When I came across this quote, I had to ponder on it for awhile. I had to let it soak in and drench my spirit. I had to be still and let the Lord whisper it in my ear.
We were at our dear friends house Monday when the wife asked Mark and I were we were in the grieving process with Emma. We both paused. I know where I am “not”, but I haven’t really thought a lot about where I “am” in the process.
When I look at the 7 stages of grief, I realize that I am somewhere between stage 6 and 7.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
Reconstructing, because I am learning things about myself that I never knew existed with Emma. I am learning to be “Heather” instead of “Emmas mom”. I am working on relationships with my other children that really have suffered through Emma’s life. I am building a stronger foundation in my marriage with my husband, now that we have the opportunity to focus on just “us”.
Accetptance, because I realize that God is a sovereign God, and that His ways are not known to me yet… I have learned to lean on Him, even when I felt He wasn’t there. I have learned to talk to Him even when I felt He wasn’t listening.
I have learned that I do have the strength, through Him, to come through even this.
I am accepting the fact that she really is gone, but only in her earthly state. I dream about her dancing at the feet of her Savior, and singing real words to real songs. As much as I long for her to be here, I would never want her to leave there.
Which brings me back to the above quote. Perfect love. She is experiencing His perfect love at this very moment, with un-abandoned child like faith. He is absolutely “head over heels nuts” for her.