Choose to see what is always true instead of what happens to be true at that moment
I have been guilty of not adhering to this statement, not just this week but the last several weeks. I don’t feel like the old Heather, yet I know that I am the Heather that Christ wants me to be and has called me to be. I sometimes feel stupid and “ignorant” because I think people think that I should act the same way or talk the same way I did before my surgery, I know they don’t expect that or think that, but I still believe it. I often think of something to say, but don’t say it because the process of getting it from my head to my mouth is quite honestly exhausting and by the time that would happen it wouldn’t be funny or would sound odd in the context of the conversation. And lets face it, writing it out isn’t the same and would only draw attention to me even more.
People closest to me often say that only I notice my deficits, and maybe they’re right. Maybe I am the only one who notices that split second decisions before my surgery cause me to stop and concentrate for 30 seconds or more now. Or that when I am alone I often do stupid things like try to start my car with my lip gloss. Or that if I have coffee in one hand and keys in the other, I cant for the life of me figure out how to open the door in front of me. Or that, in a conversation, I have to either tell the other person to stop talking or I will lose my thoughts, or just stand there politely and nod while I have the conversation with them in my head.
But then I think about how I could have been. How much I could have lost. How much my family could have lost.
How I could have died.
My heart stops. All those things seem so insignificant compared to that. So when I say that it is a choice, it really is. I can look at my current circumstances and be ticked off at the outcome, or I can choose to look at all of the blessings in my life, the fact that I am still alive. That doesn’t erase the pain that this brings to me and those that I love, but it can make life a whole lot more enjoyable and it can make me a whole lot more enjoyable to be around.
Then I think about how Jesus must have felt knowing that Judas was going to betray him with a kiss… an act of love. I wonder how he felt when He asked to have the cup removed from his hand, yet His Father didn’t. He could have, but He didn’t. I wonder how He could have loved us so deeply, so passionately to face such a horrendous death.
Yet He did.
Puts all my problems into perspective.
Choose to see what is always true instead of what happens to be true at that moment
I am so very glad that Christ chose to see the big picture
And continues to nudge me on to see it too.
You’re so true Heather, and so wise about the circumstances that you’ve been given.
It is a choice.
Many things that we do are a choice, and our “attitude” about things that we cannot change is a choice also.
Thank you for reminding everyone.
Heather,
I apprecaiate your honesty. Thank you for showing me your honesty.
“Choose to see what is always true instead of what happens to be true at that moment.”
God is always in that moment and before and after.Great statement. HUGS
Dear Heather,
I have been reading your blog for a while. I read it regularly and when you were diagnosed I made it even more of a point to read it regularly. You were diagnosed right after my friend Melissa died from brain cancer. She had two types and when she was diagnosed they gave her one year. She lived 18 months past that, but the last was in the hospital. She was positive and smiled to the end. Her family has fallen apart. She has three children, the youngest is autistic. In many ways, even though she was the one who was physically dying, her family and friends seemed to fall apart the most and did damage to each other that I wonder will ever be patched. I say this to you only because I am so glad for you. Glad for your family and friends but mostly for your honesty with yourself and you faith in and with Christ. Every cancer journey is different I know, but yours seems so much better than my Melissa’s. She welcomed prayers but I always wondered about her walk, if any, with the Lord. And as far as I know, her family really needs Him but they don’t even now that. You seems to be so aware of your personal journey, as well as the cancer journey. Even through the hard times, your walk is ever-present. I’m so glad for you.
Thank you for your thought provoking words this morning. Many times I am reminded it is not what happens to us, but how we choose to react. Celebrate life, His life!
May your day be blessed and merry!
Paula
Heather,
I have continued to read your blog for sometime now. However I havent commented for awhile. I learned my Mom had cancer (colon) in October. Im an only child so I have been with her almost daily thru dr appointments, tests, surgery, recovery and now chemo has started. She is doing quite well but emotionally it is overwhelming sometimes. Your blog is so honest and such a help to me. Your faith in God and your family is so positive. I thank you for sharing your thoughts even when you are a bit down. The honesty of your feelings are helpful to all of us not living with cancer to understand what is sometimes needed or not needed from cancer victims.
I love you and wish I knew you personally. My prayers are with you daily. You are a great Mom. I take pride in being a good Mom to my 4, one of the hardest things but easiest too.
Cayleigh (7) and I are going to the Hannah Montana concert tomorrow night in Lexington Ky!!!!!!!!!!!! She is so excited and I am just a bit. : )
Take care and be happy today, God loves YOU!
I guess from reading your blog I would have never guessed you still have these frustrations with your “new” brain. And how powerful that the Lord’s sacrifice puts all of it in perspective. Thanks for sharing this.
Hi Heather,
I am so glad that Jesus chose to see the Big Picture and that you have chosen to follow Him and do the same. You are always a blessing and your family loves you for just who you are, and so do I. Thank you for sharing your frustrations here, showing the rest of us humans that there are days like these. Praise God that they come and go, and that we have Jesus as our EXAMPLE to follow.
Praying for you as treatment continues and you head out to be with family for Christmas soon. May this be the most blessed Christmas you have ever experienced. I love you and you bless me all of the time, especially when the “halo” of life slips and you share it here. It brings me great hope to overcome.
Love you Girl, Laurie in Ca.
Amen and amen, girl!
The lingering effects of treatment are a true pain in the neck, but you’re right, we get to enjoy the blessings of family and friends here for a little while longer, and that’s the greater blessing, that God still has things for us to do for His kingdom, and our battered and cracked vessels of surviviorship allow His light to shine through all the more.
Great perspective and goes right along with the verses…” Whatever is true, whatever is noble whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things! I was very often encouraged by those words and your perspective to think on what is true all the time and not just at the moment is wonderful. Sometimes it can be so hard not to think of what is true at that moment!
Lvoe, Gina
You put it so well. I am dealing with “chemo brain” side effects myself and it is frustrating to not remember a simple name or recall a task I know I’ve done hundreds of times. From reading your words, I never would have guessed that you are dealing with similar challenges from your new brain and I’m sure also chemo side effects. God is at the tip of your fingertips when you write, that’s for sure.
Thank you for your inspiration….God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference (Serenity Prayer)
so beautifully put. and it does put things in perspective… You are so great at opening my eyes to the things I already know, and yet still dumbly choose not to see.
Awesome post! Thanks for sharing. That’s how I view my limitations after the 3 long bouts with cancer I have gone through. Life seemes so much sweeter that way-does not mean it’s easy though!
Rachel
I am so sorry for these limitations because I know that they are real and frustrating. I am so thankful with you that you are here with your husband and children and parents, that you went to the doctor when you had vertigo, that they found it and have been treating you. That you can travel to Virginia. That you can face this Christmas with hope. We continue to pray.
Choice. Yeah. My quiet time this morning ended up about how powerful choice is. We are powerless in every other way, but have been given the gift of choosing Him.
((hugs))
Lund
Most often I’m just speechless reading you… beautiful. I feel like you often say what is in my heart, only better.
This post reminds me of the Casting Crowns song “Voice of Truth.”
But the voice of truth
Tells me a different story
The voice of truth says
“Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says
“This is for my glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The voice of truth
Everyday, we have a choice. Who will we listen to? Who will we believe?
Beautifully written, Heather. Even with the frustrations you face on a daily basis, I’m so glad God has you here.
Thanx again for lacing us with your grace
Lean on the everlasting Arms
blessings all
gp in montana
What a great quote! It’s so true.
Always praying!
Your words really spoke to me today. We had two adoption losses this year and I’m a different person now than I was a year ago. God is shaping me into someone different.. I’m more thankful, ironically. Or maybe that’s not ironic at all. I’ve been reading the book Prayer by Philip Yancey and just past the chapter discussion about Jesus’ prayer in the garden. It’s been on my mind a lot about just how much God allows us to go through in life. But He is glorified in everything.
He is intimately involved in who you are…
And who you are continues to greatly impact hearts and lives.
To live, to love, to give more fully…
He sings over you with joy. I celebrate your life. The limitations, while challenging and often discouraging, are the reminders of all He has seen you through!
Heather,
My situation is nothing compared to yours and I don’t want to make it that. However, I almost died when I had my son 3 years ago. Literally. 8 transfusions, a vent and a medically induced coma. But I didn’t. I am riddled with adhesions that cause frequent small bowel obstructions. I didn’t see this coming. God did and He sustains me everyday. I find your blog an inspiration and say, press on, sister, press on!!
Hi Heather, my name is Apryl, I am from Canada. I was recently diagnosed with Anaplastic Astrocytoma (Grade 3) and had my surgery on Nov. 9th where they successfully resected 95% of the tumour.
I will not be starting my chemo and radiation until Jan. 7th, after the holidays.
I just wanted to say what a relief it was to find your website and it has helped me through many tough days thus far. Thank you and I hope that I can one day help someone as well.
{{{{HUGS}}}} Honestly, the way you describe yourself sounds just like me NORMALLY! I’m constantly asking myself, “what am I doing?” I never have anything to say when it needs to be said. Your picture is beautiful…without the hair, your eyes are getting the attention they demand. Wow. Prayers for your strength and courage! Thank you so much for blogging and reminding us of so many things that we should remember on our own!
Simply wonderful post!! Is it OK for me to use that quote in my blog?? I love it!
Michelle
Thank you Heather. I needed that quote today more than you can possibly know.
Oh Heather I am really lovin the new look on your website, green and pink are two of my favorite colors.
-Amy C
As always, you are a never ending blessing. Thank you for the reminder to look at the “Big Picture” in my own life. How right you are that every day and how we chose to live it and experience it is a choice.
I did laugh, however, about the lipgloss and the car…I thought I was putting lipgloss on the other day and instead started to spread mascara across my lips! No cancer here, just 2 teenage boys..haha!
May our Lord continue to bless you most abundantly,
Shawna,
Thank you Heather for that post. My dear friend had surgery last Wednesday after finding out the day after Thanksgiving that she had a grade 4 glioblastoma.
She’s retained her speach but is not really ‘talking’. I so want to know what is going on in her head and how to be the kind of friend she will need on this journey. Seems maybe I need to just be quiet and be there.
I am so thankful for His YET Words over you, Heather. Thankful for what is always true in Christ’s character…thankful that you shared this.
I feel like this shift in seasons in our lives has caused me to want to say the same thing to close friends. I am not who I was, I am who He is making me. Yet, what He is doing is good! Yay!
Praying over your holiday time and travels.
Love,
holly
Heather,
YOU never cease to inspire me!
I believe it is HIS work, some may think it is “just you”.
Jodie
Dear Heather,
I can only affirm what the people above have written:
God is choosing to work through you in this situation and we are grateful for your powerful testimony.
That does not make it any easier, I am sure. However, I wanted to note, that this post reminds me to be ever more aware of my split second decisions… how often do we re-act immediately in conversation or in deed and regret it afterwards? As we probably would not wish such hardships on anyone nor upon ourselves as you are going through, you are teaching me that it might very well be time to learn how to “hold back” on some action and learn to see the world from God’s perspective….
React upon God’s reality, not upon present immediacy!
Thank you for your words,
I learn from the a great deal.
Andrea from Germany
Hey Sistah!!! I remember while on Chemo I had total brain fog. I tried to open the front door of my home with my car remote, and sprayed my hair with deodorant thinking I had grabbed the hairspray. LOL
I amazingly caught me laughing at myself