Radiation, that is 
(I swallowed my pride and posted this picture…)
As I close this chapter in my journey, I look back and realize that I need to change some things in my life. I think the thing that I realize most is I put too much pressure on myself in attempt to try to please people, and I just cant afford to do that, especially right now. Right now is the time to be selfish with my energy and I give myself permission to do that.
I read this on 38lemon:
Be selfish. Now is the time to take care of yourself. In a lot of ways, this will test your friendships. Will your friends understand your relative unavailability or not? Certain friendships may fall off because of this. Other friendships will be steadfast. Don’t be afraid of that dynamic.
Anyone who has had a life altering experience can relate to those words.
Thank you to all of you who commented on my last post, I, again, read every single one. It was so hard for me to hit the “publish” button, Laura can attest to that fact. But I am glad I did, I cried harder last night than I have since cancer entered my life, and that is okay, it is okay to feel all alone, as long as you don’t stay in that spot for too long.
See, I do have bad days! But even in my bad days, I realize I am so enormously blessed…
Now celebrate with me!! I am done with radiation!
Congratulations! I am sooo happy for you. Praise God!
(Still praying for you, though!)
Heather,
Congratulations! That is amazing accomplishment!
Breathe, just breathe!
Many Blessings,
Paula
awesome heather!!!
you are amazing…i love your honesty & i love how the lord has just drawn you close & given you such a wonderful gift of communicating “real” life to others.
so blessed to follow you & honored to pray for you.
xo
Wooo hooo! I’m jumpin’ and shoutin’ for ‘ya!
God is good!
Karen
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are so beautiful – thanks for being so honest and vulnerable. God is really working through you and your life to reach and teach SO many! I am so glad you are done with radiation! Sunshine
WOOHOO!!! YAHOO! AND you look GREAT!
Congratulations! And you look FABULOUS DAWLING!
You’re amazing! God is Amazing!
This is only my second post…I’m not great with words…but I read the blog every day!
My stomach is in my throat right now…I’m so excited the radiation is over!
Em
YEAH! I am so thankful! Praise God! Sister, I am so proud of you!
I have a HUGE smile on my face!
WOOHOO!!! Ending treatment is a bittersweet thing. I remember being thrilled that chemo and needles were GONE but I was also scared to death that our being proactive time was done. It took time, but I eventually stopped worrying about cancer.
LIVE LIFE and don’t be afraid to be SELFISH!!!!! That is hard since we are moms and by nature caregivers and careTAKERS. Sometimes we just have to be selfish.
Hugs
Laurie
ps…you look stunning!!!
Congratulations Heather!!!!
I can’t imagine how excited you must be to put this step behind you! I am so very touched by your story and have shared your life with so many of my friends – just like you are a sister here in my own little town…
I too, share my entire everything with anyone I meet – and I must say it does make us vulnerable – but also very real. People never have to guess and play games to understand us – thank you for your authenticity – it means so much to see you – a christian women – revealing Jesus to so many – with your ups and downs… your doubts, your fears, and ALLL of your success… The day you posted about choosing to recognize the positives was a fighting day for me to – your comments were absolutely perfect for helping to choose JOY! Thank you – Thank you – Thank you for letting God use you – Thank you for being real – thank you for sharing you journey with me…
Sheila Walsh wrote a book called Life is Tough but God is Faithful… in it she address the fact that we are all living sacrifices – and we have a choice – we can let God use us or we can crawl off the altar… “In the Old Testament, a lamb was not consulted as to how it felt about being offered as a sacrifice. It was simply slaughtered and laid on the altar to be consumed by the fire. but in the New Testament – The New Covenant – we are living sacrifices. The trouble is, a living sacrifice can crawl off the altar when it gets too hot. God could have preprogrammed us as robots who serve Him without choice, but He has given us the ability to choose.” So – when the heat is turned up – be determided to be a sweet smelling sacrifice to God – (Eph. 5:2) “When the heat of problems and pain burns into our very souls, we can crawl away and hide when it gets too hot, or we can choose to be living sacrifices who stay on the altar for His sake.”
I absolutely love this book – am only half way thru – but it is such a great reminder and teaching of the truth we have in our savior and how this life isn’t about what we do – it’s about how we love! Your love is so abundant – thanks for sharing your love for Jesus with us – you are his reflection! God knows your heart – and that is more important than what anyone of us think! You Go GIRL! Hugs! Amanda
What a beautiful smile you have! I am glad you are done.
Congratulations!! You look amazing!
Glory to God – Glory to God – For God is MIGHTY – Mighty to SAVE!
Heather thank you for allowing God to reveal His Glory through you. Your honesty and continual reliance on Him has touched my life – really inspired me – and caused me to think deeply about whether or not I continually rely on Him. So I know that cancer really stinks – but you just never know how or when God is going to use you – isn’t He mysterious?!
I am so happy that you are finished with radiation – YAHOOOOO!!!!
Kindly, Tracy
‘Kay…tell me that the “Amy Grant” that signed your blog is the THE Amy Grant – only shares a name (?)…Second, when I read the title to your latest posting, the southern gospel song immediately came to mind: It is finished, the battle is over. It is finished, there’ll be no more war. It is finished, the end of the conflict. It is finished, and Jesus is Lord. You go, girl!
Congratulations on closing this part of your treatment Heather! Just seeing that thumbs up picture made my heart glad. how brave you are.
Praise God. I’m amazed at your awareness through this journey you are a wonderful testimony!
So, I had to share with you that your last post hit not only me, but my husband as well. The poem you shared (and were/are feeling) showed me that we all can be feeling something so real as those words… whether it be cancer, debt, loss… anything that is so overwhelming, it seeks to destroy the very hope, joy and strength you hold in the One who gives it freely. While I do not share in the complete understanding of the battle you fight with cancer, I have another battle and appreciate what you shared, knowing that we all have those moments of crying out… having no words… when all the knowledge of the One who was and is and shall be forever still doesn’t penetrate to the heart of the most desperate circumstance… when sometimes knowing He’s in the “hole” with you is the very thing you cling to… but when you look around… you still see a “hole”.
I am praying for you dear Heather… for your husband as he watches this struggle and for his strength as well as yours… May you feel everyone’s prayers this evening as we lift you… and may your hole not feel as deep.
Bless you… Bless you… Bless you!!! Definiately celebrating and rejoicing with you!!! Although, just so you know, I am continuing to pray!….
Oh sweet, sweet Jesus, one more step in your healing! I am crying happy for you, still praying for you and thinking of you often!
You are making a very wise decision. The energy it takes to just care for yourself and your family is all you need to focus on. God’s blessings to you.
Yay! Praise the Lord!!
Heather,
Let Jesus drip on you the honey of His love, relax, eat well and continue to spiritually replenish. Glad the radiation is done!
I really think that God has a special purpose that he will accomplish through you.
Loving you from Chilliwack
Those were cleansing tears Heather! YOU GO GIRL…I spent 32 years trying to please other people, Don’t waste your time anymore sweetie, you concentrate on you and your family and those that truely know and respect you will understand…I don’t even know you and I do! hehehee! Walking with you in AZ…Cathy
Steps to freedom! Thank you Jesus!
Heather, I read this somewhere and I found it very profound. My a-ha! moment, if you will.
You ARE a soul, You HAVE a body.
If that is indeed true. Your soul does not have cancer, just the body you live in. You just have to learn to co-exist OR kick it out!
Blessings!
One of my favorite songs is “You Are Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera . Here are the words and Heather, you are beautiful!!!!
Beautiful
by
Christina Aguilera
[Spoken]
Don’t look at me
Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it’s hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the fame, I’m so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can’t bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring me down
So don’t you bring me down today
To all your friends, you’re delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
That’s the way it is
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words won’t bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words won’t bring you down
Don’t you bring me down today…
No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
We’re the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always shine)
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
All the other times
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won’t bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can’t bring us down
Don’t you bring me down today
Don’t you bring me down today
Don’t you bring me down today
Way to go! Glad to see the smile on your face. Praise God for the strength to go this distance.
Heather
Alright, Heather! God has given you such bravery and strength in the midst of so much trial. Thanks for sharing your journey! Now, have a party with your kiddos and the rest of your family…you’ve reached a milestone!
Heather,
I read your blog daily, and am so glad that you are done with radiation. Your blog is amazing, and your life’s journey has been incredible. I can’t wait to read your story for years to come.
I have nominated you for a “Blogger’s Reflection Award.” If you would like to visit my site, my family has walked down that road less taken in many ways as well.
I pray for you daily,
Betsy
Yes, yes, I am celebrating with you!
Yea what a wonderful day. I know how glad you are for this part to be over God still has you in his arms holding you oh so tight you will be fine. You are such a blessing for so many people and they in turn are blessing you everyday as we pray for you and your wonderful family. Chin up rest now and get your strength back. Praise our wonderful Lord for always being with us even when we feel we cant go on he carries us like he did you last night.
I am glad you are finished! I hope you do not have to go thru it again! AWESOME!!!!!
So, have you thought about changing your avatar pic? Just wondering! I really like some of the latest pic’s posted of you!
I wish I were as slim as you….I need to go on a diet!
Love to you chickie!
Bev
Oh Heather!! Praise the Lord! I’m so, so thankful you are done with this part of your treatment. You look terrific! You continue to be in my prayers. True friends stand by you, no matter what. Don’t worry about the others. Take the time you need for yourself. We’ll all still be here for you!
Hugs,
Kate
Heather-
I, too, am celebrating with you! Yay! Radiation is done! And, you look wonderful, by the way! I read your blog every single post you make. It is helping me to keep my head up during my journey with cancer as well. I have bladder and kidney cancer (kidney tumor was just found today). Thank you for being real and writing your thoughts. It is such a blessing!
Take care and I am praying for you everyday!
Shari
P.S. Sorry I haven’t posted. We just got internet service in our new home.
Brilliant news
I am glad you have realised you need to focus more on yourself for a while too. Your true friends will understand.
Awesome news! Continued prayers and blessings for you and your family.
I read your’s and Emma’s story. You are an amazing mom. I pray that God’s presence and strength pour over you and that He continues to go ahead of you preparing the hearts and minds of those you will come in contact with.
Praise the Lord! Now we need to all pray that the radiation does its job and does it quickly! That picture of you in the radiation machine is just heart breaking. I could’t imagine having to go through that. I’m so glad it’s over!
Blessings,
Georgia Mom
Yay for you! It is finished! The realization you have come to is so life-changing- and it’s really not being selfish. It’s loving yourself as you love others- and guess who said that?! It’s a commandment!
I have been so blessed to join you on your journey, Heather- you have taught me so much about the Lord’s goodness and kindness- may God continually bless you and yours…
xo
Hi Heather,
I came across this article and I am not sure if you have ever read it but I thought I would pass it on to you. God Bless:
http://www.crosswalk.com/1383847/
*hands up* Doin’ a little dance…*jumping up and down*
CONGRATULATIONS! And you look beautiful. Good for you, posting that picture. And you definitely need to be selfish with your energies. Any true friend will understand. Take care of yourself, girl. Still praying in PA…
HEATHER, wear your scars proudly! bald (for 7 months),breastless (permanently) scars fill the front of my torso….I AM BLESSED TO BE ALIVE and SO ARE YOU!
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/marianne
Heather,
Your not being selfish, sometimes you have to take time just for you. That is when God gives you the strength you need to go to the next level with HIM!!!! You are a Blessing!!!!
SOOOooooooooooooo pleased it is over
Ditto what every one else is saying. You look beautiful.
I sure hope you are going to have a party!! You deserve it! I think you look beautiful and I KNOW that you are an inspiration to many.
Congratulations!!! You look wonderful!!! I have been praying with you and for you since your diagnosis and will continue to do so. May the Lord Bless you and keep you!!
So, so happy for you! You look mahvelous, absolutely amazing for all that you have endured thus far.
Praying for you this morning. May Jesus carry you today, dear Heather.