I have often been told that “the waiting” is the hardest part of anything worth while. I am not the most patient person in the world. I like periods at the end of my sentences. I like reading the last chapter of the book to see how the story ends. I like knowing more than questioning.
I am the same way with grief. I keep waiting for the period at the end of grief. I keep waiting for the last chapter to be written so can look ahead and see how it ends.
I keep waiting.
Tears come in ripples now, instead of waves… but that does not mean my grief is any less than the day we lost her. It just means that I smile more when I think of her instead of having the ugly cry that accompanied her memories.
Death makes heaven more real to those who have lost a loved one. I almost look forward to dying now, in a weird way. Not because I do not love every aspect of my life down here..
But because I cannot wait to be up there and see her again.
That is, by far, the hardest “wait” …
Your words really touched me today. I can’t imagine what you are going through because I have never lost a child. Please know that people you don’t even know are grieving with you and praying for you.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Going Back =-.
Beautiful, Heather. I am so glad the words have come back to you so they can bless us. I know it’s therapeutic to write. We are all thinking of you so often.
Oh Heather, this really touches my heart today. I will be praying for you as you continue waiting and I will walk this road with you in my thoughts and heart. Emma Grace left footprints all over so many hearts, especially mine. Love you sweetie.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
It’s so good to see your face on the news feed in Facebook…you have no idea how many lives your sweet baby girl has touched…her story, your story = His story…thank you for sharing so personally and authentically.
.-= Melissa Mashburn ~ Mel’s World´s last blog ..Book Review ~ Fairer Than Morning by Rosslyn Elliott =-.
I unexpectedly lost my brother seven years ago, when he was in his mid-30′s and I was in my early 30′s. You’re probably not going to like “hearing” this, but there is NO “period at the end of grief”. THERE IS NO END to the grieving process.
THAT SAID… what there IS is a “new normal”. You learn, gradually, to live again without the one you lost. That is NOT to say that you will forget about Emma Grace. You won’t ever forget about your precious daughter, just as I will NEVER forget about my wonderful brother. It’s just that you learn to laugh again, you learn to trust again, you learn to love again (which isn’t to say you don’t already love, but I think when you lose someone close to you, you love people from that point on in a new, deeper way), you learn to smile again, you learn to enjoy things again (especially the little things that people take for granted), and you learn to live again… just in a different way than you did before.
You DO live through things like the loss of Emma, Heather… no matter what your darkest days where nothing or no one can console you in your grief feel like. You live through times like those, not just because of your strong faith in God, but because of those around you who love you and will be there for you WHENEVER you need them. Also, you live through the dark days after the loss of someone as precious as Emma because sooner or later that “new normal” does start to take hold, and when you start to embrace it… and you will… you will realize that even though you will never stop grieving, you will never stop living, either… and neither will Emma, who will always live on in your heart.
Love seeing you on Facebook now and so glad you had the opportunity to be with like minded ladies recently. I pray that His story continues to mold your story…
Oh hon. How is it possible that I did not know…? No words. I am so very sorry.
Lund
.-= Lundie´s last blog ..Listening =-.
My sweet friend, I am asking that you would be strengthened in they waiting. And as you wait, I pray that He will not only lean over the balcony of heaven and whisper to your heart, but that He would come down and embrace you in His strong arms of love. Praying for you my friend.
I lost my 2 1/2 year old daughter 3 years ago, and something that has helped me is a quote my sister shared with me:
“Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon, and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.”–Rossiter W. Raymond
Praying for you always!
heather…..i am so glad to have you “back in the saddle” so to speak. i have always enjoyed reading your blog and your story, emma’s story, have touched my life deeply. while i have not had to grieve the death of a child, i have been grieving the loss of my sweet dad for 5 years now. you see, my dad hasn’t died physically, BUT early onset alzheimers disease has stolen him from me mentally. he went into a nursing home 5 years ago at the early age of 57, and he is now to a place where he doesn’t know us anymore and he’s basically at the end of his life, disease wise.
i’ve learned a lot about grief through this….like the gal ahead of me said, there is NO period at the end of grief. it shows up at unexpected times, and can last for years, or even a lifetime. one thing the Lord has shown me through my grief is that sometimes the grief can be bittersweet. sometimes the grief can bring up sweet memories that can bring me to tears, yet allow me to be thankful for the precious memories i do have.
so don’t be afraid to grieve your sweet emma, and don’t be surprised when the period never comes….allow the lord to use this season to make himself sweeter to you…..
.-= patty´s last blog ..i CAN be satisfied in Him…. =-.
I share the same longing for heaven as you.
I think the statement you wrote about letting go of the life we planned is pretty much the story of many of our lives. Proverbs 20:24 says “The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?”
My husband was killed in an industrial accident at 32…leaving me with four young children. I chose to believe that if God hadn’t promised me that we would both die at the same time, then He must have made a way for me to get better as I was completely destroyed by his death. My life has not followed the path I planned, but along the way, I have discovered a God who is faithful and well able to walk with me through whatever life holds. Nothing has been easy but life isn’t a fairy tale. It’s hard work! Life is all about less of me and more of Him.
My heart hurts for you. Emma seems like she was such a joy. There is no way to replace the life that you had but God will help you build a new one. He loves you more than words can say. You are precious in His sight and He will never leave you. He has a plan for you…one that He will reveal one day at a time.
It’s good to have you back! I missed you while you were gone.
Heather I know how you feel but you have great faith and you will be with Emma again and in the meantime you are meant to keep her memory alive for everyone. God will take care of you and your family.
Thats beautiful Heather.
Hello Heather.
I look forward to heaven too. It seems weird that I think about it. I don’t hear too many people talk about looking forward to dying. But, I feel as though I am dying every day sometimes.
I lost someone so dear to me and, ever since then I think more about heaven. I don’t want to leave yet, not until I know all my children are saved.
I marvel at your strength to keep writing. A blessing from God, He is using you.
You said that now the pain comes in ripples, what a blessing that is in some ways. That heart wrenching sorrow is too much to bear. I wonder many times how I have held on. Well, I don’t have a choice.
I was just about to print a photo of the friend I lost, then I stumbled upon your blog again.
God is with us. I have to believe that.