What is a Friend? I’ll tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can go naked with him. He seems to ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you really are.
When you are with him, you do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you.
He understands those contradictions in your nature that cause others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely—you can avow your little vanities and envies and absurdities, and in opening them up to him they are dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty.
He understands.—You can weep with him, laugh with him, pray with him—through and underneath it all he sees, knows and loves you.
-Anonymous
Reading through my comments on the last post, one from Cori really stuck out. In it she wrote:
“A true friend will stick with you through thick and thin, and beyond. You can show them ALL of your imperfections. Yet, they will never, ever abandon you, and while you were most likely referring to friends AND family, what you said about people who have REALLY stood by you is %1000 true when it comes to your friends.”
When I was putting up my Christmas decorations this past weekend, I was thinking about all of the people that have entered and exited my life in the past year. Some of which needed to go, others who I never thought would. It got me thinking about what I expect out of my friendships.
Loyalty and Honesty.
That’s it. Those two things. Someone who will stick through anything with me, be that cancer or just a bad day. Someone who will hold me accountable, even when the truth hurts.
Friendship to me is like family, You can be so totally honest with someone about their faults, and still walk away loving them. You can hold them accountable, even when it might possibly cause damage the relationship, because you care so deeply for that person that it is worth the risk. You do not have to worry about what they are saying or doing behind your back, because you know. You know that they are loyal, you know that they are honest. You know that they would never do anything intentionally to hurt or harm you.
You trust them, heart and soul.
Back to this weekend. As I thought of all of the people who have left, some abruptly, I also thought about all of the wonderful real friendships I have gained. The Lord has brought so many amazing and God fearing people into my life, just when I needed them most.
And that got me thinking…
I have been so wrapped up in what I could have possibly done wrong, that I didn’t realize that it wasn’t about that… it was about this season in my life. It was about fully and completely depending on Him to bring me what I needed.
It was about trust.
So looking back on this past year.. Sure it is hard to let some friendships go, but it is so amazingly wonderful to make new and stronger friendships. It is so awesome to see the Lord move in those friendships.
It is so refreshing to have friends that are loyal to me.
It is so relieving to have friends that are honest with me.
But yet, it is so hard to let those past friendships go, especially the ones who gave me no reason why they left.
My auto immune disorder in no way compares to the struggles, trials and triumphs you and your family have gone through. Yet in my own situation, trust is one of the BIG lessons that God has wanted me to learn. Do I trust that He is who He says He is? Period! Whether my platelet count is up or down, do I believe He still sits on the throne? When I feel like singing or crying, do I believe He still sits upon His throne? In all of my life, good or bad, I HAVE to believe he is in control and I will TRUST in Him and His ways, no matter what! Period! When satan whispers doubts into my mind and speaks his fear into my heart, I choose to trust in Him who is above and beyond it all!
Connie
Connie Hopkinss last blog post..BACK FROM ST LOUIS!
Girl, i know what you mean. I have been through trials with friendships that can truly break your heart. I have definitley ridden the guilt train wondering what I could have done wrong. I think the hardest part of losing a friend is that we so totally bare our souls. I don’t easily trust, so when someone does earn my trust and then turns around and betrays it…serious pain. I try to remember that God puts people in our lives for a season or a time. Sometimes we aren’t meant to keep them forever, but that doesn’t ease the frustration when they fade out of our lives.
I have been through several seasons where I had to examine what friends I had and if they were healthy and Godly and there a few that I had to flush out. I am rambling so I will stop here. Thanks for you insight and I hope you enjoyed your turkey!:cheerful:
Hey Heather. I just think some people..have there own things in life. Some can deal with cancer and some for whatever reason can’t. The part of no explanation hurts. Been there to. But then there are those who surprised me with a friendship that is so wonderful. Amazingly God does provide the ones strong enough who can and want to help us through it.
I choose to think that God is working through us in our hardships with cancer or hardships. *All things work for the Good!*
*And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.*
(Romans 8:28)
I kept thinking through my cancer experience as well through other hardships..Giving it all to Him. Was the best thing I could do. That included the friends those who stuck by, the new ones and the ones who never stayed. I just learned recently that maybe they are not part of the plan he had for me. Refining us for his purpose. Means change we are not at all use to. But one thing I learned to is He knows whats best for me. The hard part for me is I want control…but its not mine its His.
Thing is I don’t think we will ever know *why* until we get to heaven.Is he using this to test our faith? Maybe. Did He give us this illness so we can glorify Him by our response? I think so.
My other thought is that: Anyone can react well to good situations.That does not make faith, courage or character.Instead of trying to figure out why this happened to me an you. I always wonder why?Human nature maybe. It takes a ton of focus on mental energy on how you will have enough courage to react to the good as well as the bad things.
Focus as you have on how to be a good example to others.
Focus your energy on an actions that move you forward to the goal of fighting your illness. and your family.
Even if I knew why me. I don’t think it would help me battle daily.
My thing is Your Awesome. Don’t torture yourself with questions that you can’t answer. You set things right with God.
The things I can’t answer, I have learned over the years to let them go and let God.
My thoughts and Prayers are with you. Simply cause I know how hard it is..People have a stigma about cancer..sad but true.
Some can’t handle the mortality issues it has. But I also think I would of loved an explanation. Then I think if that person walked without one and for me its been an 11yr journey. If they walked and never cared. Is that a person the one I really want in my life now. I don’t. As much as it hurt me then…I focus on the gems that God kept in my life and the new relationship he has provided. When I look back…I know why some were put in my life now. As well as others that are not. I realize to it wasn’t me as well.
So hang in there Heather.. Just know many of us dealing with cancer see changes as well.
Hugs and Prayers
Once again, you touch on something that I can really relate to. Though I have never struggled with cancer, my struggle has been with depression and anxiety for much of my life. Part of my healing came in not taking on more in my life than I can handle or feeling like I have to do everything for everyone. Three years ago, my dad invited himself and 20 other remote relatives to my home for Thanksgiving (he told me of this self-invite in September). I was in no way capable of providing for all of these people and told him that I just could not emotionally handle such a reunion after having just moved into a brand new home. I prayed about my response to him. I agonized over it and was deeply saddened when he replied with “Your selfishness in ruining everyone’s holiday has disappointed and angered me.” My father has not spoken to me since. I never thought my own father would or could do such a thing and over something as innocent as me making an adult choice to do what was best for me.
I know the pain in losing a dear friend that once was so trusted and special. But, I also know that God works through such situations in ways that can amaze us even more than the disappointment did.
That being said, I see God’s fingerprints all over you and your words. You are really growing in ways that are so apparent. I don’t know you personally, but would never hesitate to proudly call you my friend. :biggrin:
Hey Heather,
I am having trouble with your comment box. So forgive me, if there is a string of comments here. I just wanted to let you know I left a comment earlier with a link, so you may check your junk box. I hope it will bless you, friend!
Love,
Holly
Holly @ Crownlaiddowns last blog post..Home
I’m right there with ya Heather. It hurts when we find out who’s really not a friend. Yet God brings us ones who are and they are truly a treasure.
Sisterlisas last blog post..Make a Small Child Happy This Month
I’ve had my own shock and hurt and ICK over friendships this past year. Things I never would have dreamed up occurred between mature Christian women. And it stinks. I’m trusting that He will one day bring me dear friends I can truly trust. I love hearing that He is doing that for you. It gives me hope!
Cindy- Still His Girls last blog post..‘Tis the Season
I’m only a girl who reads your blog. If I met you on the street, you wouldn’t know me, but I have prayed for you, and so in one sense of the word, we could be considered friends. However, friendship is one of my favorite topics. I love the following George Elliot quote and wanted to share it with you:
“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”
I have been struggling with the same thing! A year and half of challenging events, including a cancer diagnosis have made me take a long look at the relationships in my life. There were some friends (and even family) that I thought for sure, would rise to the occasion and be a blessing to me and/or my husband and children…but instead, they stepped away. On the flip-side there were people who really stepped it up and made me feel not only blessed, but loved…people who were in the middle of their own various struggles or physically far away and yet they were there for me. They were there through my diagnosis, surgery, chemo, and radiation. Some fed my family, others made me laugh, or surprised me with a cookie bouquet “just because they were thinking of me”. Why were some people there for me and others’ not? Only God knows…but I’m learning to trust that more and more every day.
Heather,
Over the last months I have read your blog faithfully and you have blessed me in more ways than I could ever imagine. Being a pastor’s daughter I see your feelings so clear. I feel we have so much in common. I read your blog to my mom all the time since she is not a computer person. They inspire her too.
This has been a super hard year for my family. We lost our home to a fire, my husband had to resign his position in EMS due to his religious reasons… the list goes on. But we have been so blessed to still have our 4 babies and a strong marriage.
It has also been an exasperating year with relationships with others. I have tried so hard to move past it, but seems sometimes bitterness creeps in. I so don’t want to be consumed by this anymore. I’m working on it and pray that throughout the next few weeks, I’ll move past it and rises above it all.
Thanks for always saying things just like they are. You are such a blessing to me. I only wish to be able to have you be close enough to be my own personal friend.
God bless you and your amazing family is my prayer!
You wouldn’t believe the number of people who spell my name wrong on a regular basis, but it’s “Cory with a ‘y’”, and I’m a guy.
Just wanted to clear that up. Don’t feel bad, though, please. Like I said, you wouldn’t believe how many people spell my name wrong throughout the course of even one day! I get it all the time. I just like to set the record straight is all.
Corys last blog post..So… President-Elect Obama, huh?
I can totally relate and have come to the same conclusion that for whatever reason, God brings people in and out of your life sometimes for just a season. It is all about trusting Him. I am so glad he has brought you new and stronger friendships. That has happened a bit for me too, although, you are right and sometimes cannot help but wonder if you did anything wrong. I am just leaving it in God’s hands now.
Gina Dunns last blog post..Happy Birthday Grandpa!
I love ya girl! You know you stepped on my toes, spoke to my heart and echoed my thoughts with this post
Karens last blog post..The ABC’s of Thanksgiving
So true. I think cancer is hard for everyone to deal with. Some run away, I’ve seen it happen to friends of mine. You, of course, couldn’t run away. Too bad they didn’t stick it out, because they lost out on a great friend and the blessing of sharing your joys with you, joys that are so much greater because of the cancer. Definitely their loss.
Blessings to you.
Shelleys last blog post..Thoughts on Christmas