He knows the number of hairs on my head…
June 19, 2007
Jesus said that every hair of my head
is numbered and that not one
shall perish without His knowing.
I ponder these words and hear Him say,
Draw close my child;
let My love be your covering.
Feel My hands
upon your hairless head
and hear My tender words
of compassion and comfort.
Rest, relax, I will cover you
during this time of trial and tears.
And when your beautiful hair
has all grown back there will be
glory of a deep dimension
because you have walked with Me.
-Angelina Fast-Vlaar
Today, my hair began to fall out in clumps. I stood in the shower this morning and watched it go down the drain.
I keep reminding myself that Jesus knows my heart…yet I feel vain for shedding tears over this…
Remember when I said that I didnt want to be the girl with cancer who lost her hair?
I just became that girl.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Comments
Note From Heather: All comments are welcome, but I reserve the right to delete at any time. All comments are solely the opinions of the individuals submitting them and the publication of them on this blog does not imply my endorsement or agreement. By posting your comments to the blog you are granting me the right to use them. Your submission of a comment constitutes your acceptance of this comment policy.
In other words: Play Nice
130 Responses to “He knows the number of hairs on my head…”
I would love to hear from you!
{{{{{{{{ hugs and }}}}}}}}}
I’m praying for your heart. It’s not just “vanity” - God talkes about the hairs on our head because He designed it that way. Yes, yours will return but in the mean time it’s another tough reality of your treatment.
I look at your picture, however, and what I see are those eyes…beautiful.
Just try to remember that He sees your HEART and so do we…
And He is there…Emmanuel.
(HUGS) I Know your fear of this happening. It wasn’t easy to watch this happen to Matt (for no reason) At least you know why, and I promise you this. Your inner beauty will shine through, your outer beauty isn’t your hair!!! its your smile, your eyes and your glow! You are Beautiful inside and out!
Love you sis.
Dear Sister,
My heart hurts for you. We recall that they plucked out our dear Lord’s beard, among other terrible things. My life verse, Philippians 3:10 says, That I may KNOW HIM, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death…. We cannot know Him, intimately know Him, or experience the power of His resurrection, without the rest of the verse. I love you and am praying for you.
Yours and His,
Your fan in Central Texas.
Look at it as a test for others to be able to see you as you are.
For what it’s worth, my great grandmother suffered a serious childhood illness which caused her to lose her hair. I have a beautiful black and white photo of her at sixteen - her senior photo in the 1920’s. Her hair was long and luxurious and thick, and one would have no idea she had been ill. She always used to tell me (when she was in her 70’s and 80’s) that her hair came back in a much healthier state.
Heather,
I know this is not something you were looking forward to, I am so sorry you have to endure this. I have to agree with all that has been said previously in the comments above!! Its not your hair that we love, its your heart! Stand, unbashful, unafraid and know that he is GOD!
Please dont think me insensitive but Girl go get yourself a fabulous wig or pretty hat and keep on keeping on! We are praying for you!!!!!!!!!
I am praying for you. THOSE EYES are beautiful, your words are beautiful when you talk of God, I feel some of your pain when I read your blog. You are inspiring to me. Keep the faith.
Rhonda
I’m so sorry Heather…I am also praying for you always…sue
I am so sorry that is happening to you. But please know this, I think you are exquisitely beautiful anyway, and something tells me your family feels the same way. Your heart shines through you, and that’s the first thing we readers notice about you. So have fun buying cute scarves and hats, or just go free during this season of your life. (Any excuse to shop sounds good to me!) And in the midst of that, may you hold onto the One who loves you most……just as you always encourage us to do.
It’s ok to cry, you know. Many others are here crying with you. My mother recently went through chemo for a non-hodgkins lymphoma and said she started crying when just ONE hair fell out of her head because she was so afraid of losing it. She never did lose it, but she said that all the waiting and wondering was most painful. And I’ve been reading the blog of a gal with breast cancer who decided to cut it all off once it started coming out — she said it was quite freeing and liberating not to have to worry about it anymore. I don’t know if this helps, but I can’t help but think of how many others you’ll comfort and help who have to go through this after you! Although the wind is blowing hard against your light, it contines to shine so very brightly! I thank God for you!
Lyric is right. It may feel like it’s vanity, but it’s another reminder of the hard steps you’re taking right now. Your beauty is so much more far reaching than your hair. Your thoughts may be divided at times, but your “fans” are not. You are lifted up minute by minute and laid at the feet of our Precious, Soul-gathering Father.
Signed, another stranger loving your soul from a far…
Jen
So sorry you are having to experience this but as many others have said the beauty is inside. Your heart is what makes you the beautiful person that you are. Stay strong and keep pressing forward. I’m still praying for you and your family.
Oh your post broke my heart today. Just when you are feeling better. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any other words. Praying for you.
All I can say is I’m sorry — I know that this was one of things that you didn’t want to happen — after getting some control over the chemo and radiation you probably feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you . . .again. You’re allowed to cry about being the girl whose hair fell out because of cancer — and then to remember all the other girls you are too — the girl whose family and friends rally around her, the girl whose story is being followed and prayed over literally around the world, the girl whose grace and faith are bringing light to so many, the girl whose Father numbers and knows the hairs on her head even when all she sees is them going down the shower drain. He loves you, as do so many others.
I pray that you will feel His embrace more than ever today,
Kris
Girl — if anyone can pull it off, it’s you! Your face is gorgeous, those eyes, are you kidding me?! I’m sorry about this, not trying to make light….just reminding you of your natural beauty.
L
My heart just broke for you.
::hugs:: I’m sorry you’re facing this- I can’t imagine what it must feel like. We all talk a good game about not being vain, but when it comes right down to it, I know I’d cry if it happened to me.
My MIL lost all her hair twice (two different years) during her breast cancer treatments. The second round, it came back in curly and brown… not at all like her usual thick, straight, red (dyed) hair. That was kind of fun for her… seeing the new hair and guessing how it would look. Afterwards she completely changed her hairstyle, and she likes it now. :)
Amy
This is one of those ‘bad’ days. No matter how much you prepare yourself, it still stinks when it starts to happen. Don’t feel too bad. Allow yourself this ‘time to weap’ and then move on strengthened by all the hugs and His love.
*hug*
((hugs)) I am so sorry hon. I know what my Mom went through with losing her hair from chemo. It all came back and then some! Will be praying for the same for you.
Bo
I know very well that you are not a vain person, and that probably the point about the hair is more of a not wanting to “surrender or accept” anything that that looks like a deficit or step back. The loss of your pretty red hair is not any of those things, It is proof that the treatments are working, it is proof that you are taking it to the rebel cells that have to go! I have watched you grow up over the past — years (not to much info :) and know that your beauty is not limited to just your hair, or your eyes, or your smile, or your cute little outside self! ANDDDD your beauty is not just in your amazing love for people, your fight to the end loyalty for your friends that make you so beautiful. It is not even in how accepting, forgiving, compassionate, or tender-hearted you are. Anyone who knows you even in the smallest of sense knows your beauty comes from you just being … you. I love you, I think you are beautiful. NO! I know you are beautiful! Everyone else is seeing what your mom and I have known all your life.
I love you Babe!
Dad
It’s Ok, I’d cry too if I lost my hair. This happened to my close friend and she had just spent huge money on a great cut and color and then lost it all. It was hard for her. We had people in our church shave their heads to walk through even this with her. It was cool, and she didn’t feel alone. I had tons of people join me in coming around her in every way….. we made meals, cleaned her house, wrote out scriptures of healing, stayed overnight with her kids, bought her flowers, prayed over her property and her, etc. etc. Together we saw her come to COMPLETE healing. I will pray for this for you too.
Go ahead cry, and eat some chocolate if you can stomach it……….
I will pray for you. You are a trooper.
Hugs to you. I hope you give yourself the room to feel sad about it. I know that you will decide to “own it” and be the most fabulous bald (or partially bald) girl on the planet. Because you are strong.
(((((huge hugs)))) what your dad said was just lovely..listen to your Papa!! prayers always heather..
Bless your heart. Crying with you and praying for you. Then I read your dad’s post and cried even harder. You are blessed with a wonderful, loving family who are not ashamed to share their love for you with us and we love them for it. We love you and grieve with you, but also, we see the beauty inside that is so much more awesome than the beauty outside.
Heather, I’m going to be light hearted here: When I began losing my hair, I had my mom shave my head, it sure beat waking up in the middle of the night with hair in my mouth (I was in the hospital and share that single bed with a lot of loose hair was not my thing). Once it was done, I didn’t worry about it any more. Of course, my team of doctors and nurses kept telling me I had a beautiful bald head. It was winter time, so I had to wear a turbin to keep my head from getting cold. Six months after my transplant, I went to Hawaii with my husband. I was one of these that didn’t like hats or head coverings, so I just kept sun screen on my head 24/7. On our way home to Virginia we had to change planes in LA, and without giving it another thought I just walked through the airport with my bare head. Got a lot of looks and my hubby said I probably started a new fad. So, maybe you can start a new fad, besides, keep your sense of humor, and think of all the bald jokes you know. God likes a good chuckle also.
I have naturally straight hair and they say that sometimes it will come back curly. Boy did I pray for that. But low and behold, it came back straighter then it was if that is possible.
Have a blessed day. Hugs, Norma
Heather, listen to your Dad. He loves you so dearly and knows you so well. He is right. This is a sign that the treatment is starting to do what it is supposed to do. And you are beautiful. Hair or not.
I know I would cry too… and not that my hair is all that great to start with :-). A good friend who lost her hair to chemo took the opportunity to get two wigs: one was her “normal” style, and the other was a wild redhead because, she said, her husband always liked red hair! ;-)
I am so sorry. {{{hugs}}}
You are so beautiful…as my grandmother used to say “pretty is as pretty does.” You are doing it!
Praying for you.
Oh sweet Heather, I am so sorry. I ache for you. It isn’t vain at all… God designed you with that hair; it is a part of you! Of course you’re going to mourn. There’s just something about girls and hair… it is so important to us! That’s why there are a zillion female hair products and then one hair AND body wash for men. So again, give yourself grace and go ahead and mourn it. And let those falling hairs remind you that you actually CAUGHT this tumor in time to be able to be treated for it. My friend who is fighting her 3rd bout of cancer in 6 years looks stunning in her baseball cap. Without your hair, your other gorgeous qualities like your striking eyes will be even more striking. Like everyone has already said, you will STILL be beautiful. I have a feeling you’ll be even more beautiful in your husband’s eyes. The poem was beautiful… remind yourself to let His love be your covering.
Oh Heather, I can only imagine your sadness as you stood in the shower this morning. I don’t think you should feel ashamed of that though. God knows your every thought and fear and wants you to tell him everything, even if it seems superficial! Your wise and loving Daddy has said it all. The treatment is working! I loved it when you said you had to remind yourself that you had cancer.
Ever prayerful for you,
Linsey
Oh Heather, I know how you feared this - and I am sorry - that’s all I can say, ((((HUGS))) it’s not enough to computer hug is it?
Awww, I’m so sorry. Cancer stinks.
Okay sis, just got off the phone with you and came here to read some of your comments, and just have to say……DAD! you made me cry! You are an awesome Dad, Heather is very lucky to have you!!!
I also wanted to remind you sis, 10 days to go!!!! lol
Heather,
I am so sorry about what you are going through. I am trying to put myself in your shoes and imagine what you are feeling. I know you are being tested but you are living by faith and are such an inspiration to me each day when I read your blog. We are grieving over the loss of our new baby girl and you help me keep things in perspective. Please know you are in my prayers.
Love,
Mandy H.
GA
http://www.madelinegracehopkins.blogspot.com
I’m sorry you are going through yet another trial. I agree with everything that’s been said, and you are in our prayers.
If it has any worth… I’d give you my hair in a heartbeat!
I pray you can get past this hurdle.
I pray this strengthens you.
I just can’t pray enough…
L
You are beautiful, Heather!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Heather)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I’m so sorry.
Oh my goodness- I am sorry to hear this, sweetheart. Another dose of reality… but God will see you through this. His dear Son suffered many indignities for us- it must have been painful for Him as I know it is for you, so He understands…
Giving you a big hug right now…
xo
It is comforting to know God knows how much hair is going to come back! May you be richly blessed when it is time. You are in my prayers!
In Christ,
Terri Sue
Oh sweetie! It’s not vain to mourn your hair loss (: I know I would, honestly and truly. You have such a beautiful face and sparkling eyes which make you lovely, not just your hair. God knows the fears and anxieties of your heart and they’re not trivial to Him. Keep focused on getting well and let the medicine do it’s job (: Still praying for you.
Molly (:
I have to tell you that a month ago I was dying my hair and putting colored streaks in it. I couldn’t afford getting it done, so I bought “Chocolate Cherry Mousse” (doesn’t that just sound gorgeous?!). Anyway, I had visions of dark brown hair with red streaks and was so excited. My very LONG boring hair was finally going to get “funky”.
Well, after dying it, it was more red than I’d hoped for, but before getting too discouraged, I decided I would trim the dry ends, thin it out a little to add some volume and then put the highlights in. With the scissors I cut my hair around my face and then began to thin out the top with the thinning scissors.
As I grabbed for the last chunk (and I do mean chunk) from the front of my head, I cut and immediately paused at the sound… it wasn’t like that of a thinning scissors, but more dramatic. As I focused in the mirror on what had just happened (too stunned to believe it), I realized the horror that I had just cut the ENTIRE front half of my hair off leaving only 2 inches!
To make a long story short and get to the point, my mom paid for me to go to the salon the next day and I got a VERY short haircut. I wanted to cry for so many reasons. My hair was all the way down my back, and my husband LOVED it. But as the beautician was cutting the back of my head with a razor scissors, I couldn’t help but think of you Heather… it was that day you were going into surgery to remove the tumor. How could I cry at the loss of hair? It would grow back… And when anyone asked me how I was doing… I told them about you.
I’m so sorry that you’re loosing your hair… I’m so sorry for all that you’re going through. Every morning as I’ve fixed my short hair I’ve prayed for you… and now again, I have another reason to.
Love you,
Amy
Heather-
Sweetie, having your hair fall out is something to cry about. It’s a loss. However, you are stunningly beautiful inside which permeates to your outer beauty. Know that I will lift you up in prayer all the time. I just found myself in your shoes with a cancer diagnosis last week. I am getting a small taste of what I may go through as well. Thank you for your beautiful testimony.
God Bless,
Shari
I’m so sorry you’re losing your hair, Heather. I know it’s another tangible reminder of the cancer you’re fighting. Your beauty doesn’t lie in your hair, as your Daddy said so eloquently in his comment. Doesn’t make it any easier to handle, but it’s true.
Praying here in Arkansas. :-)
Love and hugs,
Diane
Awwww, honey ;(
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I certainly don’t think it is vain to cry over this. Hang in there, sister. You are loved.
Heather,
You have a beautiful heart, a beautiful face and a beautiful family. Rejoice in the beauty around you.
I’m mourning the loss of your hair with you and praying that you keep on “fighting the good fight.”
Your Sister in Christ-
Jackie from GA
Oh Heather! I am praying for you. You are not being vain for being upset about your hair. Hang in there!
I’m so sorry (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) to you!
{{{{hugs}}}
Thinking of you as always~
Oh girl, I am so sorry to hear about your hair. I had hoped you wouldn’t have to go through that pain.
My MIL had stage a 4 gbm and went through chemo and radiation. I so can feel the pain in your journey as I was the one taking her and sitting in the waiting room waiting on her to finish her radiation. Everytime she would get into the car after a radiation treatment, she would speak to her body demanding it to line up with the word of job. She would also speak to the hairs on her head as she felt she had authority over each one.
I will never forget one day she came to stay a few days with us, and early one morning I heard her sobbing in the bathroom. She came out with a handful of her hair and was in total shock. Just as I am sure you were. She then later went on to speak about the “traders” each hair that fell out of her head she referred to as the traders, it became to much for her to bare so she went and got a short haircut. It too made things easier on her. She said at least if they were going to fall out that they would be shorter pieces.
Maybe take a look through some hair magazines to see if there are any short hairdo’s that you might like. I know you had hoped you wouldn’t have to deal with the loss of your hair, but maybe shorter pieces would be easier to handle.
I will continue to pray for you and that your days ahead will be easier and filled with peace and joy.
Christi
they will come back my dear…I’m very sure they will….
And just to make you smile, I think you’d be number 11 on this list:
http://www.wiw.org/~jess/archives/2007/02/19/eight-bald-women/
((((HUGS))))
Oh my, I regret hitting the submit button….what if that link does not put a smile in your face… I’m sorry if it doesn’t…
Liza
Liza! You worry too much! It did make me smile!
-H
Thanks Heather.
Here’s a more serious one - different case, same struggle:
http://jscms.jrn.columbia.edu/cns/2005-02-15/altman-baldwomen/
and oh, I meant to say you’d be number 9 on that list. (I somehow thought there were 10 while I was typing my comment ;). When I re-read it, there’s only 8 in his list.
OK, I better log off and go home (yes, I’m at work peeking :)
:) Liza
Sending hugs and prayers to you.
Praying. And glad you have made it, by His grace, through this difficult day.
Ahhhh, Heather! I know that the loss of your hair is difficult and painful. But for many of us along in the journey with you it is also a beautiful symbol of the cleansing taking place and the renewal that God is making possible in you!
You are so beautiful and your face is so perfect for the look you will have for a while. I bet you wear scarves and hats so well!
You’ve been forced to face a lot of fears lately. You’ve had no choice in any of this. My heart aches for you when I read that you are sad or dealing with yet another cross to bear. But each day that I lift you up in prayer, I know that God has amazing plans for you and is holding you closely through each and every step you take in this journey.
Hang in there, Heather. You are so loved and so beautiful…hair is overrated anyway!
Hugs and prayers…
Heather, Ya know a friend of mine lost her hair to chemo and radiation and when it came back it came in curly she actually went from straight and annoying to curly and cute. How many can say they had that they had that kind of change without a perm. praying for you and yours
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
I’m so sorry that this is happening.
You really are beautiful, inside and out. And a smile will keep people from looking to your hair!
A sweet friend recently was bald from treatment of breast cancer. She used to wear the flashiest most sparkly earrings ever! (To make up for the lack of hair!)
So, if the hair isn’t going to stay for you, wear some great earrings, wear your beautiful smile, and wear your faith.
You’re beautiful!
Oh Heather, your beauty hasn’t laid in your hair for many, many weeks now.
But I’m sorry you’re sad about it. :( It will come back.
I’ll bet you have a nice head shape and will find some beautiful scarves. And just think! You have such an opportunity now to share the Gospel! Being a woman with no hair and a scarf buys you the same freedom of speech and credibility as a little old lady who wants to tell everyone she meets about her Jesus. I’d listen. Who wouldn’t? Now go show the world your “beautiful feet.” ;)
(((Heather))),
All my love to you as a sister in Christ Jesus. You are beautiful.
Blessings,
~Toni~
Heather,
I have been reading your blog since just before your surgery… not even sure how I stumbled upon it. Anyway, you have been an inspiration to me - like you have to so many others. I pray for you.. I have my husband praying for you… I have shared your blog with everyone in my small group and all of my girlfriends and family… you are helping us all grow as Christians, women, and moms!
I know that aside from praying there isn’t much that I can do to return to you what you are giving to me… but I’d like to try, just a little! How about a “hat shower?” I’d love to send you a cute hat. I’ve always looked just terrible in hats and this would be a great excuse for me buy one! If you’re up for it, email me with your mailing address and I’m off tomorrow to find a great a hat!!
I’m so sorry, Heather. I know you dreaded this. There is no way I can understand how that moment felt, so I won’t pretend to.
Your dad said it all when he said it’s who you “are” that makes you beautiful.
Inside, you are whole. You are full of the love of your family, friends and most importantly, your Saviour. There is no room for more inside.
I’ll try to call in the next day or so around Dr’s appts.
I need my Heather fix :)
Heather,
You don’t know me… but I have been following your story and want you to know you are in my prayers. I wanted to let you know about a dear friend of mine who has gone through the cancer journey this past two years. He is a great man of God and is also young with a family. I think you would really gain strength by reading his blog. Here is the link: http://www.jeremyerickson.com/cancer/?m=200505
Blessings to you - you are in our prayers
Christine Steendahl
Oh, sweetie, I am praying for you. I am so sorry.
-Heather
And this, too, shall pass…
Aren’t you glad we’re “just passing through” in this lifetime? I know I am.
An old friend of mine wrote a book that was recently published. It’s in most Christian bookstores. It’s called “The Beautiful Ache”. I bet you’d really enjoy it.
Aren’t you sick of people giving you book recommendations?????? :-)
P.S. The book is by Leigh McLeroy.
Heather,
I am sooo sorry about your hair. I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through. I know it is easy to say that it is JUST hair and that it will grow back, but especially for a women it is hard to be without hair. Please know that we are still praying for you and I hope you find comfort in that. And PLEASE remember that you are touching thousands of lives daily that may not have been witnessed to in the past. I feel that your purpose it to be an instrument of the LORD. He will deliver you. WE LOVE YOU!!!
Heather, I ache for your loss right now. No, it’s not vanity. Listen to your father’s wise words, and your Father’s wise words. They are both right. :) Blessings to one of the most beautiful women I ever hope to meet some day.
Heather, my heart is embracing you! And you certainly shouldn’t feel badly for shedding tears, now or ever - that is your body’s way of releasing emotions (happy or sad). He knows your heart and hears your cries - no call to Him is left unanswered! :)
sweetie YOU TAKE CONTROL of that hair shave it off you take it off don’t wait for it to fall off take it off yourself…. Bald is beautiful baby!!!!!!
(((((hugs))))) Praying for you. It is ok to cry. He understands your heart even better than you do.
You are beautiful. Love, hugs and prayers…because I don’t know what else to give to someone who has given me so much in sharing your life, your faith. Your wonderful Dad! I loved reading his love for you.
Oh swet Heather,
You will never be know as that Girl! You are the Girl that loves Jesus with such a transparent heart. You are the girl that brings us to our knees. You are the girl we love. Hair or no hair, you are so beautiful.
May we send you hats and scarves?
Becuase of Jesus, Bobbie
Grief is expressing loss, friend…and there is NOTHING WRONG about it (regardless of how trivial or not so trivial one may think it is). The Bible says to grieve with those who grieve. Thanks for letting us grieve with you. We will look forward to rejoicing with you, as well, when you are at the end of this road (and all the small PTL’s inbetween!).
Heather, athough I was very lucky when I had cancer and never had to have either chemo or radiation, I did have a hysterectomy. I know that many women have a difficult time adjusting to having their womb removed because they feel that they are no longer truely ‘feminine’. However, being a woman does not rely on having a womb, nor does it rely on having hair. Your femininity is something inside of you, something that no physical event can take away. You are beautiful and feminine Heather, with or without your hair. Your beauty is inside of you, in the person you are.
You remain in my prayers. May God bless you and keep you safe - now and always.
Heather,
PLEASE READ THIS! PLEASE! :0)
And make your husband read it— there’s a great organization called “Chemoangels” that I am a part of. What is does is match a willing volunteer with a patient undergoing chemo/radiation. They are most usually far across the country from each other. The volunteer (the “angel”) sends notes and care packages to the buddy (patient) weekly via regular mail (not email). It can really cheer you. Most of the volunteers are Christian, but not all, so when you or your hubby sign you up you can make sure you get a Christian if you want the faith element in your notes. THIS IS FREE! The only obligation to you is that you or your spouse (or whoever signs you up) has to check in via email once a month. You DO NOT need to correspond with the “Angel” or write thank you notes. It is just a program to send you cheer and hope in your mailbox.
YOu might think you don’t need such a thing because you have local support, and blog friend support, but believe me, you’ll love it.
Check out chemoangels.com for yourself.
****Blog readers, if you also know a chemo patient, sign up. It is such a wonderful, wonderful program! Totally Free!!
I do hope you do it.
PS THey also have a branch called “SeniorAngels” which pairs lonely elderly with “angels”.
Heather,
Oh, how I want to hug your sweet little neck right now. Instead I will cover you with my prayers. You are such a blessing to me and so many others. I know God is pleased with you and how you have chosen to respond to this time of your life.
As part of my course of treatment at the TX Cancer Center for my ITP, I was infused with Rituxin, a chemo drug. I too remember standing in the shower and wondering why the shower pan wasn’t draining! It couldn’t because of the amount of hair that was collecting around the drain. I had 4 doses, it didn’t work in my situation, so I never lost all of my hair. It was unnerving nonetheless and I just sat in the shower and cried, I couldn’t even force myself to go to our Life Group that evening.
Fast forward 2 1/2 years and I have to tell you, my hair is as thick as it was when I was pregnant! Not only that, my stick straight, hanging in your face, always needing a perm, sorry looking hair has beautiful curls and waves in it! For the first time in my life, I can wash my hair and do absolutely NOTHING to it and it still looks good! It figures though that everyone is straightening their these days! My timing has never been good!
Isn’t it comforting to know that God is so intimately acquainted with us that He knows every hair on our heads!
Connie Hopkins
(((((Heather))))) I can’t imagine quite how it must feel, but I am trying.
You are beautiful with or without hair, because of the beauty that shines from within your beautiful heart.
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} When I started reading the poem, I knew what was coming. My heart is breaking for you and I’m praying for God’s comfort. I would love to knit you a comfy cotton hat…will you measure your head circumfrence (just above your ears) and e mail it to me? You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Meg
Society is strange. God blessed us with hair on most parts of our bodies but us humans have dictated that hair is ugly on our legs, ugly on our armpits, ugly if a unibrow, yet beautiful if on our heads…
Beauty is reading your blog every day for inspiration. Beauty is rising above myself to care about the plight of another human being.
You know what? Every time I’ve seen a cancer victim with no hair, I’ve never once thought “oh my god, s/he looks so ugly without hair.” You have the radiance of an angel. With or without hair.
(((Heather))),
Toni (In the Midst of This Season) let us know about you on another site right after you were diagnosed. I have been reading and praying for you and your family since then.
I remember so well the feeling as my hair came out in clumps in the shower, not being able to rinse it off my hands, knowing it was going to happen, hoping I would be in the 1% it didn’t happen to. I had dh shave the rest off…. I cried as my 4 children tried to convince me I was still ‘beautiful’. Now you ‘get’ to be creative with your head covering. I wasn’t as creative as others. I stayed with BRIGHT bandanas. My children loved them, they could spot me anywhere! I did buy a wig, never wore it, but my son put it on and pretended to be a rock-star!
As Connie Hopkins said… I had straight hair and it came back with beautiful curls and waves! What fun I had as it grew out. The waves lasted 3.5 years. I had the last curls cut off 8 months ago. My hair is now just as thick as it ever was.
Heather, your witness is wonderful. Continue to hold tight to our Savior’s hand. He is walking every step of this journey with you and your family!
Oh Heather. I am so terribly sorry. [[hugs]]
Heather,
It is OK to cry over this. I am crying with you. Your dad’s comment really brought on the tears as I remember my dad saying some of the same things to me just last year!
When this is over, you will be surprsied how quickly your hair will grow back and most likely be a different texture. Mine came back even more thick and curly! I was hoping to come back as a curly red head, but I only got the curly part. If I want to be a red head, I have to use dye for that! ha!
I am praying for you lots today!
Im sorry to hear this happening, your in my prayers.
(((Heather)))) My heart just sank when I read your post this morning… I’m so, so sorry to hear about your hair. Please know that I love you, and I am praying for you. I can only echo all of the other comments that you have already gotten.
heather, heather , heather,
YOU WILL BE AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL BALD…trust me!!! I could nor believe how much hair i had when it started falling out! i was bald from november 1st, 2006 until may, 2007. and now that it has started to grow back ..I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!!!! it is thick, soft virgin hair!!!!! AND MY EYE LASHES AND BROWS are soooo thick i will be keeping revlon tweezers in business forever!
(((((((HUGS))))))))
I am sad that you have to go through this. I’m a big worry-wart, so the possiblity of this very thing happening to me at some point crosses my mind more than normal probably. I don’t think you’re a bit “vain” to be upset about such! Like I think I read in someone else’s comment above, God designed us that way - with hair, so it’s natural to mourn for the loss of it. But I see God’s glory *inside* you (yes, even through the internet ;)) and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!
You are so spunky, I can see you sportin’ some kind of cool kerchief or hat or earrings or anything of your choice. :)
I am praying for you and especially during this, another turn in your journey with Him. I praise God that you are clinging to Him.
Love and Hugs!
Aw, sweetie. I’m so sorry! It sounded like that was really a concern of yours. Ditto on what everyone else has said. Don’t know what else to add! Hang in there! It’s all part of the process of God’s miracle for you. ((hugs))
Heather, poor thing. I am so sorry. I do not think you are being vein at all, not at all. Hod created us & gave us hair, and he knows it has meaning to us, and I think especially us women. I am sorry to hear this, I think my heart fell out when I seen the headline, b/c I knew what it meant. Hopefully the process will be quick & it will grow back very quickly ok!
I love you!
Also, I wanted to tell you {{{I hope you do not mind}}} I have a special place on my journal for prayer requests, I copied a pic of you and linked it here & put it under my prayer requests. I also mention you in my actual prayer journal, which is right under prayer requests. I hope more people will see your story & pray for you, Emma Grace & your family.
{{{HUGGGGGS}}}}
Bev Adkins
Praying for you today, Heather!
With love and prayers,
holly
Your beauty is from your heart, not your head. I know there is no consoluation in that statement when you are grieving the loss of your hair. Your sweet Dad stated it so well. Praying.
I don’t know you personally, but I’ve been following your site and just want you to know that I’m sorry you are going through this “trial”. God bless you as you depend on Him.
I’m praying for you! I feel for you. I love my hair, I don’t know how I’d feel in the same situation! You’ll have to go out shopping and find some really cute hats!!
I can totally picture you without a hair on your head and all I see is His shining Glory…pun intended, but it’s also true. When you are out and about and people give you a second look because they realize you are hairless and while they are processing it, use that opportunity…He’ll let you know how.
Hugs…
Sending you HUGE HUGE HUGE Hugs xxx
Every thing I wanted to say
Has already been said
Shed those tears and then go buy
A fun hat for your head!
You’re beautiful, both in and out
And for you we always pray
Thank you for opening up your heart
To inspire us every day!
97 people have posted here already before me (and I can’t possibly read them all!) but I wanted to echo what I’m sure tons of others have said: YOU ARE NOT VAIN! I mean, c’mon already! Besides just being hard on the ego, this is like PROOF that you’re going through chemo and radiation. You are entitled to grieve that. I feel like I know you from reading this blog, and if I know you like I think I do, this “setback” is just temporary and in all the strength that you draw from the Lord, you are going to find the silver lining in this too.
Sending prayers always,
Karen
Tears with you. You’re not going alone.
Oh, how I cried when my hair fell out . . . my oncologist had assured me my shoulder length hair would begin to fall out about 13 days after my first chemo treatment and would be gone by about 17 days. I bravely said I was praying that my hair would be spared . . . I was so proud of my hair.
First I cut it short, then I ordered a wig, and on day 13 it began to come out in by handfuls. My family didn’t want me to get upset, thankfully they had left the house when I had my meltdown. It was just me and God. And he reminded me that the hairs on my head were numbered and he knew just what I was going through. Then he gave me a “picture” of how he felt when Jesus’ hair and beard were plucked out before His crucifixion . . . As he watched me struggle, it affected Him, too, because I’m His child.
And now 1 year later my hair is short and growing and everyone tells me how cute it is. The part I hated most about losing my hair is that it made me “look” sick. I didn’t look or feel sick until my hair came out and the other effects of chemo took hold. It’s okay to grieve over the loss. The loss of my hair was more “painful” to me than the scars from my biopsy.
I hope you fell His loving arms holding you especially today.
Stephanie
Well, bless your heart, sweetie! And might I say, your Daddy is just the best! He made me want to cry my eyes out (but I’m kinda at work - so it’s probably not the best idea)!
I started a series with the kids in the youth group a couple of weeks ago called “Worship in the Storm” (your story has given such great illustration). At the end of the second chapter (which asks “why me?”), there’s a psalm that you can have the students insert their name into the psalm taken from 1 Samuel 2:1 when Hannah was rejoicing. Let me insert your name into this and see what happens.
“The Lord has filled Heather’s heart with joy; Heather feels very strong in the Lord. Heather can laugh at her enemies; Heather is glad because God has helped her!”
I LOVE IT!!!!!! And I love you, too!! ;)
:O) I really have no idea how I found your blog this morning, just stumbled upon it I guess. As I write this, tears are running down my face (and my little dog is licking them), be strong, be brave and know that I will be thinking positive thoughts for you.
xoxo love LOVE from Idaho
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. I will continue to pray for you. JoAnn
Just so you aren’t freaked out like I was when I started losing my hair during chemo, it’s possible your scalp might start feeling sore. I still can’t figure out why my scalp was sore as I was losing hair, it was fine once all the hair had fallen out. Just don’t be concerned if you experience the same thing!
Awww ((Heather)) I am so sorry hun. Just remember that it will come back, and alot of times I read people like it better when it comes back! It is not vain by any means, that is your “glory”, mourn it as you should. xoxo melzie
I am sad with you. It is not vain to mourn the loss of your hair. Our hair is a very important part of our psychological make up so it makes good sense to miss it and to want it to be a part of us.
Oh Heather, I’m so sorry. But, please don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s ok to feel sad and it’s ok to be a little vain sometimes. God meets us right where we are…
Love,
Teresa
im so sorry…hugs to you heather
Four years ago I had brain surgery to correct a seizure disorder, and had to have my entire head shaved for the surgery. I felt so ugly - and ashamed for feeling vain.
One Sunday Jesus met me in a beautiful way I will never, ever, ever forget. He assured me He cared. He cared about my feelings. He cared about my heart. He cared that I was sad my hair was gone. All I could do was cry at the joy of knowing He cared.
And I know He cares about your heart, too. Please let the feelings of vanity go and just rest knowing He loves you and HE CARES!
well… I’m not very mature.. but that just stinks. WHether you know it may happen or not- it’s rough. Will be praying.
Hats- and scarves..(maybe, pretty, silk handknit ones?) . Now is the time to try something fun;) Regardless- you are one of the most truly beautiful women I’ve ever “met” ok…online. sheesh. I gotta get out more!
You’ll get through this…. just keep standing- girl.. and when you need to sit- sit in HIS lap. much love- ts
Your Dad made me cry.
Oh sweetie I know how hard this is, I’ve been there. I cried and cried in the shower every day until I just could not take it anymore and I shaved it all off. It gave me control over the situation, I didn’t have to watch and feel my hair fall out, it’s a tough thing to do though.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs.
I am so sorry. I cannot even pretend to know what you are feeling…just know you are being thought about and prayed for. Heather, you are truly an amazing woman…and I do believe you are gorgeous, hair or not!!!
And you are still beautiful…inside and out.
I know this is hard for you, and no one blames you for shedding tears over this. I don’t know that any of us could contain that sort of emotion when faced with this. Hang in there; you will make it through. We love you, hair or not.
Jessica
Oh Heather, I’m so sorry. It happened so fast that I’m sure it was a shock. It’s harder for ladies, too. My dad was mostly bald before his chemo started so he didn’t mind too much. We painted his head like an egg at Easter. It made the kids less upset about Grandpa’s bald head. He got a kick out of it. But like I said–it’s different for men. I totally understand being upset about this. The Bible says our long hair is given to us as a covering. Well, it’s a symbol and you are still covered!
I think that sometimes, as women, we have wrapped our idea of feminity up in our hair. Crying over lost hair isn’t vanity. Your appearance is going to change (temporarily!), but you’re still going to be beautiful and feminine. And you can beat this! This is just one more step toward regaining your health. I don’t comment often, but I do read this every day and I pray for you.
I’m so sorry - hugs and prayers to you.
((((Hugs))))
I read about you everyday and pray for you every day.
I cried with you today.
You are beautiful inside and out.
Oh sweet Heather! I wish I had something insightful to say, but I know nothing I can say matters - other than to say we are earnestly, steadfastly keeping you and your family in our prayers!
(((((((((Heather))))))))))
Hi Heather,
Go ahead and cry! Your hair falling out is a cry-able event. However, try to remember this, you hair falling out means you are that much closer to the end of your treatment. The end of this journey that you are bringing us all along for!
Your grace will sustain you.
Prayers for your family are coming to you from Illinois.
Siobhan
I don’t see that you are vain at all!!! Us gals naturally want to look nice and hair is a HUGE part of it!!
I am sitting here weeping with you, for you, to the Lord. The very One who makes hair grow can most certainly make it grow back. I’ll just ask Him to hurry it up a bit.
His,
Mrs. U
Heather, even today you inspire me. I am praying for you right now.
~TaunaLen
I bet you are just as beautiful without hair as you were with hair. Inside and out. ((((Hugs)))
This weekend I did the race for the cure in my area. The most beautiful women down there were the survivors that had lost their hair. It wasn’t us sweaty ones that had our hair in a pony tail. My heart cheered for those survivors and my heart ached for what they have endured on every level. I think of you today and I pray for you today.
Bald Is Beautiful!
Dang! I am so sorry. Praying hard.
Stand straight and tall Heather. Hair is just hair and a lot of trouble.. You will still be beautiful and it will come back.
Ah…who needs hair when you have such a beautiful face. Have fun with different wigs and head band and wraps and…
God’s blessings to you.
Oh, Heather , my heart goes out to you. It must be a hard thing to watch that happen. But as comments above has said your heart is what stands out with you, and it’s beautiful!
Heather,
until now i have been watching, reading and praying for you adn your family. And somehow trying to change how I envision my life because of the path you have had to tread. your story, your courage and your faith have just been a blazing exmple for me.
7 years ago my mom had her 1st bout with cancer. it was christ,mas, several weeks after she had beegun both radiation and chemo- they were visiting- and I heard a terrible cry from upstairs. I ran to see my mom in the shower with the “clumps ” you described. I can’t say I know how you feel, but that day I watched my mom (who does not have the faith in Christ you do) and cried with her.
its ok to feel. and thank you for sharing your trials with us. You are contanatly in my thoughts and prayers. I pray God will do a mighty work though you. thank you for sharing and letting us see you walk through this fire….
It’s not vanity. I think everyone who this happens to feels this way. One way to try to think of it is everytime you see the hair coming out try to think of it as the cancer coming out with it. I don’t know if that will help, but I hope it does. You are doing great through all of this, and don’t feel bad if you have bad days or bad feelings about all of it. You seem like a very good person with positive thoughts, even through all of what’s happening to you, and I think that helps.