Cancer and Forgiveness
August 29, 2007
Before Cancer, I thought I had the world by the horns. I had a wonderfully wonderful husband, great kids, great parents, and great friends. I couldn’t have asked for more. Even Emma’s health was remarkably well.
Now, I take a look back at my past and wonder. I wonder if I had known then that I had cancer, would I do anything different. Was I the friend that I should have been, the wife, the mother, the daughter? When people looked at my life, did they think good things, or bad. Did I bring a smile to their face or a scowl to their hearts.
I would love to tell you that the answer was super positive, and that I hadn’t hurt anyone in my life. But that would be false. I am human, after all. I have done my fair share of hurting people, and I feel horrible when thinking about the people whose lives I have touched in a negative way.
Then I started thinking about people who I have been hurt by. Ouch. That one stings a bit more. Cancer has changed my view of myself. I no longer look at myself as “entitled”. I am owed nothing. This life is what God destined it to be for me, and nothing more. When I think of people in my past who have hurt me or who I feel have done me wrong, I smile. I know they didn’t mean to, and even if they did, it isn’t worth hanging onto anymore. I can make a conscience choice to live in the past and be angry and bitter, or I can choose the road less traveled and look towards what ever the future holds for me, forgiveness and all.
Forgiveness does not change the past,
but it does enlarge the future.
That is so very true. I have come along way in my journey, not just with cancer but life. Some things are just not worth holding onto.
These lyrics from Brandon Heath really really touch me:
Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that’s what love is all about
How can I talk about grace and Christ’s love, yet not be forgiving of those who have hurt me? I’m learning that it is easier to forgive when you have Christ by your side- His grace is an amazing amazing thing, and it has taught me so very much in the last few months. Forgiveness doesn’t have to be such a horrid painful thing, it really doesn’t. After all, we have such a great example. When Christ said “Seventy times Seven”, He really meant it. I know that some of you are burning holes through the screen, but seriously, He did.
Now, I am not saying that you should let every person back into your life that has caused you harm. I am not stupid, there are some relationships that just cant be put back together again. Trust me, I know. Cancer has taught me alot about not being naive too ;)
I use to question God about forgiveness saying “You don’t know how much they hurt me” or my favorite “You just don’t understand” I am sure that He had a smile on His face during those moments.
How in the world can God NOT understand? He made the ultimate sacrifice for my sins. He forgave me of every trespass that I have made.
The very least I can do is forgive those who trespass against me.
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In other words: Play Nice
38 Responses to “Cancer and Forgiveness”
I would love to hear from you!
Dear Heather,
You are so very right-on the mark. Forgiveness is only possible through Jesus. I was thinking this morning about Jeremiah 1:5…. He knew us, our lives, all that would come against us, and all that we would do–even unto others :( before HE formed us. He saw all of that and formed us anyway. And gave us infinite grace besides…. Thank God for the Mighty Awesome God that He is!
hugs and prayers,
michelle-
Wow! I can’t believe I am the first to comment! ha!
I know the lessons you are learning, because I have learned them myself -also because of cancer. It is amazing the lessons God teaches you through this! In that way it is such a blessing! You will never take things for granted anymore and will not withhold forgiveness and may try to be more aware and not hurt people. You look at everything in life in a new way now. Doesn’t the sky seem bluer? The flowers more vibrant? The grass more green? The breeze more refereshing? Each day is such a gift and you and I have been given the gift of being able to see it in that way! God is awesome!!
Love,
Gina
I also learned these lessons the hard way - through cancer. I forgave several people (one of them was my mother) after my diagnosis. I found out that I couldn’t hold on to any of that resentment any longer. I didn’t have the strength for it. Plus, we are told to forgive, as you said.
The two people who hurt me the worst are dead and I think I’ve even forgiven them as well. Forgiveness is so important and frankly, it’s a huge relief.
Each day is a gift and now I feel I can travel much more lightly. ;)
Forgiveness is very freeing! :)
Forgiveness is liberating. I heard once, “Bitterness is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.” When we hold on to things, it only eats at our heart. You are such a beautiful woman. My faith strengthens each day because of the Lord speaking through you. I will be thankful for you always. God bless.
I have learned some cancer lessons, too, but not from my own cancer. I had my eyes opened to a lot of things after losing my mom to leukemia in 2000. The best and hardest lessons are learned through pain. I have learned not to take a beautiful day for granted. I know I’m a better parent than I ever would have been had I not lost my own mother. Of course it breaks my heart that my kids never knew my mom. But I’m so grateful for the knowledge I’ve gained, even as I miss my mother each and every day.
What Astraea says above is SO TRUE. Forgiveness is for the forgiver and the forgiven. It sets you free.
(Sidenote: I realized that each day when I come to check up on you, I say in my head, “I wonder how my Heather is doing…?” I have claimed you as mine! I truly think of you as a special friend. I just wanted you to know.)
Hugs and love,
Karen
Heather-
I just wanted to leave you with a prayer that I love:
Heavenly Father,
I call on you right now in a special way. It is through Your power that I was created. Every breath I take, every morning I wake, and every moment of every hour, I live under Your power.
Father, I ask You now to touch me with that same power. For if You created me from nothing, You can certainly recreate me. Fill me with the healing power of Your Spirit. Cast out anything that should not be in me. Mend what is broken. Root out any unproductive cells. Open any blocked arteries or veins and rebuild any damaged area. Remove all inflammation and cleanse any infection.
Let the warmth of Your healing love pass through my body to make new any unhealthy areas so that my body will function the way You created it to function.
And Father, restore me to full health in mind and body so that I may serve You the rest of my life. I ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.
You sum it up so well. Every time I think about holding a grudge against someone or not willing to forgive right away, I think of Calvary and how Christ doesn’t hold grudges, and is so willing to forgive us. He longs to forgive us!
Keep on pointing these things out to us. I told you earlier, I think your blog is a must for devotions. You should consider writing a ladies devotional. I’d buy it. The Lord is definitely doing something in and threw you.
Love and prayers my sister!
Lynn
Heather, are you surprised at the number of us who are cancer survivors, can understand what you are going through and know that we have also learned so many things about life that we probably wouldn’t have learned or ignored had we not gone through what you are going through? And forgiveness is so freeing, although you are right in saying that some people need not come back into our lives after foregiveness. I had two friends that I lost because of my cancer, they couldn’t deal with it, and hurt me in return. I’ve forgiven them, and have also had their friendships replaced with people who who accepted me before they knew I had cancer and were right there beside me all along the way. God brought them to me when I needed them most and didn’t even realize it
You are so right, forgiveness does not change the past, but it most definitely does enlarge the future.
Hugs,
Norma
Forgiveness is just about the closest we can get to giving unconditional love..
God bless,
Sallie
I hope you write a book someday. You are a great writer and a great thinker.
The Closer was good - she’s such a good actress. Glad to find someone else who likes it.
Heather,
I detect a spark! Something like the “old” Heather - but w-a-a-a-y better! :-)
GREAT post! Thanks for sharing with us.
Alesha
Thanks for sharing the lessons you are learning. Since i have been cancer free (myself and family) for two years now, I get numb to the reality of the most precious gifts of life (faith, hope love…and most certainly, FORGIVENESS!) and I get caught up in the mix of everyday, church and kids and school and marital bliss or problems..etc.
Since I have “met” you I have had the fresh reminders of thankfullness. Thankful that I am having “everyday” now and thankful that the worst part of my day was running late or not having the time I want to read, etc. I am praying for yours to be “everyday” again soon. You will come forth as gold, and in the end, it is always worth going through when you are a child of God, (which shows that you are because the resemblance is remarkable!) You are truly gifted to encourage and I wonder if you have considered writing a book? Prayers and (((hugs)))
Abby
The quote’ Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future’ is so true. Where does the quote come from ?
Thank you for such an inspirational message, I am sure many of your ‘followers’ will take heart and be guided by your latest blog.
Carol
A beautiful post, Heather, and one we need to take into our hearts… one never knows what the future holds and forgiveness should be on our lips and in our hearts every single second of the day…
Thank you for this and your gentle spirit…
xo
Dear Heather,
As always, I’m so touched, inspired, convicted and encouraged all at once by your provoking posts…
Thank you again and again for sharing your heart, your pain and your journey with us. I love the song you posted, yes, this is one of my favorites these days…
God’s love and His grace never ceases to amaze me!
I’m sure you’ve read this, but I thought it was just the perfect time to share it in case some one out out there has not read this:
Mother Teresa hung a copy of this poem on a wall of the orphanage she founded in Calcutta. Its source is unknown.
People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind,
People may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be Kind anyway.
If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and
some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis.
it is between you and God;
It is never between you and them anyway
Praying you though,
Susan
WOW - This is the first time I’ve posted, but I read your blog every day and think and pray for you often. You are so GREAT! I love your words. You write with such wisdom and grace it’s so wonderful…..I hope someday you consider writing a book. You have a gift!
Anyway, this post spoke right to me. Thank you for writing it. It’s changed me!
Thinking of you often!
Jess in Nebraska
Thank you. You have led me to realize that I must forgive the one person I don’t think I can. I need to pray about this. Sincerely, thank you for calling me out on this one.
Heather, words of wisdom, there. I think we all need to hear that once in a while and today those words were so good for me to read. We all need to be forgiving, and it is difficult. This was a very insightful post and I thank you for posting it.
Heather… I have read your site many a times but have never commented here. Tonight, however, I write this comment with tears streaming down my face. You had mentioned the show “Crazy Sexy Cancer” before so when I saw that it was on tonight, I thought I would watch it. Although it is only 30 minutes into it, my heart breaks for you and your family and all of the other people who have had to fight this battle!!! I have been praying for you since I found your site but now that I have a better understanding to what you are going through, I can promise you that those prayers will never ever stop!!! ***Huge Hugs*** Jami
Heather,
I’ve tagged you for a “Nice Matters Award.” You can pick it up on my blog. I hope it gives you a smile today.
God bless. :)
Thank you for this. :-)
I love these statements…
“I no longer look at myself as “entitledâ€. I am owed nothing. This life is what God destined it to be for me, and nothing more.”
“Ain’t” that the truth.
Lord…remind me of this everyday.
I sure do agree with your post today Heather. It was during my journey with cancer 11 years ago that the Lord showed me how I needed to let go of past hurts and unforgiveness in order to concentrate on my healing. It is nothing short of empowering to forgive and cost me nothing in the end except freedom of spirit and shrinking of my pride. I have not mastered it yet, however, with the past cleared up behind me, I can concentrate in the present and forgive right away or at least within a week at the most!:) God is so good at cleaning house in our hearts. I have learned that true forgiveness lets us off the hook and enables us to take back our power in the Lord, freeing us up for His blessings. Once again, I can honestly say that I am thankful cancer touched my life because it helped me to see things so much more clearly, and I am still here to be thankful!!! I am thankful for you and you bless me big time. I will be watching Crazy Sexy Cancer in two hours out here in California tonight. Keep healing and feeling better each day, knowing you are loved by so many people. And your honey is such a tender-hearted sweetie to encourage you on this girlie blog. I have one just like him and they are such a treasure to cherish. ~*~Hugs and Healing to you tonight and sweet dreams too!!~*~ Laurel in California
hmmm..perhaps I’m naive. I was trying to mend a bridge but it’s not working. Thank you for your challenging thoughts.
Wow, Heather, what a post.
I am so thankful that God lead me to your blog. Every time I read it I am reminded of how fragile, hard hearted, wounded, desperate, strong, hopeful, normal etc. we are. But you always lead us back to the One who takes care of us in all things.
Praying for you as always.
Forgiveness is one of God’s true gifts of freedom. We are free to choose it, and live in the light that follows, or not. It’s never easy, but usually quite simple.
Heather, you just bless me so by blogging. (((Hugs))) gretchen
Hi, Heather.
This is my first time to comment, although I found your site this summer… I don’t have any words of wisdom for you, because I cannot imagine what you are going through. I am sorry for that! But I do want you to know that I pray for you, and for your sweet family, and am so in awe of the Father at work in your life! You are such a testament to His goodness, and to what it means to truly live. Thank you for ministering to me through your blog and your story! I do not know you, but I love you and your family! You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!
In Him,
Katie
This post was right on the mark girl. Some things are just not worth hanging on to. You are a very smart person to be taking your trials and turning them into victories. Jesus is definitely smiling on you right now.
((Hugs)) Thank you Heather.
Such a tough lesson to learn. I am trying to really get the forgiveness thing down - make it real right into the depths of me. But it sure is hard. Bitterness just hides in the crevasses of my soul sometimes. But I sure don’t want it to. I mean really - I have no right whatsoever to hold trespasses against another considering how much I have sinned and hurt God.
Great post! :)
I would do well to take heed of your words on forgiveness and hurting others. I’ve been looking internally lately and realizing there are some aspects of my character that I want to change. With God’s grace, I will do so! And forgiving others goes along with that.
Thanks for the reminder!
Great post Heather! It’s amazing how God uses events in our lives that seem hopeless at times to make us so much better in the end. You are a blessing to all of us who visit and read your words. Thank you!
So wise a young woman! So many do not undestand that forgiveness does not always include restored relationships. Some people can be as alligators to you and need to be forgiven and kept at a distance. And it also does not have anything to do with their response. Forgiveness is between you and your Savior and Their response is between them and God as well. So often we give the power away and think since they did not accept our apology OR our forgiveness it is incomplete, but God sees the heart and He knows.
Mark 11:25says
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” I would hate for my unforgiving heart to stand in the way of someone and Jesus.
Matthew 5 :23 says. 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
It says if someone holds something against you for YOU to go to them…no where does it say you are responsible for their reaction. Just before you go to the Lord, make sure your heart is clean and you have done all you can to reconcile.
Well Done Sweet Heather.
Because of Jesus, Bobbie
What a great post and reminder to us all Heather! We all always need to work on forgiveness.
Wow, such good words here, Heather! Thanks for sharing. The Lord is indeed teaching you wonderful lessons.
The only One who is entitled to hold grudges is the One who loves us too much to do so!
I had no idea what forgiving the man that took my best friends life would mean… on my blog is the story of the forgiveness and how that was put together by God…
As I eventually did forgive him..
Little did I know how important this act of obedience to my Abba would be…Because one day… which is now.. I would be caring for a family (I’m a Hospice Nurse) of the man that took my best friends life… and I love this family dearly..
I could not have done it had I not forgiven him…
Our God is sovereign… He is loving.. He is beautiful…
I have seen Him tear down the walls in my own life…the walls of a hardened heart, full of fear and anger.
so you are so right in what you say… and when you see it.. it is even more powerful…
I am very moved by your own story.. as I see it daily in my work.. and the lives I am around..
blessings Heather.. You are in my prayers