The events of my life have unfolded with such speed and force, I barely have had time to let them settle. I think that this past week it really sank in…I could die. I know my family reading this will wonder about me, and this post… I promise you I am not dwelling on that fact… but it doesn’t erase the fact that it is just that.. A fact. This could take my life.
This week, while laying on the couch, I thought about many things.. my children being the number one thought. Have I lived a life that they would be proud of? Could they look at my life after my death (whenever that may be) and say “My mom was a spectacular person, she taught me so very much. She loved me with a fierce love, a protective love and she pointed to Christ at every opportunity in her life… ” My heart melts for my oldest daughter, Easton. She is such a beautiful child, inside and out. She has been through, in her short 10 years, what many will not experience in a life time. She has been taught many life lessons, and has been dealt such huge blows in her short life, yet she has faced them with tremendous strength and courage. My proudest moment was when Mark led her to the Lord 2 years ago, I saw such a huge difference in her from that moment on. This sunday she will be baptized, my second proudest moment.
Then there is my husband. Its hard for me to truly write what is on my heart concerning him, because I know he reads this (and half of his office!), and I know he will cry. I love you so very much. You have led this family with dignity and power. You have been my strongest supporter, my confidant, my very best friend, yet I feel like I have let you down in some way.. You’ve always given me hope, even before I had cancer, you pointed me in the direction of the cross many times in our journey with Emma Grace. I often wonder if you will be okay if this takes my life, and if it does, I hope that you can say that your wife was an amazing God honoring woman.
I want my life to be a reflection of Christ, I want to point to Him at every opportunity- through the good and the bad. I want to hear “Well done, my good and faithful servant” because after all, He is the only one who truly knows my heart.
…..a child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically
Amen, sister! You have asked the tough questions that most of us don’t think to ask of ourselves until it’s too late to do anything about it. Thank you for your humble honesty, thank you for being real on here so we can know how to lift you up in prayer before our loving heavenly Father. Legacy, that is such an important thing…what IS important in this life? What does God have us here for? Big questions, girl…I pray that our Father reveals these truths to you and blessed you with His peace. Remember, one of the BIG things you are HERE for is to ENJOY YOUR FATHER…how He delights in YOU, His daughter. So, Heather, walk with Him THIS day…today is all any of us have at this moment. Fellowship with Him today, love Him today…the rest will follow.
Love and prayers…
I am positive that you will hear those words that you so long to hear. Bless you, Heather, for your raw honesty. I am continually praying for you and your family, and most of all, that God will spare your life for His glory.
your legacy is already evident, your candor in sharing your journey and your love of your family….is amazing. I think He’s already singing over you…. well down my daughter…and keep it up!
You have been and are a daily source of encouragement to so many! There is no doubt that your children and husband are waking up daily and thanking God for the woman/mother that you are! You are amazing, Heather, and I believe you are going to beat this! Thank you for being so honest with us! I just prayed for you last night that God will help you to endure all the physical and emotional stuff that goes along with this and that you will come out stronger in the end!
As you share this journey, we all gain a greater insight into what is important in this life here on earth….to point others to Christ, to live for Him, each and every day….you are a beautiful daughter of the King…a loving servant…
blessings this day
donna
I don’t know if a dry eye will be able to read this post. It’s beautiful. Thank you for being transparent.
Heather, you have an incredible spirit… May His grace wrap you in His arms and comfort you. May your vision of purpose be clear. May you be able to enjoy each day, each moment… This is my prayer for you.
Thank you for your honesty. You are a blessing indeed to me.
Paula
This is a beautiful post, Heather. This is a question that all of us need to ask ourselves regularly – what kind of legacy am I leaving? Oftentimes we don’t get a chance to prepare for this!
“I want to point to Him at every opportunity- through the good and the bad”
Honey, this is that point in time. You are pointing to Him – don’t let Satan tell you that just because you had a bad day or have a feeling of un-worthiness, that you are really that, because he is a liar. God knows your every thought and feeling – He created you for this – this day, this time, this very hour. I will continue to pray for God’s ultimate healing and grace on your life. May His strength be what guides you.
I sit here with tears in my eyes. How absolutely wonderful this post is.
I often sit and think about what sort of legacy I might leave and I echo the thougts you have on beng a Godly woman…..know that I pray for you and your sweet family and that I am blessed by you because girl, you are leaving a legacy that is worth it’s weight in gold!
In HIM -
Mindy
You expect me to work after this! just kiddin. love you HD.
Whether we have a terminal illness or not these are the questions that we must ask and areas we should reexamine often. I have been meditating on these very questions lately myself. Thank you for challenging us with your thoughts. We never know when we will take our last breath and we should always live as though today might be our last.
You are a blessing Heather!!!!
Praying for you always!
Tiany
I do not know about anyone else crying, but I sure did! You truly are an amazing God-fearing, God-honoring woman and I am sure your family is very proud of you.
Many prayers!
Gina
Heather – I am sure it will make him cry cause it has brought tears to my eyes. Let me tell you – As I have read your blog you have pointed to Jesus all along the way. What you are going through is hard – and so it is totally understandable to have bad days and do not feel for one moment that when you share those things that it brings less glory to God. It only tells us you are human and that you are struggling – which in turn, makes the rest of your post so amazing – how you trust in God – no matter what. You have touched so many lives I have no doubt that you have already at this point laid out a wonderful legecy for your family. You have taught me so very much – of the awesome power of God. You have been a wonderful example of the peace that God gives even in the hard time. Keep holding tight to Jesus – you will do amazing things yet!!
Love,
Lisa in Texas = )
Your legacy is magnificent! While I truly don’t feel that this tumor will spread and take your life, know that whatever happens tomorrow…you have lived your days in an amazing way, always pointing to God. Always.
Be sure that the rest of the world is in awe of you.
From the things you have written, I think you are leaving a wonderful legacy for your family. It is so hard to know if we are each accomplishing what we want to with the things we do! You are definitely focused and doing the best you can for your family! You are an inspiration.
A legacy, Heather, that indeed reaches around the globe! I often think of the way you are walking this thing out…and I think how very proud I am of your sincerity, truth and love for the Lord…unashamed love of Jesus. That makes Him grin, I know!
Our prayers are FOR you, Heather…asking God to heal, asking God to give you a very long life and to be there for even more wonderful moments like seeing your daughter baptized this Sunday…asking for you to see your granddaughter baptized, too!
With love and much prayer,
Holly
Heather,
Thank-you for reminding us what it all really comes down to. You have been given a tremendous gift, the gift of your words spoken on here. May God continue to bless you. And may He continue to soften our hearts through your gentleness of spirit.
dawnz
Okay sis, Thanks for the teary eye’d morning, now I am all stopped up!
I want you to know that you have made a VERY BIG IMPACT on my life. you have helped me with my Journey with God through your words. I read your blog daily just to learn something new, or for encouragement! I am blessed each and everytime I come here.
Love you dear sis, and can’t wait to spend some time with you guys!
Bless you for being honest about what you’re going through ((hugs)).
I completely understand what you are saying. That is my goal in life to please GOD with my life now and have a positive impact on the ones I love. I pray that I do this. I have not been reading you for very long (less than 6 months) but I am sure you have been a positve role model for Christ to your children and husband and all of us reading your blog. You have made me think deeper about my relationship with GOD. I don’t know you and you don’t know me but you have encouraged me beyond measure. We may never talk on the phone or meet face to face but thank you for your raw honesty and showing what it trully means to serve a mighty GOD!
Hope you don’t get sick of me simply saying ‘I’m praying’ over and over….
I am
Mary, mom to many
lovely.
(this is one of my very favorite songs)
blessings,
Karla
WOW !You are leaving a good legacey.Hope you had a good day with your mom.
Idon’t leave many comments, but know I am reading every post. I am praying for you and your family.
My Dear Sister,
You have already set a spectactular and God glorifying legacy in place.
Peace to You,
LaTara Ham-Ying
Heather ~ be encouraged that you are not alone. Your thoughts are thoughts that we all should think and dwell on. Your desires are desires that every woman should have. Each of our days are numbered. Not one of us know when God will call us home. Do not fear, your words point to Him. I read your post because it gives me perspective and reminds me to seek His word and be challenged to live a life worthy of the calling. Many are praying boldly for you and your family. ~ Debra
You are truely amazing, Heather. I’m sure your family aren’t the only ones with tears after reading this posting. I know exactly what you are going through at this moment, and you are right, only God knows your heart. Preparing for what might be is the hardest part of this disease, but knowing God makes it easier. Having faith is what you are sharing and I for one need to be reminded that faith is all important in our walk with God. He can do all things!
I know what you mean about your daughter being baptized being a proud moment. Our grandson is being baptized tomorrow and my heart overflows with love and his decision.
Have a blessed weekend, Hugs, Norma
Heather… these are questions that should guide our each and every day, whether facing the threat of illness or not. I know I need that reminder often… bless you.
My prayers continue…your life is all that you speak of…and more.
Now I’m crying – I’m sure that you’ve had a great impact on many lives, I know you have mine. Your faith is amazing!
This was my prayer this morning in my own life………..
In Awe ~
Ps. You are truly beautiful.
Wow. I just read this post and I am still blown away. I had cancer in 89 and 90. This was one of the hardest things for me to read. I wasn’t married, didn’t have children and mostly, didn’t live for God. Life is an amazing gift. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to re-evaluate what I am leaving here. My last treatment was in Oct of 1990. I pray blessings and health on you and your family. My husband accepted Jesus in 1996 and I rededicated my life to Him. We are working on being more Jesus to the world. You are an inspiration and encouragement. God Bless you!!! Christy
Heather,
Wow what can I say I have never met you and found your site thru someone else and from what you have posted on your site you life is a reflection of Christ. If God calls you home you will be leaving behind a legacy that will sustain those you love. Praise the Lord on Easton’s up and coming baptism.
Oh Easton, what a gift you are giving to your mama and daddy this Father’s day. What a gift your mama is. I may not remember the day I was babptised, but it was Mother’s Day when I was 12, almost forty years ago.
Legacy? You dear Heather have given them Jesus. And beyond that a Legacy of Faith, of fortitude, of Grace and of valor. She has seen what love looks like in the love affair her mother is having with her father. She will seek that out in her own life.
When you hold your granddaughter on your lap and see the strength your daughter has as a mother (and with all my heart this is my prayer for you) You will see your legacy.
Because of Jesus, Bobbie
“I want my life to be a reflection of Christ, I want to point to Him at every opportunity- through the good and the bad.”
Go dig up some of the posts you made in the days and weeks before your surgery, remembering that they were read by hundreds and thousands of people. There is no question. You have and continue to point everyone to Christ in every step of your journey, and your faithfulness (His strength in you) is inspiring.
Heather, thank you for pointing us to the right questions. We all should be meditating on these questions. The bottom line, how are we living our lives? Are we directing others to Jesus. Thank you again for your honesty, your faith and your love. Continue to pray for you. I John 2
Thank you for reminding me of this song. “Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things?” So very important. It’s important for all of us, ill or not. What a blessing you are, Heather.
You amaze me, as ever, Heather, and your words are so powerful. I too, keep praying. I am not stopping.
Heather, you have already established an amazing legacy for not only your precious family, but everyone whose heart you have touched through this trial you are going through. My prayer is that you have many, many more years to continue to build the wonderful legacy you have already started.
God bless you, Heather.
In His grace,
Diane
Tears have streaked my face on several different occasions today. I was sitting in Subway having lunch with my 5 year old son and tears were just streaming down my face. I couldn’t get the song or your post out of my thoughts. I took the time right there during rush lunch hour at the Subway to spill my inner thoughts to my son. He rubbed my arm and told me how proud he was of my that I told him I loved him, and he would always remember our lunch.
You and your story have touched my life in such a way that even those who I have come face to face with have not touched me. You are so right on when you say what have I left….have I made them proud? I am asking myself these same questions. But I can’t honestly say that I did before today. I have never even really taken the time to think of my legacy. Better believe I have now.
You speak of how you are living a new life now because of your journey. Taking time to just enjoy what days you are given. I did not receive your diagnosis but because of you I have too been given a new respect on life. I look at life through opened eyes on how short all of our lives really are.
Your legacy has touched more than you know and I am thankful to be able to lift you up before the Lord God because you have given me a reason to try harder on my legacy.
Praying for you and expecting to see your complete miracle,
Christi
You have given me something to think about. I KNOW that I want the legacy of this family (my immediate family) to be that of a godly family. My husband’s family, on his dad’s side, has been very different from that. We would like the generations that follow to trace back their faith to us…their great, great, grandparents. It is a testimony to God that he could change an entire family’s legacy. Good things to think about–thank you for always sharing.
Again, you are an inspiration! And the fact that you want to remembered for knowing Him — shows where your heart is. I’ve missed reading here for a few days and I’m glad to be back. You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers. ((( hugs ))) D
I sit here, weeping. Literally. Speechless.
Your words, the testimony of your life now and in the past have borne much fruit in my life.
Praying, continually.
That puts some meat on that song. I hope you know that you truly are leaving a legacy. I think you should consider putting your blog into a book form for your kids… so they can always cherish it. Of course, as long as you are writing it (and hopefully that will be long past the time I have given up blogging and well into our future – like maybe in our 80′s?), we’ll all be checking in on you… and coming away with a renewed sense of faith and strength.
You can’t see your worth. God can. Others can. Your children can. Your husband can.
This is on my perpetual calendar for today:
“God has a thousand ways
where I can see not one;
When all my means have
reached their end
Then His have just begun.” Esther Guyot
Thought I’d share it with you.
You know, your husband’s comment was almost as touching as your post! The fact that he could read that & still comment jokingly… that just says a lot about him. And about you… you picked him for your partner after all!
God bless!
I don’t think that’s going to happen, Heather, but if your family lost you now I have no doubt they’d remember you as strong, courageous, loving and most of all, an excellent example of a woman dedicated to God.
I’ve needed my sinuses cleared out a few times today. thanks HD, and everyone reading. you can laugh now
Proverbs 31:28-29
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.â€
Blessings to you!