It is best not to say anything at all.
To be still in the moment.
Let the emotions rush over you like a raging river.
Get up and brush yourself off.
And start over again.
Sometimes…
Things can’t be put back together.
They cant go back to the way they once were.
But you can be better because of the experience.
Despite the experience.
Sometimes….
You have to let things go.
You have to let things be.
You have to let go and let God.
-Written By Me
Lay it down – Jaci Velasquez
I’ve been lookin’ till my eyes are tired of lookin’
Listenin’ till my ears are numb from listenin’
Prayin’ till my knees are sore from kneelin’ on the bedroom floor
I know that you know that my heart is achin’
I’m running out of tears and my will is breakin’
I don’t think that I can carry the burden of it anymore
All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans,
Are slowly slippin’ through my folded hands
Chorus:
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do?
Cause everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go,
I’m gonna lay it down.
Verse:
I’ve been walkin’ through this world like I’m barely livin’
Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been diggin’
But You’re pullin’ me out
I’m finally breathin’ in the open air
This room may be dark but I’m finally seein’
There’s a new ray of hope, and now I’m believin’
That the past is past, and the future’s beginning to look brighter now
Oh, cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands
Chorus:
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
Oh what else can I do,
Cause everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go,
I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna lay it down.
I didn’t write the above song 
ooooh Heather, i remeber those “pity looks” oooh so very well…..and the strangest comments were from persons who just don’t have A FRIKIN CLUE!!!!!!! so what does a cancer patient do….sometimes i would look right back at them and say “are you ok you look like you have cancer”..that was on a BAD day…on a good day i would look them right in the eye and smile my biggest blue eyed smile and walk on……i actually ran into a woman that i sat through the past 4 years of lacrosse games together ..when i went up to her she said” who am i speaking to, i recognize your eyes but i dont know who you are”!!!!!!!!!!!! shocked me silly! i wore my hair bald everyday..my hot flashes are too intense (chemo pause) for a scarf or a wig…now my hair is growing like karastan carpet and i look like a guy…..c’est la vie…and the stories go on and on……..
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/marianne
Heather,
I continue to be amazed at your STRONG spirit through all of this. You are showing God’s glory in the face of this journey. I check your blog often, but rarely comment…today, however, I just wanted to encourage you and let you know that I am praying for you as you restart chemo.
ALSO…I should mention this: when your blog page opened and I saw that picture of you (under the “ABOUT” title) I made a little gasping noise because I sincerely thought….”she is soooooooo beautiful bald!!!”….honestly, girl, I stared at that picture for several seconds because I was just captivated. Some people may stare because they are just rude….but I promise, others may be staring because you a just flat out pretty in your baldness!!!!!
Happy weekend, Heather.
Hi Heather, I am thinking about you out here in humid California this morning, loving your honesty. I know what you mean by wanting to get back your life as it was. It is a grieving process in its own way kind of like a death in the family in some ways, only its your own. Life changing experiences do this to us, changing what was before into a new normal we find ourselves trying to fit into. It will come sweetie, it just takes a little time to adjust. It’s part of the healing process. It is physical, emotional and spiritual all at the same time and can feel unsettling. But it is normal and your spirit will get you through. Whatever does not return from the life you knew before will be replaced by wisdom learned and great new experiences to come. You are in between right now and it is an inside job, this healing process. And this is where the Lord does his best and most personal work with us, inside. Yet you post here and put your insides out for all to share with you. How majestic is this? You give words to the journey I took with cancer 11 years ago when I kept all of these similar feelings inside. You bless me big time. This journey teaches us that we must be willing to pull up roots and be ready to be transplanted in a new spot in the garden to grow more beautiful and bare more fruit. (And I see you as the most beautiful PEACH)
You glow girl, and it comes from the inside.
Just keep being you, especially Heather, you are right where God is holding you in his hands. You are a blessing to hundreds.
~*~Joy, Hugs and Heart Smiles to you today~*~ Laurel
Amen to the above comment. You glow girl!
Heather,
You spoke my own heart and feelings with the poem. Did you write it? If so, may I borrow it for my blog? Wow, it expresses my own feelings so well right now after losing my baby girl in June? Thank you for always speaking from your heart, even when it is less than pretty..it is real. You are a true gift to my days.
Mandy
GA
http://www.madelinegracehopkins.blogspot.com
Yes Mandy, I wrote it this morning. Please feel free to use it
I am glad that it spoke to you, because it speaks my heart fully today.
-H
“somtimes” is so true, thank you, Heather for sharing your heart.
Hugs,
Norma
Powerful words. Thank you, Heather. What a comfort to know that no matter what our “some times” He walks with us all the time. Prayers continue.
Awesome….I needed that! I hadn’t heard that song before, but now it’s my profile song on myspace. You don’t know how you’ve ministered to me in the last few days. I’ve thought that i was strong and handling all this cancer junk well, but after almost four years I’m finding myself tired of dealing with it…tired of being strong….tired of this burden. Your words and this song were exactly what I needed. Thanks for grafting me and my dealings with cancer in my husband into your open wounds. Your cancer wounds are pouring life into my limbs that are becoming weak under pressure.
wow, I read this on a day when my husband has lost his job, our bills are behind and my life seems so gloom & doom.
You are right, Heather, I need to “let God”
Thanks for the remindar
~Bev
Hi Heather,
Wow, the depth of the sorrow in the lyrics, and how it is showing me that I am not alone (of course I knew that) but the song brings out my pain, thank you for sharing.
Marie
Hi Heather,
I read the lyrics again, I am amazed at the strength, and also YOU wrote the lyrics! Spoke big time to me, coming straight from the heart. We enter into a different “reality” when we are faced with cancer and so on, I have followed your story and someone else as well and have thought that here are two women who are living in the spirit, really living Gods word.
I am amazed as it shows without any doubt that Gods word is alive and it breathes life in us. It is so true that when we are weak the Lord is strong. It shows.
God bless you Heather, I am praying for you, I asked the Lord to give you a good sleep when you posted to pray for that, and I was thankful that the Lord answered, I wanted to SEE that He was working.
Blessings.
Marie
Just beautiful! This gave me chills.
Hugs!
Kat
Have you seen this, written by John Piper on the Desiring God website? http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TopicIndex/32/243_Christ_and_Cancer/
Sometimes . . . God just speaks so clearly through you that you make me shiver, Heather. Powerful words. Thanks for sharing the beauty that is on your heart and came out so eloquently in your poem. You are precious, and I am so glad to know you through this time.
You have no idea how much this spoke to me… I needed this today. I found out I was expecting on July 4, only to miscarry a week ago. Your words really hit home with me, and really express what I’ve been feeling, too.
Your courage and faith always inspire me, and for that, I thank you. I know that I can always come to your blog to be uplifted.
That is very nice, Heather. I’m sorry you felt hurt, and understandably so, when shopping.
Maybe the Lord is giving you even another way to minister to others, with poetry.
Heather — I’ve been offline for a while but trying to keep up when I can and now I’m back online. I have to say the picture of you in the black and white scarf (or cap??) is so cute! I’m continuing to pray for you! Just remember 2 Corinthians 1: 3-5 and comfort other as Christ will comfort you
God bless..
Heather you never cease to amaze me. I read your posts everyday and you just continue to inspire me. I sit here and try to find words to bring you solace and comfort and instead I come away feeling humbled by your strength and your faith. I have struggled with my faith but your words, your conviction, well it renews my belief in a higher being. It reminds me that it is His will in the end and that I just have to trust and let go sometimes. You are an amazing woman and I just know that this experience, as horrible as it is, has touched the lives of so many people. Your post today was beautifully written. Thinking and praying for you.
Heather, have you ever read “What Katy Did” by Susan Coolidge? There is a poem in it you may enjoy, so, if you don’t mind, I’ll write it here.
IN SCHOOL
I used to go to a bright school
Where Youth and Frolic taught in turn;
But idle schollar that I was,
I liked to play, I would not learn;
So the Great Teacher did ordain
That I should try the School of Pain.
One of the infant class I am
With little, easy lessons, set
In a great book; the higher class
Have harder ones than I, and yet
I find mine hard, and can’t restrain
My tears while studying thus with Pain.
There are two Teachers in the school,
One has a gentle voice and low,
And smiles upon her scholars, as
She passes softly to and fro.
Her name is Love; ’tis very plain
She shuns the sharper Teacher, Pain.
Or so I sometimes think; and then,
At other times, they meet and kiss,
And look so strangely like, that I
Am puzzled to tell how it is,
Or whence the change which makes it vain
To guess if it be- Love or Pain.
They tell me if I study well,
And learn my lessons, I shall be
Moved upward to that higher class
Where dear Love teaches constantly;
And I work hard, in hopes to gain
Reward, and get away from Pain.
Yet Pain is sometimes kind, and helps
Me on when I am very dull;
I thank him often in my heart;
But Love is far more beautiful;
Under her tender, gentle reign
I must learn faster than of Pain.
So I will do my very best,
Nor chide the clock, nor call it slow;
That when the Teacher calls me up
To see if I am fit to go,
I may to Love’s high class attain,
And bid a sweet goodbye to Pain.
~Susan Coolidge~
Sometimes we heal stronger and better than we were before!
I love this….just love it.
Heather,
You are SO BEAUTIFUL bald–I’m serious! Yes, as life has taught me a variety of things I have learned to look people in the eyes and smile. When my best friend went through chemo for breast CA at 26 and went bald I learned to look past the (lack of) hair. When my nephew was born with Down Syndrome I learned to look at the parents of a child with disabilities and smile & encourage and ask how they were doing and to treat the child with the same attention I give all other children. Hang in there, girl! God’s plan is working through you, even if you can’t see it.
Dear Heather, your poem Sometimes, has moved me to tears. I am having severe emotional struggles and this poem has been such a direct instruction to me … hope you don’t mind, but I have have published on my blog too.
What I am going through right now does not compare to your journey, and yet through all that you have been a continuous encouragment !!! God Bless you!!
love jaci V.
We all can be only sympathetic… except those that have gone through cancer. But even then, each experience is unique.
So glad your Father goes through it each day with you.
Can you imagine how alone someone who doesn’t look to HIM will be?
Your blog is yours and your journey is yours and you are gracious enough to share it with me/others. The last thing I want to do is offer you platitudes as if I know how you feel or can understand what you are experiencing. But, I do care for you and my heart aches with you even though we have never met.
Dear Heather ..I just thought you would like to know how you are such an encouragement to others…
Comments -about Heather’s “Sometimes Poem” from Pilgrim Pals blog site
passing-thru said…
There’s truth in those words
There is alot of “sometimes” in our lives
Thanks Terry for copying and posting
August 19, 2007 4:50 PM
Terry said…
Isn’t it just incredible Passing-thru?
It looks like sweet Heather wrote those words just for me!
How could she have known what deep waters us Goldens were passing through in the last few weeks?
Or how could she have known the trials that Little Missionary, Julie had been facing or Donna or just any of the other Pilgrim Pals, including the pilgrim himself?
Just incredible!..from Terry
This poem is from the Lord through Heather to us all!!
Thanks Heather!!
Even in your own sickness, you are our encourager!…Love Terry
Now Passing-thru…I will copy and paste this comment to Heather herself!
August 19, 2007 6:12 PM
Your words are beautiful and not just for you. Thank you.
Hugs and prayers.
Hi Heather, I want to let you know you are in my prayers for tomorrow as you start back up on chemo. Praying for it to be a completely manageable
condition for you this time around. Praying you will not be anxious for anything and sleep like a baby tonight. And a little p.s. to the constipation formula. I am going to botch this spelling big time but I think you can sound it out. Acedopholis. Yep, computer red lined it. However, it is so healthy for the colon to be replenished with the good bacterias to balance the effects of the chemo and constipation aids that strip everything out. Not a pretty topic but an important one. It helped me so much.
~*~Hugs, Love and Prayers to you tonight from me in Ca.~*~Laurel
Sometimes God has a plan
We do not Understand
On a path we walk
that is unfamiliar
Following His Voice
becuase we Love HIm
Only to discover
The Center of His will
Is also the Center of is heart
And EVERYTIME
We discover we were never alone.
Because of Jesus, Bobbie
Yes, yes, yes…When those ‘sometimes’ times come and we silence all that noise inside, that’s when we can finally hear Him ever so clearly…thank you, Heather, for being a friend of God. May He speak so clearly to you now.
Love you
Linda
How beautiful and strong you are! I can tell this thing we call cancer will not get the best of you. Stay strong, oh loved one.
Amber
Girl… you are amazing!
As long as you follow Jesus it is literally impossible that He did now walk before you and prepare the way….
He is with you. You will prevail. You are strong. You are a shining example of God’s light.
…love the shirt!
Heather, you are a beautiful, beautiful lady… inside and out!!!
Your poet is a great one and everyone can identify with it in some manner!
Prayers continue…expect a MIRACLE!!!