Ya know, I have been sitting here all morning contemplating what to write about this situation in my life, or if I should write about it at all. I have been so angry, hurt and confused over the things that have been said about me that I haven’t listened to Gods voice telling me to let it go. Funny, I can give my cancer up to Him completely and trust Him totally with the most frightening thing in my life, but I just can’t seem to let Him have this. I have selfishly thought it was mine to deal with, to mull over, to be angry about, to be bitter about, so on and so forth.
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you
Recently it has been all brought to the surface again, but not in the way any of us expected. I felt myself mulling over all of the “horrible” things that I believed had been done to me. I just couldn’t let it go, not this time. Satan really had my thoughts tangled up in anger and resentment.
Yet I am not who I was when this all happened in my life. I have grown so much over the last year, yet I feel like I have so far to go.
The Lord has been really convicting me as of late about my attitude and resentment towards them. I feel like I have been given a spiritual whoopin’ from my Heavenly Father, and trust me, it isn’t very fun. It is so much easier to hold onto my anger and honestly hatred towards their actions. It is so much easier to demand an apology or else…
But is that really the right thing to do? I was talking to my brother in law yesterday about this situation, asking his advice for how I should handle it, and I told him that I realize I am not God in these individuals lives…. I do not have the right to demand anything from them until God lays it on their hearts to give it. That is a tough pill to swallow.
And honestly, what I should have been doing all along was praying for them, and looking at myself and asking the tough questions… What part did I play in this? What do I need to seek forgiveness for? What is the Lord trying to teach me?
Because after all is said and done, I am responsible for my actions and my actions alone. I am responsible for handing out Gods Amazing Grace to others…. including those who selfishly, I just don’t want to… That is a tough tough lesson to learn, because my flesh wants to be right so bad.
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that’s what love is all about
Thats a Spiritual Whoopin’ right there.
Okay Lord, I’m listening. You’ve got my full attention.
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