We are home, and the visit went well. Her transplant doctor said that there wasn’t any change on her ECHO since the last visit (3 months ago), she had gained 2 pounds (this was a huge achievement) and said he would see her again in three months….
I, however, am not doing so well..
This visit brought the reality of our family’s medical issues to the foreground for me. I am crying as I type this. I am just…. lost and afraid, and very- I don’t know the word. I am having one of those days where reality is kicking me in the butt and I have no control over my emotions. When the transplant social worker asked me how I was doing, I just broke down. She hugged me and said she was praying for me… and for my family. I know so many are praying for me and my family.
Then there was Dr. F. He is a passive man, with a gentle soul. He listened intently as I told him that I had cancer, and that I would be starting chemo and radiation next Monday. And then he said he was sorry. Sorry that my family has to go through this, and most of all sorry for me. That brought me to tears again.
I know I have to go through this, I am just having a hard time today understanding the “whys” of it all.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new mercies…
I’m sorry things are so hard right now, and that you’re feeling badly.
You’re in my thoughts and my prayers.
Heather- I totally get how overwhleming things are. I do. But, I love you. Tremendously… fully … completely.
And that doesn’t even touch how much God loves you. And Emma. And Mark. And Alijah. And Easton.
We will survive. Period.
I’m here. Email me or call.
It’s normal to feel this way… not everyday is going to be good, not everyday is going to be bad.
I hope for you… that tomorrow is good
Thinking of you and your family + praying for the best.
Cry. Just cry. You are strong, and that won’t falter… but it needs to get out somehow…
I wish you could feel my hug.
So much love and prayer from me,
Laura
I’m here for you. You know that. If you need anything, let me know.
Maybe we could go get coffee or something Friday or Sunday?
Call me.
Perhaps you’re feeling…out of control. Scared. So many other things.
One of the hardest things for me to grasp is that I never have control. Only God has control at all times. When things in my life are going relatively well as I think they should be it gives me a false sense of control, and Satan seizes on that when the troubles and the doubts come.
I don’t have any easy answers to offer, but please know that you are on my mind often and I pray for you then. You and Emma and your whole family is on our Sunday School prayer list.
Love and hugs,
Diane
Just wanted to give you a hug but I can’t so this will have to do ((((hugs))))
The really great thing about your testimony on the good days, is that it’s been such a strong reminder to us to look only to Jesus. It’s taught us to remember where our strength comes from, so that on days like today, where you’ve had to face your circumstancs square on and become overwhelmed with that obstacle, you’ve already well trained a legion of prayer warriors to go right to God on your behalf. It’s the beautiful thing about the body of Christ – when the hand hurts, the arm takes a little more of the load and when the shoulder aches, the back can buck up and do some of it’s work. Please know that as you hurt as part of the body of Christ, the blog friends you have blessed so much with your usual strength are absolutely privelaged to go to God on your behalf. And you have been our very example. I’ve never met you Heather, but you are so dear to me. Rest in Jesus. He’s got you covered – literally.
Heather, I might not think you were human if you didn’t have some of these oh-so-normal moments. You are a champion of your faith. You are an amazing woman, and, yes, you are still human. You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed and scared and worried. The difference is, you lean into the Lord when you feel this way. That is courage. Many hugs!
((((((((hugs)))))))
praying for you and your family, hang in there and fight satan’s attempts, YOU are strong and HE is with you.
It is Ok to just cry. It will all be ok.
Glad to hear that your daughter’s appointment went well, but sorry to hear that you are having a rough day. Prayers that you will be “up” again soon.
Hang on. Just hang on to Him. You don’t have to impress anyone or feel strong. At moments like this, just hang on to Jesus. Tight. And if you don’t feel like you can hang on, take comfort that He will never, never let go. He’s got you covered.
I prayed for you today. I’m so sorry you’re having a hard day. “His mercies are new every morning!” Or as Annie said, “the sun will come out tomorrow!” Hang in there until tomorrow! I’m praying for you again right now!
Heather,
I wish I had the words that would speak calmness to your soul and peace to your heart.
All I have to offer is my love and support and the knowledge that I am here for you and would so love to be able to talk with you.
I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a rough day! Take to the Lord in prayer
And like the another commenter said… cry. Just cry. It’s ok to let it out. I can’t even imagine what you are feeling right now. I will continue to prayer for you and your family. Here is something I read today in one of my devotionals. I hope it says something to you to help!
“You are not defined by anything that happened to you or anything you’ve done. You are defined by who you are in Christ”
“Lord, I have no reason to be ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that You are able to guard what I have entrusted to You for that day (2 Tim. 1:12). Even when I’ve been faithless, You’ve been faithful, for You cannot disown Yourself (2 Tim. 2:13). Help me not to fall victim to the accusations of Satan, the accuser of believers. He is furious because he knows his time is short. I have received Your salvation and I am in Your kingdom, under the authority of Your Son, Jesus Christ. The enemy is overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimonies (Rev. 12:10-11). Help me never cease testifying of Your mighty work in me.”
- Beth Moore (Praying God’s Word Day by Day)
(((Heather))) ~ Tomorrow is a new day! May tomorrow bring you a little more sunshine!!
Sweetie…
Sit in a quite place and take all the emotions in… allow the gates of your emotions to open up and fill you. Allow yourself the ability to feel these emotions and know it is okay!! It is not a weakness… it’s a moment in time. One day you will look back and begin to realize just how all of this journey brought you through.
Jesus is there with you Heather… He walks with you… talks with you… carries you… and comforts you in every way.
Words are hard to find when your face to face with someone who is walking on a journey unfamiliar to them. Their words as innocent and sweet as they are can trigger a wave of emotions. I learned that through my sisters journey.
What Cancer Cannot Take Away From You…
It cannot take away your FAITH,
Shatter your HOPE
or lessen your LOVE.
It cannot destroy true FRIENDSHIP,
invade the SOUL
or take away ETERNAL LIFE.
It cannot conquer your SPIRIT.
On the days your feeling overwhelmed or without strength remember these words. You can and you will overcome this that stands before you!!!
**Lots of Love and Hugs**
Deborah
I think of the words to a Christian song I’ve heard: Come to Me, I am the Comforter. Come crawl up on My knee. Lay your head close against My heart; find your rest in Me.
I pray that you will feel His loving arms holding you and comforting you, just as if you were sitting in the Father’s lap and resting securely in His tender care.
Sometimes we just need a good cry to get it all out! I am so sorry that your family is having to go through this!! I don’t really have any words to give you except that I have been studying the Psalms and Ps 4 and 5 made me think of you….
Ps 4:1 Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
and …
Ps 5: 1 Give ear to my words, O LORD,
consider my sighing.
2 Listen to my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray.
3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
I am praying for you and waiting for Him to answer our prayers!
Oh Sweet Heather-
I pray his loving arms around you now. That you can feel His presence and that he will comfort you and give you the strength and peace you need during this trying time.
Honey, crying right now is very normal. Let it out when you need to and I am so thankful you have a wonderful family to help and your bloggyville friends too.
Know that I love you, even though you have never met me!
In Christ’s Love,
Shari
Heather, you are my hero. Seriously. Even when you have “normal” days in which reality hits and you weep for your situation. You have given much more than you know in this situation that has been so difficult for you.
Yesterday I was diagnosed with a mass in my breast. My first thought? Thank God Heather taught me to plow ahead even in the face of fear. Honest to God. Last night when I was laying there feeling sorry for myself, I thought of you and your faith and decided that faith overcomes fear only when it’s put into practice. Thank you, Heather, for teaching so many of us how to live faith and not just carry it around like a shiny token.
Hugs and prayers…
on days like this…ask Jesus to carry your pain…he is with you…just ask….(((U)))
Heather, I know you don’t know me, but I tell you, you are an inspiration even when you don’t feel like you can handle another thing! I am always reminded of my life verse…”In this world, you will have many troubles, be of good cheer for I have overcome the world!” John 16:33b…..I write this as one who knows trouble! And knows Jesus! I love you! Nancy
Just leaving ((hugs)) – and an offer to chat if you need it.
Still praying daily…
Thinking of you. You are allowed to have ‘Off Days”, you can’t be exepected to be a pillar of strength all of the time you are allowed to lean on others for support.
It is ok to feel how you feel and not need to apologize and explain that. You are going through a rough time. Just because you are scared, it does not make you any less appreciative of what you have or show any less faith in God than when you are not scared. What you are going through is terrifying, you can not be strong every second of every day! When you feel weak, you turn to others for help. That is actually a sign of strength, right? I have been reading for a while, but haven’t commented before today because I have no idea what I could possibly say to make any difference in anything you are going through. Today I felt like you needed some support, so I hope me commenting helps even just slightly. I’ll continue to keep you in my prayers.
As we are all praying for you, please also pray for my brother-in-law, just told he has pancreatic cancer–strength for my Sister and family also.
Thank you and God Bless.
Carol,
I will pray for healing and strength.. Thanks for letting my readers know…
Heather
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this. I can’t imagine how confusing and scary it would all be.I say it every time…just as everyone else, I’m sure…but there’s nothing else I can do or say…I’m praying for you. I honestly do think of you every day…several times a day…and pray. It helps me to think that one of the many others praying for you is praying at the exact same time as me. You’ve reached out and touched so many people. We’re all reaching up to God to touch you. I know He’s with you.
Oh Heather,
I will pray harder!
More often for you.
You are loved.
Glad to hear the good news about Emma. So sorry to hear you are struggling. But not surprising…so much going on. Worry, constant worry, for your beautiful little girl’s health. Prayed for her and all of you today. Every day. Hugs.
You will make it Heather!
Many Many people are praying for you.
Stay strong and cry when you want to.
You’re going to be okay!
Sending big hugs and more prayers your way!
I hope you can find some comfort. Keeping you in my prayers.
Heather-
Go ahead and cry sweetie! I haven’t met you in person but I am crying with you. Jesus is right there with you. Cry and let it out but feel His prescence. Tomorrow IS another beautiful day. My prayers are all for you tonight my dear.
Jennifer
Yeah for Emma!
I’m sorry your down today. That’s okay. We’ll still stand beside you. Hugs from Roch.
I know I don’t comment much, but I check on you often. We are all still here with you Heather. I think of you often and I do pray for you and your family.
I don’t know really what else to say. I am not very good at comforting people. Just know that I, and it looks like lots of others, are all thinking and praying for you.
Oh sweet, sweet Heather! I weep with you, and know that it’s not with pity as I know that’s not what you want, but with empathy for how you must be feeling. I’ve had those moments, when you’re flat on the floor and have nothing left. I will pray that your weeping face finds the lap of Jesus as He wipes every tear from your eyes. I check your blog often, praying for you, always…
Love, Sarah
I can understand you feeling that way. I know I would. It has got to be hard. And I would think you have to let that out, from time to time. You are in prayers.
JoAnn
Heather ~ I am SO sorry to hear that you are having a rough day. You are an amazing woman and have held up so strongly. With you sharing about your hard day shows how honest and real you really are. Remember you do have many prayers being said for you – especially with you having a hard time.
It may seem as if there is only one set of footprints in the sand but remember it is because he is carrying you!! Love, Lisa in Texas = )
Oh Heather…I’m so sorry that you have to go through this…please know that it’s ok not to know what to say to God…the Holy Spirit will do it for you…and beautifully, with groaning your heart can not express…all the fear, all the sadness, all the anger…the Holy Spirit will bring it all to your Heavenly Father for you…and we are here praying over you…constantly….
dawnz
You know what Heather? I was having one of those days myself. I have so many “whys”. Some days I understand that all that is required of me is to trust. But there are some days like these when I just feel afraid – afraid of a future I can’t see.
Tomorrow is new – with new mercies. Tomorrow perhaps our faith will be stronger. For today, it is all right to cry. It is all right to just lean into Him and tell Him about the fear. He understands.
I don’t know you–but you are my little sister and I love you.
I only found out about you while the girls were raising money for your trip.
I want you to know that I am amazed me at the strength my Lord has planted in you. He promises He won’t send anything our way that will destroy us.
So I know that your foundation has to be deep to take this pressure–and He is going to place some amazing structures on that foundation. Structures that will bring incredible glory to His name. And one day when you enter Heaven–HE is going to look deep into your eyes and say, Daughter, you did me proud. I gave you a task that most would have laid down. I am honored to be your Father. Welcome to your inheritance.
You keep walking and I will keep praying.
OH, how my heart breaks for you. If you didn’t have breakdowns like this you WOULDN’T be human. I hope like you said tomoorow will be a new day ( obviously) but a better day. Keep your chin up Sweetie.
Words seem so inadequate and shallow so I won’t insult you with them, ((((((((((Heather)))))))))). Just know my prayers are going over the miles for you and my hugs are too.
Peace~ Wind
Sweet Heather,
You’re not lost, not at all. You know the way and have shown it to so many people.
This road is so overwhelming. There will be days of tears, moments of fears. And that is OK. We are only human.
But your faith leads you out of the demons quickly, and that is what matters.
Hold your head up. You are doing so much more amazingly well than you can ever imagine.
I know there is nothing I can say to make your hurt lighter, but my thoughts and prayers are with you and I believe everything is going to be alright.
Sorry to hear about your distress today. It’s OK to feel sad. It’s OK to feel overwhelmed. It’s a part of working through all of this.
You had a good apt. today though, right? Small improvements….no change for the worse…that is good.
one day at a time Heather….one day at a time.