In the blink of an eye…

I woke up this morning and that pit, the one I told you guys about so many times in the past, wasn’t there. Now that is not to say that it wont come back, but this morning, I had to remind myself of its presence instead of it doing that for me.

Situations like this really change a person- they change your perspective. Things that I once thought were so important to me, I am realizing really aren’t anymore. Being told that you could die has a way of knocking you on your back while at the same time forcing you to get up and start living. Really living.

I wrote a long post about a week ago that I never put up, called “Protect my Perspective”. Satan was having a field day with my fears and insecurities. He had wiggled and manipulated his way into the core of my heart- and I was struggling with my Perspective. I was struggling with who I knew myself to be, in Christ.

Yesterday I realized how insignificant those fears were- how insignificant my insecurities have been, because at the end of the day- even if no one else knows my heart or knows my intentions- Christ does. I have been given the full power to rest in my security in Him, yet for about 3 days- I didn’t. I listened to those voices around me, I stressed over insignificant things. I worried over opinions that I cant change, even if I wanted to. I let Satan in.

Then I read your comments about how “amazing” and “strong” and “inspirational” I am, and I smile, because in reality I am no different than you. Its great to hear those things, I won’t deny that- but the truth is I had a horrible horrible thing placed in front of me, for the second time in my 32 years, and I had to face it. I, just like with Emma Grace, didn’t have any other option but to walk through this. The amazing, strong and inspirational part of my story is due to Christ alone. He alone carried me through this with Grace, and continues to do so. If I had to walk through this without Him, there would be so much anger and hate in my posts- because my heart without Him is nothing short of disgusting.

Anger, bitterness, and hatred are Satan’s tools. They steal the hope that has been given to us at such a huge price. There are people that I haven’t been able to pray for in years, yet I find myself praying for them now- even in the midst of this, Christ alone gives me that strength. He reminds me that His love is not just for those I deem worthy, because I am so unworthy myself. His love is far reaching, it is all compassing, and in all honesty it is completely undeserved by any of us.

I guess what I am trying to say, and failing at miserably at is this. Let it go. Embrace Christ’s promise to never leave or forsake you and remember that He, in His darkest hour, asked that God take the cup from his hand. But God didn’t. And Christ continued to walk the path that he knew would lead to his death. Some relationships will never heal. Some hurts will never subside. Yet Christ’s love is sufficient to mend what we cant. He will not leave you, especially in your darkest hour.

Don’t let Satan in. That is one of the many things I have learned in the last 7 days. Whenever I feel that pull of anger towards someone, I pray for them. Whenever my heart feels bitter about something, I lay it at His feet.

Because, hear me very clearly, life can change in the blink of an eye. In the end, our entitlement means nothing. Our anger means nothing. Our bitterness means nothing.

Our testimony is all we will leave behind.

Prayers for today:
We meet with our anesthesiologist this morning, I am not a very fun patient coming out of surgery 🙂

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Comments

  1. Beautiful, Heather!! I’ve never commented before, but I just want to tell you I have been (and will continue to be) praying for you!
    Sherry

  2. so true.

  3. Heather,
    I have struggled with the lack of a relationship that my family has had with my husbands parents for years. I have prayed for the anger to subside and to be at peace with something that I can not change. I will tell you that the fact that they only live 15 to 20 minutes away and only choose to see my 7 year old son 2 times a year is heartbreaking. It bothers ME when I see HIM hurting, but that is something that I can not change. Being touched by your story and your family, I am truly going to try to reach out and be more like you. I know you say that you are not different than any of us, but to hear your testimony daily is so touching. I will pray for you without ceasing. We love you. My son and I say a special pray for you every night.
    Thanks for being there for me to draw off of.

  4. Praying for you. I am not fun under anestheses either, I come out swinging ;))

  5. Beautiful post! Brought tears to my eyes.

    Praying for your surgery and the anesthetics.!

  6. Is it wrong that I am benefitting from your posts?
    I am.
    Your words have moved me to be stronger…
    Thanks sweet Heather.
    ~L

  7. Whatever doesn’t kill us, surely makes us stronger! Firm believer in God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle with HIM.

  8. Amen, Heather. You’re in my prayers and on our prayer chain here in Ohio.

  9. Sunshine says:

    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Talk about letting God speak through you – WOW – this knocks me face down to confess, repent, and praise God! Thank you – Thank you – Thank you for reminding, sharing, and loving even when you are hurting. You are a blessing. Sunshine

    I am praying –

  10. thankyou. you’re teaching me so much

  11. I’m so glad to hear that you are being called to pray for others during this time as well. You are being so totally embraced by His grace at this time as you join your cross to His…that I’m sure your intercessory prayers will be powerful. Please keep all of us in your prayers, as we too are praying for you.

  12. inferiority and frustration are Satans hooks for me.

  13. Dear Heather,

    Your testimony is truly beautiful, both for what you’ve gone through with your Emma Grace and what you’re going through now. It makes my heart glad to hear you give praise to Christ for giving you your strength! God uses times like these as trials to test our faith and character and I have to say that I feel you are an amazing, beautiful, lovely woman with a TRUE testimony for Christ. Praise God He made you because you are giving encouragement to so many through your suffering. Keep your perspective!

    Regarding anethesia, I had my gallbladder out a few years back after my 3rd daughter was born. Ya, I don’t like surgery (especially not emergency surgery like this was) and when I woke up from the anesthesia, I thought I was still on the operating room table! I started screaming and crying for them to “sew me up already!” and the recovery room nurse yelled at me to quiet down, apparently I was scaring the other patients! Oops! Best wishes to you sweetie, you have such a strong group of Christians praying for you and you know God hears them all! Take care.

    Molly (:

  14. It just so happened that, while reading your post just now, on iTunes, one of my favorite praise and worship songs was playing…Rescue sung by Travis Cottrell and just as I was getting to YOUR point, Travis was singing…”this world has nothing for me…I need you Lord, come and rescue me…You’re my Everything…”.

    Perfectly Amazing…

  15. Preach it sister! Wow, what power your words have BECAUSE of the path that God has allowed you to walk in. Thank you for the encouragement…you are SO right! Live each day as “if” it were your last, cause NONE of us know when God will call us home to Himself. I was reading your post and this song came to me that really blessed me when I was struggling through some things in my life last year. I hope it will bless you too, Heather. Know that we love you and are lifting y’all up to God’s perfect throne of grace.
    The song is called “Lay It Down” and it’s by Jaci Velasquez, on her Beauty Has Grace album.

    “I’ve been looking ‘til my eyes are tired of looking
    Listening ‘til my ears are numb from listening
    Praying ‘til my knees are sore from kneeling On the bedroom floor
    I know that You know that my heart is aching I’m running out of tears and my will is breaking
    I don’t think that I can carry
    The burden of it anymore
    All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
    Are slowly slipping through my folded hands

    Chorus: So I’m gonna lay it down
    I’m gonna learn to trust You now
    What else can I do
    Everything I am depends on You
    And if the sun don’t come back up
    I know Your love will be enough
    I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
    I’m gonna lay it down

    I’ve been walking through this world like I’m barely living
    Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been digging
    But You’re pulling me out and I’m finally breathing
    In the open air
    This room may be dark but I’m finally seeing There’s a new ray of hope and now I’m believing
    That the past is the past and future’s beginning to look brighter now
    ‘Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
    Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands.”

    God bless dear one!! Love and prayers…

  16. Once Again, You AMAZE ME!

    I pray that ALL benefit from your posts sis. I know there are some that Need it! I know that I need it. You inspire me so much! I feel I am a better person for knowing you.
    I love you sis!

  17. Yes, it is Christ’s strength to carry you, but why we think you are awesome is that you allow Him to. While Christ is there for each of us, we make the decision to go on our own or lean on Him. That decision that you’ve made is what is so inspiring. Not to pat you on the back because we know it’s God’s strength and grace, but to say Good Choice! Sometimes making that choice to lean on God is harder than the choice to do it on our own.

  18. Truer words have never been spoken. Christ is carrying you through this and HE is the one giving you the strength, but you are allowing him to and you are leaning on him, that is so important. If you didn’t allow him in, to carry you and strenthen you at this time, you would probably have a very different attitude. I know that if you listen really closely you could probably hear him at some point say “Well done, thy good and faithful servant, well done!”. We need to all strive to hear those words from Him!!! I am so glad that I have found your blog. So that I can pray for you and in doing that and reading your blog, you have blessed me!

  19. What an awesome place you’ve come to! ((hugs))

  20. Jennifer says:

    Thank you for letting Him shine through your words and right into my heart this morning.

    Praying for you and your family.

  21. Beautiful.

  22. Thank you for always being so real and transparent through your posts. What a blessing and all glory goes to God! I’m so thankful to hear someone else admitting to being taken over by Satan even if for only for a few days in the middle of the storm. I have just recently been through a storm of my own, and after finally being on the mountain top~I fell so fast and hard for a couple of weeks when I listened to some of the lies that Satan was telling me making me doubt the mountain top and miracle that I had just experienced!

    Heather I can’t believe it’s only been a couple of weeks since I started reading your blog…I feel like your openness and honesty have reached so many including myself! Your life is a testiment to how the Lord gives us peace and grace through hardships and trials.

    Thank you for sharing your walk with all of us!

  23. Heather, thank you for the gentle reminder to all of us. Yes, it can all change in the blink of an eye and so much of what we dwell on is petty. We need to stop feeding that, and instead lay it at His feet.

    God bless you and Mark and your beautiful children.

  24. It’s so funny how everyone reacts differently to anesthesia. Apparently after my surgery I gave the doctors and nurses quite an amusing comedy show. I don’t remember anything about it, but they were still laughing when I woke up in my recovery room.

    I’m not sure if that’s good or bad… 😉

    I’m sure everything will go fine. God has you in His hands, and will continue to protect you there.

    {{{Hugs}}}

  25. Thank you for being so honest. You really are encouraging. Praying for your surgery!

  26. Everyone reacts to medicine different (I know that since I used to be a pharmacy tech..LOL). One of my birthing experiences has me telling everyone “the monkey on the cabinet has a pretty purple flower” and also telling my husband to just go on home cause I was “fine”… It wasn’t even anesthesia!!

    God Bless!

  27. That was the best piece you have EVER written, I do believe. Thanks for that.

  28. Heather, that has got to be one of the wisest, most insightful post yet (ever, by anyone I’ve read). Thank you for it.
    Blessings,
    ~Toni~

  29. Heather,
    I’ve been visiting your site now since Everyday Mommy posted a link that you were in need of prayer (when you first found out about the tumor). I have been coming to see how you are doing every day but never posted until now. I’ve been praying for you and I’m so blessed to be able to do so. I cannot even begin to tell you what an amazing testimony your are to Christ, His love and His unyeilding faithfulness. You have touched my heart beyond words and spoken truth to so many. You are a beautiful child of God and a vessel for His light and girl…you are shining it so bright that it literally makes tears flow down my face often! THANK YOU for being so transparent and showing us WHO God truly is even amongst your pain and struggles. Simply amazing is all I can say. Stay strong and know that He is with you always. I know that God is working in and through you. Praise the Lord!!

    With Love,
    Stacy

  30. I completely understand the feelings when words like “amazing, strong and inspirational” are used to describe ones self. Mom always got that, too. Generally, I’m thinking “Boy, you don’t know me very well!” 🙂 That strength others see … it comes straight from the gracious hand of my Father. You wrote it so well!! Blessings to you and yours. Still praying!

    Here’s a poem from my Mom’s favorite devotional book. I hope it encourage you like it does me. 🙂

    Child of My love, lean hard,
    And let me feel the pressure of your care;
    I know your burden, Child. I shaped it;
    Balanced it in Mine Own hand; made no proportion
    In its weight to your unaided strength,
    For even as I laid it on, I said,
    “I will be near, and while she leans on Me,
    This burden will be Mine, not hers;
    So will I keep My child within the circling arms
    Of My Own love.” Here lay it down, nor fear
    To impose it on a shoulder that upholds
    The government of worlds. Yet closer come:
    You are not near enough. I would embrace your care;
    So I might feel My child reclining on my breast.
    You love me, I know. So then do not doubt;
    But loving me, lean hard.
    – Streams in the Desert

  31. Heather, I can relate to what others have posted about strained relationships and the effect your words had on them. I too have ‘issues’ with a family member and while it truly isn’t a result of anything I’ve done, I get angered every time I think about. The terrible thing is that we go to the same church and the devil tries to use the situation about an hour before service each and every week. I’ve already been doing what you said, praying every time satan brings it up but I appreciate the reminder and the encouragement to do so. I was counselling someone just last week over a decision she had to make and I told her to put her effort into those things that are eternal. What we do here on earth with regards to so many things we think are ‘important’, truly are meaningless when you look at eternity.

    I do love you sister and I’m praying.

  32. THANKS I THINK I NEEDED THAT TODAY. (((HUGS)))

  33. Heather, long time reader, first time poster.
    YOu have several nurses in Atlanta praying for you. I am neuro pediatric nurse and although my patients are younger than you, I have spent the past 6 years learning about brain tumors and how much they stink..I know this was not on your agenda for your life, but you so much prayer going with you on this journey

    amy

  34. I am so glad you are getting some answers to all your medical questions. You are in my prayers and we will be praying for you during your surgery. I had ablation surgery on my heart ten years ago. I had to be awake for the six hour surgery and let me tell you I felt like I had a direct phone line to the lord the entire time. He has probably never heard so much from me at one sitting. Without having him with me I would have felt so alone, although I was still scared beyond belief. It gave me peace that I am sure I would not of had without him. It is natural to still be scared and have doubts even when you have christ in your life. It is not a pleasant feeling having someone go into your heart or your brain. Your positive attitude and the lord will see you past this. We are only human, it is time to let others take care of you. Everyone around you will see you past this. As wives and mothers I think it is hard to let others take care of us. We always feel like we have to do it all. I am glad all of your family will be around you. Get rest and enjoy your family before your operation. My prayers will be with you and I cannot wait to hear from you after your operation. I know you will be well taken care of and we all look forward to a speedy recovery.
    Dawn

  35. “Our testimony is all we leave behind.”

    Heather….I am daily blessed by your updates….and daily inspired by your ability to bless….at a time that all we want to do is bless you!

    Your posts have deep meaning. Not only are they an avenue for you to ‘think’ your way through this journey, a way to keep in touch with your loving extended family, or a way to update your blogging friends–they are a meaningful way to put the enemy on notice! AND they are deeply, very profoundly, life changing!

    We are so blessed by your presence in the blogosphere…..by your place in our hearts….and by your words of wisdom! You are a shining example of giving your pain to God…to use for His Glory!!!!

    May you be blessed in abundance!

    Diane

  36. When I come to your place, I intend to encourage and uplift you… and in turn I leave encouraged myself. Thanks! To God be the glory!

    Praising God for the “pit” being lifted in this moment. Praying for continued mercy, strength and the presence of Him as you move forward.

    Praying, praying, praying…..

  37. Hey Heather,

    Wow is all I can say. I rush to read your blog everyday — multiple times a day — just to catch up on what God’s doing in your life. You truly have made a good choice in letting God work through you in this time. You’ve touched so many people and more than you’ll know until we reach heaven. You are an inspiration to me that no matter what lies I hear from Satan (that my heart is indeed dirty) that I hold fast to the promises of God. I know no one can take us from His hand.

    Still praying for you and your family. Please always keep writing and sharing!

    Lisa B.

  38. Wiping my eyes and sending you a song.
    This will evidence our age gap, but Praise God for youtube! I could only find this in a two song set, I wanted to give you the second song which has done everything to get me through all types of anger, bitterness and fear; always bringing be back to what REALLY matters. However, I think God wanted to give you the first song so you would know that 1) we DO know and 2) it is okay to put down your sword because we are wielding ours for you, lil sister!

    Transparency is a rare gift, you wear yours well. Because of Jesus, Bobbie

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Pzu-jWpcdw

  39. your heart is absolutely beautiful!

    blessings,
    karla

  40. Oh my goodness. You are typing God-given words that are meant just for me, and I’ll bet there are hundreds if not thousands of others who would say the exact same thing. Thank you for so openly sharing your heart. We are all so blessed through you! I truly believe that you have a ministry on this blog and that God will honor that! I will pray that I can continue reading your words for many years to come. And of course I am praying for your precious children, husband, parents and extended family. You are teaching us all through example! Love & prayers to you & yours, and many thanks to our precious Lord!

  41. Heather, If you were alive in biblical times, a book would have been written about you and your walk of faith!

    It has been a joy to see your “Pilmgrim’s Progress” Stay “Faithful” Thanks again for your honesty!

  42. God is just so good to us, to you and your family. It is amazing how much strength he gives us when we need it – I was thinking of the children’s song, Jesus Loves Me and how he does love us. I have also found myself listening to Juanita Bynum’s One Night With The King,

    “One Night With the King, changes everything…
    One day in his court, did forever change my course. One moment in his presence and I’ve never been the same.
    One night with the King changes everything.

    One night with the King, changes everything.
    One day in his court, could forever change your course.
    One moment in his presence, and you’ll never be the same.
    One night with the King, it changes everything.

    From the desert to the King it had been my destiny to be chosen for such a time as this.
    I didn’t know that all my dreams could become realities.
    Then I saw his face — his love captured me.

    One night with the King, it really changes everything. Just one day in his courts, it will forever change your course.
    All you need tonight is just one moment in his presence.
    One moment in his presence —
    One moment in his presence and you’ll be the same….”

    What I think is really exciting for you is what God has in store for you after the surgery and healing. I really believe that God has some amazing things in store for you and your family. Just stay in his courts and his in presence. What a blessed place to be.

    Hugs!

  43. Once again you strengthen me. And I thought I came here to help provide support and strength for you. Thank you.

    My prayers and hugs continue for you, your family and the doctors gifted by God who will, as you said, “touch” your brain.

    Peace.

  44. My friend … you did NOT fail at getting your message across. God’s power is working mightly through you, your daily walk, and your daily testimony and updates here on your blog…

    Like I told you in a personal email, I know that he is moving in people’s lives DAILY through this situation… Thank you for allowing God to move through you to deliver a powerful message!

    Love and prayers.

  45. Heather,

    Your words bless and amaze me. Satan likes to take hold of us and our weaknesses when we are at our lowest. He is the master manipulator.

    God is responding to all of the prayers going out for you. I have had that same lump in the pit of my stomach you have talked about. God’s grace took that away from me and replaced it with a feeling of peace. God is so good!

    Praying for continued peace and guidance for you, as well as complete healing.

    Blessings,
    Julie

  46. So, so true. Thank you for sharing this, Heather.. for really being such an amazing vessel for God to use, even through all of this. You are really teaching me so much.

  47. Oh Heather. I walked this same path just a little bit ahead of you. I struggled with all those same things you so eloquently write about. In the end I had to come face to face with whether I trusted God to love us enough to work all of this “nightmare” out for all of our best. It is either trust or dispair. He is so worthy of all our trust and love. You have put it so very well.

  48. “Life can change in the blink of an eye”. Summed up perfectly. And Christ covers all of it. Even in this God is using to witness powerfully.
    dawnz

  49. “Life can change in the blink of an eye”. Summed up perfectly. And Christ covers all of it. Even in this God is using you to witness powerfully.
    dawnz~There, corrected my own post. 🙂

  50. Heather, what and awesome testimony of what it means to walk through this trial as a child of the King!!!!! I will continue to pray….
    Michelle