Lately I have been doing alot of thinking…about why I am doing what I am doing and what it is doing to me on a deeper level. I have to admit it feels quite awesome when someone walks up to me at the grocery store or some other random place and says “I know you! I read your blog!!”. But it also feeds my pride, and there lies the problem.
My Pride.
I heard this song on the radio on the way to my Oncology appointment last Wednesday, and it really really touched me. Deeply. It is the cry of my heart to be filled with Him. To shine radiate His love and His grace to every person I come into contact with. I haven’t done that so much recently. I haven’t been nearly as patient nor as kind as I should be. I haven’t loved like I should love.
Many people who have faced a terminal illness (or tragedy) get all “gung ho” about living life to the fullest everyday, but over time, we lose that passion… that driving force… that fire under our butts.
So, I am going to go back and figure out where I lost that “life is short” realization. I want to go back to the person I was right after my diagnosis, living life like there was no tomorrow and loving every. single. person passionately, with His love.
Because on my own, it is impossible to accomplish.
And there in lies the problem.
I recently read something on youtube that caught my attention. It was a devotional written by “Roger” :
Saturdays used to be known as “bath day”, many years ago. It’s hard to believe that today, as most people shower every morning.
In the same fashion, we need God to cleanse us every so often too. He washes us with the water of His Word. Not only do we get ‘dirty’ just by living but, we are full of ‘holes’, the scriptures tell us. And these ‘holes’, leak his fillings.
So, not only does everyone need a Savior to save them and take them to heaven but, they need this Savior also to cleanse them of the filth of daily living and to empower them to live as a believer. Without Him, washing,cleansing and filling us,we begin to stink to this lost and dying world and we will offer nothing to quench their spiritual thirst.
It is possible to stink and not be a ‘sweet smelling savor’. Have you “FRESHENED UP” lately?
I need to freshen up. I need to be emptied of my pride and selfishness so that He can fill my entire heart, not just the space that I give him.
My entire heart.
Empty Me – Chris Sligh
I’ve had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood.
And I’ve tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.I’ve seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, compared to you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
compared to you. So, I surrender all!Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Oh, filled with you.
Empty me.
:heart: Sweet Heather :wub:
Thank you for this truth today. We ALL need to be emptied and cleansed from pride. And with this said, I am so thankful that you have been carried through this past season in your life by God’s grace and His love for you. I celebrate with you that you have experienced the end of chemo and truly are entering into the next step of healing from all treatment in your body. I pray that the Lord fills you up with Him and gives you the desires of your heart. You have been such a blessing to me as I have followed your journey through this time, openly and honestly, day by day. Being a cancer survivor myself, I appreciate the ups and downs of this journey with you. It is hard, but the Lord continues to be faithful in using you for His glory in ministering to others. May He bless you as you go deeper into Him. I love you.
Laurie in Ca. :heart:
:heart: :wub:
I know that feeling of not being as full of life as you are after a diagnosis…but I also know that we try every day to remember that feeling.
It’s tough, because we don’t want to relive those early days…the shock and fog that covered us isn’t a place we want to go back to.
It’s tricky.
I like to think that in the early days of Steven’s diagnosis, our living life fully and loving deeply was an emotion…a reaction…and now we choose to live that way. Now it’s a choice, and I like it!
Hope all is going well with you, the children and the dogs!
Beverlys last blog post..Magic Math
Thanks for sharing.
There is great joy knowing that it is only through God’s power and His life in us that we go on, that we are convicted and we are filled. God in His mercy and grace hears the cries of His saints, He heard you, He hears His people, when our hearts are pure before Him and we are abiding in the true vine and drinking the sparkling water that fills our thirsty soul that zeal comes back, well did it ever leave I guess is the question, it gets snuffed out at times. When we the sinful man/woman dies to the flesh, He increases in us to go on to be all we are in HIM. We are the living stone, 1Peter 2:5, His possession, 1Peter 2:9 that people see. It is a life of abiding and a life of obedience.
We get blindsided at times, don’t we, yet God is right there saying get up, get going love one another, get the focus off yourself and look up, the passion gets egnited when we focus on the cross, we are reminded why we are still here, and of course the enemy wants no part of that passion being egnited, he is one to distract and speak lies, but in all that we are blessed and have the ability through the Holy Spirit to recognize him, resist him, and rejoice in Jesus. God will fill you to be that vessel to Love like you never loved:)
We do get tired and there is that time of a quiet peaceful rest, but only spending time with HIm do we receive this rest.
Start today it is a mindset, think on these things, I just had a women’s conference on Phil. 4:8, we have a choice on what we focus on, we need this personal relationship with Jesus first and be cleansed, be filled along with the mind of Christ, on Jesus and who He is.
This blog I believe is sent from the Lord each time you write, it is God’s love, it is His truth that makes a heart clean. Thank you and please continue to bless and share the love of Jesus. Don’t grow weary, be filled, refreshed, you have a crown of glory awaiting. 1Peter 5:4
ps baby Obediah is doing much better! Praise the Lord.
May grace and peace be multiplied to you,
Elaine
I think these words are appropriate for most of us – not just those who have faced a serious diagnosis. Most of us, somewhere along the way, lose the fire and the passion for God that we knew when we were first born again. I think we have make a conscious effort to find it again.
Thanks for the reminder. As always, it’s wonderful to hear from you.
Heather,
Thank you for sharing this. . . I needed to hear that today.
I hope you don’t think I’m crazy but I was listening to John Denver as I read your post. . . and here are the words I was listening to. . .
“In searchin’ for the way to go I’ve followed all the rules
The way they say to choose between the wise men and the fools
I listened to the words they say
I read what I should read
I do whatever’s right to do
Try to be what I should be
Someone let me in I think the sky is falling
Seems I’ve gotten lost on my way
All I want to do is try to find myself
Come and let me look in your eyes
But wisdom isn’t underground, nor on a mountainside
Where am I to take myself, there’s no place here to hide Where can I hide
All across the universe the stars are fadin’ seems I’ve gotten lost on my way
All I want to do is try to find myself
Come and let me look in your eyes
Come and let me look in your eyes
Come and let me look in your eyes”
I think we know where we can find ourselves. . . all we have to do is look in our Savior’s eyes!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful and humble thoughts. . . and for being you.
Laurie in TNs last blog post..The People I Meet – Valerie
You speak from your heart so well. You are such an inspiration to so many. Thanks for being you. :wub:
Heather,
This was great, I love the song and the devotional too. It’s funny how we quickly forget the desperate place we were sometimes in and all the lessons we learned there.
Sometimes I feel like those Israelites, and wonder how many circles will I make on my journey in life.
I want to be HOT in my pursuit, not lukewarm.
Thanks for bringing this to our attention today.
Keep livingstrong :heart:
Susans last blog post..My Faithful Friend
Great reminders. Yours. Roger’s. Chris’s.
HennHouse (Karin)s last blog post..Overheard at the HennHouse
Heather: This is very well written and it helped and encouraged me. Thank you for being so open. Yay for end of chemo! I ended chemo last December and didn’t buy myself an “end of chemo” present. Am I still eligible?
Love ya!
Sharis last blog post..Fun 4th of July With Curtis….
Hi Heather – I stumbled upon your blog recently while researching resources for an online guide to help women with breast cancer in my area. I love the way these divine appointments come about. I’ve been touched by your previous entries very much, and I celebrate with you the end of all chemo (that was a day I’ll personally never forget). And how timely your post today was, as ABBA has just recently been speaking to me about the very thing you wrote. NOT in condemnation, just the opposite – just gentle loving reminders that He created me (us) with passion. So I, too, am seeking to return to that place where He is all that matters. Travel on, fellow passionate worshipper. And thank you for allowing me to accompany you on part of the journey. :silly:
I hear you… You remain in my daily prayers.
Here are the lyrics to a song by Avalon that capture my heart as well.
Why am I such a dusty window
For your light to shine through?
Why am I just a tiny star
In a sky already blue?
Why do I offer everything
With my heart closed like a fist?
I want to love You better than this
Why do I live like I’m in chains
When You have set me free?
And why do I have to break Your heart
Before I fall to my knees?
I know it’s time to pray for change
Give all I have to give
I want to love You better than this
So renew me
Remake me
Undo me
Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces
Of my broken places
And consume me
Complete me
Pursue me
Redeem me
Let Your Holy Spirit living through me
Renew me
I need Your power to renew me, Lord, yeah
I need to know You’re moving through me, Lord
I need You as my refuge
My first and last resort
Be the river always running
Through my deepest thoughts
Keep me in Your arms
‘Cause even when I drift
I want to love You better than this
So renew me
Remake me
Undo me
Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces
Of my broken places
And consume me
Complete me
Pursue me
Redeem me
Let Your Holy Spirit living through me
Renew me
My life bending to Your will
Seeking You until I’m more and more like You.
Hi Heather,
We all go throught that I would think, then God brings us back because He knows our weakness, just realizing it shows us that God is doing just that
Heather,
All I can say is thanks for sharing from your heart as you most often do so well. Praise God for convictions.
I need to give you a call sometime soon.
k-
kates last blog post..Treatment plans till 2009
Precious Heather :wub: Looks like everyone was sharing songs and the same thoughts from Father God, no matter what our circumstance or journey: He wants a clean heart :heart: He wants us Completely empty of us to fill us with MORE of Him!
I believe we all need this message, we all need this Fire under us, whether we are facing a terminal illness, tragedy or just need to set our “self”ishness before HIM to be purified! I so appreciate the way you allow Him to use you as His voice, that you listen to Him, and obediently speak what He lays on your heart or mind to benefit us all!:whistle: Love the song…love your words spoken in truth without “pride”…Please continue to
speak out and know that HE is GOD through your voice…each one of us needs to show compassion and passion for showing Christ to others in love daily as if it may be our last! We do not know the day or the hour…but He does…all of our days are numbered and OUR KING is waiting for HIS BRIDE!!! to be pure and clean before HIM, sharing HIS LOVE for eternity to ALL!
Thank you for the fresh reminder to be emptied…:silly: we cracked pots need to allow the Potter to fill our cracks, remold us, refine us…but mostly pour HIS LIVING WATER through us!
Bless you for blessing us! Could you take the time to bring an encouraging word to a very special blogger lady waiting to hear results:Cora @http://hiddenrichessecretplaces.blogspot.com/
and lift some others with cancer in prayer Jan @ http://grammysjourney.blogspot.com/ sister to Cherly @
http://hopeforeachday.blogspot.com/2008/07/tsms-saturday-who-am-i-casting-crowns.html
who has a friend named Joyce who is NOT Christian…and also a cousin with CLL! It’s through using what God does in our lives to help someone else through their life journey…that’s when we are emptied and HE POURS through us, just that little effort and sharing a common thread to touch others. I don’t know any of these woman except for what I read but I know we ALL need encouragement! I know you can’t do this for everyone but consider these women…Cora looks like she has some news. Time to pray! Gotta go read their updates! Still praying for ALL!
Peggy@Mazes, Messes, & Miracles….s last blog post..Seek the Lord Sunday (Part Two)
A wonderful reminder that He is always here even when our thoughts are absent from Him. The song is one of my favorites.
Sherrys last blog post..A day at the track
shalom,
I love that you think, write, and feel and share with us what God is doing inside that beautiful head.
david in the mountainss last blog post..July – no I tell de true!
Convicted. I do appreciate it though
Vickis last blog post..Notes on a Move, all in V-minor
All I can say is “what kind of wonderful radio stations do you get where you live!!” – still praying for you from the other side of the world and thanking God for the woman you are and the way He uses you to inspire others. Thank you for allowing yourself to be used like that.
Love
Scotty
:wub:
Chris Sligh! OMG He was on American Idol last season! I knew he had released a Christian album but I haven’t heard anything from it yet!
I know what you mean (obviously I’d be lying if I knew EXACTLY how you feel). I have the best of intentions and then BAM, the world intrudes! It’s funny how the world looks upon us and thinks we are noble and we say to ourselves…”If they only knew the real me, down deep inside!”
Connie Hopkinss last blog post..FAMILY REUNION ON THE 4TH OF JULY
I understand what you are feeling.
Two years ago, I was just beginning to learn about God. Then, suddenly, I was in a horrible accident. I could have died.
My journey to Christ was hastened and I felt an intense, overwhelming desire to draw close to Him. I wanted to learn everything – and quickly.
I feel that I’m losing that feeling and I hate it. I want those feelings back!!
I want to see God in everything again. I want to feel God’s love now, the way I did then. I want that same level of passion and commitment from myself now that I had then. Only, I’m not sure where to find it right now.
Thanks for being real.
I’ve always loved your blog. Keep up the good work and hang in there!
Hi heather (((( Hugz ))))) So good to hear from you, I know I have been feeling that way as well, I want to be in that very intimate moment I remember so well….. Hugz
Girl – this has been one of my favorite songs lately – I just keep finding myself full of myself – ugh! I don’t understand what changes happen when you experience cancer first hand – but I do know that I have really been struggling to be content in the mundane… I mean – why do I feel like I need a change? Why can’t I just be satisfied with my ‘normal’ life – 3 kids – baseball everynight – a few camping trips – packing and unpacking – more laundry – why is it that in the middle of a very ordinary life – I still want more? I have it all – with God right in the middle. I have a life others envy – a handsome husband that loves Jesus – that pitches in and does more than his share around here – what I need is God – I need Him – alone – I need to be thrilled by Him – His Word – His Truth – and not my fleshy desire for something new or different – Thanks for again, sharing your authenticity… The fact that you confess what is in your heart allows the rest of us to also be real – to face what is in our hearts and seek the healer – the comforter – the peacemaker – being authentic and living in truth will indeed set us free! Hugs – AmandaB.
I understand, Heather…and was just thinking this morning about the seasons we’ve gone through over the past year–we’ve come a long way. And yet, I find that, even with this feeling of the sun shining full on my face, I am still not where I want to be in my attitude and my actions. Emptiness is a good place to start, I know. But then there is that need in me to want what I want when I want it–that is the rub.
Praying for you to radiate His love this week, dear one.
Holly Smiths last blog post..A Walk in the Park
I agree with a previous poster, we ALL need to be emptied and cleansed from pride.
Thank you for the reminder and the constant inspiration.
Overwhelmed With Joy!s last blog post..July Pay It Forward Book Exchange- 5 books up for grabs!
Something in this post resonated with me, and I just had to reply. I was very ill in December of 1999 and early 2000, and never thought that I would be in good health again. I was one of the lucky ones.
After my recovery, a beautiful day filled me with a deep contentment that I had never experienced before. My children were more precious to me because I had the time and health to enjoy them. I vowed to never take these things for granted again.
Eight years later, I now realize that, just because I am not constantly filled with joy and thankfulness for the good things in my life, does not make me any less grateful for them. We all carry around with us the knowledge that life is short, things change, and we need to savor our lives. I have come to realize that the very act of forgetting how much I should live life to the fullest and be grateful, is a gift.
I have turned 40, and am now a full-time student. I work at a job I enjoy, spend time with family and friends, and love where I live. Do I look at life differently because of my illness? You bet.
Please don’t put pressure on yourself to live live to the fullest every waking moment. I guess what I’m getting at, is that the times that you forget to do so, are the times that you are truly living. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone, but it is true for me.
Ah, pride. Thank you so much for your inspiring words on this topic that so many of us struggle with.
Jennifer (Et Tu?)s last blog post..A response to that voice that says "what if?"
Dear Heather, I’m concerned about you. Get up, have fun with your hubby and kids. You are a wonderful gal, so don’t be down on yourself.
The post above by Karen is so true. Sometimes we appreciate life more after the bad times. I’ll continue to pray for you. We all need a little boost sometimes.
God Bless You,
Betty in Oklahoma
Read my updated blog…. if you have time…I have good news…
http://cancersucksbigtime.wordpress.com/
My dear sweet sister in the Lord. I was spending time with the Lord this morning and the song “empty me” kept going thru my mind. I decided to google it. I was led to your blog and what a blessing I received! You have been given such a gift, and I wanted you to know that your life and love for the Lord truly lifted my heart and blessed me. I pray that you will continue to share with all of us your journey and inspiration you receive from the Lord. I have a dear friend who does not know the Lord and is battling lung cancer. I would love for her to visit your blog. I know that she would be blessed by your journey. I will pray for your continued healing.
Love In Christ,
Malinda
My dear sweet sister in the Lord. I was spending time with the Lord this morning and the song “empty me” kept going thru my mind. I decided to google it. I was led to your blog and what a blessing I received! You have been given such a gift, and I wanted you to know that your life and love for the Lord truly lifted my heart and blessed me. I pray that you will continue to share with all of us your journey and inspiration you receive from the Lord. I have a dear friend who does not know the Lord and is battling lung cancer. I would love for her to visit your blog. I know that she would be blessed by your journey. I will pray for your continued healing.
Love In Christ,
Malinda
Dear Heather,
What a difference a day makes! I was led to your blog yesterday, and was so blessed. Today I found out that my 17 yr old son has 3 fractures of his spine and has had no injury. He is to be scheduled for a bone scan to look and see if these are pathalogical fractures from cancer. I am trying to remain calm and just lean on the Lord. Please pray for Jacob, my husband Paul who is an unbeliever, and that the Lord will give me the strength and the courage to handle whatever is coming our way.
God Bless,
Malinda from California