Yesterday evening Mark and I went back to the hospital where Emma passed away. When I looked over the Skyway Bridge and saw the ACH sign, I lost my breath. A flood of emotions came over me all at once. I longed to see my second family again, yet dreaded going into the room where she passed away.
When we got to the PICU floor and the doors opened, the smell of hand sanitizer and oxygen overtook my senses. It was like she was still there, yet she wasn’t. Mark and I hugged the nurses necks and walked around the unit.
Then we came to the room. The room where she lost her earthly battle. The room where she passed away.
We went in. (there wasn’t a patient in that room.) It was surreal. It looked a lot bigger without all of her equipment, yet it seemed a lot smaller without her there. Mark and just stood there, and cried.
Closure.
She was not in that bed. She was not hooked up to the machines that kept her body alive here. She was not in pain anymore, crying and pleading with her eyes.
Be still, my soul.
Mark and I hugged each other tight, and smiled.
She is home.
At that moment, the above verse came to my mind.
She was always His.
He ransomed her.
He called her by name.
He called her home.
dawn says
December 5, 2011 at 4:05 pmBeautiful, Heather. And her first Christmas in heaven will be glorious for her, and I know hard for you. I know the staff was so happy to see you guys.
Casey says
December 5, 2011 at 4:21 pmI always want to say something…but often times I fear what to say. Just know that I pray for you and my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that you all have had to endure this, but grateful that you are able to choose joy in moments.
Christine says
December 5, 2011 at 4:22 pmThank you again for a beautiful post! I wish I knew some words to comfort you. You and your family are in my prayers, especially during christmas time.
I love the new design of your blog, by the way.
Christine
Laura says
December 5, 2011 at 4:50 pmYou are brave Heather….praying the stillness is sweet this season. He is near….
Erin says
December 5, 2011 at 5:09 pmBeautifully said. What a beautiful tribute to Emma’s life. You are loved.
Laurie in Ca. says
December 5, 2011 at 5:20 pmLove you Heather and this is so beautiful. Praying for you often and I know He is carrying you through. My heart hurts for you this season of firsts.
Love and Hugs,
Laurie
Sunny says
December 5, 2011 at 5:30 pmwonderfully said….hugs
Michelle P. says
December 5, 2011 at 11:02 pmLove you my beautiful friend.
Barbie says
December 6, 2011 at 12:41 amOh Heather, how His strength must have held you through this process. Praying for you!
Robyn says
December 6, 2011 at 1:17 pmHeather-The hardest thing sometimes is letting go…..we don’t want to we want them here forever but its not what they want, need . I prayed and prayed for Emma Grace but the Lord ‘s ways our not what we want sometimes. She went through so much for a little angel but she is whole and looking down from heaven waiting for you………….
Just a mom says
December 6, 2011 at 2:53 pmI have read in silents and my heart is now full of hope. Hope your heart will be able to heal just a bit. I can not even start to imagine what life is like without your child in it daily. Just know I think of you often and pray that you only remember the joys this child brought into your life. Hope your Holidays can bring you peace.
Trece says
December 6, 2011 at 7:54 pmFor all of your grief, this post seems to indicate that Our dear Lord has given you holiday grace, and peace. I hope that is so, and I pray that it is so. May God continue to bless, heal and hold you all.
Marie says
December 6, 2011 at 8:01 pmWhen I come to your blog, I have said it many times. I feel peace
Michelle P. says
December 6, 2011 at 10:29 pmI consider it an honor to walk this journey with you and be a part of the fellowship of the suffering. You and Mark have impacted mine and Andrew’s life more than you will ever know. Love you much – Mishka
Erika says
December 8, 2011 at 10:11 pmVery beautiful. Thank you God you have HIM to walk with you. Praise God Emma is HIS and YOURS also.
Fawn says
December 13, 2011 at 5:49 pmHeather, your story is unbelievable. The challenges you’ve been through and how the Lord has brought you out stronger than ever is an incredible testimony. What a beautiful message your life speaks to the world. Thank you.