Be Still..
(Edited to add: I have uploaded videos of Emma Graces Transplant and Autism Awareness on her page)
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
-Exodus 14:14
That is so hard, just to be still and trust. I was reading my devotional this morning and ran across this:
God is neither shut up nor shut out of any place.
I have to admit that ending chemo is probably one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. Not because I dont trust that God is still God, not because I dont believe that He is still able to do what He says he will do. But merely because I am human.
I have fears.
And I believe he knows every. single. one.
I fear the cancer coming back. I fear IV chemo. I fear a life that robs me of my daily abilities. I fear not being able to do the things that I do now with my children, and my family.
But then Christ grabs me up by the heart and yanks me to his arms and says “Be still, I am here. Why do you doubt me?”
Its a funny place for a cancer patient, feeling so healthy yet knowing that there is a great possibility you are going to die.(Who isnt, right?) And although I don’t dwell on it very often, It is not often far from my mind.
Because remember, I am human.
I have to constantly remind myself of that, because so many times so many Christians try to be “super -human”. They put on plastic smiles and bright red capes and seem to just float through every obstacle placed in front of them. But I believe that deep down inside, they are so hurting and so lonely. I refuse to do that. I refuse to go through this experience and not take the opportunity to really feel. Really learn.
Really trust.
Courage is the knowledge of how to fear what ought to be feared and how NOT to fear what ought NOT to be feared.
I want that type of courage. I want to be still and know that You are near. Forgive me for doubting, for second guessing, for losing faith in the one that has been so faithful to me during this time.
Draw me back. Draw me in.
I will be still.
StorySide B - Be still
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
So good to be home!
I am sorry that I haven’t updated, but I have been so exhausted! Emma is home now and is so happy to be reunited with her Little People!
I, on the other hand, am so happy to be reunited with my bed!
I start chemotherapy Monday evening, which will be my next to last cycle (only 2 more to go!). I can’t believe that I have been on chemo for 10 straight months, it seems like only yesterday that I was diagnosed and had surgery. My hair is still not back completely from radiation therapy… I have an old man bald spot the size of a baseball on the top of my head that is coming back oh so slowly.
I so miss my hair, yet the very thought of wearing a wig during the summer makes my head sweat… so I continue to shave it until it all comes back in.
Bald is beautiful, if I do say so myself!
(But I do miss it… did I mention that?)
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
