We are home, and the visit went well. Her transplant doctor said that there wasn’t any change on her ECHO since the last visit (3 months ago), she had gained 2 pounds (this was a huge achievement) and said he would see her again in three months….

I, however, am not doing so well..

This visit brought the reality of our family’s medical issues to the foreground for me. I am crying as I type this. I am just…. lost and afraid, and very- I don’t know the word. I am having one of those days where reality is kicking me in the butt and I have no control over my emotions. When the transplant social worker asked me how I was doing, I just broke down. She hugged me and said she was praying for me… and for my family. I know so many are praying for me and my family.

Then there was Dr. F. He is a passive man, with a gentle soul. He listened intently as I told him that I had cancer, and that I would be starting chemo and radiation next Monday. And then he said he was sorry. Sorry that my family has to go through this, and most of all sorry for me. That brought me to tears again.

I know I have to go through this, I am just having a hard time today understanding the “whys” of it all.

Tomorrow is a new day, with new mercies…

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