Dear Cancer,

baldheadphones

You have invaded my body with out invitation. You have robbed me of emotion, energy, and most of all time. Time with my family. Time wasted worrying over you, and what you will do next, when you will strike next. Time wasted worrying about the next scan, the next oncology appointment, the next…..

I will not let you steal my joy and my self confidence (even though you stole my hair.). I will not let you touch my heart. I will not let you steal the smile from my face or the beat in my step, though it has become weaker over the time I have known you. You have taken too much from me, so much from me. You are a shadow in my children’s faces, they worry about their mom and it shows. You are a shadow in my husbands eyes, he wonders how he can live alone, raise three kids alone. In those quiet moments, when he and I are alone, I see fear in his eyes. You are a shadow in my parents heart, wondering if/when they will have to bury their only child.

You are a shadow in my heart, whispering in my ear. “I am still here”.

and quietly I whisper back “Not for long”

That whisper is getting louder and louder day by day, moment by moment.

And sometime, soon I hope, it will drown out your voice.

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Comments

  1. Heather,
    Wow — I just got goosebumps from that! I appreciate your honesty, whether you’re feeling triumphant or struggling. I wish you and your family the joy of Easter, of the shout that drowns out cancer and despair, sin and death — “HE IS RISEN!!!”

  2. Teresa (Myakka City) says:

    You have many also whispering “Not for long” with you!

  3. Another one Pumping up the volume with you!!!

    “Not for Long”!!!!

  4. You are amazing and strong. May God surround you in comfort and peace.

  5. Keep hanging in there, Heather. Greater is He that is in you than the cancer or anything else.

  6. only opinions says:

    fighting this spiritual battle with you!

  7. may I suggest you stand up and SCREAM at this …cancer…that you NOT FOR LONG.

    It is amazing how effective it is.

  8. Heather,
    Great post. There is a point that you eventually come to with cancer where you realize that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about this. You have no power against it. All the worrying in the world will not change it. That is when you hand it over to the ONE who can do something about it and trust that He will do something about it and that it will be the best. Praying for you!
    ~Gina

  9. ((( hugs))) Heather- that is exactly what you do, speak to those things ( cancer) and it has to bow …God knows your days. We have to face our opposition head on….but Jesus bore the stripes on his back to heal cancer.
    Just take one day at a time and enjoy your husband, children and your parents. Make lasting memories for TODAY!!! When you are eak HE is STRONG!!! Love you girl!

  10. praying for you!

    Mary

  11. Amen Heather,

    Shouting for you here “NOT FOR LONG”. I love your honesty and your Spirit Heather. On this Good Friday, may the Lord pour His love and strength all over, as by His Wounds, you are healed!! Oh, how He identifies with your pain and sorrow and that of your family. He knows it all, and He holds you all so close to His heart. I pray you have the most wonderful Easter, knowing He is Risen and we are too, in Him.

    Love you girl, Laurie in Ca.

  12. You’ve said it all, Heather.

    Blessings to you and your family this wonderful Easter.

    Hugs ‘N Prayers,
    Norma

  13. SHOUT IT OUT Heather…and we will join along…NOT FOR LONG…IT is finished!!!
    I wanted to write something to inspire or encourage you today but again you NAILED IT! You wrote from within and I pray it was freeing to express it! But more than just that I pray you feel better, that your heart can smile and your smile BURSTS forth from the shadows…NO MORE
    will this cancer steal and rob from YOU!
    The curse is broken…right from the root!
    Side effects and all other effects must submit to the HEALING that Jesus Christ
    provides to you, Heather. By His stripes, Heather is healed! We proclaim that energy and strength return and be restored in the name of Jesus! Emotions
    come back! Time with family and for self
    be restored! Time wasted worrying be gone and let peace and assurance confidently find a place under the cross! You are free Heather, free to say what’s bugging you, or hurting or upsetting you! You are free to be YOU! In your weakness, Christ will be strong! Put your head, to rest on His lap or in His arms! Let those shadows no longer lurk about or steal from you or your kids or your family or the love within you and the sweet smile upon your face! 😀 For your Savior nailed it on the cross, buried it and ROSE AGAIN!
    And Heather shall also! Thank you for telling Dear Cancer…it is finished! May that nagging, painful, sorrowful, worrisome voice BE drowned out by the blood of the Lamb and BE STILLED today and all your many tomorrows be filled with JOY, PEACE and LOVE. Prayin’ and stayin’ with ya’ through the darkness
    that YOU can continue to RISE UP and
    see the LIGHT of this Easter morn as YOU SHOUT out…the VICTORY is mine! No more
    stuffin’…keep voicing the TRIUMPH!
    Hugs and prayers…in Christ’s Love, Peggy

  14. I just wanted to stop by and say hi. I saw your button on BooMama’s blog. My Mom found out she had breast cancer in October, had a double mastectomy and just finished her last chemo treatment a couple weeks ago. They actually just found a spot on her head and in her hip that they are reviewing. It’s been one long road!

    She has lost all of her hair, too. I honestly think it’s a beautiful look but she disagrees!

    This post was so honest and so heartfelt. Thank you for putting yourself out there and showing us what you’re really thinking!

    I’m going to send her your link so she can be encouraged by someone else who is coming from the same place she is!

  15. Cancer is a thief. It is nice to see that it hasn’t robbed you of your spirit to fight! Again, hang tough Heather!! You are in my prayers each day.

  16. NOT FOR LONG !!!!!!!!!!
    screaming from the rooftops on your behalf.

    Your strength AND Vulnerability along with your faith that you share with those of us out here (Christians or not) is truly …. I’m not even sure if earthly words like amazing, beautiful, intimate, inspiring … even adequately describe what I’m trying to convey.

    Alice the Brit

  17. Hi Heather,

    That brought tears to my eyes.

    When I am reading your blog, I think “how am I going to pull that off if I should get “cancer” will I be as strong as Heather?” and then I think, the Lord is with Heather, she is not walking alone.

    Keep fighting Heather, I am praying for you. I sense by reading your blog how afraid your family is and that is very sad, again don’t hide your feelings, release them as you are doing so now.

    My heart is with you.

  18. sherry johnson says:

    Heather…You are a beautiful person both inside and out, hair or no hair. You also have a beautiful family. I have been reading your blogs for a couple of months now and prayed for you. It is an awful thing that you are dealing with but no one really knows how long they have. There are so many people that horrible things happen to with no warning. My cousin, Barry, got killed on a minibike when he was only 7 years old. My uncle got killed on his motorbike only 2 weeks ago. My great uncle came down with a heart rhythm problem a few months ago. He was 82 and in excellent health otherwise but he decided to end his life. I could go on and on telling of people that I know that bad things happened to …oh yea..a 4 year old boy that I knew picked up his daddies pistol and it went off and killed him. This was a pistol that was old and did not work, but all of a sudden it did. That little boys uncle (who I used to be madly in love with) got killed when his tractor turned over on him over 25 years ago. Also, when he was a child, his mom got up to go to the bathroom during the night and died instantly. Nothing had been wrong with her but she had an aneurism burst. What I am trying to say is that not one single person in this world is guaranted tommorow. Do not dwell on if or when you die. You have done wonderful and you are going to beat this. I know it is hard and I probably wouldn’t do no where as good as you. But do continue to blog your feelings because that is very good therapy. Heather, I wish the best for you. You are a fantastic person. Hang in there…Sherry

  19. Heather, you are still being prayed for EVERY day in my home. Keep up your hope and faith and all will go well. God Bless YOU and your entire family.

    Love & Prayers,
    Betty in Oklahoma
    blue.eagle@cox.net

  20. annamaria says:

    Heather,

    Thanks for being real. You are among friends and loved ones. There is never a need to hide or fear here. This has been a growing experience for you…you are more when you are truly you!

    Peace be with you!
    Annamaria

  21. The theme from “Jaws” is playing in my head right now! 😈

    Da-duh, da-duh…

    Attack that cancer with all you’ve got, Heather!

  22. You go girl!

    Still praying.

  23. An Alabama Grandmother says:

    “Not for Long”
    Stand Tall Heather

  24. Hope you and your family have a wonderful Blessed Easter.

    Sending hugs and prayers your way!

  25. Hi Heather,
    I’ve been reading your blog for over a year..and I’ve been praying for you since you found out about cancer.

    What Satan (and stupid cancer) intends for harm…GOD INTENDS FOR GOOD.

    Be strong, peace, joy, and rest.

    Hugs from Michigan,
    Kelly S. 😎

  26. Heather,
    Just checking in on you like I do often and loved your letter to Cancer. Keep fighting, Girl. You are an amazing lady.

    Praying for you in GA,
    Mandy
    http://www.madelinegracehopkins.blogspot.com

  27. My SIL has 4th stage breast caner (in her bones)

    Someone gave her this quote and I love it. It made me think of you. Maybe it was you?

    “What Cancer Cannot Do”
    “Cancer is so limited. It cannot cripple love; it cannot shatter hope; it cannot corrode faith; it cannot destroy peace; it
    cannot kill friendship; it cannot suppress memories; it cannot silence courage; it cannot invade the soul; it cannot steal eternal life; it cannot conquer the spirit.”

  28. What an inspiration you are!! I just found your blog and I will be praying for you.

  29. Yes, dear Heather, in the name of Jesus, Amen!

  30. I’m still praying for you. One day at a time as you know…..Happy Easter.

  31. Happy Easter Heather! I hope you and your family have a blessed one!

  32. Just wanted to come over and wish you a blessed Resurrection Day! I am sure you are enjoying it with your loved ones!

  33. I am shouting it! Not FOR LONG!!!

    Have a blessed Easter, Heather!! He is RISEN for all and especially Heather. :)

    Praying for you this week, believing God for a blessed and timely miracle.

  34. Your transparency and honesty are just as inspiring to your readers as your inspiration on your good days!

  35. satan is the DEFEATED foe. Our God is the victor.
    Susan

  36. great post! HE’s fighting this with you. HE’s never gonna leave you.

  37. Teresa from SC says:

    Just saying “Hey”, thinking about you !

  38. Still praying for you, Heather. It’s been about a year since I’ve been reading your posts. You remain an inspiration to us all, even in and especially during the times you share the “down” times. May God lift you and give you peace and comfort. We’re believing and trusting that you will be healed!

    God Bless,
    Julie in Texas

  39. Thank you for your honesty and transparency. I saw a sign recently. It said, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass over. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

    You inspire me to continue to dance in the rain.

  40. Hi Heather,
    Just checking in to wish you a blessed day! Been checking for updates since last Friday :) :)

    I was moved to pray for you and your family very early this morning and I trust that you are all well….Be blessed and remember: Before He made YOU in your mother’s womb, He chose YOU. Before you were born, He set YOU apart for a good and special work.

    Love and ((hugs))

  41. amen!

  42. no….words. OK, one.

    WOW.

  43. Heather…my last two weeks have consisted of unexpected worrying about brain mets that showed themselves in the form of high fever in the middle of the night. I was hospitalized for a week and was on 10 days of whole brain radiation. All I remember about most of it is being in a fog and feeling detached. Then my hair began to fall out in huge handfuls. I was so sad. Others told me too to cut it but I waited. Tonight my husband and I both shaved heads and I felt so much better afterward. This because of you. I searched online and found your post so inspiring, honest, and a lifesaver. God is in control. I believe he led me to your post today. Your story made a world of difference to me and my husband.

  44. Arlene Mohebbi says:

    Thank you.

  45. Heather,

    Just found you blog via (in)courage website and I must say this is a powerful post and something I’m sure God put in my path today. I’m finishing my 3rd round of chemo in my 8th cycle and I’m filled with “what if” cancer whispers.

    What if the radiation & chemo didn’t get it all the merkel cell…
    What if the new spot in my femur is not new good cell growth…
    What if last weeks adrenal gland biopsy didn’t get a good representative sample and it has spread…

    What if…what if…what if…

    But thanks to your post and what you shared…I can and will say to those cancer whispers…

    You took your best shot and if a cell or two lingers after all the radiation & chemo I got, I will continue to place my faith and trust in God to take care of what the medicine did not!

    Tom

    trusting God period!!

  46. Bad news is never easily accepted. Especially when so young and so filled with life.
    The important thing is that a positive outlook must be maintained. YOU CAN NOT GIVE UP.

    Remember, no living creature lives for ever. We all must go some day, and whether it be at a young or old age.

    We must remember, it is the small and charitable events of the things we do in our life that matter. Live your life giving hope, and love and cheer. The you will be rewarded 10x fold in times like this and beand