First and foremost, My MRI was all clear 😉 Now I can really enjoy the holidays and not stress over my MRI. Thank you Lord!
Next my speech. I showed up at about 5 minutes before the meeting started, because I didnt want to be too early and look nervous 😉 There were about 10-15 Board members there, and I was the “opening act”. I explained that I would be reading my speech because my short term memory is below par, add that with my nervous speech twitching, needless to say they understood!
Here is what I said (If you have read “The Cancer” in my sidebar, you will noticed that I took alot off that page):
Before I tell you my Cancer story, let me tell what defines me.
First and Foremost, I am a Christian. I believe that my cancer didn’t take my God by surprise. I have no fewer days left on this earth than I did before cancer entered my life. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that, no matter what happens, this ends well for me.
I am the only child of Greg and Darlene and am the wife and best friend of Mark. We have been married for over 13 years.
I am the mother of 3.
Easton, my 10 year old daughter loves everything Hannah Montana and can dance like there is no tomorrow.
My son, Elijah, is 7. He is my blonde haired, blue eyed wonder boy. My youngest daughter, Emma Grace, is 6.
Emma is my miracle. She spent the first 5 months of her life in ICU on life support. On Oct 5, she received her second chance in the form of a heart transplant. She has Autism and a myriad of other diagnoses, but when we look at her, we see a child who loves life, and lives every moment to the fullest. She has lasted 6 years longer than any doctor ever predicted!
I am the founding member of Mothering Through Cancer, at the Wellness Community, a support group for Moms who are battling cancer while raising young children. This is a good time for me to tell you how wonderful the Wellness Community is. Before I was first diagnosed, I never in a million years thought I would have cancer, much less this young. But I do, and I am only 32. I didn’t know the first thing about chemo, radiation, losing my hair, how to deal with my fluctuating emotions and everything in between. While sitting in the waiting room in my radiation oncologist’s office, I saw a flyer on the wall for Cancer Survivors (because all of us are survivors!). I jotted down the number for the Wellness Community and called as soon as I got home. That was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. In our support groups, we actually have other people that are going through or have gone through chemo, radiation, loss of hair, and surgeries. We actually have people who have experienced the same exact emotions that you face when you get the diagnosis of Cancer.
We are a family, a family of Survivors.
Now on to the Cancer.
In April of 2007, my world changed. Id like to tell you that it changed in a good way, and in some ways it did… I knew something was wrong when I had to hold on to the wall to keep the floor from falling out from underneath me. I had been dizzy for days. I finally called my General Practitioner and scheduled and appointment. She thought that I had an inner infection but wanted to do an MRI to rule out fluid in my inner ear.
After my MRI, I went to my parent’s house when I received the call. I had a mass in my brain. It had all the markings of cancer.
I had cancer. In my brain. Me.
In typical “Heather Formâ€, I wanted it out. I couldn’t stand knowing that it was in my body. If I couldn’t get rid of the cancer, at least I could get rid of the tumor. I scheduled the first of what would become three appointments.
The first was with a local neurosurgeon.
Inoperable, but the tumor looked to be a slow growing tumor, so we could wait and watch.
I was adamant about getting a second opinion, because the first neurosurgeon didn’t really understand the graveness of the situation, in my opinion.
We scheduled my second appointment with a Neurosurgeon at MD Anderson in Orlando.
Inoperable again, slow growing again, wait and watch again.
My world fell out from underneath me.
I should stop here and tell you that I am an avid writer and have a blog. For those of you who are un-familiar with the term “Blogâ€, it is no different than journaling, only you have an audience. In my case, unbeknownst to me at the time, I had an audience of thousands.
Within a week an online fundraiser was being held for me by people I had never met from all over the world. Their sole purpose was to raise enough money for me and Mark to go to Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN. This fundraiser raised over $17,000 in just 3 days. I was humbled and shocked. Mark and I bought our plane tickets and packed our suitcases. It was a long shot, and they probably wouldn’t have any other answer than the one that had been given to me twice before, but I had to go. I had to hear that it was Inoperable from the #1 Neurosurgery Hospital for me to believe it. It was my last chance, and I was taking it.
So Mark and I loaded our kids up and took them to my parents. We boarded a plane, flew to Rochester and hoped for the best.
We settled into a hotel, kissed each other goodnight and prayed harder than we had ever prayed before. The next morning was my big appointment, and I had pages of questions that I needed to ask.
Operable. Not only operable, but “RIGHT NOW IT HAS TO COME OUT†operable.
The neurosurgeon wanted to know if I was free the following day. Mark and I looked at each other, in disbelief. When we left his office, I called my parents first. I wanted them there, because if someone was going to be cutting my head open and touching my brain, I needed my mommy and daddy. Mark called his mom and she generously offered to come to our home and watch the two oldest. Mom and Dad would be brining our youngest daughter, Emma Grace, with them. We picked a date for the following week, and called to schedule my craniotomy.
Fast forward to May 3, 2007, the day of my surgery. I can’t begin to put into words the feeling of knowing that it just might be your last day. It might be the last meal you eat. It might be the last time you see your husband. It might be the last time you hug your parents. Put on top of that the fact that my two oldest kids were away from me… I just can’t put into words. I wasn’t afraid of dying, I was sad that my possible death would effect my entire family.
Long and short, it went better than they expected. They expected me to have semi paralysis (on my right side) and possibly lose my speech permanently. I woke up and lifted my right arm. “Good†I thought. I tried to speak. Nothing. It took me 4 months to get my speech back and still to this day it isn’t what it once was.
But I was alive, and that in itself was a great thing.
They removed the entire tumor, which was the size of the head of a 9 iron. The pathology came back an Anaplastic Astrocytoma (Anaplastic means Grade III). Grade IV is the worst. Remember what the first two Neurosurgeons said about it being slow growing? They were dead wrong. I would have been dead in 2 years had I not gotten a 3rd and final opinion. I started radiation and chemo simultaneously. I lost my hair and my appetite. But I was alive.
Fast forward to today.
What have I learned?
It isn’t about the cancer, it isn’t about what it has the ability to do to my body, it isn’t about the treatments or the part of me it has taken away… its about the journey. Its about rediscovering the parts of myself that I never ever knew or dreamed existed, and giving them room to grow and room to take flight. It’s about seeing life through cancers eyes and being better because of it, being more whole and more alive despite it.
It’s about living.
Sure there are going to be days that I feel like a Mac truck just bulldozed over me. There are going to be days when I look in the mirror and think “Who is that person, and what did she do with my hair?†But there are days that I am fully alive and energized too, its part of the journey. It is part of life. But it’s not the only part.
It’s not the defining part
I am still a mother.
I am still a wife.
I am still a daughter.
I am still the same Heather that I was before I found out that I had cancer, just a lot more mature and a heck of a lot less naive. I still have the same heart, the same dreams and the same desires. I am still me, and cancer can’t take that away.
They were all very impressed with my speech, and my ability to tell my story. They asked many questions about how the wellness community has helped me, and what they could do to bring young people like myself in (because cancer is no longer a “old persons” disease). We discussed the benefits of support groups and the things that were holding them back. All in all it went way way better than I had hoped or expected!
Today was suppose to be Emma’s clinic visit, but it was canceled. It is being rescheduled for January 17th, so keep that in your prayers. She is doing wonderful, and luckily the antibiotics have kicked out what ever she had.
I am off to pack for our trip to Virginia, but wanted to thank you oh so much for your prayers and support. I have received many many Christmas cards for my cyber-family and it really warms our heart to know that my story, our story has touched you so deeply. So thank you
I’m so happy that the MRI was clean. That’s great news.
And thank you for sharing your story with us. Your story of faith is so beautiful, and you told it wonderfully.
Oh Heather,
I wish more then ever I could of been there to hear that speech! 😛
I would of given you a standing ovation.
“its about the journey…”
Yes, that sums it all up so well. If only others could understand the way you do.
So blessed the Lord allowed me to find your site. My life has been so enriched, I’m so grateful, and MERRY CHRISTmas!
Blessings…
Merry Christmas, Heather and family, We love you dearly…
You are amazing! Merry Christmas! 😀
Heather,
What great news! And, what a wonderful speech!! I wish I could have heard it in person. You are an amazing woman. God has big plans for you, Heather. Thank you for sharing your “journey” with us. We are ALL better for knowing you.
Merry Christmas.
I’ve checked in on you from time to time through MamaLee’s blog, and I am so glad to hear that your MRI was clear! What an awesome Christmas gift!
Your speech was amazing. You are an inspiration and a humbling example of grace and faith under pressure.
Hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!!
wonderful news about the MRI.
We all feel like we know you – and share the joy of good tidings…
a clear MRI, an incredible speech, – what blessings!!!!
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Liza
I just wanted to stop by and check in on you (great speech!), and to wish you a very joy-filled and merry Christmas. I know this Christmas will be very, very special to you and your family.
Hugs and blessings,
Kerimae
OH, Praise Jesus! I LOVE how Jesus looks on you Sister…beautiful, indeed!
May the LIGHT of Christ fill your home with joy and many years of re-telling the story of what God did!
Praising Him with the dancing kind of joy!
Holly
Merry Christmas Heather and family!
I’ve already left a comment, but I found something that was sent to me when my son was beginning his brain tumor journey.
I don’t know if you’ve seen this already, but I thought you would enjoy it.
Sounds like you could of wrote this yourself!
Blessings!
We need to give “The big ‘C'” new meaning.
“The Big ‘C'”
by Kathy Cawthon, Survivor
“The big ‘C'” I heard someone call it.
Another just whispered the word.
That we don’t even dare to say “cancer” out loud
Gives it power it doesn’t deserve.
So I’m giving that letter new meaning
And refusing to give in to fear.
I’m reclaiming the power for you and for me
By saying these words loud and clear:
Let the “c” be for “cure” and “compassion.”
Let it stand for the “candles” we light.
And a “chorus” of voices shouting “You ‘can’!”
To all who will take up this fight.
Let the “c” be for “cash contribution.”
“Credit” or “check” will work, too!
Let it stand for “commitment” and “check- ups”
and “cheer”
And the “children” “counting” on you.
Let it mean that we know our “Creator”
Is beside us each step of the way,
And remind us to “call” on His strength and His love
And to “celebrate” every new day.
To everyone facing this “challenge,”
I say it’s a fight we will win.
Tell all who will listen that, starting today,
The “c” is for “COURAGE,” my friend
Beautiful speech… even more beautiful life.
Merry Christmas, Heather & Family.
Gods continued blessing this Christmas Day, as we celebrate HIS birth, and during the entire year of 2008!! You are a blessing in using your strong voice and platform.
Susan
I already knew your story, but I’m still amazed when I hear it all again. It’s just amazing and awesome to see God’s Hand working in your life. I’m so glad things are working well for you and your family. Hope 2008 is an easier year for you all.
Merry Christmas dear Heather.
I hope you have a very nice vacation in Virginia.
You are such a blessing and an encouragement to us!!
God bless you…Love Terry
Thank you for sharing your amazing speech with us. Such an inspiration! Blessings to you and your family.
Oh Sweet Heather!
You allowed the Holy Spirit to flow right through you, what a great conduit you are! Well Done!
Your Lord is so pleased!
Praising God for your results!
Because of Jesus, Bobbie
You are a true inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story every step of the way. Your speech was so great to read. You ouch so many lives with your words. You and your family continue to be in my prayers.
I wish I could have been there to hear you give your speech! Thanks for sharing it with us. It was just beautifully expressed. (and that’s such good news about your MRI!)
Merry Christmas, Heather!
Merry Christmas Heather. I will be continuing to pray for you and your sweet family. We almost lost one of our daughters during her first year of life. She is now 12, doing very well, and I thank God for each day we have with her.
Blessings,
Lysa TerKeurst
😀 Serious happy dance from Montana
G-d is great!
gp in montana
Your speeuch was absolutely beautiful. I know you spoke directly into people’s souls, just as you do ours through this blog. God bless!
A clean MRI is definitely reason for rejoicing!
What a great way to start this new year.
Continued Prayer…
Conni from Miami
Merry Christmas Heather!!!
It’s been so long since we’ve chatted… so I thought I’d stop by to see how you are doing and wish you a Merry Christmas.
And I’m so happy I did… what amazing news!!!
Praise God!
I just found your blog Heather. Congratulations on your MRI!! All clear – how wonderful.
I’ll add you to my prayer list and keep checking on you.
Peggy
Wonderful speech Heather. It brought tears to my eyes!
Kris: I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!
Laura: God Bless you and have a safe and happy New Year, you’re off to a great start.
You are beautiful!
To God alone be the glory
I have been thinking about these words that you posted, “I have no fewer days left on this earth than I did before cancer entered my life. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that, no matter what happens, this ends well for me.” all weekend! They are just so true and so comforting. Thanks for writing them.
Heather, you are an amazing woman. I get strength just be hearing your testimony. I pray that you have abundantly more than you ever dreamed and that God continue to make Himself so evident in your life. You are an inpiration to so many. I pray for Emma Grace to be well and full of joy and peace. Have a wonderful week, girl! You deserve it!
Amy Grant Bayliss
You are truly a strong, remarkable woman. I am in awe of your strength and courage. God Bless you and your family.
Heather, first I want to tell you I haven’t been keeping up on what is going on as we have been gone and computer use is hit and miss, but reading this was great. I have been thinking about you for the past couple of weeks and praying that everything was going well. God is so good and the clear MRI was a wonderful gift for this time of the year. Have a good New Years and praying that things continue to go well for you and Emma Grace.
Hugs & prayers,
Norma
Hi Heather,
I have been following two cancer blogs and both have had the faith to trust God through the “journey”. I keep praying for both of you daily,
blessings,
You are one amazing woman! Facing this cancer and beating it down! I added your button to my blog. I pray for all the best!
A Beautiful Life.
I remember a sentence that you wrote and I read somewhere back in your archives. I think of it daily.
“Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”
Thank you!
Hi heather! This is the first time coming across your blog. You are truly an amazing woman and an inspiration. The Lord is SO good and it’s so obvious just by reading this one post. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will be praying for you, Heather!
Kelly
You’re truly blessed to have gone through this and come out with the wisdom and support you have. I found your site a few months back via Inprogress, Tam. Is it okay if I add you to my blog roll?
Praise God Heather!! =) 😀
🙂
What a wonderful testimony of God’s faithfulness and of your desire to serve Him continually in all you do.
Happy New Year!
Merry Christmas for you and your family and happy ney year.Feliz Navidad y feliz año nuevo.
OMGOSH LOOK AT YOU I do stop by but I dnt’ as often as I should I am so proud of you as I am sure you are of yourself. Heather look how God has used you in this life. Well God bless you and Keep ALL of you safe and well.
Just me
What a wonderful speech; praise God! I haven’t visited your blog in a bit, but I’m glad I did today; God speaks through you so eloquently. And I can relate a little bit too: I’m about the same age as you (31), and April of 2007 was an infamous month for me, too, also involving MRIs and an unwelcome diagnosis (though in my case, multiple sclerosis; your story puts my own in perspective!). So though the battles we face are very different, I can relate a tiny bit. Congrats on the clear MRI!! A wonderful Christmas gift indeed.