I could have written this song. I could have written these lyrics. I have been sitting here for hours listening this song over and over again, trying to wrap my brain around the lyrics, and trying to get my heart to fully be aware of their meaning. It is so easy to say that “I believe”, but when push comes to shove I often get overwhelmed with what is going on around me, inside my head, inside my heart. I sometimes become overwhelmed with all of the questions, and fail to realize that I have the only answer that I will ever need.
I find myself often in this place of going through the motions. Getting through the day. Doing the same things over and over. I find myself overcome with fear with all that the future holds for my family and forget Christ’s love has set me free. He is my shelter from this storm.
That is really easy to tell myself… But so much harder to believe. To feel.
To trust.
Trusting is such an awesome, yet maddening emotion. It takes every ounce of strength on my part, yet I know that once I do, I will have peace about my circumstances. It is a vicious cycle, laying it down then picking it back up again.
Freaking out.
But I have to trust that he understands. I have to trust that he still loves me. I have to trust that he knows how this ends.
I have to trust that even when the world has broken me down…
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
AMEN to you post, Heather. My husband is fighting pancreatic cancer (and doing well). We know exactly what you’re saying.
God bless you, dear one. Keep up the good fight.
Susan Ramey Clevelands last blog post..Beachy-gan Finally Finished
Amazing how God reinforces His teachings wherever I go. He has wanted me focused on Hope and Him setting me free. Thanks so much for being another place for His teaching to come through loud and clear, dear Heather.
Psalm 118:5 is my newest memory verse. I pray it blesses you today, too.
“In my anguish I cried out to the Lord, and He answered me by setting me FREE!” (NIV)
Pam @ Without Fears last blog post..Making Work at Home Work Blog Tour
what a wonderful song!!!
Hugs to you
Mary
Another great song choice, Heather. I think I need to make a CD with all the songs that help me so much in expressing how I feel as I go through this cancer journey. For me, it really is coming down to the realization that I am not my own, that God has always known about everything I would ever face in this life…including this stage IV cancer…and nothing has ever caught Him off guard. Nothing has changed, as far as He is concerned, because He knew this was coming before I was even conceived. Therefore, I can stand and I can hope, because I know He is still in control. Sometimes I still freak out, but little by little, I’m learning to let go and rest in Him.
You don’t know me but I am your brother. Bob showed me this site and told me very briefly of your struggle, I’ve read only this post.
I recently lost a dear friend to cancer, I met her when she was near the end of her struggle and I watched as it ravaged her and took over her life, everything she did revolved around it, every aspect of her life was tuned to fighting her war with this disease.
My wife and I did not know her for long on this Earth, six months… maybe a little longer however her impact on us has been very profound. You see in her God taught me about love, agape. I watched as people from all over poured out of the woodwork to offer her support, thier kindness and compassion overwhelmed me. People who didn’t know her, people who did, family members, strangers, caregivers, church members… she suffered much, but in her suffering she blessed so many I couldn’t begin to name them all, but I can tell you I was chiefly blessed.
I learned how to do things for another human being without selfish motive. That may sound shallow, but how precious is that gift? I can’t answer any questions about why people must suffer, why this person gets cancer, why this child falls ill, why wars happen, why disasters strike. I can though say that I have seen love flow into the wounds such things leave, and though that love didn’t heal my friend of her disease, it gave her hope. The memory of it continues to give me hope as well, and it strengthens my faith.
I would wish such things upon no one. Nothing good is inherited from evil, and such thigs are evil. However one of the most powerful witnesses to the exitance of not just God, but of an all powerul, loving, and grace filled Lord, is to see what he does in the lives of people who are in the presence of such great pain.
May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you.
James
Just got home from Praise Band rehearsal and I am going to be singing this song next Sunday. I have been struggling with worry lately knowing my children are getting older (they are all teenagers now), my parents-though in good health-are getting older, and I am getting older. And not one time had I thought about this song fitting my little concerns. Thanks for making me think from a new perspective.
I do want to say however, though we fear, can’t we still be trusting God? I think we just know that some situations even with our wonderful Savior will be hard, and honestly that’s not what we want. Who does? I mean, I agree wholeheartedly that we desire the growth that comes from troubles, but if we could grow without it, wouldn’t that be what we chose? I trust God with every fiber of my being, that He will choose what is ULTIMATELY best for me, but sometimes the road to “ULTIMATELY best” is unpaved, rocky, and filled with potholes. We trip, we fall, we get back up only to fall again, and this is painful. I am so very thankful that my Lord walks with me– battered and bleeding, and fearful–and scoops me up into His loving arms.
You have made such an amazing impact on those who have followed your blog. You are truly honoring our Father with your honesty and reflections. Thanks for sharing.
Isn’t it amazing the way a song can just reach past all of our walls and pierce our heart??? I recently posted about a song called “Secret Place” that did this to me.
Praying for you for stength and especially peace.
Theresas last blog post..Needing Prayer
Heather – I haven’t commented in quite a while, but wanted to say today that you freak out because you are human! (our human-ness is so annoying sometimes, isn’t it!?) It doesn’t mean that you don’t trust. Even Jesus wept and was in anguish on the Mount of Olives before he was arrested. In one sentence, Jesus both asked for “this cup” to be taken from him, yet God’s will be done. God understands and loves you still.
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That is a great song, Heather. Bless your sweet heart. Praying for you ~
Cathys last blog post..Show me Your Glory – Third Day
*THANK YOU!* for sharing this~I had not heard it. It’s funny what speaks to us sometimes, isn’t it? And how we’re all different and are inspired in different ways? I tell you the truth, Sara Groves entire CD “All Right Here” TOTALLY captures the essence of who *I* think I am…. (((((HUGS)))))) sandi
(((((HUGS))))) sandis last blog post..SiLLiNeSS!
Addison Road is an amazing group and this is one of my favorites. Have you been to Jenny’s blog (singer for Addison Road?) It is so good. It is in my sidebar. Just click Cupcakes, Sprinkles, and other happy things if you want to check it out. :biggrin:
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