He knows my fears…

I am reading a book called “Finding the light in cancer’s shadow” by Lynn Eib. This morning I was feeling especially weak with all that my mind has in it right now. Then I read this:

You’ve always told your children:

That God can be trusted.
Now they can see if you really do trust Him.

That God is faithful.
Now they can see if you will be too.

That knowing Jesus makes all the difference.
Now they can see if it really does.

I read that over and over again. What do I believe? I mean I can come here and type a long diatribe for you, but at the end of the day What do I believe?

I believe that cancer sucks. I believe that the circumstances that my family finds themselves in right now are, to put it lightly, frightening. I believe that without Him, I wouldn’t be able to do this. I believe that without Him I wouldn’t be able to not let fear grip my soul. I wouldn’t be able to not worry about tomorrow.


I believe that He keeps track of all my sorrows. He has collected all my tears in His bottle. He has recorded each one in His book. (Ps. 56:8) I believe that in Him I live, move and exist. (Acts 17: 28) I believe that it is only by His grace that I am saved. (Eph. 2:5) I believe that He is my hope. He is my help and my shield. In Him my my heart rejoices. (Ps. 33: 20) I believe that this tribulation will bring about perseverance, and perseverance brings about proven character, and proven character, hope. (Romans 5:3-5)

I believe that He knows my fears, and that He holds my heart through those fears. I believe that He knew long before I did that I would have cancer, and though the circumstances break my heart, He knew that I would walk this path for Him. I believe that He is already in my tomorrow, and the next day.

I believe that I am blessed to be alive.

In my life
Be lifted high
In my world
Be lifted high
In our Love
Be lifted high

I called, You answered
and you came to my rescue.
And I want to be where You are.

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  1. Your site looks beautiful!!!

    Yes I believe he knows all of these things and so much more! I know that he will use this for his Glory!!!

    As always you write with such faith and transparency! you are an inspiration in the lives of many and god is using this to help hundreds of people even now!

  2. Heather,
    I, too, read that book. However, it is meant to be read after your treatments are over.
    She has another book called, “When God and Cancer Meet”. Someone gave me a book at the beginning of my cancer journey called “Praying through Cancer”. It was written by a lot of different women who have faced cancer.In fact, Lynn Eib has a couple of entries in it. It is a daily devotional. I cannot tell you how much comfort that book brought me. I read it again and again! Sometimes I would read 4 or 5 devotionals a day!. I passed it on to another who faced cancer after I did, or I would send it to you. If you can get your hands on that book, then get it! I know it will be such an encouragement to you in the days ahead.
    Hang in there and hold tight to the Lord. He is going to do so much more than you could ask or think!

  3. Gina,
    I have that book too! Its by Susan Sorensen and Laura Geist (Praying through Cancer).

    I know that this book is meant to read after your treatments, yet I couldn’t put it down once I started reading it! I also have a book called “What cancer Cannot do”. It has really helped me through this journey.

    Thank you for your encouragement..

  4. That is indeed powerful… after all, our children do imitate us, and they watch us closely to see how we react in difficult circumstances — it’s how they learn to carry themselves in tough situations!

  5. Every time I read your blog, I end up in tears. Not out of sadness or fear, but out of amazement at the power and grace of God so visible in your life. When I first found your blog, I was in a slump – to busy for time for God, and my walk with him was suffering. Your blog has inspired me and challenged me to examine my own faith and my own reliance on God – and most of all to PRAY. God is using you to change lives – praise be to Him.

  6. Your posts inspire us daily. Thanks for sharing.

  7. Awesome post, praying for you daily

  8. Heather,

    Despite what I would call my minor struggles through life, there is always a constant battle to remind myself that each and every day should not be taken for granted. Though we have never met, I do check-in with your site every day to see how you are doing, how you are coping, and I want you to know that I find you to be a true witness to God and all of his glory.

    You are helping me to be grounded (in a spiritual sense) and to appreciate all of the little things that are normally overlooked in life. Thank you!

  9. praying….


  10. Heather,
    Negative thoughts will enter your brain. But your ability to push those thoughts aside and remain true to your faith is what your children see.

    Keep inspiring!

  11. Heather,
    You continue to be an inspiration. I know you’re afraid, you’re human and that’s ok. The faith you have in God is amazing to me. That you can be afraid and frustrated and upset about your situation but still look to Him and know that your life is in His hands. I believe that knowing that will get you through each day, sister. I know you will continue to have faith and you WILL make it through this.
    You are more than an inspiration than you know…believe me when I say that. I look forward each day to hearing your story.

  12. Heather you are so right in your statement “what do I believe”. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t have some fear of the unknown and believe me cancer is the unknown. However, you know that God doesn’t give us more then we can handle and that goes for our families also. Our spirtual strength comes from the hard times and I for one thank God daily for the life that He has continued to give me after the cancer. Thank you for your strength and for sharing it with others.


  13. Though the fig tree should not blossom
    And there be no fruit on the vines,
    Though the yield of the olive should fail
    And the fields produce no food,
    Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
    And there be no cattle in the stalls,
    Yet I will exult in the Lord,
    I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
    The Lord God is my strength,
    And he has made my feet like hinds’ feet,
    And makes me walk on my high places.

    – Habakkuk 3:17-19, ESV

  14. Heather,

    As I have read your post, I kept hearing a song that was sung often at our church when I was young. The song says”…when I am tried and purified, I shall come forth as gold.” This is you. Even in the midst of a circumstance that has rocked your world to its core, you continue to point toward the one who allowed this and praise Him for His faithfulness. You have a beautiful, faithful heart. I am inspired by you.

  15. I am amazed at the love and strength that God gives to each of us!!! I don’t know how anyone who doesn’t believe in Him can get through this life. With all that happens to us, we need Him to go along with us and build us up!

  16. He is definitely lifted high in your life! You have been singing His praises even through your trials…no matter how difficult it is when it’s just you and Him, you’ve done an amazing job singing His praises to us. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you each day, so I will continue praying…

  17. You are doing exactly what I counsel my clients to do…you take the Truth and hold it up against every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. Without a firm knowledge and grasp of the Truth, you will surely be overcome by your circumstances. But with it you WILL OVERCOME! Call the lie, a lie, and hold fast to the Truth. I am encouraged by your tenacity.

  18. Hi Heather,
    You remain in my daily thoughts & prayers.
    What a beautiful song you are singing for our Lord.

  19. Christ behind and before me,
    Christ behind and above me,
    Christ with me and in me,
    Christ around and about me,
    Christ on my right and on my left,
    Christ when I lie down at night,
    Christ when I rise in the morning,
    Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
    Christ in the mouth of everyone that speaks of me,
    Christ in every eye that sees me,
    Christ in every ear that hears me.

  20. your site is gorgeous!

    you always wow me. i wish i could be your face-to-face friend right now!

  21. Just so you know, mine is a life that’s been touched for eternity, by your life and your faith.
    Thank you!

  22. PS…I forgot to say that our family is keeping you and your family in our prayers.

  23. Don’t let go of those things you know to be true. Bless you for the blessings you are giving to others by allowing them to walk in prayer beside you during this.


  24. Thank you for being an inspiration through your trying time.

  25. If I didn’t believe that I wouldn’t be able to make it throught another day.

  26. The Lord is gracious in what He keeps showing you. And you are courageous to blog about it all. :)

  27. Thought of you this morning when our local Christian station broadcasted Nancy Leigh Demoss and “Revive Our Hearts”. Today, they spoke to parents of a young girl who fought a brain tumor. The episode was called “Enduring With Joy”. If you are interested, I found a transcript here: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php

    Thinking of you…

  28. I believe God is glorified in your life, your words and your family.

    And isn’t that why we are all here anyway?

    Glorify the Lord with me, let us exalt His name together. Psalm 34:3

    Because of Jesus, Bobbie

  29. Heather,
    I “stumbled” on your site and believe it was anything but random. I too am a mom of 3 and, though my daily struggles are far less scary than your own, I am inspired by your life and your testimony to take each day and cherish it, to turn my eyes upon Jesus, and to pray that, should my life ever take twists and turns such as yours has, I would have the faith, grace and honesty to face it like you have. Thank you for taking the time to share yourself daily — I’m sure that they are times when you’d rather do something else, but your consistent testimony is a constant reminder and challenge to those of us who follow your blog to take the life we have and live it for Him.

  30. I believe that too, Heather, for you and about you, in you and around you. May He truly give you Himself during this time.

    I made it through the test (wrote more on my blog) without fear! Now that is the power of God and your prayers. thank you! I will wait for about 48 hours to find out results.

    I’m praying for you Heather to realize your biggest and hardest dreams. I’ve heard Beth Moore say, “You’ve got trouble? Things seem impossible? Well, that’s the backdrop for a Wonder (God’s Work), that’s what!” I believe that Wonder over your life today!

  31. jennifer says:

    Heather- Your honesty and faith humble me. Thank you for sharing your journey and incredible strength. You have blessed and inspired more people than you will ever know.

  32. Heather, you are such an incredible testimony to the grace of God in the midst of great trials. I think it’s so amazing how the Lord is able to use us to minister to others who are watching us when we are in the middle of trials. You have inspired, challenged and blessed so many people through your battle with cancer. Praise be to God….He is using you. The verse that comes to my mind when I think about you in your situation is:

    2 Corinthians 12:9-10

    And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

    Heather…you are strong! HIS strength is pefect in weakness.

    God bless you. I continue to pray for you and your family.

  33. Yay for the new and fabulous site! Still praying for ya!

    Heather Marks

  34. Would that all of your bloggy frineds, those who know you and those of us who only know you through your blog, could bear some of your trials, we would. Instead, you are trusting in the only ONE who is faithful and true and will never turn His face from you!
    Connie with hugs from Texas

  35. And the rest of that song is your life too Heather…

    In my life Lord,
    Be Glorified, Be Glorified.

    Every single time I read your blog, I am in awe of you. Not because you want me to be, but because I can’t help it. You are a wonderful testament to how the Lord can help everyone through anything.

    Lots of love!

  36. And we (at least *I* anyway) need to ask ourselves whether we truly live out our faith in front of our children in lesser circumstances. And here you are, Heather, doing it on a much larger platform. Before so many. And especially before your children. How you are teaching me. Thank you.

  37. A very poignant and moving post. Please tell me the name of the song and the group who is singng it when you get the chance. You continue to remain forever in my thoughts and prayers.

  38. Many years ago, when I was still new in my faith, I was able to go on a missions trip to Atlanta, GA for the Olympic Games. We were planning a number of street ministry events, and I cannot even begin to describe half of my experiences there. It was incredible.

    There were many nights of fervent prayer, praise and worship. During one of those evenings, a friend came to me and spoke something that has stuck with me a long time. He told me that I while I was the weakest lamb, I would be the strongest fighter, or something very close to that. There have been times when that has helped me to understand my role in life. I am weak, but when I am weak, God is strong. Much stronger than I could ever be on my own. God has always been there when I needed Him, sometimes I just didn’t realize until afterwards.

    To be allowed such a time of weakness, to me shows that God has planned wonderful things for you. He will continue to bless you in ways you can never imagine, until they’ve already happened.

  39. I love your new site.

    You always leave me moved beyond words. You are amazing. Christ, in YOU, IS AMAZING!

  40. Angie Davis says:

    You make an excellent point……it really is about not just “talking the talk”…….what really matters to other people watching us (such as our kids) Is will we “walk the walk.” And not just in a medical crisis, but a financial one, marital one, moral one, etc. You my friend are walking the walk with a grace I only pray I can imitate the next time I am truly tested.

  41. I’m praying for you, Heather. That book sounds wonderful and I’m glad you found it. May the Lord continue to grant you His peace, which is beyond our wildest understanding! (((((((())))))))

    Peace and love~ Wind

  42. It’s going to be OK. No matter what happens- really, it is.

  43. I came across your website on a link from somewhere else and I just wanted to pop up and say that you are an amazing inspiration and witness for God. What you are going through is the most awful thing and yet you can Praise Him and glorify him in the suffering and the unknown, you are an inspiration and although I am a complete stranger I hope you do not mind when I say my prayers are with you. As a fellow Christian I often wonder how I would personally face such a challenge and I would only hope to have half the courage and grace you show here in your journal if I ever were to have to deal with the same. God Bless

  44. heather,
    you will be in my heart today as you continue your journey to health. i also read when God and cancer meet. beautifully written book. alsao another amazing journey to read is “left to tell”.
    your cyberspace friend,
    marianne dalton

  45. Elizabeth says:

    I can only believe that your children see Jesus very clearly in your life–your faith, tenacity and reliance on God’s grace could not possibly be limited to what you share here. And if you and Mark ever choose to share this blog with the children, the grace and peace you find in Jesus will resonate even louder in their hearts as they read what their precious Mama has written. Still praying…

  46. Way to go girl! You are declaring, though you do not see. He loves your heart.
    Once during one of the many dark hospital days that I had with my daughter, I felt nothing but exhaustion, I felt as though I had no faith, and I asked God, I need to to give me a song, or something to make it through this.
    This is what He gave me.

    I believe that Your promises are true
    I believe that what You say, You will do
    Even though I cannot see Your ways
    I know You’re there for me
    And I believe Your promises are true

    You promised life to me
    You promised peace
    You said you would not leave me
    And You’ll not forsake me
    You promised joy with the morning sun
    And strength through the night
    And I believe that Your promises are true.

    I pray that God gives you something eternal from Him, an eternal promise to carry you, in these days. I am carrying you in my heart and in my prayers.

  47. You got it! God will hold you high!

    another brain cancer young mom with 3 kids (boys)

  48. Good to see you’ve been doing a bit of design work. The blog looks beautiful.

    Heather, hold fast and faithful.

    Hugs and prayers daily.

  49. That quote really touched me — how true!! I just let our ‘kids’ (almost 18, 15 and almost 13) go to Niagara Falls w/o me today. They’re w/ a homeschool group, but will be alone at the amusement park for a while. All the ‘what-ifs’ began to whiz through my mind. Then I read what you posted — Wow! Thanks! D

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