I can’t…

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

It’s really amazing how true that quote is. When we were told about Emma before her birth, I thought to myself “I can’t do this. I can’t possibly handle this. This can’t be real.” Yet it was, and I found that I was strong enough to handle it. I was asked by many people, many many times while going through the things we have been through with Emma “I just couldn’t do it if it happened to me, how you do it?”

Then brain cancer. I sat on my parents couch the day I got the call and thought “I can’t do this. Not now. I can’t handle this. This can’t be real.” Yet it was, and I have. And again many people asked me many many times “I just couldn’t do it if it happened to me, how do you do it?”

I often hear stories about people who have gone through similar circumstances as mine.. and they never once asked “why?”… they never once questioned Gods plan.

That isn’t me.

I question God all of the time about His plan for my life, not because I blame him, but because I trust Him enough to handle that anger. I trust Him enough to handle my pain. And I want to seek Him every single opportunity I get this side of heaven. I have asked why from the get go of Emma’s health crisis and then mine. I don’t look at that as a weakness. I don’t think God is shaking His head in heaven saying “She obviously doesn’t trust me.”

I think it is through asking “why” we find the strength to trust.

Are there things in your life that make you think “I can’t” Are there circumstances in your heart that you avoid because you can’t bear to go near them out of fear? Are you afraid to ask God Why? Are you afraid to tackle them head on because you just don’t think you can handle the results?

You’re right, YOU cant. But with Christ, You can… I believe wholeheartedly that I would not have had the strength or the emotional maturity to handle all that has come into my life without my Savior. I would be a ball in the corner, trembling and scared. And that is not to say that I have not been a ball in the corner, trembling and scared. But the one thing that has been constant, the one thing that I know for sure at those times….

I am in Christ’s hands.

When hard times strike, and you are scared out of your gourd… Whose hands are you in? Whose name to call out to? If it isn’t Christ, then friend you have been missing out. I am living proof that life isn’t raindrops and sunshine… but with Christ, your bad days can be a whole lot better… your outlook on life can be so drastically improved…

Because, remember what I always say…

No matter what, this ends well for me.

And it can for you too.

Bad Days Better – Shane & Shane

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  1. Very, very true! 😎

    dkswifes last blog post..A few of my favorite name brand things!

  2. SI, SE PUEDE….yes, you can!!! WoW…how Excellent is this!
    :biggrin: From the very beginning til the very end…first quote to your own wisdom and making us see our own struggles and then the Heather, I came to admire…comes through and puts it altogether…in Christ’s hands…as the VICTOR, no matter what.
    Thank you for your sound perspectives and insights on life and life after … You are aMazing!!! :wub: Peggy
    [Please tell me how you do your little, slim standalone player with one song…I have…playlist but would prefer just one song that people can control…pretty please let me in on your secret][Please come and visit my Saturday post..it was for YOU!!!] :heart:

    Peggys last blog post..HAPPY BIRTHDAY Pastor IRENE

  3. What a great post! :sideways:

    Heathers last blog post..Seeking Perfection within Imperfection

  4. Michelle says:

    Hi Heather,
    just checking in to see how you are feeling. I also wanted to share a beautiful song with you…Its called Sleepless Night by Fernando Ortega. It is everything you have been telling us for so long. He is our “Only hope in this storm” I promise you, if you look up the lyrics…you will see yourself and your journey.
    Hugs and prayers for you and your family,

  5. To a dear woman that I would love to meet (and if not here, then one day in heaven I plan to give you a big ol’ hug) I started following your journey just shortly after you found out about your cancer from a link on BooMama’s site. I was instantly on your blog almost daily from that point foward – praying always and being challenged all of the time. I’ve been on my own happy but busy journey of being pregnant and giving birth to our third child – just wanted you to know that even when I didn’t check in that you and your family have been in my prayers often. It’s amazing to see where you are today, and how God will continue to use your story, your honesty, and your heart to encourage, inspire, and change those around you (near and far). I look foward to continue this walk with you as you heal and grow.

  6. Girl, I don’t have near the trials that you have had, but I have had a few that, on this very day, I have asked God why…again.
    I relate to what you say here so strongly. Thank you. It was very timely.

    Gayles last blog post..Some Random Gayle-ness

  7. I think the strength of a relationship (yours with Jesus) is marked by the ability to share the hard questions.

    I feel so glad to have a few friends, who I am able to ask some tough questions from them and they me. Those are the dearest ones to me. I can entrust them with me.

    And I LOVE that you are entrusting yourself to Him. You are rich!

    Much love and prayers for you, Heather!

    Holly Smiths last blog post..Two Things I’m Enjoying Today

  8. You continually amaze me and remind me of the truly important things.

    Thanks, Heather.


    Tinas last blog post..Crazy is as crazy does

  9. Heather, You are such an amazing inspiration!!!! For all that you have been through, your faith remains so very strong!! Thinking of you :-)

    Love, Sherri

  10. Denese Smith says:

    You can’t, He never said you could…. He can, He always said He would….. He promised.

    1 Corinthians 1:25
    For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.

    Isaiah 40:29
    He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak

  11. Your faith in our Lord is truly amazing and inspiring. You are such a strong woman. You are a winner! Thanks for your blessing my life daily!

  12. Thanks for the reminder — It’s ok to ask why, and at the same time still believe that God is in control.

    Karen Owenss last blog post..Quote…

  13. Laurie in Ca. says:

    I love you Heather and I love that your strength comes from the Lord. You are in the best hands possible and I am always reminded of this when I come to visit. Praying that your chemo is not too hard on you and that you have been doing really good. I am praying for you.

    Love, Laurie in Ca.

  14. Thank you for this post! A few years back, when we were going through some really tough times (my dh was critically ill for a couple of years), I had my fourth son. At the hospital after I had him, we found out a couple bits of bad news, and I just broke down. I really reached my ultimate limit that day, and a very, very kind hospital chaplain came to visit me. I haltingly explained that I was so very angry at God for all that had happened to me that I hadn’t even been able to pray in over 6 months. This is what that dear chaplain said to me, and it really echoes what you say here in this post:

    “Why not be mad at God? He understands! If anyone can handle our anger, He can! Go ahead – let it all out. He will still love you! There’s an old saying that I really believe to be true – if you haven’t shaken your fist at God in anger, then you haven’t really encountered Him.”

    Those words give me such comfort, even today. Through all our hard times, we were truly showered with so many blessings, and there is a definite strength, knowing you have hit your personal wall and survived – especially when you know God still loves you! :-)

    Many blessings to you and yours – you remain in my prayers.

    MamaJens last blog post..First Confession and brothers…

  15. I realize that my life can’t even begin to compare to yours, but lately I feel like life has just dealt me a series of punches, and I don’t know if I can’t keep getting up. It’s been hard to even pray, not because I don’t believe God is there and understands, but because I’m so angry and hurt, it’s hard to put words together, and I just don’t want to think about it any more. That quote by Eleanor Roosevelt brought tears to my eyes, and hope to my heart for the first time in a long time.

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