In the past few months, I have learned and relearned what trust truly is, and what it truly means. I have cried so hard and begged so deep that the wounds are still on my heart and in my words. I have bargained, I have pleaded, I have doubted, I have screamed.
Yet I still trust.
I trust that He is faithful.
I trust that He is sovereign.
I trust that He is in total control.
I trust that He knows best.
I trust that he hears every tear that I have dropped.
I trust that He knows the answers to every question that I have asked.
I trust that He is good and loving, even when it feels that He is not..
I know that some of you are wondering how I can trust so much in someone that I cannot see, but I have seen His fingerprints all over my life. I saw Him in the eyes of my beautiful daughter, and I know He is real. I know that He loves her so much more than I could ever love her. I know that He numbered the days of her life even before she was a speck in my heart. I know that the angels rejoiced when she was called home, and I rejoiced in the bittersweet moment that she was completely whole.
I know that even though we were her parents, she raised us.
And I trust. Even when I doubt, my heart trusts my Savior. Even when I ask so many questions that I know have no answers this side of heaven, I trust.
This pain cuts so deep, but the realization that heaven is our reward makes me trust Him even more.
So for those of you who do not know how I face another day:
I trust my Savior to give me the strength to go on, moment by moment.
And I trust that this is not the end of her journey… Her journey has just begun.