Honestly Honest…

Tomorrow is my MRI. I would be lying if I said the same fear I had 2 years ago at this time wasnt still there. I would be lying if I said I didn’t still question why I must go through this. I would be lying to you if I said that this is all a walk in the park for me.

I would be lying if I told you I didn’t believe this is unfair.

This song represents all of my heart at this moment. It speaks of my constant questions, fears, longings.

Honestly, I am afraid. And honestly, I know I shouldn’t be.

But Honestly, He knows I’m human, and He knows that I have fears. He knows my heart. He knows my dreams.

He knows me inside and out.

He knows that I am scared to death that I only have 2 years left – even though I know only He knows the number of my days. He knows that I wake up each morning thankful to be alive…yet I go to bed every night and pray for one more day.

He knows that in the moments that I am alone, I fear. I fear the tumor coming back. I fear the look on my husbands face when he sees the look in my eyes. I fear the doctor coming in and telling me that “Its Back”.

I fear the hurt in my children’s hearts.

Honestly, I fear.

fear

—————————————-
i’m not afraid to be honest with You today
the only thing i’m sure of is You
i never knew about grace
before You called my name
before You touched my face with Your hand

even when i’m falling, confused, and i’m frightened
and my faith is afraid to be real

You, You know me; help me to want You, help me to want You
You, You know me; help me to love You, help me to love You

i’m not alone in this fight, but i still want to run
You are the rock i say i stand on
i never knew about love
before Your healing touch
You always hold that open door

even when i’m angry, i’m hurt, and i’m broken,
won’t You help me to fall on my knees?

You, You know me; help me to want You, help me to want You
You, You know me; help me to love You, help me to love You
————————————————————

HE KNOWS ME…

My MRI is at 8:30am tomorrow morning. I will get the results right after. If you would like to leave your prayers in my comments, or just say that you are praying, that would do my heart so much good. Thank you in advance for praying, and for continuing to follow my journey. You will never know how much it means to me.

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Comments

  1. Anna says:

    Heather: I’ve been reading your blog since you were first diagnosed and I think and pray for you often. I’m a nursing student and I have clinicals tomorrow but I will be walking into my patient’s room at 8:30 so I will definitely remember to pray for you. I have had personal experience with cancer and I completely understand the fear that comes with doctors appointments and tests. I love you (even though I’ve never “met” you) and please know that hundreds of prayers are being lifted up on your behalf. I can’t wait to see the good report tomorrow!

  2. Verline G. from Idaho says:

    I am praying you will feel His presence tomorrow. His Grace is sufficient to get you through. I pray you will be encouraged just as you have encouraged so many people that read your blog.

    Jesus loves you Heather.

  3. Culpepper says:

    Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you asking for a healing of Heather’s physical body. I pray that her days will be long on this earth. You have blessed her with children who she needs to raise and nurture. Lord, stop this illness from growing inside Heather’s body. Heal her Lord. I believe that you listen to our prayers and that you answer when we call. Lord, answer my request. Lord we stand humbled by your love for us and excited about what you can and will do for Heather tomorrow morning. Thank you in advance for taking care of this precious woman. In Jesus Christ’s name I pray. Amen

  4. Kris says:

    I prayed for blessing for you and your family, and for healing. :)

    Kriss last blog post..Whazzup!?

  5. Melissa S says:

    I will hold you close in prayer now and in the morning. . .

    Melissa Ss last blog post..Heard around the house

  6. Gina Dunn says:

    Praying for you Heather! I understand the fear. I have a scan on Thursday. I know the feeling each time it comes up. It definitely makes me appreciate the time in between.
    Phil. 4:7 is my prayerfor you!

    Gina Dunns last blog post..Re-decorated Living Room..

  7. Kerry says:

    Covering you in Prayer Heather as well as your family.

  8. Mig says:

    I am praying for you Heather. Let us know as soon as you can. xoxoxo

    Migs last blog post..Kill

  9. Lisa Banks says:

    Praying with you dear sister….I know the anxiety of the unknown. Especially waiting for a medical result. Just keep reminding yourself that God is in control..(((Hugs)))

  10. Donna says:

    I will be praying.Healing and also for peace…that peace that passes all understanding….

  11. Kelly says:

    I’ll be praying for you to get a clear report, and will be claiming Matthew “two or more ask in my name” for you. Thank you for the life lessons you give me daily through your writing.

  12. Stephanie says:

    Praying. And looking forward to your good news.

  13. Susan says:

    Heather, I am praying for you.
    –Susan

  14. Fiffer says:

    Oh Lord I just lift up Heather to you as she goes through the MRI. Thank you for your promises to carry us through these hard times. Please give her a heart of joy rather than one of worry. Let the tap-tap-tap of the MRI be translated in songs of praise to you. Thank you for Heather’s honesty. Thank you that she doesn’t wear a mask to hide her true feelings, but just openly shares them so we know how to pray for our sister. Please, Lord Jesus, give her a good report from the MRI. I pray for full healing for her. I pray that she can truly feel a peace that passes understanding tomorrow, and each new morning.

    Thank you Jesus, for what you’ve done and what you will do in her life. We love you and thank you for your promises!

    In your precious name,
    Amen

    Fiffers last blog post..Girlville Diner

  15. Amanda says:

    I will definitely be praying for you. I’ll be praying that you get a good night’s rest tonight, that you will have peace tomorrow during your MRI, and that you have good results afterward.

    Hugs,
    Amanda

    Amandas last blog post..Resurrection Cookies

  16. Praying for a clear report, Heather!

    Overwhelmed With Joy!s last blog post..Taking days off to be with my kids!

  17. Kirs says:

    May God hold you in his gentle arms to comfort you on this day and all days. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers … all will be well ~

  18. Tina says:

    Heather, I am praying for you, precious child of God.

  19. Sally says:

    I am a regular reader, but never comment. But I am commenting today because I want you to know that I am praying for you.

  20. Sharon says:

    Just to let you know that you have prayers coming your way from Redford, MI.

  21. Lori says:

    I am praying for you and your family. Gods peace and love and also his understanding be with you.
    Stay strong Heather.

  22. Cathy says:

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your honesty and being real.
    May the many prayers coming your way bring you peace and comfort always!
    HUGS!

  23. T with Honey says:

    Thinking of you and praying for you right now.

  24. tcp says:

    Heather,
    So glad to hear that the MRI came out clear. PRAISE GOD!!!!!

    tcps last blog post..Praying for a miracle

  25. Jenn M. says:

    Praising God with you and thrilled that your MRI is clean.
    HUGS!!!

  26. AmandaB says:

    He Alone Is Your PEACE – May you experience HIM as you REST in his presence… Praying for continued health and restoration. Hugs – ab

  27. Kelly says:

    Praise God for your clear MRI! I hope you’re celebrating with your family at a fancy-scmancy restaurant. Or a McDonald’s with a play ground!

  28. Kate J says:

    Praise God! I am so thankful and glad for the good results. I also have a daughter with special needs, and health concerns of my own. My biggest concern is always, will I be able to take care of her? Then I remember that it has never been all up to me (thank God!) I am inspired by you and I pray for you.

  29. Heather says:

    Stumbled upon you via my friend, Cheryl’s, website. Just read all of Emma’s story. I subscribed to you. I’m glad to see, via twitter, that your MRI was clear.

  30. Janean says:

    You are often in my mind and on my heart. Lifting you up to the throne!!

    Janeans last blog post..PAD 7 – clean or dirty?

  31. Holly says:

    Heather it is 8:35 right now and I’ve been praying since I clicked on your post. I read through it twice…. May you get unexpected good news this morning and may your life’s days be numbered only by Our Father – and not by the expectations of medicine. May you be filled with a peace that surpasses all understanding. And may you be given all the grace and joy you need to get through each day, regardless of the findings on the MRI.

    Please know that I pray for you regularly, even if I don’t comment. May you be filled with the Holy Spirit this morning and every day.

    Hollys last blog post..Springtime

  32. Tracey says:

    My prayers are with you and I check your blog often! Praise God for the clear MRI!! My husband has a Grade III Anaplastic Oligodendroglioma and he had his MRI on Friday. It will be read on Tuesday and we are also praying for no regrowth! God is good and faithful!
    Blessings…Tracey

    Traceys last blog post..It’s That Time Again

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  1. [...] a conference, it was a Church. My favorite moment of the conference was Tuesday morning when Heather shared her concern about her MRI scheduled the next day. How amazing it was to watch these ladies [...]