When we were in the hospital this last time with Emma, I met an awesome family whose son was in a medically induced coma, just like Emma had been the previous year. He suffered from constant and relentless seizures, just like Emma did the previous year. He was given little or no chance to live, just like Emma was given the previous year.
He woke up, and talked. He woke up and recognized his family. He woke up and could see clearly. He woke and was almost the same as before the seizures took hold of his body.
I struggled with that. I struggled with the why and the how. I struggled with feeling that I did enough or that I prayed enough for Emma. I struggled with knowing that God would allow one child to regain full cognition and allow another to become like an infant.
I struggled with God.
This family had enormous faith, just like we did. They believed that their son would be fully and completely healed, just like we did.
Their son was, our daughter was not.
I honestly thought, up until the last 3 days that she would be going home. I believed, up until the last three days, that God was going to heal her broken body.
When He didn’t, I was numb. I do not remember signing the DNR papers. I do not remember much of anything from that day, except for leaving and feeling like I left my heart behind.
But when I stopped and thought about it over the next several weeks, I realized that she was healed.
He had answered my prayers, just not in the way that Mark and I had hoped for.
Which brings me to the title of this post.
Gods goodness in one families life does not negate his goodness in mine. He had amazingly awesome plans for Emma’s life, she brought such joy and happiness to those who knew her and loved her. There are countless people that her story has touched in every continent. She was loved by not only our family, but families across the world. I know that He has big plans for the boy that I mentioned. He has a story now that he wouldn’t have had if this circumstance hadn’t touched his life and the lives of those who loved him.
Coming to that realization has been very difficult, sometimes unbearable. Realizing that God is not only graceful and loving, but also sovereign has been heart wrenching.
But in the end, He is still good.
In the end, He is still God.
And as much as I don’t understand His ways, I am so grateful that He is the one in control.