The fatigue of chemo is kicking my butt. I feel like I have 100 lb. weights strapped to my legs. Its completely bizarre because you would think that fatigue would equal tiredness, but nope. I look around my house and see so many things that require my attention, yet I have absolutely no energy to accomplish any thing. Yesterday, I made myself go to church, and regretted every second of it. I had to have a stool to sit on during worship because I couldnt stand for more than 3 minutes (I am on the praise team). This last chemo has really taken a toll on me.

But….

I HAVE ONLY THREE MORE TO GO!

I physically had to force myself to take the last two pills on Friday. I cant describe how they make me feel. Nauseous doesn’t even touch it, and the headaches are like pinpricks all over my brain. I cant imagine how I would feel without the anti nausea medication.

And the fatigue. It lingers.

But….

I HAVE ONLY THREE MORE TO GO!

I am constantly reminding myself that I am one month closer to August… One month closer.

And then my mind goes to the unknown. What will happen when I don’t have the chemo to combat the cancer? What then?

Then I hear Him silently whisper “Do not be afraid, I know what I am doing”.

Yet I still am, and I can’t deny that.

They say that going off treatment is the second scariest point in a cancer patients life, only second to hearing the C word. I can attest to that. It is a bitter sweet, love hate relationship I have with the Chemo pills. But a woman at church told me to think of the chemo as Christ’s angels, fighting valiantly to save my life.

I have little sword waving angels. I like that thought.

Only three more battles to go.

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
-Zeph. 3:17

Mighty To Save - Hillsong

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