Jesus said that every hair of my head
is numbered and that not one
shall perish without His knowing.
I ponder these words and hear Him say,
Draw close my child;
let My love be your covering.
Feel My hands
upon your hairless head
and hear My tender words
of compassion and comfort.
Rest, relax, I will cover you
during this time of trial and tears.
And when your beautiful hair
has all grown back there will be
glory of a deep dimension
because you have walked with Me.
-Angelina Fast-Vlaar
Today, my hair began to fall out in clumps. I stood in the shower this morning and watched it go down the drain.
I keep reminding myself that Jesus knows my heart…yet I feel vain for shedding tears over this…
Remember when I said that I didn’t want to be the girl with cancer who lost her hair?
I just became that girl.
{{{{{{{{ hugs and }}}}}}}}}
I’m praying for your heart. It’s not just “vanity” – God talkes about the hairs on our head because He designed it that way. Yes, yours will return but in the mean time it’s another tough reality of your treatment.
I look at your picture, however, and what I see are those eyes…beautiful.
Just try to remember that He sees your HEART and so do we…
And He is there…Emmanuel.
(HUGS) I Know your fear of this happening. It wasn’t easy to watch this happen to Matt (for no reason) At least you know why, and I promise you this. Your inner beauty will shine through, your outer beauty isn’t your hair!!! its your smile, your eyes and your glow! You are Beautiful inside and out!
Love you sis.
Dear Sister,
My heart hurts for you. We recall that they plucked out our dear Lord’s beard, among other terrible things. My life verse, Philippians 3:10 says, That I may KNOW HIM, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death…. We cannot know Him, intimately know Him, or experience the power of His resurrection, without the rest of the verse. I love you and am praying for you.
Yours and His,
Your fan in Central Texas.
Look at it as a test for others to be able to see you as you are.
For what it’s worth, my great grandmother suffered a serious childhood illness which caused her to lose her hair. I have a beautiful black and white photo of her at sixteen – her senior photo in the 1920′s. Her hair was long and luxurious and thick, and one would have no idea she had been ill. She always used to tell me (when she was in her 70′s and 80′s) that her hair came back in a much healthier state.
Heather,
I know this is not something you were looking forward to, I am so sorry you have to endure this. I have to agree with all that has been said previously in the comments above!! Its not your hair that we love, its your heart! Stand, unbashful, unafraid and know that he is GOD!
Please dont think me insensitive but Girl go get yourself a fabulous wig or pretty hat and keep on keeping on! We are praying for you!!!!!!!!!
I am praying for you. THOSE EYES are beautiful, your words are beautiful when you talk of God, I feel some of your pain when I read your blog. You are inspiring to me. Keep the faith.
Rhonda
I’m so sorry Heather…I am also praying for you always…sue
I am so sorry that is happening to you. But please know this, I think you are exquisitely beautiful anyway, and something tells me your family feels the same way. Your heart shines through you, and that’s the first thing we readers notice about you. So have fun buying cute scarves and hats, or just go free during this season of your life. (Any excuse to shop sounds good to me!) And in the midst of that, may you hold onto the One who loves you most……just as you always encourage us to do.
It’s ok to cry, you know. Many others are here crying with you. My mother recently went through chemo for a non-hodgkins lymphoma and said she started crying when just ONE hair fell out of her head because she was so afraid of losing it. She never did lose it, but she said that all the waiting and wondering was most painful. And I’ve been reading the blog of a gal with breast cancer who decided to cut it all off once it started coming out — she said it was quite freeing and liberating not to have to worry about it anymore. I don’t know if this helps, but I can’t help but think of how many others you’ll comfort and help who have to go through this after you! Although the wind is blowing hard against your light, it contines to shine so very brightly! I thank God for you!
Lyric is right. It may feel like it’s vanity, but it’s another reminder of the hard steps you’re taking right now. Your beauty is so much more far reaching than your hair. Your thoughts may be divided at times, but your “fans” are not. You are lifted up minute by minute and laid at the feet of our Precious, Soul-gathering Father.
Signed, another stranger loving your soul from a far…
Jen
So sorry you are having to experience this but as many others have said the beauty is inside. Your heart is what makes you the beautiful person that you are. Stay strong and keep pressing forward. I’m still praying for you and your family.
Oh your post broke my heart today. Just when you are feeling better. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any other words. Praying for you.
All I can say is I’m sorry — I know that this was one of things that you didn’t want to happen — after getting some control over the chemo and radiation you probably feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you . . .again. You’re allowed to cry about being the girl whose hair fell out because of cancer — and then to remember all the other girls you are too — the girl whose family and friends rally around her, the girl whose story is being followed and prayed over literally around the world, the girl whose grace and faith are bringing light to so many, the girl whose Father numbers and knows the hairs on her head even when all she sees is them going down the shower drain. He loves you, as do so many others.
I pray that you will feel His embrace more than ever today,
Kris
Girl — if anyone can pull it off, it’s you! Your face is gorgeous, those eyes, are you kidding me?! I’m sorry about this, not trying to make light….just reminding you of your natural beauty.
L
My heart just broke for you.
::hugs:: I’m sorry you’re facing this- I can’t imagine what it must feel like. We all talk a good game about not being vain, but when it comes right down to it, I know I’d cry if it happened to me.
My MIL lost all her hair twice (two different years) during her breast cancer treatments. The second round, it came back in curly and brown… not at all like her usual thick, straight, red (dyed) hair. That was kind of fun for her… seeing the new hair and guessing how it would look. Afterwards she completely changed her hairstyle, and she likes it now.
Amy
This is one of those ‘bad’ days. No matter how much you prepare yourself, it still stinks when it starts to happen. Don’t feel too bad. Allow yourself this ‘time to weap’ and then move on strengthened by all the hugs and His love.
*hug*
((hugs)) I am so sorry hon. I know what my Mom went through with losing her hair from chemo. It all came back and then some! Will be praying for the same for you.
Bo
and know that your beauty is not limited to just your hair, or your eyes, or your smile, or your cute little outside self! ANDDDD your beauty is not just in your amazing love for people, your fight to the end loyalty for your friends that make you so beautiful. It is not even in how accepting, forgiving, compassionate, or tender-hearted you are. Anyone who knows you even in the smallest of sense knows your beauty comes from you just being … you. I love you, I think you are beautiful. NO! I know you are beautiful! Everyone else is seeing what your mom and I have known all your life.
I know very well that you are not a vain person, and that probably the point about the hair is more of a not wanting to “surrender or accept” anything that that looks like a deficit or step back. The loss of your pretty red hair is not any of those things, It is proof that the treatments are working, it is proof that you are taking it to the rebel cells that have to go! I have watched you grow up over the past — years (not to much info
I love you Babe!
Dad
It’s Ok, I’d cry too if I lost my hair. This happened to my close friend and she had just spent huge money on a great cut and color and then lost it all. It was hard for her. We had people in our church shave their heads to walk through even this with her. It was cool, and she didn’t feel alone. I had tons of people join me in coming around her in every way….. we made meals, cleaned her house, wrote out scriptures of healing, stayed overnight with her kids, bought her flowers, prayed over her property and her, etc. etc. Together we saw her come to COMPLETE healing. I will pray for this for you too.
Go ahead cry, and eat some chocolate if you can stomach it……….
I will pray for you. You are a trooper.
Hugs to you. I hope you give yourself the room to feel sad about it. I know that you will decide to “own it” and be the most fabulous bald (or partially bald) girl on the planet. Because you are strong.
(((((huge hugs)))) what your dad said was just lovely..listen to your Papa!! prayers always heather..
Bless your heart. Crying with you and praying for you. Then I read your dad’s post and cried even harder. You are blessed with a wonderful, loving family who are not ashamed to share their love for you with us and we love them for it. We love you and grieve with you, but also, we see the beauty inside that is so much more awesome than the beauty outside.
Heather, I’m going to be light hearted here: When I began losing my hair, I had my mom shave my head, it sure beat waking up in the middle of the night with hair in my mouth (I was in the hospital and share that single bed with a lot of loose hair was not my thing). Once it was done, I didn’t worry about it any more. Of course, my team of doctors and nurses kept telling me I had a beautiful bald head. It was winter time, so I had to wear a turbin to keep my head from getting cold. Six months after my transplant, I went to Hawaii with my husband. I was one of these that didn’t like hats or head coverings, so I just kept sun screen on my head 24/7. On our way home to Virginia we had to change planes in LA, and without giving it another thought I just walked through the airport with my bare head. Got a lot of looks and my hubby said I probably started a new fad. So, maybe you can start a new fad, besides, keep your sense of humor, and think of all the bald jokes you know. God likes a good chuckle also.
I have naturally straight hair and they say that sometimes it will come back curly. Boy did I pray for that. But low and behold, it came back straighter then it was if that is possible.
Have a blessed day. Hugs, Norma
Heather, listen to your Dad. He loves you so dearly and knows you so well. He is right. This is a sign that the treatment is starting to do what it is supposed to do. And you are beautiful. Hair or not.
I know I would cry too… and not that my hair is all that great to start with
. A good friend who lost her hair to chemo took the opportunity to get two wigs: one was her “normal” style, and the other was a wild redhead because, she said, her husband always liked red hair! 
I am so sorry. {{{hugs}}}
You are so beautiful…as my grandmother used to say “pretty is as pretty does.” You are doing it!
Praying for you.
Oh sweet Heather, I am so sorry. I ache for you. It isn’t vain at all… God designed you with that hair; it is a part of you! Of course you’re going to mourn. There’s just something about girls and hair… it is so important to us! That’s why there are a zillion female hair products and then one hair AND body wash for men. So again, give yourself grace and go ahead and mourn it. And let those falling hairs remind you that you actually CAUGHT this tumor in time to be able to be treated for it. My friend who is fighting her 3rd bout of cancer in 6 years looks stunning in her baseball cap. Without your hair, your other gorgeous qualities like your striking eyes will be even more striking. Like everyone has already said, you will STILL be beautiful. I have a feeling you’ll be even more beautiful in your husband’s eyes. The poem was beautiful… remind yourself to let His love be your covering.
Oh Heather, I can only imagine your sadness as you stood in the shower this morning. I don’t think you should feel ashamed of that though. God knows your every thought and fear and wants you to tell him everything, even if it seems superficial! Your wise and loving Daddy has said it all. The treatment is working! I loved it when you said you had to remind yourself that you had cancer.
Ever prayerful for you,
Linsey
Oh Heather, I know how you feared this – and I am sorry – that’s all I can say, ((((HUGS))) it’s not enough to computer hug is it?
Awww, I’m so sorry. Cancer stinks.
Okay sis, just got off the phone with you and came here to read some of your comments, and just have to say……DAD! you made me cry! You are an awesome Dad, Heather is very lucky to have you!!!
I also wanted to remind you sis, 10 days to go!!!! lol
Heather,
I am so sorry about what you are going through. I am trying to put myself in your shoes and imagine what you are feeling. I know you are being tested but you are living by faith and are such an inspiration to me each day when I read your blog. We are grieving over the loss of our new baby girl and you help me keep things in perspective. Please know you are in my prayers.
Love,
Mandy H.
GA
http://www.madelinegracehopkins.blogspot.com
I’m sorry you are going through yet another trial. I agree with everything that’s been said, and you are in our prayers.
If it has any worth… I’d give you my hair in a heartbeat!
I pray you can get past this hurdle.
I pray this strengthens you.
I just can’t pray enough…
L
You are beautiful, Heather!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Heather)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I’m so sorry.
Oh my goodness- I am sorry to hear this, sweetheart. Another dose of reality… but God will see you through this. His dear Son suffered many indignities for us- it must have been painful for Him as I know it is for you, so He understands…
Giving you a big hug right now…
xo
It is comforting to know God knows how much hair is going to come back! May you be richly blessed when it is time. You are in my prayers!
In Christ,
Terri Sue
Oh sweetie! It’s not vain to mourn your hair loss (: I know I would, honestly and truly. You have such a beautiful face and sparkling eyes which make you lovely, not just your hair. God knows the fears and anxieties of your heart and they’re not trivial to Him. Keep focused on getting well and let the medicine do it’s job (: Still praying for you.
Molly (:
I have to tell you that a month ago I was dying my hair and putting colored streaks in it. I couldn’t afford getting it done, so I bought “Chocolate Cherry Mousse” (doesn’t that just sound gorgeous?!). Anyway, I had visions of dark brown hair with red streaks and was so excited. My very LONG boring hair was finally going to get “funky”.
Well, after dying it, it was more red than I’d hoped for, but before getting too discouraged, I decided I would trim the dry ends, thin it out a little to add some volume and then put the highlights in. With the scissors I cut my hair around my face and then began to thin out the top with the thinning scissors.
As I grabbed for the last chunk (and I do mean chunk) from the front of my head, I cut and immediately paused at the sound… it wasn’t like that of a thinning scissors, but more dramatic. As I focused in the mirror on what had just happened (too stunned to believe it), I realized the horror that I had just cut the ENTIRE front half of my hair off leaving only 2 inches!
To make a long story short and get to the point, my mom paid for me to go to the salon the next day and I got a VERY short haircut. I wanted to cry for so many reasons. My hair was all the way down my back, and my husband LOVED it. But as the beautician was cutting the back of my head with a razor scissors, I couldn’t help but think of you Heather… it was that day you were going into surgery to remove the tumor. How could I cry at the loss of hair? It would grow back… And when anyone asked me how I was doing… I told them about you.
I’m so sorry that you’re loosing your hair… I’m so sorry for all that you’re going through. Every morning as I’ve fixed my short hair I’ve prayed for you… and now again, I have another reason to.
Love you,
Amy
Heather-
Sweetie, having your hair fall out is something to cry about. It’s a loss. However, you are stunningly beautiful inside which permeates to your outer beauty. Know that I will lift you up in prayer all the time. I just found myself in your shoes with a cancer diagnosis last week. I am getting a small taste of what I may go through as well. Thank you for your beautiful testimony.
God Bless,
Shari
I’m so sorry you’re losing your hair, Heather. I know it’s another tangible reminder of the cancer you’re fighting. Your beauty doesn’t lie in your hair, as your Daddy said so eloquently in his comment. Doesn’t make it any easier to handle, but it’s true.
Praying here in Arkansas.
Love and hugs,
Diane
Awwww, honey ;(
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I certainly don’t think it is vain to cry over this. Hang in there, sister. You are loved.
Heather,
You have a beautiful heart, a beautiful face and a beautiful family. Rejoice in the beauty around you.
I’m mourning the loss of your hair with you and praying that you keep on “fighting the good fight.”
Your Sister in Christ-
Jackie from GA
Oh Heather! I am praying for you. You are not being vain for being upset about your hair. Hang in there!
I’m so sorry (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) to you!
{{{{hugs}}}
Thinking of you as always~
Oh girl, I am so sorry to hear about your hair. I had hoped you wouldn’t have to go through that pain.
My MIL had stage a 4 gbm and went through chemo and radiation. I so can feel the pain in your journey as I was the one taking her and sitting in the waiting room waiting on her to finish her radiation. Everytime she would get into the car after a radiation treatment, she would speak to her body demanding it to line up with the word of job. She would also speak to the hairs on her head as she felt she had authority over each one.
I will never forget one day she came to stay a few days with us, and early one morning I heard her sobbing in the bathroom. She came out with a handful of her hair and was in total shock. Just as I am sure you were. She then later went on to speak about the “traders” each hair that fell out of her head she referred to as the traders, it became to much for her to bare so she went and got a short haircut. It too made things easier on her. She said at least if they were going to fall out that they would be shorter pieces.
Maybe take a look through some hair magazines to see if there are any short hairdo’s that you might like. I know you had hoped you wouldn’t have to deal with the loss of your hair, but maybe shorter pieces would be easier to handle.
I will continue to pray for you and that your days ahead will be easier and filled with peace and joy.
Christi
they will come back my dear…I’m very sure they will….
And just to make you smile, I think you’d be number 11 on this list:
http://www.wiw.org/~jess/archives/2007/02/19/eight-bald-women/
((((HUGS))))