On the table…

The last few days I have had to remind myself that I have cancer… that is a huge thing because the side-effects of radiation and chemo usually do that for me. If I didn’t have a huge scar across the top of my head, I wouldn’t believe that I had a craniotomy last month. My speech is getting so much better (although when I get excited, the words don’t come out very fast!) and last Friday I drove Easton to the mall for the very first time since I left for Rochester MN! We spent the day together, just her and I. No pesky little brother, as she would say. We saw the new Nancy Drew movie, and oddly enough I really really liked it! It was a great weekend and I felt normal again.

I know that I continually say if this is Gods will for my life (and obviously it is!) I will walk through it for Him, but the last few weeks have been hard. I have 2 weeks of radiation and chemo under my belt, and I have found the right mixture of medication, (and the right times to take them). But nothing can prepare you for the moments that you are on that radiation table, the clicking, the aloneness, the reality.

So I use that time to talk my Savior. As my friend Bethany says: “Jesus knows my every cell” I take that 15 minutes and really pray. I pray for my husband, my children, my parents, but then I pray for my cells, as odd as that sounds. I pray that the radiation would target those “stray cells of cancer” in my brain, and then I pray for the next person who will be on that table, that God would grant them peace and strength. I pray that their bodies would be made whole, and if before this experience they didn’t believe… cancer would draw them closer to Him.

I pray about my fears, my hopes, my dreams. And then I thank him for what he has done in my life, and in the lives of those around me. He has given me far more than I deserve.

All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
-2 Corinthians 4:15-18

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all

I’m thankful for that. (and for the fact I haven’t lost my hair!).