They say that the “firsts” are always hard. I experienced the first Easter through tears. I experienced the first Mothers Day through agonizing pain… and tonight I will experience the first “big bath tub” without Emma.
Emma loved baths. She could live in the tub, literally. We have a jacuzzi tub in our master bath and she loved to turn the jets on and laugh and splash and sing. When we would say “bath”, she would have her clothes off in a flash and all of her toys that she had to have to complete her bathing experience. Her favorite being Baby Becca. She loved to wash her hair and and dunk her under the water.
I finally told her that it was just a big bath tub, and something in her mind clicked. She would sit on the steps, and scoot down one step at a time. Before we knew it, she was clinging to one of us and bouncing up and down in the water, twirling in floaties.
Tonight we are going swimming in my parents “big bath tub” for the first time without her. Without someone having to constantly watch to make sure she is safe. Without coaxing her in. Without hearing her laughter. Without seeing her beautifully intrigued smile while she twirls in the water.
When the heaviness of those words collapses my soul, the only thing I can do is cling to the scriptures like velcro, yet the only thing I want right now is to feel her cling to me…
In “the big bath tub” tonight.