When we were in the hospital this last time with Emma, I met an awesome family whose son was in a medically induced coma, just like Emma had been the previous year. He suffered from constant and relentless seizures, just like Emma did the previous year. He was given little or no chance to live, just like Emma was given the previous year.
He woke up, and talked. He woke up and recognized his family. He woke up and could see clearly. He woke and was almost the same as before the seizures took hold of his body.
I struggled with that. I struggled with the why and the how. I struggled with feeling that I did enough or that I prayed enough for Emma. I struggled with knowing that God would allow one child to regain full cognition and allow another to become like an infant.
I struggled with God.
This family had enormous faith, just like we did. They believed that their son would be fully and completely healed, just like we did.
Their son was, our daughter was not.
I honestly thought, up until the last 3 days that she would be going home. I believed, up until the last three days, that God was going to heal her broken body.
When He didn’t, I was numb. I do not remember signing the DNR papers. I do not remember much of anything from that day, except for leaving and feeling like I left my heart behind.
But when I stopped and thought about it over the next several weeks, I realized that she was healed.
He had answered my prayers, just not in the way that Mark and I had hoped for.
Which brings me to the title of this post.
Gods goodness in one families life does not negate his goodness in mine. He had amazingly awesome plans for Emma’s life, she brought such joy and happiness to those who knew her and loved her. There are countless people that her story has touched in every continent. She was loved by not only our family, but families across the world. I know that He has big plans for the boy that I mentioned. He has a story now that he wouldn’t have had if this circumstance hadn’t touched his life and the lives of those who loved him.
Coming to that realization has been very difficult, sometimes unbearable. Realizing that God is not only graceful and loving, but also sovereign has been heart wrenching.
But in the end, He is still good.
In the end, He is still God.
And as much as I don’t understand His ways, I am so greatful that He is the one in control.
What a beautiful testimony and what a powerful reminder of God’s goodness. I’m so glad I read this today.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..So, what is Making a Joyful Home? =-.
Simply beautiful. I needed to read this. And will likely need to read it over and over again. Thank you for your words and sharing your heart and soul.
.-= punkinmama´s last blog ..five =-.
When my son was killed I also questioned God, wanted to know why my son was killed when I prayed for his safety daily. But even through my questioning I knew God was good, and loved me. And even though I didn’t understand the why, I know he is in control and I praise and love Him everyday.
.-= isaida´s last blog ..Words for Wednesday: Ezekiel =-.
Your faith continues to amaze me Heather. Emma Grace IS healed and we are all blessed to have gotten a chance to meet her through your sharing. I love you and will continue to pray you through this time and all the time is ahead. Her story continues to unfold.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
What a powerful testimony of God’s goodness towards you. Emma Grace is fully and completely healed and her testimony will live on throughout eternity.
.-= Barbie´s last blog ..Abiding {Day 27} – Trust =-.
Yes! This is truth – Emma IS healed. And you can be grateful in the midst of your sorrow. And you are. And that is good, right and lovely to behold. You can be deeply thankful for her healing – and still mourn your own loss. Those emotions are not opposite, but wonderfully complementary, bringing healing and hope to you – and to those of us who love to read what you write. Thank you.
.-= Diana Trautwein´s last blog ..A Foggy Day… =-.
I believe God honors your loyalty to Him and loves you for it.
And you are so right in believing in His goodness!
I am so glad that you will see Emma completely healed one exquisite day…
Thank you.
I still can’t imagine your loss, but it is so true that Emma’s story has touched many hearts around the world (including Ireland
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Heather, your blog has sustained and rekindled my faith SO many times. It continues to do just that. Recently, I have been in the midst of suffering the loss of my marriage. I have struggled with “why didn’t God heal it, wasn’t I good enough, etc.” each time my husband told me one more chilling detail of his affairs and proceeded to move his girlfriend into our home. I questioned my faith and felt guilty. You have empowered me, Heather, to have faith, to believe, even when it is scary and impossible.
God’s goodness IS in our lives. No matter what our circumstances. You have shown me grace in suffering, and I thank God for you Heather.
What a wonderful testimony you have!
Heather, this beautiful post reminded me of a song I wrote for a friend in 2009. I’ve been posting songs on my blog this month so posted this one tonight. It’s called “God is Still Good”… Just thought I’d mention it in case you have a minute some time to click over.
(btw – I’m the same gal that emailed you a song (“Keep Walking”) a few years ago and it ended up in your junk mail til you found it one day.)
.-= Melissa May´s last blog ..God is Still Good =-.
Emma is completely healed, I can envision her dancing with the angels, giggling and laughing, praise the Lord! Continued prayers for you and your family during this time of mourning for your loss of sweet Emma, for your complete healing.
Thank you for sharing your heart. I remember when my best friend’s son died after complications from heart surgery. It was gut wrenching. We all truly believed that he would be healed. But as you said, it was a different kind of healing.
That you can write this realization so soon after losing Emma is powerful. I work as a trauma/ED nurse and have stopped trying to ask why some of my patients die and others survive. It is beyond my comprehension. But what I do know is that you and Mark were heard and loved as much as the parents of the little boy who did survive. God’s hand was involved in both of their healings.
I’m so sorry for your pain and grief. My family will continue to lift your family up in prayer. Blessings sweet Heather.
I’m not sure if I’ve commented before, but I’ve been following you for a long time. I am so sorry for your loss, but as much as it hurts those of us left here to wait, she is healed and in the presence of Jesus and I just can’t think of a better place. We grieve because how can we not? How can we not miss them and want to hold them again?
My sister asked this same question recently. She and her family were in a wreck almost 26 years ago and her husband is now paraplegic. Many prayers were said for his healing. Recently when we were talking about the miracle of twins we know born at 27 weeks surviving and thriving she asked, why…..why one miracle and not another? We won’t know that until we see clearly and I’m not sure it will matter then. When we see Jesus I think we will be at perfect peace.
Until then, I pray for your peace. Please know that so many do.