Calloused and bruised / dazed and confused
My Spirit is left wanting something more
Than my selfish hopes / and my selfish dreams
I’m lying with my face down to the floor
I’m crying out for more
Give me Words to speak
Don’t let my Spirit sleep
Cause I can’t think of anything worth saying
But I know that I owe You my life
So give me Words to speak
Don’t let my Spirit sleep
Every night, every day/ I find that I have nothing left to say
So I stand here in silence awaiting Your guidance
I’m wanting only Your voice to be heard
Let them be Your Words
-Aaron Shust
I was talking to my dad today about how much of myself I put out on this blog. How much I trust people, despite how many times they prove themselves otherwise. I am always for the under dog, that is just my personality. I guess I am somewhat naive, especially when it comes to the internet. Maybe my dad is right, I trust way to easily. Right now, I just don’t have the words to tell you what is on my heart. I so badly want to be hidden behind the cross, fully hidden. But it is proving to be very difficult tonight.
I look back on the past 7 years of my life, and I see so many blessings. So many times Christ has moved in my life. Yet tonight I find myself questioning just about everything. I am not questioning my faith, please don’t think that, I am wondering about the plan that he has for my life, and wish that I had a fast forward button because I so desperately want to know how my story ends.
Hows that for honesty? This is usually the time that I would enter a scripture verse, and tie this all together. Not tonight. I have no magic words, no “aha” moments.
This is just me… raw & broken.
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Heather,
Thank you for sharing your life. Everytime I read your Blog I am blessed. I am lifting you up in my prayers and know that God has already provided. Have a Especially Blessed Sunday.
Your honesty and openness is appreciated — and I believe that the Lord is using your life and testimony GREATLY! I know what you mean about being open and naive — I vascalate between being who I am (open and vulnerable but wanting help those in need and be a listening ear) and wanting to hide and protect myself and be (on the outside anyway) someone else. But this is who God made me to be. And you too.
I’m sure that you’re going through so many questions and ‘ponderings’ — sometimes my ponderings can be worse than reality! I have to look at how the Lord has led me throughout my life so far and trust that He’s still in control and He knows what He’s doing (which it what I firmly believe). I can’t let satan have a hayday with my thoughts.
((( hugs ))) D
You are so open…
Keep trusting God.
I am praying for you.
Continuing to be open
God is holding you close
As you shine bright!
Oh – SO -BRIGHT!
Heather,
you are such a blessing and a testimony of Christ’s love. How does your story end? In Christ. Always in Christ. HE is there. HE loves you. And HE will always be with you. No matter what. Oh, how great is HIS love for those whom HE has saved! For you! It is deep and wide and high.
Heather,
Continuing breath prayers for you and your loved ones…hoping all is well…I know we said be selfish, rest and relax. Just post a sentence so we know things are well with you, please.
Peace be with you,
Annamaria
Hello,
Thanks so much for the words to this song. I got to hear it tonight on the way to work and the first thing I did was google it. Your blog came up third on the list. I never answer or write in these things. Tonight I don’t know why, I just wanted to say may the Lord bless you and say a preyer for you.
Brother Pat
Heather,
As I sit here and read your blog, and the comments of others who have responded to your blog, I am in awe of how the Father allows the paths of HIS children to cross regardless of their geographical locations, nationality, age differences, etc, via the internet. I do not know you, but my heart feels connected with you at this very moment through the Spirit which binds us together.
I believe that I found your blog by divine appointment, not by chance. A very dear friend of mine is struggling and fighting a battle of his own. I wanted to offer a word of encouragement to him but I could not remember the reference so I googled the verse about what the enemy means for evil, God can turn it into something good and I found this, among many other links:
http://www.especiallyheather.com/2007/04/11/he-never-lets-me-go/
…. this link was my introduction to your story. In reading the information on this link my heart was touched, and you have been an encouragement to me in the 3 links that I have read in your blog, the about me page and this one. Over time, I intend to go back to your very first post and follow your story because I can sense the victory He is working in you. Right now – or at the time of your post, you feel, or felt, raw and broken … but I would like to encourage you because it is in our brokenness that our Father shines through. You don’t have to always have the right words, or the right thoughts …. sometimes God just wants us to be quiet, and allow His Spirit to seep through the gaping holes in our lives which sometimes resemble cracked pots as we allow our broken vessels to be used in HIS ministry for the perfection of HIS Kingdom in HIS time and for HIS glory. I believe that you have done just that!!
I also believe that there is a time and a season for all things …. maybe this is your season of rest …. a season where we can be used of the Father to minister unto you!
Isaiah 40:31 says, “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
Teach us Lord, teach us Lord, to wait!
Love in Christ,
Julie
Oh yes, how many times have I thought “I know you have a plan Lord, I just wish you’d let me in on it!!!”
God Bless You Heather.
Dear Heather
Thanks for being an inspiration to me. It doesn’t matter if we understand His purpose or not. He still there. He still cares. He still loves. He still the best company. HE UNDERSTANDS.
I’m able to see Him through you. THE BEST IS YET TO COME!
Heather,
I had to respond to your “Give Me Words to Speak. This past Sunday I had called a Christian friend of mine, to discuss with her that I did not know my purpose in life. Since 2001 I have had two surgeries, chemo, radiation etc. etc. for lung cancer and each day of being bruised, dazed and confused, Christ has carried me through. Things are quiet now and all seems to be well, but on Sunday I had this overwhelming feeling that I “should be doing something” serving, helping…something than just sitting quietly. After all, I owe Christ my life. My friend reminded me “you are in the Martha mode”. She then thought of the song “Give Me Words to Speak” and searched the internet for the words to burn me a CD with this song and other songs such as “Your Raise Me Up” (one of my favorites). When searching the net she came upon your blog, which she shared with me. I have never done a blog thing before, but I just wanted to let you know that what you wrote I felt deeply in my heart, and the song, well that was right on the money for me…as I sit in silence waiting for His guidance. My friend also mentioned to me, that the quiet time in life is a good time to continue building my relationship with my one true love, Christ. Thanks so much for sharing. With love through Christ, Rosie.
Hi, I’d like to say thank you for sharing your words, your experiences, your hopes, your feelings, and so forth. It’s so difficult sometimes to get through the trials in our lives and in some ways it is comforting to know we aren’t alone. I thought that perhaps in response to your words here, you might appreciate Mercy Me’s “Word of God Speak” lyrics. Where even when we don’t have the words, god has the words that matter most for us. With love and prayers, Lexy.
God bless you. You are truly an inspiration to all. Stay blessed Heather.
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