bruised…but not broken

It has been many moons since I last wrote on this blog. Nothing really major as happened, life moved on its normal course through the summer. I held a stiff upper lip through the births of friends babies, while silently screaming crying that life is just not fair.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss the hospital life.. the beeping, the walking the halls, the sleepless nights watching her breathe, praying that she would make it through the night. I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the medicine list on my refrigerator, the countless doctors/therapy visits, the “thump…thump” of her kangaroo feeding tube machine. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss the old life that I use to have, the old friends that I use to have.

The old me that I use to have.

But then I think about the new me. The new Heather that loves to plan and organize and create. The new Heather that never use to leave the house but who now has a life outside of these four walls. I think about the awesome friends that I have gained that I would never have met in the past because daily living had emotionally drained me.

Sure, I still miss the “Old Heather” and I still miss Emma severely, but I can not will not be broken, even though at times I feel like the whole world has moved on and I am stuck standing in the exact emotional spot that I stood on that day. But I gently pull myself out of that pit of utter defeat, and give myself the grace to mourn her death, yet appreciate my new life.

My new life… that is getting easier to face with every new day.

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  1. Sending my love and prayers your way. <3

  2. Lisa Schnedler says:

    So good to hear from you again!!

  3. God Bless your bruised heart … and my prayers go out for you. And I know He will continue to Hold you in the Palm of His Hand.

  4. Michelle says:

    This was GOOD to read Heather! Thankful for both of the lives that you have lived! You have touched so many and will continue to do so. Love you friend!

  5. Well, I have to say that I am lucky to know you both. Both are amazing women, with strengths and weaknesses and both have an honesty that I love.

    Cannot wait to get to know this new Heather more as time goes by.

    ? u

  6. All my love and prayers… as we watch your butterfly wings open and spread, we will never forget the beautiful chrysalis where you began your journey. With strength, you are mounting higher and higher, and it is quite a thing to behold. I give thanks to Him for you and for sweet Emma, and all we’ve learned from you both. Fly, sweet friend!

  7. Heather,
    You are remarkable. You will always have that,”hole in your heart” for Emma. But God has taken you by the hand and he gives you the strength to get through.
    God Bless

  8. Heather, I was thrilled to see your post. Every day when I read the blogs I follow I stop at yours in my Google Reader and say a quick prayer. So thankful you are learning to embrace your new life.

  9. Our Lord sends us new mercies every morning, its like the local newspaper laying on the porch, you have to go bring it in, open and read.

  10. so good to hear from you…life is not perfect at all…you have done well

  11. I appreciate you being real here & not hiding behind rose colored glasses. I can in no way understand what you’re going through, except that as a mom, I can understand the amazing blessing Emma was & still is in your life. Please know I am praying for you!

  12. Your a wonderful amazing strong person Heather by the Grace of God. Your such a blessing to God. Praying for you.

    GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!

  13. Christine says:

    Live is not fair, but His love is allways with you. I am so happy to hear from you.

  14. glad to see you around again. I have missed you out here in the bloggy world.