In the last month and a half I have:
Sat next to Emmas bed in PICU for two weeks.*
I have asked God why too many times.
I have been full of fear.
I have been full of anger.
I have been disappointed
in myself,
in my God,
in my life.
I have been exhausted
With trying to be strong.
Pretending to have it all together.
Hiding the fact that I don’t.
I have been shadowed with fear,
Insecurity,
Doubt,
Loss.
I have been honest
with my Savior,
with myself.
And I have come to the realization {again} that it is not about me.
Its about Him using me
for His Glory…
Not mine.
It is about me completely trusting Him.
With Emma.
With me.
I am tired of being a “cancer survivor, homeschool mom and mother of a special needs child just trying to survive.”
I want to be more.
For me.
For my family.
FOR HIM.
So here I am Lord, again.
Have Your way…
*I had to take Emma to the ER for turning blue {when we got there she had 44% oxygen and had to be intubated in the ER}. She is better now but lost 8 pounds during that two weeks.
What’s going on with Emma now???
Love you so much, friend. I’m praying for your continued growth and peace. You are certainly an example of grace and I am so proud to know you and pray for you. xoxo
I had to take her to the ER for turning blue {when we got there she had 44% oxygen and had to be intubated in the ER}. She is better now but lost 8 pounds during that two weeks. I should have put all of this in my post
Whoa big fat tears rolling down. For you and for the way this mirrors my own life and some people close to me right now. Thank you. Bless you, sweet Heather.
Steph
Heather, I’m lifting up you and Emmah…right now. So hard… ~Heather
Praying for you guys!!!
Heather.. Thank you for letting us SEE you. I love you, always. I am praying for you and Emma and all the rest of your crew, too.
I am praying for you and Emma.
You sure don’t have to put on any strong facade (for me, at least). Thank you for being real and for letting us know how we can pray. I’m relieved to hear something, but so sorry you and Emma have been struggling. Thank you for updating!
Am praying that God grants you peace of mind and heart.
I don’t know you personally but I’ve been checking your blog daily. Continuing to pray for your sweet Emma and your family.
“I want to be more”
I have cried that out so many times in the last few months. More.
Praying for you and for Emma.
I have been checking your blog in the past month. I have prayed for you. Praying for strength.
I imagine what you are going thru. Its hard for us Moms to see our child suffer and we are not able to do anything but trust in God. And yes we all go thru the whys. I have been there too. I will continue to pray for you and hope that God will be merciful and heal both Emma and you completely. In Jesus mighty name, Amen.
I have missed your post, and prayed for you often. Continuing to pray for God to use you and make you something more!
I’m sorry to hear about this. I don’t know what else to say…. Let me hug you…
I read this the other day and it reminds me of you …
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.” John 1:5
I hate that you have to endure such pain and I’m sorry for all of the tears and heartache. But I am so thankful that your light (because of Him) is still shining!
Hi Heather, I’m praying the Lord is near to Emma during this difficult time. And to you as well. If you have the time, visit my blog today (2/9). You might be encouraged by how your writing has impacted me.
Heather, I have been thinking about you guys alot and wanted to hop over and say I love you and I am praying.
I hope this finds you at home and resting. Love you. Bunches.
I Love You Babe. You are my Sunshine!
Dad
Sending some (lots of ) caring thoughts your way — ended up here via Kelli’s blog.
Your poem is very evocative and I think God is in each and every word.