, I know you say you’re just like all of us, but you are still amazing and inspiring. We know that it is because of Jesus and your love for Him, but that doesn’t make you any less in your testimony.
    I read an article today by Anne Graham Lotz about the trials that come in our lives. She said we can either be a turkey, hiding under the henhouse when the storms come and acting like the sky is falling. Or we can be an eagle, leaving the safety of our next and riding the currents, knowing they will take us higher and closer to heaven than ever before.
    You may have been pushed out of your nest by this diagnosis, but 99% of the time, you choose to be an eagle.
    I don’t know about you, but when I see an eagle soaring in the sky, that causes me to look up. And that is what you do for me, dear internet friend—your faith causes me to look up, and your honesty about your struggles causes me to get on my knees.

    How can I not thank you and call you inspiring for that??

  3. Sorry about the misspellings…and I only said 99% of the time, ’cause I know you’re not perfect…only Jesus is:-)

  4. Hi Sweetie!!

    God’s strength will carry you through this time! He is bigger than anything that comes against you… this you know! Yes, Jesus did call out… and yes… He was to carry it through. Yet, in the end we are forever changed… Thank You Jesus!! Your journey will have a testimony of its own. The days and hours matter not in the big picture of things as everything is but a fleeting moment in time. It is our walk with the Lord that is what matters. You my friend are walking with God right at this very moment.He will be ever present with you always!

    Wishing you a beautifully blessed weekend…

    **Lots of Hugs**

    Deborah

  5. My prayers, (in part) for you have been answered. I have prayed that the FEARY ball residing in the pit of your little stomach would turn into a warm cozy trust. Now I am praying for you to have no side effects, because I need to read your blog. : )

  6. He raised you up…so you could climb on mountains…He raised you up to walk the stormy sea…and you are STRONG when you get on His Shoulders…He raised you up to more than you could be!

    Praying over you, sweet Heather, especially Heather, LORD…bless her!
    In His Joy,
    Holly

  7. You know Heather, I read a post your husband wrote a little while back. He encouraged us even just to call out to Christ – just his name. Jesus. I am reminded of that daily. When I feel like I have no time, am overwhelmed and a bit scattered. Jesus. It is a beatiful name. I am blessed by your blog. I’m blessed by the fact that you are opening up the most private details of your lives.

    I truely hope that you are blessed today. Trusting in His love, His Grace, and by His name – Jesus.

    Thoughts and prayers with you daily.

    Ruth

  8. You are the epitome of God turning even the darkest situation into something brilliant. Your posts, all of them lately – even the good ones, move me to tears…move me to pray…move me to worship, and praise, and sing, and think, and thank God for every bit of living.

    You are continually in my prayers. All of you. I am glad that the pit, for now, is gone. I pray it will not return and you can push forth into the recovery phase without a hitch!

    Hugs!

  9. This right here: “Let it go. Embrace Christ’s promise to never leave or forsake you and remember that He, in His darkest hour, asked that God take the cup from his hand. But God didn’t. And Christ continued to walk the path that he knew would lead to his death. Some relationships will never heal. Some hurts will never subside. Yet Christ’s love is sufficient to mend what we cant.”

    I needed to hear that today. Thank you.

    As always, you’re in my prayers…

  10. Thanks for reminding us to “redeem the time for the days are evil.”

  11. u are so right…its exactly what i needed to hear…ty…i pray healing for you inside and out….blessings

  12. Heather, I agree with you 100% – without Christ what kind of life would this be on earth? The strength that he gives us, His children, is so amazing and so comforting! I’m so glad God is with me – no matter what I have to go through in this life. I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that He will carry you through this – and it will all be to His glory! You are an amazing woman and probably one of the greatest reasons you are is because you carry God with you and it’s evident to everyone you come in contact with in your day to day life! I just have to, again, say thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us and for allowing us to pray for you and your family!

  13. Very well said. I love this. And it does sound calm–peaceful. You’re right, you have no choice but to walk through it, but still you are doing it.

    I’m not very fun after anesthesia either! In fact, as I was being wheeled into the OR for a very emergency C-section, and they were saying that they were going to put me under general, because it was quickest, I was telling the doctor that it takes me a while to come out, and it really affects me. “I mean, I know that you know what you’re doing, but I thought I’d just tell you that.” Ha ha. I actually came out of that one pretty easily.

  14. Well said :)

  15. Praying…continually.

  16. hi heather: “i just thank God for our problems, for if they are what bring us to our knees, to His feet, then they are all worth it.”

    i heard this in a prayer once and adopted it for my life.

    your words inspire and touch me. you are so full of hope. God bless you and your family this day :)

  17. I truly appreciate your honesty and your willingness to share your deepest thoughts whether they be about fear or faith and love. Your testimony is such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing it all. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  18. VERY well said! God’s Grace is upon you-speaking through your words, reaching out to so many!

    (I sent you an email last week about a Christian family I know in Rochester. I hadn’t heard back and thought maybe it had gotten lost. Just reply to this comment if you’d like their info. Even if you just want the name of some churches in the area that are rooted in the Bible…they would be happy to help with anything.)

  19. I am praying for you all the way- and your family! You can do this- we can do this- God can do this… all of us together…
    God bless you!

  20. It is so true when you say that your whole life can change in the blink of an eye. I continue to pray for you and for your family. God bless you all.

  21. We are still continuing to pray for you and your family.

  22. God is really working through you (through this horrible situation) to reach all of us here in internetland. You will probably never know how many people you are affecting by sharing your story ~ as difficult as it is. So thank you for your posts and God bless you. Prayers continue from Iowa :)

  23. You are teaching us through this. None of us is “GREAT”. We just have a GREAT GOD working in our lives. Being WILLING to let Him have His way with us and to do His will is what allows us to appear Great. It is His glory visible in our lives. Just wanted you to know I’m still praying. You have been on my mind all week. It seems so much longer than seven days…

  24. Thanks Heather, being in the ministry and today my family being attacked by someone in the church, I needed to read what you said. It is amazing how God takes care if we turn it over to Him. And that I shouldn’t let the devil in. I so needed those words of encouragement. Bless you!!

  25. Glad to hear you are optimistic and haven’t missed a beat! You are a blessing in your strength. I LOVE you!!!

  26. You’ve learned the right things from all this. I think when we all told you we admired your strength, we really knew the REAL source. :) Greater is He that is in you, than that which is in your brain!

    Blessings & Prayers!

  27. Love you girlie… Thanks for reminding me not to let Satan in…

  28. Heather, what an important reminder for us all… thank you!

    I have finally gotten an Internet connection here in Italy, so I’m just now getting to check in here at your blog, but Janice has been keeping me updated over the phone.

    I still am in such shock that all this is happening!!! But I’m praying of course!!!

    I’m going to go and read some of your previous posts that I had missed.

    Tons of prayers!!!!

  29. Dear Heather,
    Praying hard here for you. We all need to embrace eternal perspective. Thanks for reminding us not to worry about or fuss over the small stuff and not to let anger & bitterness rob us of our joy. Your testimony is such a wonderful blessing, indeed! Rest in His amazing grace and unmatched mercy!

  30. Thank you for writing this. This is exactly what I needed to hear.

    You are such an inspiration. The way you let Jesus shine through you is amazing. When I read your writing I feel like He is speaking through you, and I know that His will is being carried out.

    I pray for you many times each day. God bless you.

  31. WOO HOO! AMEN!!! That was AWESOME!!! Thanks for the inspiration! It drives me crazy when I hold on to anger and bitterness. What a waste of my life and what an insult to all God has done for me. THANK YOU for the lesson!

  32. Heather,

    I’ve been a lurker for quite some time without posting. I had a dream in 2002 of a baby. ((I have infertility issues due to PCOS)) Anyways, in that dream the baby’s name was EmmaGrace. This past year I came accross your blog and have been a lurker eversince. I am humbled by Emmas story, the Strength God has given you and your husband. The love of your children and now during your medical situation I have had a burden to pray for you in many ways. So, I’ve been praying.

    I have no words to say, other than I’m praying as much as I can. God asks us to bare one anothers burdens and I am praying with strength and diligence for a miracle of some sort.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers sweet sister!

    Rebekah

  33. Prayers, Love and Hugs

  34. Heather (and Heather’s family and friends)
    While blog hopping, I “met” this little girl who is in a similar situations you (Heather). Iknow you’d love to pray for her. Please head over to their blog and express support and encouragement. Thanks. Here’s the address:

    http://www.smilesforsophie.com/

    P.S. I’m still wearing my yellow band and now I’m not only praying for Heather, but praying for Sophie as well.

  35. A good reminder for all of us! Thank you for sharing your journey and giving us the privilege of knowing how we can pray for you.

  36. Just wanted to say we are still praying…
    Glad to hear the game plan and rest assured you and your family will be lifted up.

  37. Heather,
    I’m new to the blog word but I have seen the outpouring of love and prayer for you.. so of course I have been praying…

    I can’t say I know what you are going through but I have just stood by one of my dear friends that has and is going through this. So from one perspective I understand the ups and downs. But no one can really understand but the one going through it…

    What what an awesome ministry to have so many that love you and are praying.

  38. Just checking in and finding such inspiration from your posts–pretty amazing. God is good all the time!
    Praying for you!

  39. Iknow your pain about loosing a child. Your faith in God is remarkable. As the years go by it seems as though i fall further from Christ.

    My heart to your family,
    Cindy