I know it must be shocking to see such a young person with no hair, trust me! I look at her everyday in the mirror 
I know that it is hard not to pity her, or give her that “I’m so very sorry honey” look.
But please don’t.
She doesn’t like to focus on the negatives, and rightly so. It took alot of courage for her to go out without her wig, and among the darting eyes and the people quickly looking away- she would just like to feel normal again. She would like for people to look at her like they use to look at her, before she lost her hair and cancer entered her life. She would like to not feel self conscience, or insecure.
She would just like a small piece of her old life back.
I know you mean well, and I really do appreciate your concern, really I do. But instead of giving her the “I’m so very sorry honey” look, try smiling at her, it does her heart so good. She is a survivor, a fighter, and when people pity her it takes the wind out of her sails. If you want to talk to her, ask her about her life- her kids- her husband. Those things are still apart of her life, and she would love to share them with you. But if you dont feel comfortable enough to do that, just smile.
It may be just what she needs today.
Me.
practical ? then. i was at a garage sale in small town america where the lady was selling all her my sized lothes after losing 60 lbs…to uterine cancer. shes still fighting (and has her hair btw) So when she told me WHY she lost the weight i simply commented on how great she looks and what a great spirit she seems to have facing more treatment. what else could i o differently? averys on, sorry for bad typing!
You went, you faced all the people who don’t understand and don’t know what to do but pity. You went and claimed that stake of your life back.
You won.
Heather, thank you for the reminder. Today I was at the mall and saw someone who was in a wheelchair, (and probably also somewhat mentally challenged as well). He was staring at me and the boys and so I smiled at him and I think he smiled back, just a bit. Different situation from yours, of course, but similar in the fact that I’m sure most people look at him funny instead of smiling, too. I hope our smiles helped him feel normal AS HE IS.
Blessings to you and I second (third? twentieth?) the opinion that you have beautiful eyes.
smiling, brightly.
hoping, frevently
praying, a word or two
and knowing
cancer does not have you
God has you
and that is a good thing
smiling, brightly.
hoping, fervently
praying, a word or two
and knowing
cancer does not have you
God has you
and that is a good thing
The Bible *does* say to treat others as you would have them treat you. And it *does* caution against singing songs to an heavy heart.
Maybe she took those two thoughts together and gave the reaction that she did because it was her very best to give. At least she gave a reaction.
Truly Heather, don’t fall into that p.c. mindset that everyone has to tiptoe around. God’s walking you through something *way* to incredible for that.
With love…
Something for all of us to remember, Heather- thank you.
You brave girl you…
xo
Heather;
You are a beautiful person outside and in.
Hi Heather,
When we look at “things” from Gods point of view we all have our own “battles” I have mine and I have courage, I am a determined person with my own “cancer” and I don’t want people to pity me either but most of the people don’t know what my “cancer” is, and it is BIG, BIG TIME “cancer”
I won’t pity you but encourage you, pity puts fear in people and we want yes, positive “connections”. If I saw you on the street or I was sitting next to you in a coffee shop I would probably ask you why? no hair?
There are so many “cancers” out there, some are not seen.
I prayed for you through the night when I would wake up and the Lord will grant you peace, we need to give HIM One day at a time, and that is what I am doing,
God bless you Heather, I will give you no pity as I don’t want any either.
Marie
What they were really saying to you was, “I’m afraid of what the world has to offer `me`”.
Pray for them. Pray that they may learn to embrace everything of the world that God so wisely created. All of the sorrows, the pains as well as the joys and the overwhelming love.
I learned many, many years ago that pity was not about me. It was all about the person who pities, who stares, who says the cold and wrong thing. They are not courageous. They are afraid.
They are so afraid.
They need God. They need His love. They need to open their eyes to the awesome beauty of this most awesome world. They desire to embrace Christ.
Give them a reassuring smile right back. And pray.
Be strong and be at peace
Diane
And again, I’ve truly learned something through you, Heather. Thank you for giving us this insight.
Blessings,
~Toni~
You know you’ve not only inspired us, but taught us a lot of etiquette. What I find amazing is kids in such situations. They know how to respond to such situations…naturally. I’ve experienced it with my sons. A person’s “different” look matters not to them…they give a smile, a “hi there”, whatever the situation calls for with any person…and I try to learn from them.
Prayers and hugs.
I love this post. It is hard to remember that people may look “different” but they are the same inside…if they have been through what you have, they probably understand a lot more about life than I do! Thanks for the reminder! It helps me to know how to teach my kids what to do and say!
Thank you for sharing this. So many people don’t know how to react. My SIL has MS (multiple screlosis) and obviously walks with great difficulty at times. She too just wants to be treated like everyone else…no “I’m so sorry looks” even though they are meant well.
Heather,
Thanks for sharing this. You are just as radiant and beautiful inside and out now as you were pre-cancer. Sending you big smiles.
I’m gonna save this… We are adopting a child from the other side of the world some time next year and I know we’re going to be dealing with the curious looks and wondering strangers whenever we’re out in public. Even though there probably won’t be the pity factor, we will still be longing to just be normal… so thanks for sharing your heart here. What a good reminder for us all. I wish everyone in the world would hear it and “get it.”
That’s so good to be reminded. Sometimes we stare and feel sorry for the person with an obvious sickness or handicap. But we’ll do better in the future.
Love the scarf, it looks rad.
And I put your name on the prayer roll in the LDS temple. It will stay there for two weeks, and people that you don’t even know (well, do you know any of us, really?) will pray for you.
I’m so proud of you. I really look up to you and admire you.
Heather, I really think you are one of those exceptionally beautiful women that can pull off going bald. Maybe that’s why they were staring!
Gosh, Heather – you are BEAUTIFUL! Thanks for such a wonderful, educational post! I’m so overwhelmed by your love for God and your family!
Sweet Heather
I love Webster’s 1828 Dictionary because it gives me an outlook that I can hold on too. When you wrote pity, I thought perhaps there is a way to see it in a light that will warm both your hearts. Here is what it said
PITY, n. [The Latin,Italian, Spanish and Portuguese languages unite pity and piety in the same word, and the word may be from the root of compassion; L. patior, to suffer.]
1. The feeling or suffering of one person, excited by the distresses of another; sympathy with the grief or misery of another; compassion or fellow-suffering.
He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth to the Lord. Prov.19.
In Scripture however, the word pity usually includes
compassion accompanied with some act of charity or benevolence, and not simply a fellow feeling of distress.
Pity is always painful, yet always agreeable.
I like the thought of it being accompanied by compassion, and Compassion is Our Father’s middle name.
Smiling and applauding your courage.
because of Jesus, Bobbie
What a wonderful post, and great advice. BTW- I think you look great!
I’m smiling at you, Heather! More importantly, HE is…and He thinks you are the most courageous warrior He’s ever seen.
With love and prayers and smiles, too,
Holly
I agree with whoever it was way up there in the comments that you are totally hot. You look like a model.
Since I am sure that I have been the woman at Target before, I apologize profusely and thank you for the advice on what to do next time. You are amazing and your journey is inspiring!
I am new here, and I just wanted to say that when I first saw your photo, when I first clicked over, my very first thought was, “She is beautiful!” You are. Inside and out. If you don’t mind, I’m going to copy down your “Sometimes” piece. May God continue to bless you, Heather.
(((hugs)))) . . . I’m always thinking of you.
Heather, you amaze me more and more each day. Love this post. I know you can’t see me right now, but I’m smiling at you and wishing I could sit with you and talk with you about your family!
May God bless you each and every day!
Hello to all, its my new pages about cloth
cloth diaper
You can buy here 24\7.
Hello nice blog! !!
pen
It’s my new page.about pens.
Hello nice blog! !!
boob
It’s my new page.about shoes.