The events of my life have unfolded with such speed and force, I barely have had time to let them settle. I think that this past week it really sank in…I could die. I know my family reading this will wonder about me, and this post… I promise you I am not dwelling on that fact… but it doesn’t erase the fact that it is just that.. A fact. This could take my life.
This week, while laying on the couch, I thought about many things.. my children being the number one thought. Have I lived a life that they would be proud of? Could they look at my life after my death (whenever that may be) and say “My mom was a spectacular person, she taught me so very much. She loved me with a fierce love, a protective love and she pointed to Christ at every opportunity in her life… ” My heart melts for my oldest daughter, Easton. She is such a beautiful child, inside and out. She has been through, in her short 10 years, what many will not experience in a life time. She has been taught many life lessons, and has been dealt such huge blows in her short life, yet she has faced them with tremendous strength and courage. My proudest moment was when Mark led her to the Lord 2 years ago, I saw such a huge difference in her from that moment on. This sunday she will be baptized, my second proudest moment.
Then there is my husband. Its hard for me to truly write what is on my heart concerning him, because I know he reads this (and half of his office!), and I know he will cry. I love you so very much. You have led this family with dignity and power. You have been my strongest supporter, my confidant, my very best friend, yet I feel like I have let you down in some way.. You’ve always given me hope, even before I had cancer, you pointed me in the direction of the cross many times in our journey with Emma Grace. I often wonder if you will be okay if this takes my life, and if it does, I hope that you can say that your wife was an amazing God honoring woman.
I want my life to be a reflection of Christ, I want to point to Him at every opportunity- through the good and the bad. I want to hear “Well done, my good and faithful servant” because after all, He is the only one who truly knows my heart.
…..a child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically
Dear Heather,
You are.
You are already.
God is glorified in you.
I see it so very clearly every time I come to visit your blog.
Love and contined prayers from Wisconsin,
Donna
What a wonderful family you have and what a amazing lady you are.
Bless you always.
I thot of this song when I came across your blog today. God bless you for your faith in Him. May we all learn from your sample of love and dedication to the Lord through these tough times. You are admired and have helped inspire many just through your sample.
IF WE COULD SEE BEYOND TODAY
Verse 1
If we could see beyond today as God does see,
If all the clouds should roll away, the shadows flee,
For present griefs we would not fret,
Each sorrow we would soon forget,
For many joys are waiting yet for you and me.
Verse 2
If we could know beyond today as God doth know,
Why dearest treasures pass away and tears must flow,
And why some darkness leads to light,
Why dreary days will soon grow bright.
Some day life’s wrongs will be made right,
Faith tells us so.
Verse 3
“If we could see, if we could know,” we of ten say,
But God, in love, a veil doth throw across our way.
We cannot see what lies before,
And so we cling to Him the more.
He leads us’til this life is o’er,
Trust and obey.
Heather,
Thank you for this reminder. It goes straight to my heart.
“…let me leave that kind of legacy.”
~TaunaLen
Heather….I’ve beenon vacation (still am actually) and this is the first I’ve had decent internet access….so I have to catch up on your latest posts. I justs read this one and I’m sittinghere in my hotel room with my family, with tears in my eyes.
I often think of what legacy I’m leaving for my 12 year old son…I’m a single parent..and a Christian….and you, you have so inspired me – your family, your husband, your faith. What a proud legacy you will leave behind someeday for your family. You point us to God in all you do Heather. My faith has been strengthened through you. Bless you in your continued fight! Love you girl! (even though I don’t know you)
Sunshine (Dana)
That was a great post. I got all choked up then I got chills. You are the kind of mother I am aiming to be…it’s hard sometimes, eh? And even harder for you because so much has been put in your path. That’s why I’m so amazed at YOUR faithfulness and MY lack of faith even though I have a life with silly little trials and nothing that compares to what you are going through and some days I can’t even seem to hold it together. You give me lots to strive for and I know that God is using you to get through to many.
Praying for you and your family.
Sweet Heather,
I am not surprised that you would be thinking about these things just now. We have been faced with this as well. I love to remember that the Lord has written the story of our lives before we were even born. He knows our days. I think if we were truly wise, we would live each day in such a way that He would be pleased with us. We don’t know – any of us – just how many days we will have.
I believe you’re going to have the victory over this disease. You now have such wonderful insights. Perhaps you will look back on these days and remember – and be blessed that you lived them well and continue to live each day well. You are a blessing and a testimony of God’s love and grace to all of us – and especially those closest to you.
OK my comment sent before I was finished – I just wanted to thank you for your honesty, your faith, and to let you know that this blog is such an amazing way for your kids, your husband, your friends, and your family to see how you have and continue to fight the good fight of faith. When you are weak – He is strong! May God continue to pour Himself into you! Sunshine
These same thoughts I have thought so many times. What legacy will we leave? Isn’t that the most important thing.
I love your honesty and am enthralled by the legacy you leave on this blog.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, of course, but as the mother of 3 girls, I also feel for your eldest.
I’ve sometimes wondered how I would handle such a trial. One thought I had was that I would like to take my girls out for a day of hair (up-do), nails and wedding dress shopping.
I realize that that sounds weird, but I think I would find some comfort and relief if I knew that on their wedding day, when inevitably looked at their dad and said, “I wish Mom could see me,” he’d be able to say, “Oh, she did.”
Thanks for helping your readers all around the world relish every minute. God bless you, Heather.
Heather, first off, I love your name. I have a 17 year old granddaughter with the name Heather. Heathers are very loving, caring, and compassionate people.
I found you through a friend who shared your blog with me. I have really been moved by your posts and your courage. I have a sis/i/law who has been going through similar circumstances with Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma for over 2 years. She is a school teacher, and went back to work this past January. Right now, as far as we know, she’s in full remission, after having undergone her own stem cell replacement surgery. She has held on to her faith and says she is going to live. This has been her testimony from day one.
Heather, I want you to know that many people are praying for you – probably more than you could ever imagine. Had it not been for my friend, I probably never would have come across your blog. And, I’m sure there are many more out there who have been sent here by others. Just want you to know that we will be lifting you up in prayer, along with your family.
The other day I was thinking about life and death. A friend of ours got hit by a car and died. He’s young, he’s healthy. We just never know when our time on earth is up …and it’s a comfort to know that because we know Jesus, we all will be with the Father. In a little while we ALL will be with the Father….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTsGOeLxnMU
You already have a wonderful legacy. You are an amazing woman and I can tell that your husband and the rest of your family love you to pieces. You don’t have any worries about how your family will remember you. I hope you will have many years left to work on your legacy.
But I do understand that you are thinking about it and I hate it when reality reaches up and slaps us in the face. On occasion I will look at my daughter while she is talking to me or even just doing her own thing, and it hits me that someday she won’t be here. She is dying… slowly, (although at times her health will take a nose-dive and then level out at a new low) but she is dying. As I watch her I wonder what her face will look like when she sees the Lord again. I imagine her face lighting up and a huge smile spreading upon her face. She tells me that she will give Jesus a big hug when she sees him again. I believe it. And she deserves it. But just because she is dying doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy today and cherish each moment. We are surprising her and taking her to a stable to see a real live horse up close. She has only seen a pony up close and she has dreamed of seeing a horse. A friend of ours contacted her friend who had to get permission from the stable owner who wants to be there and we have liability papers to sign, etc… so it’s finally all set up for us to go see a real live horse. We have to deal with the oxygen and wheelchair but I have been reassured that they will accommodate whatever Jessica’s needs are. Isn’t it AWESOME?! There are some wonderful people out there. And you are one of the them!
I just finished reading your last couple of posts and I wanted to reiterate what others said: you are allowed to feel “down”. It’s only normal so please don’t be hard on yourself. My daughter gets discouraged because she can’t do so many things that she wants to do… even things that she used to do. We have a game that we play when she is having a rough time and can’t settle down to go to sleep. The game is that we take turns naming something that we like. It can be something we like to do or like to think about… movies we like to watch or even things we like to daydream about. Sometimes we mentions things that we’ve done in the past or places we have gone. After about 10 – 15 minutes of that Miss Jess and I are both smiling and happy. She is then usually able to go to sleeping dreaming about something that makes her smile. I hope that might work for you, too.
(((Hugs)))
from one heart mom to another,
Nancy
I have been blessed by you, and I don’t even know you in “real life.” Judging from the impact you’ve had on those who read your blog, I’m sure your family and friends have been immeasurably blessed by God, through you.
Your older daughter just couldn’t look more like you if she tried. I’ve noticed in her pictures that she has a certain quality that shines through the photos. A radiance. I think you can tell a lot about a person by their countenance in photos. She looks like a lovely young woman filled with the love of Jesus and wise beyond her years. Congratulations to her on her upcoming Baptism.
Bless you, Heather! I believe our God has already used your life in a powerful and meaningful way and will only continue to do so. He is on your side!
You have shown me how to handle disappointment and uncertainty in my own life. I already had a sense of that, but to see it in action, believe me it helped in my shadowed moments. What i have been through isn’t even as dire as what you are battling, yet I found strength in your thoughts. Thank you for that. I don’t know you, yet I will never forget you, even if I never read another blog after today.
Jenn
Good morning Heather – once again – you’ve joined me for coffee!
I think it’s important to ask those questions. Too bad we only ask them when we’re faced with stuff like this…
God Bless you TODAY! hope it’s a happy one…
These are thoughts it would be good for all of us to ponder, because none of us is exempt from the possibility that our life could end at any moment. You are blessing us with time to do just that. I play organ at many funerals, and every one I have ever played for or attended, I wonder what would be said at mine. If I have had an impact for good that will remain. Billy Graham said, after the speeches at his library dedication last week-end, “Well, I feel like I’m at my own funeral.” What a blessing for him to be able to hear these words before he was gone. But he gave all the glory to Jesus.
You hit the nail on the head! What matters after we are gone is what kind of a legacy did we leave? Something to be proud of or a shambles?
child of mercy and grace who blessed His name? who points to Him? yes, my dear, that is YOU. you make our Savior smile. i hope i can leave that kind of legacy. you inspire me. and many, many others…know that. bless you…you will win.
You my dear are such a sweet thing. You are on my thoughts daily and when I think of you I think how brave you are, How God has worked in your life and I thank Him for leading me to your blog. You Heather ispire me so much to look at today and Praise God for the day He has made. You have touched more then you will ever know and in your long years here on earth you, you will be blessed.
Thank you for sharing with us.
Heather, I continue to be amazed at how the Lord gives grace and works in your life. After reading your posts, I just become speechless. You are a testimony of strength, and I know it comes from the Lord. May He continue to hold you close, give you grace, guidance and wisdom as you go through this. We can ALL learn from you! Thank you.
I’ve been keeping tabs on you these past few months while going through my own medical adventure. Know that you AND your entire family are in my prayers. Hang tough, and on the days that’s too tough, we are here to hold you up!
DK
Heather,
I always enjoy reading your posts and am so inspired by you. I found you through the ninetynineballoons blog and have read your blog for several months now. I just lost my baby daughter last week and am really struggling to find some peace in this trying time. Please pray for my family. We are praying for you and yours.
Mandy Hopkins
http://www.madelinegracehopkins.blogspot.com
You do it evertime you post! Especially when you’re posts are full of God’s Word! You are leaving a legacy right now!
I wanna leave a legacy too!
Continuing to pray for you,
Angel
Hey sweetie,
Just wanted to wish Mark a super fabulous Father’s Day.
Hope it’s fun, relaxing, and totally awesome!
Love you.
Dear Heather…I am just stopping by to wish you a very blessed Sunday!Love Terry
It appears to me that the Lord is speaking to you. I don’t think you have any reason to worry about your legacy. Keep being Heather. The Lord is blessing others through you just as you are. And if we are being blessed, I’m certain your family is being blessed as well. Take one day at a time. God is there at every step. I’m still praying for you!
Hugs,
Kate
Dear Mandy,
I am so very sorry for your loss, Madeline was such a miracle… she was beautiful too. I will continue to keep your family in my prayers, thank you for sharing your needs with all of us, it is an honor to pray for you.
This fathers day, remember this: She is in the arms of her heavenly daddy, complete and whole. And though your heart longs to have her back here, you will see her again…
Praying for you…
-H
I think, we all often forget, that even if we are not facing a life threatening problem – there’s nothing telling us that we are promised tomorrow – we are not promised tomorrow, and must remember to live each day like there will be no tomorrow –
To..Laugh like there’s no one watching,
To..Dance like your hair’s on fire,
To..Stand tall like a building that has never felt the crumbling effects of an earth quake,
To..Love with every piece of your heart,
To..Live like there IS no tomorrow!
God Bless, you are an amazing person, mother, wife, and servant to God you are an inspiration, a gift and a true friend!
Jennifer
Heather, I know people see Jesus in your face everytime they meet you face to face, because I hear his gentle whisper everytime I read your blog. His influence upon us through you is like a pebble on the water. The ripples flow out infinitely–with each reader. God bless you. You are an amazing mother and woman of God. No matter when you are called home, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you will hear a resounding, “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Well done!”
Just think–your children have all you and a bag of chips.
Heather,
Not only do your kids think that you are an amazing mom, but all of us do, too! You are a wonderful example for all of us! You are a shining example of what God wants all of us to be!